Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Accountant, Corporate Style

Working as an accountant, corporate style.

What can I say?

It was what I liked at school as a sixteen, seventeen, eighteen year old and before I knew what I didn’t know, I’d gone to uni and had done a degree in it. (Just as a side note, I found uni hard, lonely and difficult. I didn't have the time of my life, like I hear people say, best time of their lives, far from it) And then I became an adult and I learned what I didn’t know and I realised what it was that I really liked. As a seventeen/eighteen year old, I didn’t have a clue that I could, actually, go to uni and study poetry and creative writing, not seriously, if only I’d had that realisation, things would have been very different. 


And then it was too late (never too late, I hear you say. I did study an English degree in my thirties at night school, for interest, and it was doing that that I got a bit of a taste of the uni life that I would have liked to have had) and I was qualified in this thing at which I did okay and was, from all outside eyes, good at. But, I liked it less and less and less and less and even now I am only doing it for the money.

And I go to work and I work with the people who do the same thing as me and I think, 'Here I am, stuck here with the boring people.' Over the years, I have thought more and more that the people I work with must be the most beige people on earth to want to do what we do. And they are. They are not bad people, just dull, for the most part. (Okay, that is a little harsh. There have been some great people, of course, and there have been some first class cunts)

And even if I do say so myself, I was always the most interesting person with who I work, but then, that wasn't difficult. People loved me because I had funny things to say and had opinions on stuff. But, again, that was so much more of a comment on the people with who I work, than it really is about me. And, of course, I have offended plenty of them along the way, so much so, that I have learned to keep fairly quiet at work now a days, it is just easier that way.

You know how they say accountants are boring? Well, they don't say that for no reason (double negatives withstanding) they are, for the most part. Occasionally, you get one that slips through. Occasionally, you get one, like me, who got on the wrong bus all those years ago and has spent the rest of their working life looking out the bus window with a horrified look on their face. 

"Jesus fuck, I want to go that way, not this way, anyway, but this way."

And for the most part, corporate people aren't nice, those in position of power, that is.

So there you go, that is a short history on why 18 year old's shouldn't decide their future at 18 years of age.

Starting a new job is always hilarious in the accountant's kitchen.

"Are you married Christian?"
"Ah, no."

"What football team do you follow?"
"No, I don't follow the football."
Blank look, no response. Crickets.
I can see it written all over their faces. You are freaking me out mate! You are FREAKING me out.
"Oh... well... goo... good talking to you."
"Yeah, you too, Lachlan."

In their defence, I guess I have to say, me being gay has never been a problem. If anything, at work conference weekends when the boys are a bit drunk in the evening, they can get very inquisitive about what gay guys do.

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