I Perved At His Sexy Arse As The Crazy Lady Made My Ears Bleed

I was a wake at 6am. Bear came downstairs with me. I made coffee and had a cigarette. Today is quit day, not a good start. Holiday smoking should definitely be over by now.

Sam was up at 7.20am.

We took the dogs to the park at 7.30am. (name of dog) was there with his owner, who yacked on to me, after I said Buddy had just turned 7 and that it occurred to me that I’d need to buy him senior food, she replied with, Don’t make him old before his time, which she stated in multiple, and varied, ways, until I could feel the smile freeze solid on my face and the blood start to drip from my earlobes. She is a crazy bitch. I like her and all, I like crazy, but she sure can talk. That was until a greyhound stuck its head in her bag looking for treats and I could walk away. Some people like to talk, I guess. 

The cute South African guy was there with his curly-coated dog. He’s nice. I perved at his blue undies and his furry arse crack when he bent down to attend to his dog. I imagined licking that out as the crazy woman pounded me with her conversation. (you know, as you do) He wears shorts and he has nice hairy legs, not to mention his open, handsome face. 

Bob was there, he likes a chat too, he’s nice. A small adorable Boston chasing a ball. There was a French Bulldog look alike of a friend’s dog that looked so much like my friend’s dog that I caught myself scanning the reserve for my friend more than once. The German short-haired Pointer was there chasing its ball. He’s a gorgeous dog.

We were back by 8am. Sam cooked porridge with blueberries. He left for work just before 9am.

I put washing on. Oh yeah, back from holidays now.

I pissed around all morning trying to get some writing done, not getting too far in all reality.

We ate Pad Thai for lunch.

I headed into Cash Converters to see what Xmas CDs had been sold off. I got Norah Jones and Mary J. Blige’s greatest hits.

Jill called me as I was shopping in Woolies and asked if she could come over, as her job interview had been a disappointment, rather than say she was starting, they asked her to complete a proposal. This was a job she had been offered. This was a job for which she had moved herself back from Queensland. She had been offered the job by the chairman of the board, but there seems to have been a lack of communication between him and the operational staff. Jill was none too pleased.

“Oh well, I can always find some other work for six months.”

I bought a custard pull a part bun after Jill told me that cutting up one coffee scroll would certainly not do the trick. I was just trying to think of our waistlines. She bought cakes and spanakopita, all of which we woofed through in no time.

Jill said Bear looked healthier already.

“It’s only been 2 days, Jill.”

“Well, what can I say, she does.”

“It can only be the exercise…”

Jill pulled a big-eyed look and said nothing more on the subject. Jill, what can I say, is not one for exercise, as her ample waistline clearly makes apparent.

Jill fell asleep on the couch for a while. Post sugar rush, come down. She’s exhausted. We helped her pack up some of her stuff while we were in Queensland. We left two days before she did and on my way out, my last look back, I thought to myself, there isn’t a hope in hell she’ll get this shit packed up in time. She got her cleaning lady to come for those two days and, apparently, between the two of them they got it all done. Fuck knows how, would be my only comment.

Sam called to say he was at Bunnings and he’d found a pond pump. Our poor fish have been swimming around in their own shit for who knows how long.

Jill left in her red rented Hyundai. Bear looked devastated when Jill walked out the front door without her. If she’d had a huge thought bubble above her head with “WHAT THE FUCK” in capital letters I wouldn’t have been surprised. You could honestly see it on her face, as she stood gazing around the hallway wall with huge eyes.

Sam came home with the pond pump. It seemed to have an instant effect on the pond water, although it was way noisier than I would have wished. Sam fiddled around with the nozzles until we found the quietest setting.

We ate stir fried chicken and rice and veggies for dinner.

We watched American Horror Story on Netflix. Jill got us into watching Designated Survivor while we were up north. So, when we got home Sam found a free introductory offer for a month, so we could watch the rest of designated Survivor. If we’d signed up while we were hooked up to Virgin’s inflight wifi the free offer would have been for 3 months, Sam was cross that he’d missed that. He doesn’t usually miss such things. We have been ambivalent about joining up to paid TV, as we record many things from free to air and we never seem to have enough time to watch them all. I don’t know? In all reality, it is just more American crap, still, some of it is enjoyable crap. I always think that I want to watch less TV not more. Then again, Netflix is pretty cheap.