It's Xmas

We were going to a Xmas BBQ at Rachel’s, her annual Xmas “do”. I had been allocated a cheesecake to bake, which I baked yesterday. It was a hot day, so I had to transport the cheesecake and the sour cream topping down to Rachel’s place, half an hour away.

Sam wanted to buy an e-pen for the new (second hand) Surface laptop (He likes to use all of the laptops being a programmer, but don’t worry he’s Apple through and through) that he bought, from some guy in Oakleigh meeting in the carpark of some baby shop I’d never heard of. 

“Was Oakleigh on the way?”

“Yes.”

“How long will it take to get to Oakleigh?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “How will we transport the cheese cake to Rachel’s?”

“Why, don’t you know how far Oakleigh is?”

“In what am I going to transport the cheesecake?”

“E-pen?”

“Cheesecake?”

“The cake-carrier…”

“Half an hour, or so.”

“I’ll carry the cake.”

“We need to be in Oakleigh about 4.30pm, as we are due to Rachel’s at 5pm.”

“I’ll text him and say 4.30pm.”

“I’ve got everything packed.”

It was hot and as we drove south, the sun seemed to be beating down on the side of my face. We kept trying to extend the time so we didn’t arrive at Rachel’s as the first guest. We said we’d be there at 4.30pm. We said we’d text this guy when we were 5 minutes away. And then we said we’d be there between 4.30pm and 5pm. We left home at 4.30pm, and moments later he said he was already at the meeting spot. He said he didn’t mind waiting. He was really lovely, like one of those guys who are really too good to be true. Nothing was a problem, after which he said have a nice day. Not your usual car-boot salesman.

Far from being the first to arrive, I think we were the last to arrive. Rachel, Adam, Alexandra, Alexander, (we call them Alex and Alex) David (a different David to my close mate), Harry Whit, all the old gang were all there. Not that Harry Whit is a part of the old gang, he is David’s boyfriend. He is a nasty, bitter queen. I reckon his father hated his guts and his mother, although the salt of the earth type, naturally, she never really cut it as a good mother. He is a loud-mouthed, opinionated pain in the arse. I have never liked him. He is just too full of himself. I like calling by his full name, as it always sounds to me like I am saying half whit.

I said hello to Rachel first. Then I headed over to the bar to get some red wine where David was hovering. We kissed and chatted. David told me how well he’d done lately, financially, as he is quite pretentious too, of course, but he does have his sweet side too. Harry Whit is devoid of any such thing. They have bought a country property recently. “We’re going to sit on the deck and put our feet up,” he said. I kind of smiled across the dining room table at Harry, or the poisonous one, as Jill and I like to call him, and waved in his direction. He smiled his fake smile back at me. And the hellos were done.

I haven’t seen David for ages. He’d never met Sam, and Sam and I have been together for nearly 8 years. Pretentious people just irritate me, despite David and I having a secret that nobody knows.

The kids were there. We all now have grown up kids, the straight ones, none of the gay ones have kids, I guess that’s to come. Rachel’s daughter, Oreya, looked beautiful with a crew-cut platinum blond haircut. Charlotte, Alex and Alex’s’ daughter arrived for a while, before she headed out with some bloke for diner.

We headed outside to the smokers table and claimed our seats. I’d bought a packet of cigarettes just for the occasions, much to Sam’s chagrin.

We sat outside with Jesse and her kind of cute boyfriend Matt. Jesse got drunker and drunker and drunker and drunker, drinking espresso martini’s. She was using a martini glass, so with the amount of alcohol she consumed, and big hand gestures, many of us wore Jesse’s drinks. Lovely. Somehow, she mentioned something about me being a writer, to which I told her that I was, not something I would usually tell people, so I had to try and justify my writing history. Pretty quickly, I regretted that admission. Anyway, drunk, or not, Jesse is a hoot. We laughed and laughed.

Jesse questioned Sam as to why he didn’t drink, slurring as she spoke. Funny, the irony is always lost on drunks at that point. She questioned me about how little I was drinking, it always seems to be safety in numbers for drunks. I don’t know what possessed me, but I told her that I had always been a pot smoker and not much of a drinker. The next thing I knew, she had sidled up to me and was shoving a joint into my mouth, which I really didn’t want after consuming red wine, but she was insistent, as drunks always are, so I took very small puffs, hardly puffs at all, and she didn’t really notice, and she felt pleased with her gesture.

The food was amazing, Rachel is an amazing cook. So much food, so many choices. Every Xmas option was covered. Of course, different people bought different plates but, I think, Rachel did most of it. 

Everybody loved my cheesecake. 

“Oh my god, that is the most divine cheesecake.”

“It’s like a New York style cheesecake.”

“It is a New York style cheesecake,” I’d reply.

It is really not hard to make, really pretty easy, actually. Just throw it all in the Kenwood, and select beat. Okay, the foil and the water bath as you cook it is a bit fiddly, but not hard once you have done it once.

All the old gang gathered outside, at one point, and we discussed how long we had all known each other, which the non-gang members are always surprised about. We’ve all been friends since we were teenagers. 

We chatted about Sam, and my, Xmas trip up north. (boy) Alex asked if I was dropping into see my ex-girlfriend, Leah. I said no, and we all laughed, as Alex’s question was deliberately pointed, as he knows Leah and I have fallen out in recent years. 

Leah is one of the old gang, after all. To my surprise, everybody agreed that Leah Borg was far too much like hard work to be bothered with now. I thought that was interesting, but not surprising. It, actually, made me feel sad, despite my position on her now. Deep down, she is a great person, deep down. David told me that she did exactly the same thing to him as she had done to me… the whole ‘what are your 5 year goals’, ‘where can you see yourself in whenever’, all the same stuff. The corporate world has fully taken her over in recent years. Is it a Sydney thing?

I gazed at David as he spoke and my mind went back to the days when we were all friends. David and I were, kind of, best friends, I guess. I wondered what happened to that? Well, David wasn’t pretentious back then, he was sweet. We didn’t stay friends, David and I, not really.

David talked about his money and how well he has done finically, which is normal for him. Adam was Adam, sweet, but kind of ‘surface’. Oh, that’s not very nice of me. Everybody would conclude that Adam is “lovely.” Alexandra was her normal self, funny, down to earth, self-deprecating. They are off to Mallacoota, as they do every year. She laughed as she told me. Alexander was funny, with his wry humour, asking me if I still lived in the same house, and if I was ever going to get around to renovating it. He doesn’t smoke in front of everyone, don’t really know why, so I kept offering him cigarettes for the renovation quip. Harry Whit ignored us, me and Sam, which is par for the course. He stayed inside all night, well away from me, so I didn’t have to make small talk with it, which, you know, if everyone agrees, I am more than happy.

Adam and David mentioned their forthcoming weddings. But, of course. I wondered if there would be page boys and flower girls and wondered which of the brides would wear white. I’m guessing there would be doves released at the appropriate moment.

They all left en masse at 10pm. Alexander was the designated driver and he decided that it was time, so he rounded them all up in his inimitable style, as only Alex could.

David had wedding cake samples in his hands as he left. I asked him what kinds, he responded with, “Very expensive kinds, that’s what.”

No, David, I meant the flavour, I thought. I don’t care how much you are paying for them.

I said good bye to David. “Enjoy your retirement in the country,” I said. We both laughed. Then I turned and the poisonous one was there, so I stretched out my hand, just as I realised he was trying to get out without saying goodbye to me. Oh, that would suit me too, I thought. Could I just pull my arm back and ignore him? No, I couldn’t, I had committed by that point and I had to follow through. Oh, it made me want to wretch. Kiss kiss, in the air. That was it, I said little. (I reported this into Jill and she enjoyed it nearly as much I did)

We left at not long after. Rachel did a Jill bitch as we left. She was drunk. She seems to have issues with Jill and her money. “Why does she want to come back to Melbourne and work,” Rachel slurred. “Just sell some shares. Just sell some shares.”

I’m not really sure why Rachel cares? I thought Jill working was a good thing, even if it didn’t really matter what I thought. It was up to Jill, whatever she wants to do.

Sam and I headed home. I’d only had two glasses of red wine, but it still makes me think when I am heading back into the city on a Saturday night. And there was the matter of that joint that Jesse had shoved into my mouth.