Hello Death. We've Been Waiting

What do you think happens after you die?

– nothing. I'm a speck of dust in the history of mankind. Gone. Forgotten, all to soon.

Do you believe in heaven?

– No. It is a human construct to illustrate their ignorance.

Do you believe in hell?

– only if I have to watch a fat chick masturbate.

Do you think you will be judged after you die?

– After I die? A lifeless corpse being berated by worms? Is that what you mean?

How many people will attend your funeral?

– I'm not having a funeral - the simple and the stupid can keep those irrelevant traditions for themselves. You know, so they know the loved one is, actually, dead.

Would you rather that people cry or laugh at your funeral?

– (not actually having one withstanding) Laugh and be irreverent, most definitely.

What's better: shot in the head or downing pills?

– They are the only choices?

What should be written on your tombstone?

– It's just nice lying here.

Would you rather die childless or divorced?

– childless. I want all of my lovers to be with me until the end. But then again, I'm supposed to out live them all to spare them the pain.

Do you want to die in the morning, afternoon, or night?

– At dusk, just as the light turns to dark.

If you had a million and a half dollars to leave, whom would you leave it to?

– I'm not leaving a will. Let the bastards fight over it to the death.

What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?

– Lillies and Julia roses.

On your deathbed, which moment will you most remember?

– Mark's face and every moment I have ever spent with him.

Have you ever watched someone die?

– My Rottweiler died in my arms? I watched the life disappear from his brown eyes. I watched them turn hard and glassy

What's the most gruesome death you can imagine?

– cancer.

How often do you think about death?

– Often. Too often.

Is fear of dying your number one fear?

– I don't see it as a fear, I see it as a process, a conclusion. I fear every thing and every one I would miss. Or is that, who would miss me?

Do you believe in reincarnation?

– No, I don't.

Have you ever wished someone you loved were dead?

– No, I haven't. That's a contradiction in terms, surely?

Do you consider life short or long?

– I don't know, I'm only half way through. Ask me as the dusk turns from light to dark.

Do you think you have a soul?

– I think I have life. I think I am the sum of all of my experiences. I think I have energy that I put out into the world. I think that will all cease to exist the moment I die.

Assisted suicide for a terminally ill person is:

– wonderful.

If you were cremated, where would you like your ashes?

– Under the gum trees, in the Aussie bush.

– or blown into the eyes of everyone I have ever loved.

Would you choose to be immortal, if you could be?

– No. The only point to life is the journey and the people you meet living it.

What do you think of ouija boards?

– They make good cake trays.

Thank you Ric.