In The Office

6am. I leave home. It’s still dark. I guess when we’re heading towards winter, it’s still dark is an obvious statement.

I pulled down posters from lampposts along Gertrude Street. Nyr. Just tidying up the place as I head to the tram stop.

6:15am. I’m at St. Vincent’s Plaza waiting for a tram. Someone’s Italian father joins me in the dark. He stands, I sit, and we wait.

6:21am. A tram turns up.

There’s a tall lunchy guy in his baggy shorts with tight legs.

Everyone is staring down at their phones. Do you think there is something in that? Everyone glued to a small screen.

Put you phones down guys and look at the world around you. What it go by, I think.

The tram is overheated. I sit here with a view straight down the car to the front, out to the road and I watch the tram jostle about as we move along the road.

6:27am. 101 Collins Street.

6:31am. William Street.

There’s a guy walking his small dog coming towards me.

6:35am. I’m in the lift

6.35am. I'm in the office. Yay me. That art work I have used (for this post) is depressingly cheerful for a Monday. What was I thinking?

All the blinds are pulled down, as I walk into our department, what, do I work with a bunch of fucking vampires? What do these people have against sun light? But, I guess, I can only really control the blinds in my office, despite the temptation I feel to go and open them all.

The first thing I do is smash a cup in the kitchen. I jumped at the sound it made going off like a gun shot. Yeah, good one, Christian. There is no broom and pan? I do my best with paper towel.

I’m swearing my head off, calling everyone a cunt, chuckle. Of course, I’m the only person here, But you know, it feels good.

I’m reading my emails, and they are all shitting me already, and none of them have even arrived in the office yet?

7am. I’m swearing, what is it they say, like a sailor, out loud, but of course I’m the like the tree falling in the forest. I can tell you it feels fucking good though.

7:35am. I’m looking at some journals, what the fuck is sister2sister? Is that when the chicks get to lick each other’s snatches out? That’s when the straight boys get their cocks out and wank off over the two gals going at it, like a toey wolf pack, despite what nice ladies might tell you about their sons. Those boys would happily jerk each other off if they get to watch a couple of chicks licking each other’s verJayJays.

Many a time I’ve seen guys going at it in dark rooms (sure they’ve been gay guys, but straight guys aren’t any different) sticking their cocks into the nearest hole, all heaving and groaning as if they are one single living organism.

7:47am. Nice boys, nice boys, yeah they’re all nice boys until you introduced a bit of snatch, and then they’re not such nice boys generally, despite what their mothers might say about them.

7:49am. There was Willie in the wolf pack watching their brothers in arms take turns on the drunk girl in the locker room, and Willie was having problems getting off, so Adam helped him out, while he finished himself off, now there’s a nice boy for you. They both shot their loads into both of Adam’s hands while Jeremy took his turn in drunk Kylie on the changing benches. She already had four loads in her, Lachlan, Brendan, Liam and Taylor, who was right before Jeremy.

It’s an ugly business, there is no denying it, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

7:49am. AttaBoyBazza with all his muscles arrives.

7:50am. The cute service boy was in with the much admired arse.

7:51am. Cherry, finance chick, was in.

It’s interesting that young gay guys hang around in parks, just for instance, hoping that a couple of strapping lads will turn up and bend them over the nearest park bench taking turns on them until they feel both their loads fill them up. Happy is the twink who is stumbling out of the park in the wee small hours struggling to pull their jeans up as a couple of anonymous dude’s juices dribble out their butt holes.

Why is it that young twinks, who could easily get hurt as much as anyone by big guys have the bravery to put themselves in such a situation and yet chicks are too terrified to do the same kind of thing.

8am. Jason Jones was in.

8:12am. Jason walks back from the printer with his head down looking at a document as he has a habit of doing, so I can freely gaze at his dick bulge in his pants.

I say good morning to him.

Jason says good morning to me.

Jason looks kinda of like Sam. Actually, a lot like Sam. I have thoughts about Jason quite often.

TheBigPoo is in. He is back to his bonkers, cheerful morning attitude, doing impersonations of dogs doing head tilts.

He had his 40th wedding anniversary on the weekend.

The yappy cow who sits outside my office arrives late apparently with stories of her disastrous morning to regale everyone with, kill me now, I think, but fortunately they don’t materialise.

Apparently, I hear later that her lunch let go in her handbag at the train station. No, that is not a smile you see on my face.

10.30am. I have everything pretty much done, I’ve done 4 hours after all, and I’m feeling decidedly bored and am contemplating pulling a sickie and making a run for it. I have that stupid manager’s meeting first.

I think The Midget is working from home? Seriously? So, what am I doing here?

Our meeting is short, none of us really have any issues.

10:40am. I think fuck it after the meeting and I just say straight away that I’m sick and I’m going home. Boris asks me if I’m going to work when I get home and I say yes. “I’ll switch my computer on, sure.”

I tell her it is the continuing stomach problem I have, that I know what it is. And Boris says it’s this place, isn’t it? And I say I wish I could blame it on this place and we both laugh… because we both knew it is that place

The cute service boy says good bye to me by name in the corridor, Bye Christian, it gives me a slight buzz, as I make my way to the kitchen.

I go to the kitchen and get my lunch. I go to grab a couple of bananas to take with me for the tram ride home and I grab a big bunch accidentally and then I’m hesitating with this big bunch in my hand with my satchel open and then after I dither, I just shove the whole lot in my bag and close it and leave. And the whole time the OnlyGoodHRExec is in the kitchen with me, but she has her back to me so I figure it’s okay, but it is kind of risky nonetheless.

10:48am. I’m in the lift going home.

10:53am. I’m on the tram stop and I think I hear a cat and I look up but it’s a man with his baby standing next to me.

I get the tram. The sun is shining.

11:15am. I am home.

The dogs go nuts. Sam puts his hand to his chest and coughs. I smile.

I sign back into work.

The day is easy after that, me, back in my home study where I belong.