David Giving It Diana Ross

I was up just after 6am.

Sam left at 8am.

I was just settling in for a dose of facial recognition, when David called at 10am, he was in Rose Chong. Come over.

I’m in no state to leave the house, I answer. I am unshowered, possibly for two days, I’m in my blue hoodie and my black track suit pants, the nearest thing to my home uniform as there has ever been.

“Oh, come on.”

“Hang on a minute.”

At least I won’t look so out of place in a costume shop, I thought. I got changed and I glued my hair down with wonder colour hair fluid.

The sun was shining, it was warm outside. I’m glad I got my Timberland deck shoes repaired.

I went over and watched David parade around in his outfit. Which David hates with a passion, as we all know. She was giving it Diana Ross, “I’m Coming Out.” She looked like something out of Priscilla, you know, if they ever do a Thirty Years Later Special.

Then he puts on the alternative outfit, an apple green sequence dress. But, due to the A-Line design, and still with the black afro,

“You remind me of the Greek Aunts selling fruit and veg down the Preston Market, in that.”

Somehow the bare midriff outfit made him look slimmer.

“I’m going on the paleo diet as soon as I get home.”

“Wasn’t that the diet that shot your cholesterol up to dangerous levels.”

“Oh yes, but nobody can see that.”

We went to Arcadia and drank coffee. I had a big slice of lemon slice, which David wanted to share. His eyes flash and he turns into that ten year old boy getting his arse wiped, when I no. “I don’t want to share.” He has some date thing, with which he can’t tempt me. He suddenly leans over and cuts off a chunk of my lemon slice and puts it on his plate.

He looks at me like a naughty child.

“How’s the paleo diet working for you?”

He raps the remains of his date thing in a serviette and puts it into his bag.

“Hang on, just a minute.” I look down at my empty plate.

“What?” Big eyes. Butter wouldn’t melt in her fat gob. “I’ll have that later.”

He had to go and transfer thousands of dollars to Greece, for his latest tour.

I had lunch to eat.