Driving to Thornbury

I am too intolerant to drive now a days, I just need to hand my license in, because people are fuckwits, just fuckwits. If I don’t drive, I don’t have to go out and mingle with the fuckwits.

I know I have a somewhat of a take no prisoners driving style, but, hey, I’ve never had an accident. But, if I am driving somewhere, I like to get there. And as Lottie used to say from behind the wheel as she was fanging it through the suburbs, “Get on, or get off.” But then we all used to drive at 80 kph back when I first learned to drive. I remember on occasions following my dear old mum some place, I could never keep up with her, she was just a set of tail lights somewhere in the distance.

However…

I was following a 4WD that put is righthand blinker on whenever it did fuck knows what, all the way up Smith Street and then Queens Parade, at 30 kilometres per hour I might add. I wondered if the driver had blinker Tourette’s. I was praying to god they would veer off the road suddenly and crash into a power pole, but as that didn’t happen it is more proof that god doesn’t exist.

I followed a learner drive who came up to the lights in the right lane in front of me and immediately put its left hand blinker on. When the lights turned green we proceeded forward and the leaner attempted to move into the left-hand lane, when he had veered back into my lane for the forth time, inexplicably, I tooted him. As I tuned up High Street the black 4WD behind me tooted me aggressively, I assume for me tooting the learner driver.

There was traffic everywhere in High Street. And old wog man in a gigantic Buick, as big as some people’s lounge rooms, who presumably got sick of waiting in the side street to turn right into High Street, just planted his foot and came out into two lanes of heavy traffic. I saw him coming out and slowed down, the car behind me and the car behind it had to pull up quickly, however, the bloke coming from the other direction didn’t see him coming and slammed on his brakes at the last minute skidding very closely to a parked car, the car behind him skidded to a stop right up the guy in fronts arse, as did the car behind it, as the large sky blue Buick accelerated steadily with a huge cloud of blue smoke pumping out both of its twin exhausts.

A nun in a mini van who stopped in front of me, veered into the middle of the road and swung the front of the car to the left, presumably going to do a reverse park, then proceeded to move forward swung over on the wrong side of the road, then swerved back onto the left hand side of the road put its left hand blinker on and turned right into a car spot.

When I came home, I came from the north up my street. A truck came from the south and stopped in front of my place. I was going to turn into the lane behind it, but there was truck in the laneway which we all then waited for it to go. Another woman came from the south, stopped for a while because the truck and I were blocking the road, then she drove forward and blocked the truck coming out of the lane. Then proceeded to toot the first truck. And had no idea why any of us weren’t moving.

And that was just driving to Thornbury.