America Smells

America has a certain smell about it that is different to Australia. I was watching a movie set in New York City (actually, it was Fight Club which is not set in New York City, but it makes no never mind) and I could just about smell what it smelt like. That was the thing that always struck me about America, it's definite smell.

Smell is evocative.

Memories are interesting, now aren't they. I can think of New York and pizza and Boston and mix-in ice cream, and Memphis and fried chicken and pumpkin pie and New Orleans and coffee and donuts and LA and sunshine and San Fransisco and homeless people, that way.

Gay Best Friends

 Gay besties used to be call Apostles, did you know?

I Stopped Smoking

I stopped smoking again today. (It has been a couple of weeks, since LouLou stayed) Apart from the lecture I received from Sam every time I go out to have a smoke, a packet of cigarettes is $40, that's $40 a day to smoke. I don't want to pay that. 

Smoking doesn't make me feel good, in fact, it makes me feel kind of sick, not to mention the head aches, which, I am sure would all go away if I persisted, but, I don't want to persist. I feel much healthier if I don't smoke.

So, I have stopped again.

Despite having quit full time smoking for roughly 10 years, perhaps a little longer, for the last few years, I have smoked for a short time around May, for a week, or so. I don't know what it is about May?

Autumn, the loss of leaves from the trees, the cooling of the temperature, whatever it is, I don't know.

Anyway, now I am lying on the couch with a blanket and Bruno. 24 hours and I'll feel normal again. Good not to have too much to do on a day like today.

Or is that just my advice on life?

Nyr? Whatever. Quiet and warm is best.

Gay is Good

I had a girlfriend until I was 24 and I didn't really come out until 25/26, and you know there is a part of me that still feels like I missed out on the formative years of my gay life.

I think this is one of the reasons why I rail against religious teachings, and anti-gay thought, so strongly.

Gay boys, and girls, need to have an unencumbered progression from childhood to fully functioning adulthood, so as to be able to live their best and most authentically true self. 

I still feel like I missed out on, at least, a part of that.

That is why it is so important for the conservatives and the homophobes and the religious nuts to be silenced.

A Cathedral Of Trees

A cathedral of trees, Sam, Bruno, and Buddy, and I, bringing up the rear

Anzac Day

Anzac Day is a day to eat biscuits. Like Easter is a time to eat chocolate. And Xmas Day is a day to get stuff. As Australia Day is a day to reassert white privilege.

LouLou

I spoke to LouLou and she's fine. She has just had double bypass surgery and she says that throughout no doctor has mentioned her smoking. Curious.

She is going to be in hospital for a week.

Shut Down

I wish I had the ability to turn my brain off sometimes. Er. It can becomes really tiring trying to counter the effects of anxiety, or anxiousness, or worry.

When I was younger it was always dreaming up poetry and stories and scenarios. Now that I am older it, my mind, seems intent on worrying about everything. It just over thinks every little thing. You know, straight down the rabbit hole of, well, if I said misery it would be over stating it, negativity. Whoosh. Down you go, watch the step.

Worrying about work seems to be the new thing. Something I can do with my eyes closed. I think it stems from the back to the office order. I really don’t want to go back to the office, there is no advantage to going back to the office. Well, that seems to have set off a steady stream of worrying about everything to do with work. I don’t want to go back to the office, but I also don’t want to quit, working 3 days keeps me in spending money.

I wish I could just switch it off and just be in the purity of the moment, just sometimes. When all you can hear is your own breathing, and all you can see is the inside of your own eyelids fading away. That would be nice. I should practise meditating, I have always said that.

Thinking Of LouLou

A friend has stayed twice lately, as she is having heart surgery, today, actually, so good luck to LouLou. She smokes like there is no tomorrow, as Sam would say. 

She has washed up when she has stayed, each time using the sponge we use to wipe the benches and clean the floor to wash the dishes. It hasn't half made Sam bristle. He won't let me come in the house with shoes on even, remember.

Sam told me to say something, but with Vladimir's behaviour of late, I resisted. Perversely it made me smile. 

Yes, I know, I'll be eating off them too. But for that brief moment it made Sam squirm, it was worth it. Is that wrong?

I looked at Sam with my you-are-going-to-be-cross eyes. And his beautiful eyes squinted at the first sign of danger, and I got what-are-you-up-to eyes. Just for a millisecond, my guy is smart, as he instantly diverted his gaze to what was going on in the kitchen. 

And I was soon hearing Sam coughed into a request for the sponge to cease as a dish washing implement. "Oh, Lou Lou, ah, ah..." It was music to my ears.

Who Knew A Flu Shot Was So Complicated

I went into the office at 9.30am to get my flu shot.

I should have gone in and talked to the big boss about working from home, but I didn't. How many times do I need to ask?

I didn't even go in and say hello.

The meeting rooms where the operation took place, are right next to my department, literally, they share a wall.

So, despite me not going into say hello, half of my team, or associated colleagues, were in the damn vaccine queue.

"Hello Christian."

"Hello Christian."

"Hello Christian."

Roll of the eyes.

Dam it. So my attempt at stealth probably, in the end, just presented itself as poor show.

Er! (You know, it is practically true, that I should so often do the opposite of what I want to do)

Although, the cute young lawyer, who spend 12 months in our department as an intern, before we'd give him his lawyer stripes, was there and he came and chatted to me. He is such a sweet boy.

He came to work in my department, and we were just starting to make eyes at each other, when the pandemic snatched him away. (Well, that is my take on it any way)

We had a nice chat. He told me he lived alone in The Docklands. We both agreed we liked lockdowns as it meant we didn't have to deal with people. He smiled at our similarity. All I could think was that I wanted to kiss him, imagining that was the real reason he told me he lived alone in the Docklands.

(Yes, I had had a joint before I left, but it was at 6am, just watching the day break, as you do, and I thought that 3 hours to sober up was enough time. I may have been wrong) 

HR came to join us, just to make our mandatory wait time seem longer. But, HR and cute young lawyer talked about shares and it was quite interesting. And in moments my phone told me 10 minutes was up, and I made my exit. 

Straight out baby, like a shot.

People Coming To Stay

LouLou came to stay. She cleaned up after Sam cooked dinner. She loaded the dishwasher with the dirty dishes.

No, apparently, I am very particular about how I load the dishes, remember Sam cooks and I clean up, and I will repack the dishwasher after LouLou leaves.

She bought pot. Good old LouLou.

There were mumblings from Vladimir about her suitability as a house guest.

MacBook Pro

Bloody OfficeWorks. I ordered my new computer Thursday before easter. I checked if they had stock, as I made the order, they did. I checked they had silver, I hate space grey, they did. She said it would be delivered today.

Today I called, to be told they were out of stock and it would be two to three weeks. 

And after every question I asked, I got, "Do you want to cancel your order, sir?"

Truthfully, I didn't ask difficult questions. 

It didn't leave me any where to go. I consider that a lack of training, or a lack of care on OfficeWorks behalf.

Ah the way of the world today, as my grandma used to say - that's the grandmother who was a property developer, and not the grandmother who drank brandy and smoked a packet of Kools every day.

Bush Walking At School

With all this rain, I reminds me of when I was at school, I used to belong to the bush walking club. We used to bush walk all over Australia.

All the bush walking boys were fit lads, as you can imagine, as I was too, even if i do say so myself.

When we used to walk in rain forests, crossing creeks, we used to get leaches on us. They never bothered me, nyr, just burn them off. 

But do you know how many of my big, butch walking mates would suddenly rip their pants down crying out, "Get them off me. Get them off me," suddenly standing in front of me in their jocks. They used to come to me as I was one of the smokers and I had a lighter.

"Sure," I'd say. "Hold still." (This might take a while)

But, I had a boyfriend at school for the last two years, so, you know, what did I care. Alex and I were having sex practically every day, every second day, perhaps. All over the school between 3.30pm when the day finished, and let's say 4.30pm, when the two of us would head home to our respective houses without ever any questions about being late home from school.

Funny the things you think as you watch the rain fall.

Ukraine

 

Got The Gunger

I had pot for a week, or so. ("Very, or so," Sam would say) I wrote 5 short stories, but not much blog. (Good thing I wrote the blog and kept it in draft form, towards the end there, so much easier to update it this way)[truth is, none of it seemed all that interesting, so I wasn't bothered]

Sam was furious. Ah! It's good for him. I've taken to calling him Vladimir, he has got so bossy lately.

 

Good Friday

 

MacBook Pro Upgrade

I had a MacBook pro with which I never had any sort of trouble. It never had anything go wrong with it. I was very happy with it.

However, when it was 9 years old, Apple deleted it from their automatic updates due to its age.

This, did exactly make it useless, but at the same time it did.

So, unfortunately, I bought a new MacBook Pro, when I say unfortunately, it was one of the dreaded 2016/2017 models, which turned out to be duds.

It has had its, dreaded, keyboard replaced 3 times, and it has had its screen replaced. The screen I had to pay for at over $1000 (despite is being a known problem) And they only replace the dreadful butterfly keyboard with new butterfly keyboards, which is the reason the keyboard has been replaced so many times, thankfully under warranty. The keys get shit under them and then they stick. I am already having a problem with my full stop key.

So, now there is a new model, with a new type of keyboard. I was going to buy the new model, but hesitated and decided I'd wait for my current laptop to break again before I bought the new model.

However, Sam is great at shopping. He gets all the bargains, from various sites, and then he is adept at getting companies to price match. So, today, I bought a new MacBook Pro for a substantial discount over the RRP.

I get it in a few days.

Working From Home

Boris tells me I have to come back to the office one day a week. Er! 

I chatted to our big boss a month ago when he called me about my pay rise, and he said he was happy for me to keep working from home.

Boris said, "Well, do you want to talk to him about it?"

"Sure," I said. I already have, I thought.

Going to the office is just such a waste of time, considering we have all proved over the last two years that we can work from home just fine.

I'm just going to ignore the whole thing and keep working from home. (I did speak to my big boss a month ago, and he said he was happy for me to continue to work from home, I'm not just ignoring it completely)

Sam's Nephew

Sam has agreed to support his nephew to come from overseas to study at uni in Melbourne for 3 years.

His nephew will live with us for those 3 years.

Sam says he wants to help him as his nephew is pretty smart and just needs the opportunity, which is amazingly generous of Sam.

He is arriving for 2nd semester in July this year.

So, we will have an 18 year old around the house very soon. Cross your fingers that it is a good idea.