View from the deck at Mark's place in Northern NSW

Muggy, Muggy Morning

A grey Goshawk flies passed. It does a big loop of the cloudy sky with a currawong chasing him away. A kookaburra lands in the farthest trees. Another Kookaburra flies over the house and into the trees behind. The first kookaburra flies to the trees at the back of the house. They laugh together at the world.

It is very muggy on the deck this morning, possibly the muggiest morning we have had. There is a wisp of a breeze, cooling us just a little.

Maybe it will rain? Hopefully it will rain. It should rain. The rain would cool things down.

Ah, life in a tropical climate, barefoot every day. Shoes become obsolete. One never feels cold, not even in the night. Lovely.

The bird’s cheap, so many different bird calls, sounding all around us.

We should go swimming in the river. The cool water will wash all the sweat away. We helped Mark weed his garden in the mornings before it go too hot, and we swam in the river in the afternoon.

It rained as we swam, each raindrop like a fairy jumping up as it hits the surface of the river. Millions of tiny fountains momentarily come to life, disappearing back under the surface almost as quickly as they appear, sending their ripple of life out into the world.

And then we drank tea and ate cake.

Sunset on another relaxing day

More friends came to stay. Mark’s cousin’s son, Lachlan, and his daughter. I was pretty taken with Lachlan, what a cute 21st century thinking man. Pretty gorgeous, actually, and really easy to have around.

Luke came home having worked over Xmas. He cooked roast pork for dinner, and I reckon it was the best thing I have ever tasted.

We stayed up late talking to 4am, smoking pot when the daughter fell asleep.

Banana Cake

I have made a banana cake nearly every day we have been away. I have added sultanas and an apple, just for a change. It was good too. (And I still wonder why I have put on weight) Besides, the bananas were going off in the tropical heat. When we ran out of bananas I substituted mango, and the cake was really moist.

Tea and cake in the afternoon, when the cake is still warm out of the oven. Lovely. (not that I really approve of eating a cake before it has cooled, call me old school, but the rest of them couldn't wait)

Lunch in Town

We drove to Mullumbimby for lunch. The sun was shining, the day was hot. I ate Pad Thai. Mark had fish cakes. Sam ordered an entry of fish cakes and some noodle thing.

The waitress looked at me and said, "Are you Pat's uncle?" It was like being back in Bolago all over again, everybody knows everybody in a small town. I never like it when I first went to Bolago, but I kind of liked it by the end.

"No, I'm not," I said. I didn't bother to add that I was from Melbourne, what would have been the point?

"Jeezs, you could be," she said.

I smiled back at her and shrugged.

The Pad Thai was average. Oh, that's mean, when you come from Melbourne that arguably has the best food in the world, it is easy to judge... and I have a little place in Smith Street that cooks excellent Pad Thai. There was some confusion about the fish cakes, as the two serves came out on one plate, who does that? The noodles were noodles, I mean if you can't cook noodles...

Rural Internet

I’ve got shitty internet in the hinterland of the northern rivers, so it is hard to post.

The sun is shining, so what do I care.

Holidays

Sam and I are spending a couple of thousand dollars on ourselves going on holidays. That’s our Xmas spending for this year. 

Happy Xmas

I spent the sum total of $3 on xmas presents this year. I think that is pretty good going.

Gone On Holidays

Gone on holidays, be back in two weeks.

The Jacarandas are in bloom again

The plums are ready to pick, pity we're going away. I guess the birds will enjoy them

It Was A Glorious Day

I went for a bike ride in the morning, it was a glorious day. That's every day this week. I might need to get a pair of those bike shorts that I hate, as I'm getting a sore bum. Walking just doesn't seem to shift the weight I want to shift. Of course, Jill tells me that it is mostly diet that causes the extra kilos. Oh, please, surely not. She's probably right, but who wants to diet? Food is good. I'm trying to stick to the main meals, no snacks in between, so that is something, surely? I don't eat junk food, I never drink soft drink, and I rarely drink alcohol, but, I must admit, I do like a bit of jam and toast as a snack in the afternoon. Jill just rolled her eyes when I told her that. "Sugar and carbs," she said, as if they are both the devil.

Hello Handsome

I was riding up Peel Street at the end of my bike ride. I had just come to Oxford Street, when a tall, blond, handsome, athletic guy stepped in front of me, as we both got to the corner at exactly the same time. Really handsome, Chris Hemsworth handsome. Just stepped off the runway handsome. Strapping, tall, take me to Paris handsome. Pale blue polo shirt, baggy white soccer shorts, muscular legs, tanned skin. I was pushing myself, I was hurting, my feet pained me, my thighs groaned. I like to get from Gipp Street to Smith Street without stopping. I was single minded about finishing my ride. My glasses were riding down my nose, music was playing in my ears, which always kind of puts me in my own world, (Christina Aguilera, so that's pretty fucken gay) I looked up in exhaustion and thought, Hello handsome, except I didn’t think it, I said it, wheezed it out. 

“Hello handsome.” 

Jesus, did I really just say that? Dear universe, what the hell is wrong with me? My filter was, down, clearly. He pulled his head back and kind of cocked it to one side. I died inside, well, not really, I was taken aback a bit, and I would have been embarrassed, if I hadn’t sailed on right passed. 

Shit, shit, shit, I thought – and I did only think it this time – as I peddled across Oxford Street and up the hill. Thank the universe I was riding, and made a relatively quick getaway. Of course, if I hadn’t been riding, I doubt I would have said it, but still, it was nice to make a speedy getaway. Peel Street Collingwood though, there was a good chance he was gay anyway, and just took it as a compliment. Truthfully, he probably just thought, “Who was that weird guy.” But it makes no never mind. I rode on.

One Out of Three Ain't Bad.

Is the weather department becoming like the little boy who cried wolf? In the last three months, there have been three occasions where the weather department has given warnings of dangerous thunderstorms, severe weather events, tonight is one of those occasions. The problem is that the severe weather hasn’t eventuated. What rain? Is the weather department becoming hysterical like our news services? Anything for attention? Surely, the Bureau of Meteorology doesn’t get ratings? You'd be excused for thinking otherwise. The problem is that very soon the public won’t be listening.

Some time after I wrote this...

Perhaps, it was me, speaking too soon. It deluged with rain, we had a leak in our roof. Okay, I have to concede that maybe they got this one right. In my defence, I heard the weather warning hours before. So that is one out of three. Well, with the last warning, the weather did blow around Melbourne and there was huge rainfall in the country, I do have to say that.

Birds

OMG! I have changed my mind about gun control. There are two of those wretched blackbirds sitting on the fence chirping in discordant unison. No matter how many times I run out there like a complete loony and chase them away, they come back to exactly same spot on the fence and start again. "Peep, peep, peep. Peep, peep, peep." I want a gun. I want to see their feather go POOF when the bullets hit them.

Then I moved Milo from the wicker chair where he was curled up asleep, where he likes to sleep on warm, sunny days. And the birds stopped peeping.

Buddy's Birthday

Buddy's birthday, he is 7. Happy birthday Bud. He didn't get anything special for his birthday. He got taken to the dog park in the morning, where all the other dog owners wished him happy birthday.

It's Xmas

We were going to a Xmas BBQ at Rachel’s, her annual Xmas “do”. I had been allocated a cheesecake to bake, which I baked yesterday. It was a hot day, so I had to transport the cheesecake and the sour cream topping down to Rachel’s place, half an hour away.

Sam wanted to buy an e-pen for the new (second hand) Surface laptop (He likes to use all of the laptops being a programmer, but don’t worry he’s Apple through and through) that he bought, from some guy in Oakleigh meeting in the carpark of some baby shop I’d never heard of. 

“Was Oakleigh on the way?”

“Yes.”

“How long will it take to get to Oakleigh?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “How will we transport the cheese cake to Rachel’s?”

“Why, don’t you know how far Oakleigh is?”

“In what am I going to transport the cheesecake?”

“E-pen?”

“Cheesecake?”

“The cake-carrier…”

“Half an hour, or so.”

“I’ll carry the cake.”

“We need to be in Oakleigh about 4.30pm, as we are due to Rachel’s at 5pm.”

“I’ll text him and say 4.30pm.”

“I’ve got everything packed.”

It was hot and as we drove south, the sun seemed to be beating down on the side of my face. We kept trying to extend the time so we didn’t arrive at Rachel’s as the first guest. We said we’d be there at 4.30pm. We said we’d text this guy when we were 5 minutes away. And then we said we’d be there between 4.30pm and 5pm. We left home at 4.30pm, and moments later he said he was already at the meeting spot. He said he didn’t mind waiting. He was really lovely, like one of those guys who are really too good to be true. Nothing was a problem, after which he said have a nice day. Not your usual car-boot salesman.

Far from being the first to arrive, I think we were the last to arrive. Rachel, Adam, Alexandra, Alexander, (we call them Alex and Alex) David (a different David to my close mate), Harry Whit, all the old gang were all there. Not that Harry Whit is a part of the old gang, he is David’s boyfriend. He is a nasty, bitter queen. I reckon his father hated his guts and his mother, although the salt of the earth type, naturally, she never really cut it as a good mother. He is a loud-mouthed, opinionated pain in the arse. I have never liked him. He is just too full of himself. I like calling by his full name, as it always sounds to me like I am saying half whit.

I said hello to Rachel first. Then I headed over to the bar to get some red wine where David was hovering. We kissed and chatted. David told me how well he’d done lately, financially, as he is quite pretentious too, of course, but he does have his sweet side too. Harry Whit is devoid of any such thing. They have bought a country property recently. “We’re going to sit on the deck and put our feet up,” he said. I kind of smiled across the dining room table at Harry, or the poisonous one, as Jill and I like to call him, and waved in his direction. He smiled his fake smile back at me. And the hellos were done.

I haven’t seen David for ages. He’d never met Sam, and Sam and I have been together for nearly 8 years. Pretentious people just irritate me, despite David and I having a secret that nobody knows.

The kids were there. We all now have grown up kids, the straight ones, none of the gay ones have kids, I guess that’s to come. Rachel’s daughter, Oreya, looked beautiful with a crew-cut platinum blond haircut. Charlotte, Alex and Alex’s’ daughter arrived for a while, before she headed out with some bloke for diner.

We headed outside to the smokers table and claimed our seats. I’d bought a packet of cigarettes just for the occasions, much to Sam’s chagrin.

We sat outside with Jesse and her kind of cute boyfriend Matt. Jesse got drunker and drunker and drunker and drunker, drinking espresso martini’s. She was using a martini glass, so with the amount of alcohol she consumed, and big hand gestures, many of us wore Jesse’s drinks. Lovely. Somehow, she mentioned something about me being a writer, to which I told her that I was, not something I would usually tell people, so I had to try and justify my writing history. Pretty quickly, I regretted that admission. Anyway, drunk, or not, Jesse is a hoot. We laughed and laughed.

Jesse questioned Sam as to why he didn’t drink, slurring as she spoke. Funny, the irony is always lost on drunks at that point. She questioned me about how little I was drinking, it always seems to be safety in numbers for drunks. I don’t know what possessed me, but I told her that I had always been a pot smoker and not much of a drinker. The next thing I knew, she had sidled up to me and was shoving a joint into my mouth, which I really didn’t want after consuming red wine, but she was insistent, as drunks always are, so I took very small puffs, hardly puffs at all, and she didn’t really notice, and she felt pleased with her gesture.

The food was amazing, Rachel is an amazing cook. So much food, so many choices. Every Xmas option was covered. Of course, different people bought different plates but, I think, Rachel did most of it. 

Everybody loved my cheesecake. 

“Oh my god, that is the most divine cheesecake.”

“It’s like a New York style cheesecake.”

“It is a New York style cheesecake,” I’d reply.

It is really not hard to make, really pretty easy, actually. Just throw it all in the Kenwood, and select beat. Okay, the foil and the water bath as you cook it is a bit fiddly, but not hard once you have done it once.

All the old gang gathered outside, at one point, and we discussed how long we had all known each other, which the non-gang members are always surprised about. We’ve all been friends since we were teenagers. 

We chatted about Sam, and my, Xmas trip up north. (boy) Alex asked if I was dropping into see my ex-girlfriend, Leah. I said no, and we all laughed, as Alex’s question was deliberately pointed, as he knows Leah and I have fallen out in recent years. 

Leah is one of the old gang, after all. To my surprise, everybody agreed that Leah Borg was far too much like hard work to be bothered with now. I thought that was interesting, but not surprising. It, actually, made me feel sad, despite my position on her now. Deep down, she is a great person, deep down. David told me that she did exactly the same thing to him as she had done to me… the whole ‘what are your 5 year goals’, ‘where can you see yourself in whenever’, all the same stuff. The corporate world has fully taken her over in recent years. Is it a Sydney thing?

I gazed at David as he spoke and my mind went back to the days when we were all friends. David and I were, kind of, best friends, I guess. I wondered what happened to that? Well, David wasn’t pretentious back then, he was sweet. We didn’t stay friends, David and I, not really.

David talked about his money and how well he has done finically, which is normal for him. Adam was Adam, sweet, but kind of ‘surface’. Oh, that’s not very nice of me. Everybody would conclude that Adam is “lovely.” Alexandra was her normal self, funny, down to earth, self-deprecating. They are off to Mallacoota, as they do every year. She laughed as she told me. Alexander was funny, with his wry humour, asking me if I still lived in the same house, and if I was ever going to get around to renovating it. He doesn’t smoke in front of everyone, don’t really know why, so I kept offering him cigarettes for the renovation quip. Harry Whit ignored us, me and Sam, which is par for the course. He stayed inside all night, well away from me, so I didn’t have to make small talk with it, which, you know, if everyone agrees, I am more than happy.

Adam and David mentioned their forthcoming weddings. But, of course. I wondered if there would be page boys and flower girls and wondered which of the brides would wear white. I’m guessing there would be doves released at the appropriate moment.

They all left en masse at 10pm. Alexander was the designated driver and he decided that it was time, so he rounded them all up in his inimitable style, as only Alex could.

David had wedding cake samples in his hands as he left. I asked him what kinds, he responded with, “Very expensive kinds, that’s what.”

No, David, I meant the flavour, I thought. I don’t care how much you are paying for them.

I said good bye to David. “Enjoy your retirement in the country,” I said. We both laughed. Then I turned and the poisonous one was there, so I stretched out my hand, just as I realised he was trying to get out without saying goodbye to me. Oh, that would suit me too, I thought. Could I just pull my arm back and ignore him? No, I couldn’t, I had committed by that point and I had to follow through. Oh, it made me want to wretch. Kiss kiss, in the air. That was it, I said little. (I reported this into Jill and she enjoyed it nearly as much I did)

We left at not long after. Rachel did a Jill bitch as we left. She was drunk. She seems to have issues with Jill and her money. “Why does she want to come back to Melbourne and work,” Rachel slurred. “Just sell some shares. Just sell some shares.”

I’m not really sure why Rachel cares? I thought Jill working was a good thing, even if it didn’t really matter what I thought. It was up to Jill, whatever she wants to do.

Sam and I headed home. I’d only had two glasses of red wine, but it still makes me think when I am heading back into the city on a Saturday night. And there was the matter of that joint that Jesse had shoved into my mouth.

You Know What Annoys Me

When I am trying to put my phone in my pocket and my t-shirt gets in the way. Grrr!

regionally coded DVDs

keeping my eye-brows trimmed

of course, stupid people, they annoy me.

things that don't need to happen, you know, like dropping a whole carton of milk on the floor... and not being able to cry

Pretentious people

Quitting smoking. Well, not so much quitting, as that 48, 72 hour period just after when I can go from gorgeous to psychopath in .5 of a second.

Stale cakes, that is just a complete failure in organisation... that we throw out 30% of our food, when people are starving in the world... but mostly the wasted cakes.

Having to restart my computer when I am all set up with everything open that I want open

When your toes get caught in your underpants when you are balancing on one leg trying to put them on.

People yapping on their phones loudly behind me when I am walking down the street.

Taking Buddy to the park at 6am, before the temperature climbs to 36 degrees

Christians Can Dish It Out, But They Are Pretty Thin Skinned When It Comes Back At Them

There was a discussion thread on Facebook about gay marriage.

A christian woman laughingly stated that an application for the first gay divorce had already been lodged. (Just days after gay marriage was legalised) Luv is luv, hey? she said. (I could so see her permed hair and her twinset)

So I wrote the first thing that came into my head. It just felt like she needed some sort of reply to what she had written.

Luv is luv. New research shows John, son of Zebedee, married his long-time partner Jesus of Nazareth in a simple ceremony in Nazareth in Galilee. John’s older brother James the Apostle is said to have been best man. Joseph gave Jesus away, who is said to have worn a simple cream outfit. Joseph and Mary were said to have been over joyed with the nuptials. “We love John like a son,” said Joseph. The happy couple are said to have honeymooned at the sea of Galilee. "Luv is luv," said John, who is said to be over the moon with his betrothal.

Then she wrote.

No one mocks God and gets away with it. (I could see her eyebrows knitted downwards in disapproval)

That made me chuckle. Really? God is coming to get me, I can only assume? The God Squad are going to get me. What do you think, they'll be kicking down my door with their snowflake jackboots? Ooooooooooo, I am shaking. Christians are so weird, they still think that a belief in some mythical sky fairy is reverential, or something.

"You must believe in vhat ve believe! (Think Davros, Doctor Who) You must believe! You must believe!"

I first wrote, I am really scared by the figment of your imagination, but then I thought I could be cleverer.

Oh luv, my atheist wings🦋 are like a shield of steel.

Psychological Disorders

We headed into the city for Saturday lunch. The three young Asian twenty-somethings, sitting next to us, had their ramen delivered to their table, after which they bowed their heads and prayed before they ate. I am always taken aback, just a little, when I see mental disorder up close and personal.

The Most Disgusting Movie Ever Made

Not so long ago, I was in Cash Converters looking at DVDs when I came across a movie on the cover of which it was stated, "The most disgusting movie ever made." Well, that got my interest. That is a big call I thought, best I buy that and have a look. It is a rape revenge movie, so today when I was home alone, I thought I'd pop it on and have a look.

Sam's and my taste in movies couldn't be more opposed. He likes big action block busters like Transformers, Avengers, Thor and the like, and I like movies that are not that, so he wouldn't want to watch this movie anyway.

Not that this movie is to my tastes. I hate violent movies, but when they make such a claim as the most disgusting movie ever made, well, you just have to give it a go. I'm pretty sure I will turn it off before it gets to the end, but be that as it may, with much trepidation I slid it into the DVD player.

Buddy headed to the back door and to his kennel as soon as the movie started, as if he knew.

Sometime later...
don't go outside. Why are you going outside...

Sometime later...
you go Jennifer!

11.30am.
That was pretty lame. I Spit On Your Grave (1978). It was pretty B grade, kind of amateurish, bad acting, holes a mile wide in the script, but, I guess, it gave a bit of a snapshot of the 1970s.

I see that it has many sequels and a number of remakes. Well, I won't be watching any of them, any time soon.

The sun is shining, I'm off to get lunch.

Aussie Parliament Legalises Gay Marriage

I've always wondered why gay people want to get married?  However, that just seems to be me. 
I mean, it has been such a success for straight people. Can anything be described as a success that has a 50% failure rate? Can it?

However, I have, on the other hand, always believed in equality. Everyone being treated equally in the eyes of the law is a no-brainer. And the Federal Parliament agreed today and legalised gay marriage, which is good, because of the message that sends. We are all now equal, as it should be. The message to all gay Australians is now unequivocal, the rest of the country now sees you as equal.

So, stay tuned for gay divorce. Too cynical?

I Bet Freddie Mercury Never Crawled In Behind His Camellia Bush

Finally, I got back to re-pointing my front brick walls. I had completed most of it, there was just the last bit where I had to get in behind my pink camellia bush. About a metre left to do, not even a metre, which I had left for some weeks. Oh, it was too hot and then it was too cold and then too wet, and I was too tired... Sam's eyes begin to roll at this point.

I had to crawl along the garden bed in behind my large camellia bush, in amongst the aspidistras to get to the remaining brick work. The aspidistras were more than annoying, continually placing themselves between me and the brick work, as if they were doing it on purpose. (They had copped a beating by the time I had finished) The camellia bush, with its meandering limbs, seemed to take every opportunity to poke my skin, smack my head, scratch my arms and legs, as if it was a plant specifically created by Roald Dahl. Sticks poked into my knees, my legs and anywhere a stick could poke in. Over the years, it is where I have thrown all my garden clippings, behind the aspidistras and out of sight, so I only, really, have myself to blame.

As Queen sang, I Want It All, in my ears, I thought to myself, I bet Freddie Mercury never crawled in behind his camellia bush to re-point his brick walls.

I stewed apple and cooked a banana cake in the morning

Turn Your Laptop Off, Christian

9.45am.  Turn Your Laptop Off, Christian. There is only so much YouTube you can watch. I never thought that was true, but just lately it is becoming apparent to me.

The shower tap has been dripping for a few weeks. It was only a few months ago that I replaced the washer. That time it was the hot water tap, but I replaced the cold water tap as well, as a matter of course. I found the problem with the cold tap in the shower was that the new washer I installed a few months ago had broken off its t-piece, so that was an easy fix. I didn't have to buy a new tap after all. I walked to Bunnings and got two new washers for both shower taps.

I can sew buttons back on shirts too.

I met Charlie in the city at 1pm, in Exhibition Street outside his work and we headed over to the carpark on Bourke Street and ate Thai food. I had spicy Laksa soup. Charlie, the quiet talker, I always find so hard to understand, so, of course, I was going to suggest somewhere quiet, but he seemed keen on the place we went to, so that is where we went. It was noisy, and I missed half of what he said, maybe a 10th, but I faked it and it all worked out fine.

Charlie had to go back to work, and I headed home or, at least, I stared to. The sun was shining and I wondered what I could do before I headed home.

So, I went to the DVD shop in that small city side street and looked at the DVDs. Jill called me while I was looking for Hugh Grant films, 3 for $10, she said she had all his films. 

"Not much help to me now that you have moved to Queensland."
"There is that," she replied.

My Hugh Grant movie collection would have to wait, as I could only find Notting Hill (in the cheap movie section). There was Brokeback Mountain, which I never really liked that much, Charlie St Cloud, but maybe I am too old to be fawning over Zac Efron, and the Golden Girls, which I can watch on Youtube. So, I left empty handed.

Jill wanted one of us to drive home with her in January, as she has got the job next year for 6 months. She said she’d call me back in an hour, but she didn’t. I laughed to myself, as Rachel’s words came into my head.

“She says she is going to call back in an hour, and then says rings at midnight and wonders why I don't want to talk.”

I called Jill 24 hours later.

Living In Hope, As They Say

I wasn’t short listed for the Lord Mayor’s Writing competition, boo hoo. I thought that might justify my existence. You think I am kidding. Living in hope, as they say. 

 

The big gum tree seeds for weeks like it is snowing on the ground and then it turns a lovely shade of pink and it sheds it bark, like a snake might shed its skin, except in pieces and the ground is covered once again

Gumboots and Umbrellas

Pinch, punch, first of the month.

We were both awake at 6.45am. It was raining outside, although that didn’t last long. At least the 36 degree days are over.

It is humid and grey and still. It is strangely quiet, although that may be in my mind, as we wait for the torrential rain that has been forecast. An alarm sounds in the distance just as I write that. Funny. A once in a life time weather event it has been called by the department of meteorology. Apparently, Melbourne is either going to be flooded, or washed away. Good thing I live at the top of a hill, you'd hate to be in a low lying part of the city around about now.

It is hot, and still and overcast.

Birds are singing in the trees.

I wonder what disaster we are all in for? The entire rainfall for December to fall in the next 48 hours. The news broadcasts have been ominous. It is like waiting for some kind monster to turn up. Godzilla is due soon and we all wait holding our breath.