The Day After

I just had to stop in the morning, early, some time after daylight, some time after Shane went to work. I came down stairs and got a large glass of Up & Go. I love that feeling, I thought, as I stood in the kitchen. Buzzing and wobbly, feeling like I might come apart, knowing that I wont, as the light is brittle and fragile and “otherworldly” in my sight. The thrill of good angst started in my legs, zinged up my spine and buzzed in my jaw.

I took the Up & Go back to Sam who drank the lot. I had to come back down stairs and get another.

Then it was back to bed.

How many hours is that? I’d lost count. Heading towards 24 hours. It would be 24 hours by the time I come back to see the day again, I thought that was good value, even if I wasn’t quite so sure where in the day I exactly was.

I came down in the evening and heated up the Japanese Curry, under Sam’s orders. I cooked the rice and heated up the curry in the Microwave. He said heat it in a saucepan on the stove, but the microwave seemed like a better prospect. It wasn’t.

Sam came down eventually. He couldn’t eat it. We sat at the coffee table and he just looked at me with a sad look. No, he couldn’t eat.

“I’ve had two mouthfuls.”

“Two mouthfuls?”

“Yup.”

“I know, even if you don’t feel like it, you will feel much better later if you eat something now.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can. You still need fuel.”

He shook his head slowly. “No, no I can’t.” He looked down at his food bowl brim full with rice and curry and then looked back at me. He looked sad, or maybe uncomfortable.

We went to sleep at midnight. I passed out, the sleep of the dead. I’m lucky, I can always sleep. Eventually, I stop, and fall asleep. I never have to take pills to sleep, no matter what I have taken. Sam fell asleep but woke some time afterwards. He tried to wake me, looking for the valium? I was out to it and am impossible to wake once I am there. Sam couldn’t sleep. The valium was no where to be found. But the Serapax was. He took half.