Lost

SMS. 6.46. Morning Christian. Sorry to hear about your computer. Maybe Rob can help? You working today? – Tom

SMS. 10.26. No computer, what to do? Pathetic huh? Two days I could have been writing. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! – Christian

SMS. 10.26. Maybe try long hand? – Tom

SMS. 10.30. I know. I was on a roll y’day when it went phhtt! I couldn’t believe it. Grrr! – Christian

SMS. 10.32. The computer shop said sure bring it in, we’ll look at it wed or thu. What about today, I said? Grrr! – Christian

SMS. 10.38. It’s not the end of the world. Tis a lovely day out there – Tom

SMS. 10.42. Tis a lovely day. Smoking bongs with Nicholas – Christian

SMS. 10.51. Grrr how constructive for you miss. How about a bike ride? – Tom

SMS. 10.54. Blah, blah, blah. Bong? Thanks Nicholas, sweetie – Christian

SMS. 10.54. Signing out now – Tom

I sat on the edge of the bed and wrote with my old computer propped up on the wrought iron garden table. Somehow I didn’t feel quite as inspired as I did twenty four hours previously.

Tim and Nicholas went to bed early. Smashed. Tim boozed. Nicholas bonged off his brain.

Out for Coffee

Mum was coming over by tram to collect her bastard garden salt, that she bought off the radio, 3CR, gardening program, the studio, for which, is just in Smith Street. The show finishes at 9am Sunday, but she arrived at 10.15, an hour late, as she’d forgotten about day light savings. I thought she’d be fine, she’d be up at 6am listening to the wireless. So, there was no salt, we were an hour after the show had packed up.

I drove her home. I cut the grass, as she went down to the milk bar to get milk.

Whether she gets the salt, or not, whether she gets to her destination, or not, I don't think she really cares any longer, to a certain degree, they are all just outings for her, essentially, now a days.

Tim was going to Sylvia’s then drinking in Prahran. Nicholas was going to Raw Hide, with his two friends Jimmy and Sophie. I was to have the day home to myself. I have to get H & G script written, if Ab is talking about finance.

Somehow they all ended up here. Nicholas & co just on a pit stop, home for a break and bongs.

I just wanted to get as much of the script done as I could.

It’s great when I am feeling somewhat inspired and all the people who were supposed to be out, I was supposed to be here alone, are in fact, home pissed and trashed, with friends. Tim, Sylvia. Nicholas, on a pit stop from Raw Hide, bong break and his friends Jimmy and Sophie. The euro trash pop played at a million decibels, I can deal with. I can block that out. Strangely, it’s the inane laughing that really gets to me!

Not that they were really bothering me, it was an adjustment, which I’d hurdled and was out the other side.

SMS. 11.15. How about 2pm at Café Racer? – Rachel

SMS. 11.18. Where’s that? – Christian

SMS. 11.20. St Kilda Road just around the corner from Luna Park – Rachel

SMS. 11.24. I thought u were coming to my place? I’ve got to get stuck into some script writing today & would rather not leave Fitzroy – Christian

SMS. 11.26. No worries I will come there then see ya. I am about to poach some eggs want a couple? Bacon? Spinach? – Rachel

Rachel came to visit. She was coming around 2pm. Rachel had Freya and Oliver and Billie with her. I wondered about children as I went to the door, as the rest of the drunk & drugged stoners smoked bongs in the lounge.

Billie is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute. I could want one. We went to the Fitzroy Gardens Café, drank coffee and ate cake in the cafe in the middle of the park. It was gentle and relaxed.

I thought it was a good break, until the damn power surge at 6pm, which paralysed my computer. I turned it on and off several times and it just wouldn’t respond.

I couldn’t believe it. I was almost cross.

I gave up after that and smoked pot and watched TV.

SMS. 19.16. (Aby) I just had a power spike which fucked my computer. I might need Rat Boy – Christian

 

Up for a Visit

SMS. 8.53. Why don’t you answer my txts? – Rachel

SMS. 8.54. When did u text? – Christian

SMS. 8.54. Yesterday. What r u up 2 2day? – Rachel

SMS. 8.57. No text from u y’day? – Christian

SMS. 8.57. Might pop in 4 a cuppa this arvo, r u free? – Rachel

SMS. 9.01. Sure, I’m going to visit Tom in hospital, early arvo, otherwise I’ll be home rest of the day – Christian

SMS. 9.01. Looking at a car in Ringwood at some stage, so will call later – Rachel

SMS. 9.03. What car? – Christian

SMS. 10.06. A fucking Tarago. I’m actually running out me time how about 2morrow? – Rachel

(I should have written. Oh lovely, Mrs Toosh in her Tarago)

SMS.10.09. Mum’s here @ 9am. Eak! Don’t remind me. No other plans – Christian

SMS. 10.11. I have cycling at 8.30 lots of sweaty men in lycra, not that pretty. We will do coffee somewhere I will call 2morrow – Rachel

I messed around on my computer all day. I got to writing the script late in the day, sometimes I need that warm up.

SMS. 14.01. How the screen play coming along? – Tom

SMS. 15.06. Are u ready for a visitor? – Christian

SMS. 15.06. Yeah sure – Tom

I visited Tom in the afternoon.

 

Ab Sent Me A photo Of Rat Boy

 

Rob cheated on Aby, actually it was his internet history, rather than any physical contact, and she dumped him and sent him this.

Where's Rat Boy?

Subject: wow

I don't know about that. I see the bodies floating out like in Dead Calm.

Christian

Subject: well

Ab

I'll write this weekend. And then we'll swap.

You'll have to cut whatever scenes as you see them... that is really your department that's the stuff you know. The look is really up to you too, pretty much. I don't mean that I won't have any input, but you'll have the most input in such things. I realise that.

I'll work on the one page treatment as I write, I find that the easiest way. I always find treatments and synopsis' easier to do afterwards, or at least, during.

I'm with you on H & S not being so young or so innocent.

Give rat boy a slap, you know, so his teeth bang together. That might learn him.

Christian

SMS. 7.36. Morning miss. How are you this fine day? – Christian

SMS. 7.38. I’m okay. Was telling my story to a dude and got a bit choked up about my vision. Heavy price. Otherwise okay. You? xxxx – Tom

Subject: Hi (from) Chriso

It’s good about your tooth, relief from the pain, that is... not that you lost it. Would this be the same tooth you were supposed to have fixed years ago? The periodontist told me I should have mine done soon. Mine still hurts like silver paper, mostly when I smile, when my cheek moves over it. Sometimes it ZARS! Big time. But not often. It hates a change in temperature.

You should have warned me about the money because I just paid it all off my credit card a few days ago. But I’ve got a little bit, if you need it.

Leah B. wants to know when you are coming home? (So she can add an airport trip to some list somewhere, no doubt) Pruned the back yard on Sunday, Nicholas had another go at it today. Now it’s just a big mess, of course. To clean up, not butchered.

The climbing rose is gorgeous.

It’s kind of warm here, sort of weird spring. But warm.

Jeff was talking about going to the Laird, but I haven’t heard from him since.

I might just go to bed, end of the week and all.

See ya. Christian

PS some parcel arrived at Bolago in my name?

Subject: Hi (from) Chriso

Hi Cri... is the parcel wishful thinking or has something really come in your name....Tell Leah B. we're not sure when we'll be back...no later than the 8th nov… but it may be a bit earlier...depends on how we feel when we get back to Hanoi....We're both a bit homesick and a bit over being bombarded with people wanting us to part with our money... it just never fukin stops...They don't understand the western shopping brain yet.... you end up just saying no no NO...when you really would like to buy... but they give you no space to want to buy something... it becomes a bit oppressive....

I don't think we'll need Leah B. to pick us up at this point... I Think I'll be able to get Jane to pick us up... if we choose the right day and time...

I really want to walk out that door and see HIM & Her...I want the little voice in my ear...and the gentle pat on my shoulder...you know ...the whole Pa Pe deal.....and I think he'll love it too…he loves planes... Jane said... out of the blue he'll say Pa Pe and make his little flying action…so he knows i'm on one....off to dinner now.... talk soon…Mark

How’s the Dam filling? 

Time Waits for No Man

 Subject: Melbourne Calling

Jeff

I’ll probably go and visit Tom earlier Friday night, but would be free after that, you know, Laird time.

My work number is 96xx 30xx

Christian

SMS. 6.49. Morning Miss how are you? Another day here… – Tom

SMS. 6.53. I’m good. It’s cold. Stitches out today – Christian

SMS. 6.56. Day off then? – Christian

SMS. 7.04. No, in my lunch hour – Christian

SMS. 7.36. (Jane) Happy birthday. Here’s to a wonderful day – Christian

SMS. 8.02. Thanks Chriso – Jane

I had my stitches out at lunch time.

Manny came over after work. He met me at work and we came back to my place together. I dropped him off at Parliament rather than having to drive him all the way to Ascot Vale.

Nicholas came over too and smoked some pot and to get a key, so he and Anna can work on the garden... primarily, for Tim’s birthday which in a few weeks.

Subject: well?

Time waits for no man my friend. I’ve got producers that are interested and i can’t appear flaky so I’ve been moving on the skanky script and have been writing it for 3 days solid. and I must say much joy and many giggles have been had pouring over some of the more 'stoned' moments of the script writing! Ah I’ve laughed and laughed at such sentences as

"Hansel, is looking back through the back window of the car, the road disappears quickly away from them, looking backwards."

Anyhow do you want me to send you what I’ve done? So we don’t double up?

i really loved the script so I haven’t changed much just added stuff here and there like the dad is shooting up when he starts to talk about not having enough to eat... just tweaking really from a film making perspective. On that note I need to talk to you about that stuff, as some scenes won’t cut together from a film making perspective. But I can explain all that when we meet up. I’ve only worked the first act and am about to get into the ginger brothel today.

So just keep writing and we'll slot new scenes in that way you don’t have to be confined to what scene you work on.

Tell you what i do need and that’s a one page treatment, reckon you could do that this week?

as for central image: the paintings that i gave you are really for the madame's and its more about how you feel when you look at them that I want to create, that and the rich tones.

i agree that the rest of the film should be bleak, i thought it might be nice to create another level to the film by have the ginger bread house more fantastical.

im also toying with the idea of making hansel and grethel a little more handsome and dreadful, a little less innocent, little drug pigs.

As for Rob’s porn site.... ummm well the truth is I’ve done a wee bit of hacking! and I kinda changed his profile and his picture (see attached) oh me :)

chow.

x Ab

Subject: wow

that the secret that he's been hiding from her behind lock and key is internet porn and cyber sex with YOUNG GIRLS.

Ab

Subject: central image anyone??

winters day for sure, and im right with you on the decadent sex parties, and that’s a good hook for hansel and grethel to stay as they've never experienced such excess.

if you’re stuck on an image try watching movies that’s what i do, tonight i am watching pretty baby (remember the kiddie porn hooker flick with brooke shields?) and a few old hansel and grethel movies, i will also watch some related movies maybe chopper, romper stomper. We should be careful though not to make it too Australian it should be a global film that’s universally accepted, without sacrificing our Australian culture

a quote i read...

"Somersault had promise but failed due to style over substance ( ‘forget about a story, let's have a lengthy shot of the protagonist with red gloves red gloves to highlight her Red Riding Hood innocence and naivety, how profound! "). Lantana or Muriel's Wedding worked due to engaging narrative that most Australians could identify with in some way.”

"Priscilla, Strictly Ballroom, Muriel's Wedding – all had a kind of spark and imagination to them that at once entertained you and made you proud to be an Australian, to be from a country which could breed such creativity. They blended serious issues with an Australian's irreverent humour and threw in a smattering of romance"

So in essence the problem with Australian movies now is this. They lack heart, soul, originality, creativity and don't make any effort to appeal to real Australians. They too often take the easy road of falling into ‘Australian Character’ rather than characterising Australia, and frequently try to capitalise on the success of others rather than creating their own.

We as film lovers and Australians can only hope that somewhere out there, there is a soul with a uniquely Australian idea and the tenacity to get the film made and perhaps this will revive what was once a great Mecca of pride and inspiration to us all.”

So lets take the world by storm, i want a new life and i want it very soon please. If 'saw' did it!

xx Ab

Subject: Hi Chriso

Hey Chriso,

Bad tooth is gone gone gone...YAY...it had to go it was just a rotting mess...I'm bringing it home to show you...so you won't yell at me for getting rid of it...it had infected my whole right lower jaw...it took 6 injections to kill the pain so they could remove it....(you'll love this) when she was pulling it out the root broke off and was lodged in my jaw...but when she finally got it out the relief was unbefukinleivable..I feel soooooo much better...

The bill took us a bit over budget so if we need too can we borrow a bit out of the gore street loan account for a few weeks.......

Think we'll get out of Saigon today and head back up north to our Hanoi home....we may come home early as we're both a bit homesick... being ill hasn't helped either...and I'm missing Kai BADLY...

Talk soon Chriso....Oh we bought somtink for you this morning...can't wait to give it to you...Love Ya...boiy... Mark

Another Day

Tim says he has a new game. When Nicholas asks him to pack the bong, Tim picks out all the 'good' bits and packs them in and then he watches as Nicholas’ eyes cross.

Apparently, Nicholas couldn’t string two words together this morning – of course, that could also because Tim is going away for 5 days, also.

Nicholas was very bottom lip curled over at the thought of Tim leaving him for the first time.

“What am I going to do?” said Nicholas. Ah, the flush of new love being parted for the very first time.

Tim said Nicholas might come around and smoke a few bongs with me. That’s fine with me, I said, if he wants to. Nicholas is easy going and easy to have around.

SMS. 17.29. I’m developing an eye for blonds. What is wrong with me? – Christian

SMS. 17.30. You say that like it is a bad thing - Tom (Remembering Tom has a penchant for blonds)

SMS. 17.30. How r u? – Christian

SMS. 18.14. Doing okay. Another day… Blondes are hot and you are getting older is all – Tom

SMS. 18.15. Another day - Christian

Jill called for a chat just as I was about to walk out the door. She’d had a bad day and wanted to talk. She said she must have the worst timing of anyone. I told her about my teeth and we chatted till 7pm. I was somewhat late getting to mum’s after that. Jill wanted me to go over to her place after I’d seen my mum. I said maybe. And she said that meant no, as she had known me for far too long not to know what I meant.

It meant no.

Subject: central image anyone??

hello.

i have been very busy working on our film.

i do believe i have found a look and an image that would suit...

well these images relate especially to ginger's brothel, that i think should also be a crazy drug motel...

i also think that rather than it be just a brothel, i think it/she... (perhaps madame someone... like madame zhouzhou??) should be a specialist service in some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally fucked up stuff, you know like she has coined her own sex acts like the old "steaming cleavland"! and she should have a courtesan, you know and evil side kick that does her behest.. feeds the workers drugs, dresses them, ties them up ect...

enjoy

Ab :)

Subject: and…

i rekon that we should stick to the original idea of them not being related, so the step mother is also hansels sister, then we can make hansel and gretel get together, the audience will gross out then we can reveal the twist that they arnt related.

i also think we should have the audience loathing the step mother (im calling her 'Janelle' in a whiney aussie way) the whole movie then reveal a flash back of a gang r*pe of her or something so awful that happened to her when she was younger that the audience feel sick for hating her.

Ab

Subject: Melbourne calling

Hey Chrisy, are you round Friday night, was thinking of going down to the Scaird, but I always need protective company!

Ray’s back on satdee… yaaay!

Hope to see you soon.

Jeff

PS What’s your work no. so I can bug you for lunch

Subject: script

what about a voice over.

a narrator over the gritty aussie images.

poetic, 18th century, sardonic edge to it, like your voice actually!!!

oh yes thats good...

i also want to make the ginger bread brothel really exclusive, so they can’t leave because they know too much, too much about the exclusive clientèle... they can never leave. so they have to kill to leave, and i want to make it really decadent. like a moulin rouge but weirder.

Ab

X

Subject: well?

The script? Felt uninspired for this week, but am planning to spend the weekend on it. We'll have to collaborate soon on it, but I'm not ready for that yet, just need to get a bit more of it done so it's in my head. I have no mental images of it yet. When the screen shots start coming then I know I'm in business. I can't see it yet – literally.

Tom makes no secret of the fact that he HATES his visitors visit-sharing. And WOE BETIED the visitors who dare to have their own sub-visit on Tom's time. You and I have both been accused and denounced for such outrageous behaviour. (not the last visit, but maybe the visit before) When Tom said that you were arriving at the same time as me, I nearly said I wouldn't come, just for that reason.

Grumpy sick pants? Ha, ha, ha! (I promised myself that I wouldn't ever comment on that one, as, I guess, I'll never have to go through what Tom has had to... and I will allow him that much slack.)

The bathroom on the aria's, was that The Beautiful Girl's clip. I was looking at it at the same moment, if it was – I only watched bits and pieces of it.

Send me Rob's porn site address.

Christian

Subject: wow

Work what into Bluebeard?

Subject: central image anyone??

(Ab)

That's the skanky script. She has the top floor of a three-story warehouse and she holds special sex parties. Tries to get H & G into it by getting them hooked on amphetamines.

I've just got to write a bit more on it before I send it to you.

I reckon the pictures are Bluebeard. Absolutely.

I see H & G stripped down more than that. More winter's day.

Christian

Subject: Hi Chris chris

Having fun with Mary Jane are we chris chris... oh your just soooooo fucked in the head... or you've been emailing that Aussie German ferret (Ed note – Josh) again... your funny chris chris....and you make us larf... I need a larf... do you know that if you fly in a plane with an abssess under your molar you will experience the MOST EXCRUciating PAIN that you could ever imagine for the duration of the flight...well you can and I did....didn't know a human could feel that much pain and still be conscious....>chris chris it was berry berry berry berry bad.....I had tears and snot and I wanted to break Lukies legs... but I didn't....(I hear by am lodging a formal complaint to the Good Boyfriend Tribunal regarding that last statement....), true he did try and help by rubbing my leg(and try to stop him from rampaging through the cabin of the plane ),...but all I wanted to do was bight his arm off at the shoulder and tell him make the pilot land the FUKIN plane in the sea.....I'm alright now...but the dentist thinks I should have it out tomorrow after the swelling goes down....but a root canal filling is about $200.oo us... I'll see how I feel tomorrow......I know your screaming no no save it ...but there is no opposing tooth on the top and it will always give me problems...wandering around my head...it will probably end up poking out of my nose ...attractive don't you think.....don't forget to ring beck for her b'day....27th.....and you can open the pressies if you like...it would be fun for you and Leah loo... miss ya..see you soon....US… M(ark) & L

Baby Eyes & Maggots

 SMS. 6.30. Top of the morning to you miss. How are you? – Tom

SMS. 7.12. Morning. Everything just fine so far – Christian

“Did you see Nicholas’ eyes this morning?”

“No.”

“Stoned as! He had a brecky bong.”

I did go to work, even if the two entries either side may suggest otherwise.

I was so shagged by 5.30. It’s a long day, that one back after three days sick leave.

Cute Tony F. came into see how I was. We went down for a couple of cigarettes. I feel so comfortable with him, I could lean over and pash him sometimes. Of course, I haven’t told him I’m gay. I’m not going to pash him, I’m not even going to try, don’t worry about that. He’s straight. But there’s something about the twinkle in his baby-blue eyes.

Mark and Luke

By the way, I hate you for Angkor Wat... I meant to mention that last night. (Ed note – when I looked I didn’t send them an email last night. I really must write those emails and then smoke that pot, not the other way around.)

Apparently, two packages have arrived for you. Xmas is early. (I told Leah B. that she and I should open them next weekend)

Leah B.'s girl’s weekend went fine, until maggots started falling from the ceiling of one of the girl’s bedrooms. Apparently, she screamed... he, he, he! (The maggot needs better PR)

Who does your lousy PR, Sweetie?

Well, actually, you do!

But they raved, blah, blah, blah, as they do. (You can spare me the retelling, I’ve heard it all before) Leah B. says they’ll be back. They told Leah B she never talked it up to the level that it is, or some such thing.

Richard came over to fix it – maggots, dead thing – but no one could find the man-hole to get into the ceiling. (I thought it was in the laundry, or just outside the laundry, but apparently not)

I went to work today... I've been a truant for two days, actually three, it's been glorious. I hardly take sickies, (no I don’t!) but when I do, it’s like a drug – or Oliver Twist.

Left in the comp, now let me see. Ann was bumped last night, Milly the week before that. Hang on, there was one in between. Oh... the Greek boy, James was last week.

Whose left, Emily, Kate, Dan, Daniel, Lee (who has actually sung a few slow numbers lately, but I still don't get the attraction) Is there another girl? Mmmm? No, he says quietly, I think that’s it.

I've taped a bit of it, but, last night, was the first time I've been in Fitzroy since you left. But I will tape more for you. I taped their own choice show but, surprisingly, it was probably one of their worst showings.

My tooth hurts a bit. Silver paper hurt, not throb hurt, but it’s okay.

I just asked Tim if he could think of any good news, because I could only think of... buttercups and daisies... you know, the usual stuff. Keep them frightened! But he couldn’t.

Tim got a promotion and is now working his arse off. He’s off to Sydney for the rest of the week. He so doesn’t want to go.

The best I can do is that Bette Midler released a CD of Peggy Lee numbers.

Beck went to He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned and got her hair cut.

Missy loves her new mouse toy.

Danni Minogue wore tight gold hot pants.

Janet Jackson may, or may not, have an eighteen year old, daughter love child... who’s a wonderful singer, what’s more. (Will the Jackson Empire live on?)

I’m just thinking that there was something else I was supposed to tell you... say hello from... salutations and all the best... something funny... something... but what? Who can say? It doesn’t have that earth shatteringly important rumble to it... the memory I don’t have, that is. Just on a nice level, you miss out. Oh well. Something. I think someone said to say hello, actually. Memorable, weren’t they? You are probably better off. Well, if I can’t remember them, then they probably aren’t worth knowing anyway, let’s face it.

So... Christian

Hommer Simpson got a place in the top ten men of the decade.

My only question was, in the year 2005, what, the hell, decade are we talking about?

I just got up from my seat to get something out of my bag in the atrium, but I forgot what it was. I came back and sat down. I remembered what it was, got up from my seat, but had forgotten by the time I got to the atrium again. All I could remember was it was in my bag.

I made a cup of tea. I still couldn’t remember.

I came back and sat down, to be confronted by the mulli and the mull bowl. Now where are those cigarettes, so I can roll that damn joint?

Not my first. You can tell?

Josh

I just got up from my seat to get something out of my bag in the atrium, but I forgot what it was. I came back and sat down. I remembered what it was, got up from my seat, but had forgotten by the time I got to the atrium again. All I could remember was it was in my bag.

I made a cup of tea. I still couldn’t remember. I danced around the kitchen, still nothing.

I came back and sat down, to be confronted by the mulli and the mull bowl. Now where are those cigarettes, so I can roll that damn joint?

Not my first. You can tell?

Christian

Christian

Yes well I KNOW I know I know. But what? That is the question. Yes I've got it yes indeedy do, but WHAT exactly was it? It must be obvious but WHAT?

I have been playing Nursey for 5 days now. Bern got the flu. Here's the difference in attitude – Sunny Australian: Yippee! (instead of crabs) I've got the flu – I can stay home from work and lie around all day, way-hay! Moribund German: This may be my LAST DAY. He has been wonderful until now – I got so many boyfriend points from him and he from me – hugs, I'm so glad you're with me Torb; come lie by me; sleep with me tonight Schnukkie – but then yestdy he turned, turned like something that turns, turned like a turning thing – and like lovely Herr Doktor Jeckyll he has been seething disapproval myways. Why? Who can say...I had Monday off and smoked a few? Yet I have been constantly chopping pumpkins and making soups and lovely ginger teas (chopping chopping) all without having been commanded to, let alone asked to. Yet after beginning to come to the light and having made potatoes for lunch, for us both (was that it?), she turned. At 4 pm she announced she was off to the quack – so with the lunch appetite thing I figured after 4 days this was signs of recovery, espesh as we had been to a party (inseparable, like Siamese twins we were truly in love with – and all over – each other. I was to write to you – Bern is so perfect he should be sick more often, feeble he is a loveable lamb, adorable, appreciative, sweetheart and definitely THE ONE. But as the aforementioned turning one, one must re-evaluate – she declined my offer to come shopping with him after Quack (we must have bread! – actually, we can do quite well on cereals actually), but no... So I was a bit surprised to be woken at 6.30 with the statement/question: would you care to go and buy bread and fruit (Fruit, fruit! I must have fruit! or I...). Bern, Sure I'll go, but when will you learn that there is a third way – to say can you go to the shops for me please, and not Go! or this convoluted shit, would I care and no please? So natch I go, saying there aren't that many bakeries open at 7pm and fruit, why didn't he ask for it before? Bread I can do, but it's raining, the shops are shut and it's dark – also being sullen doesn't impress me and what was up his arse this morning since he's so noncommunicative? Fine I'll go myself Petulousia snarled. Right, no fruit for you Mister.

But I got the fruit from the Turkish shop – figs and apples and a loaf of bread – VERY unusual as their bread is different. And when I got home – that's NOT the bread I can eat, you know it. So I snitted and spat not happy Jan and until we said nightie night we both fumed at differing ends of the apartment. I have to do everything he said. Well who changed the sweaty bedsheets and doona cover, did the washing up and has been nursey for this weekend? No recog Doll none. Fat thing, Live or die.

Anyway, this is meant to amuse you with the petty goings on of boyfriends while yours are frittering away your inheritance in Vietnam. I foresee tropical hurrican Wonton Suzie tsunamying any minute now, gushes of cascading cascades cascading along in cascading gushes, cascades of gush gushing out over and smotheringly upon them denuded scratched lobster-red little corpselike bodies, nay, lifelike as they feebly signal to the helicopter – I'm alive I'm alive. But no – means NAS to our helicoptered pith helmeted friends as they scour the gushcading cashes for fat hard plunder – digicams and mobiles and things of real worth. Not for the Vietnamese military these white boy whizzie-whazzes, it's cash or gushes that's all that counts these days down Truac Phuon Huc beach these days, lemme tell ya.

But no, such happy thoughts shall not prelude: come come I say! Say nice things I say, nice things like puppy dog breath and the smeared ends of thermometers up 14 year old bottoms. That's the spirit.

Now where were we? I reckon Bern will get out of it but gee I was liking him something huge two days ago. How fast can a thing that can turn turn?!

School sux Shazza, Gemme outa here! I met a nice lady at this party on the weekend who said that I had eminently employable skills for Berlin post teaching and that I should just full on network and throw myself out there. She organises exhibitions and needs Anglos to do the English bits but also with a historical and education background I am pretty hot. Well, did I mention my two years of volunteering at the Australian Museum? So maybe before we can say Jehosephat (Jehosephat) there is a realistic hope of switching away from this teaching thing – each day that I remain humane to the kids I am grateful, that's the deal. Of course it's a fine and decent and top job if your heart's in it but I seem not to give too much of a stuff if it involves, er, work...

Emilio has been ringing and wanting me to beg him to come to Europe. I can hardly remember what he looks like (that's how it started, I seem to recall) and am perfectly fine with Bern, but anyway, she threw a mental at his job and got sacked/resigned and now, had he the moolah, she COULD come and root me rotten all January long. But will he come that is the 65 mill question. As I resolutely say things like we could play together but don't plight my troth, well, who can say...? I'm not encouraging him to fall for me but I'd gladly root with him for a month and make life a little bit more complicated. But as Bern's like all thumbs up (very aroused by the whole idea) what's to complicate?

Nati the Polish-Israeli is getting more and more cute. I mean he IS very cute and knows it but he has connected with me re Alex Dimitriades and like a thing that is like a gem, he has materialised from the Polish files, his Hebrew subtitled Head On and we have been watching it. This version (like the Australian?) has full on dick with young Alex rolling around and has been quite a memory laner. Gotta love them wogs I say. It was almost too much for Bern to follow but then again, I dare say Lord of the rings middle episode was like something also that was like a thing you don't understand because you don't know what orcs are or the Anglo-Saxon references, or why Gollum is inherently racist as an Asian caricature, and all them Maoris having a good time hoofing it in black costumes being Urukhai for a good 6 months and all that. Hallo Nyewzullund I sid, hillo!

Nevertheless. And then there's you. Lovely spinning around what's in my pocket you. Spin over here sunshine, we could spin around together. Whirl whirl – I can feel the music! I am the Lizard-Queen and all of it. We could go to parties and I could also oggle them party boys from the South side who give it away after some horse-hormones and a crack or two. Them's called sluts Christian, slappers, slags – YES they ARE giving it away if they can dose the boyfriend – them's thwack it in territory that it be. It's not like the civilised come hither nature of the House of 1000 steps for example, where dainty lad meets breathy boy. No, they may not be able to spell Prahran but they can say South Yarra cause it's not too hard. South Yarra Abdullah they say to the taxi driver as they comatosedly vomit and roll into the back seat. And hurry shuga, they add, miming Madonna does Abba to their equally irredescandtly puked trade. Nah, three Faces, they maw, it's only 4am! And then the inevitable: Where canna girl get some COCK around here!? I tell you, slip it in sweetly Club 80 it ain't. And as you're an innocent someone needs to tell you, all lace and black sweetmeats up there in your attic. No! No! Don't open the door she'll get out and be the ruin of us all they said back then back there. And so locked up you have been, scotting along in your thoughts, composing composing, wording wording, scribble scrable, tippetty tap.

Ramble ramble ramble, rumble rumble rumble. Are ya satisfied yet?

How many words can this be?

And answer me this – if it says fill my tight ass with your hot cum one IS obliged to rent it isn't one? Should it say nasty shemales meet uncut horse-cox down on the rocks in Rio's worst slums tis the same? How do they get such 12 year olds I'll never know – what exactly is IN their beans that makes them such (confident) whoppers, wangs definitely included? Do they wanged need to go to hospital, surely not with them smiles, but each uncertain fart, whiff of tears (or tears as in rip), or gaggy inhalation has a tale of its own to tell I'm afraid... Surely there's something in that for all of us, would you not say?

I have a mate from Slovenia from the human rights camp in Switz coming soon. She wants ta take me mushrooms. I wanna shag'er. Stick it in whish whish. We will see – she is however only 22 and smarter, funnier and integritier than me by a million. I laugh and laugh and try and try but still she is smarter, funnier. Were she a boy... But it matters not. I am liberated huh?

Well I hope you have found what was in ya bag.

I intend to wait for your love-'im-a-mile-away response, because you too, are very funny.

Josh

ps did I telly a about pony riding the weekend before last? We saw cranes migrating, geese overhead, three stags enantlered and I had the same walking problem and derrière feeling (ie pounded) afterwards for a day that I had had apropos Emilio I happily called him and said I was thinking of him. Twas lovely.

Josh

You're Fantastic

SMS. 7.08. A stellar day for us Miss. How was your mother yesterday? Hope today is just grand for you!! – Tom

I went to bed late last night. Tim gave me all of his porn DVD’s, as he says he doesn’t watch them any more. No? Guess’ why? Tim said he had great sex on Saturday night. You’d hardly think that he’d have anything less. Nicholas is such a sexy boy. I couldn’t help but notice the bulge in his pants last night. Well, it doesn’t help when he and Tim wrestle on the couch, during most of which Nicholas has a hard-on. It’s kind of involuntary, I don’t plan to look, my eyes can’t help but go there, he’s got an incredible bulge. He caught me, a couple of times, after which he put his hand over the offending lump, but the smile never left his face. The boy’s hung like a donkey. I lay back in my couch so I couldn’t even accidentally look.

I got up late. The race was on.

I opened the front door to leave, almost 9am, the sun was shining gorgeously, the day was fantastic. I just couldn’t go, I just couldn’t face getting to work at 9.30am. I was at the front door, I’d just dead locked it, when I decided not to go. It’s the funny the things you don’t know you are going to do, five minutes before you do them. So I called and said I was in too much pain. “I must have been clenching my teeth last night, and now it is throbbing up the side of my head.” I just called, didn’t think, now it’s done.

On to gaydar, natch. I fell like sexy. Just a couple of joints more and I’ll be ready. I reckon sucking a cock now, even with stitches in, would be just fine.

I got the coffee beans.

I’ll pay my bills.

I’ll look at the family history stuff I got from mum.

All the things I was too stoned on the weekend to make myself do.

Subject: well?

well how to reply to that!

i just want too see somthin', read somthin', get inspired and rock. anything, I'm desperate.

you can work all momento if you like, we're artists damn it and won’t be conformed.

yeah thats right.

so just send me sooooooooooomething. so i can get involved, anything.

do you get the impression that mr debrant aint too thrilled to have us visit at the same time!

talk about fussy, sick, patient guy.

I’m glad we go at the same time so the conversation isn't always about sick stuff.

you know he really should give up smoking!

xx

i await your reply anxiously.

oh and hey,

i flicked on the telly last night and the arias were on and nominations were being read out for something and i looked at one clip and thought hey that’s my bathroom!

ha my bathrooms on the arias! ha. we've almost made it i reckon!

xx

oh and did i mention that i found Robs half naked body posted on the internet on some fucked site?

yeah, apparently he, i mean 'Tailor' has been cruisn' chicks and having cyber sex for ohhhh umm about 3 months... ah the world do work in mysterious ways, anyways off course the story is a liiiiiiitle more full on than i let on here and i am couching my hurt, shame and embarrassment in humor because that's what we do right?

but the upshot is i now have that blue beard twist, yup curiosity killed the cat alright!

Ab

Subject: wow

too true too true....

octopus are so hot! way hotter than guys anyway...

hence why i have one tattooed across my back i guess.

hey lets work this into blue beard.

xx

ps

i love your stoner mail... i laugh and laugh and laugh;)

Ab

Subject: Hi Chris chris

You're fantastic Chris chris, i was wondering just yesterday if you were taping some of it for us – up until then i hadn't even thought about it actually. So how was Campbell's party? Any goss to share?? We're on Phu Quoc island at the mo, little island off the south coast of Vietnam, actually really rainy at the moment.

We arrived yesterday, after being in Cambodia – we went to Angkor Wat Chris chris – it was fucking amazing, we climbed to the top of one of the towers and sat chatting to some monks for a little while, it was so beautiful, fucking hot though. Mark and I have both been having evil thoughts about some of the monks – "that's hot", they get around in those bright orange robes, with skin heads, and one nipple showing, you just can't help but wonder! So we'll be here on the island for a few more days, then we head to Hoi An, which is famous for clothes and tailoring and such things, and spose to be very pretty. Then back to Hanoi for a few days before we come home, got homesick for the first time yesterday, and I've got a bit of a cold so that might have something to do with it.... Anywho, gotta run, thanks for taping Emily for us – how many are left in the comp??? Feel free to tape as much of it as you like chri. Love ya, Luke.

Hi chriso...markee's got a bad sore toof...wid absess and pain and hurtyness....went to the chemist and got anty botics...over the counter....very groovey...having a good time but starting to miss home 2...I miss my Kai pants very much... but can't think of him too much cos it makes my eyes wet....miss you 2 chriso.....Love ya..M(ark)

Me trying to be arty, and failing, damn the focus

Lovely Spring Day

SMS. 7.38. Morning Miss. Feeling fine on this lovely spring day thanks for asking. How are you today? – Tom

SMS. 9.19. I’m fine. Off to pick up me mum. Wish me luck – Christian

SMS. 9.19. Have fun – Tom

Mum spent the day at my place, looking at all the old photos I have scanned. She told me the setting of some of the photos and I dated some more of them, from what she said and from a little detective work, so that was good. I now have a family pictorial history dating back fifty to one hundred years, almost.

Subject: well?

Ab

I think I now have 3 separate Hansel & Grethel scripts. I hate it when that happens. Dope's good for writing and imagination and focus, but lousy for structure and continuity and focus. Now the trick is to graft the 3 of them together – a process I loathe and I adore, so it's not all bad. Just seems like such an effort initially, but cool once you crest the wave and ride it through.

I've got the first scene in my memory bank, that is to do it and not the scene itself. But which first scene? I think I might work a little more backwards than that. I think I tend to write the first scene last. Though, I guess, I don't have to. Now, let me think....

The three scripts...

The namby pamby one that I sent you.

The skanky one.

Then I've got the part that I wrote to continue on from the part you wrote.

It's a three-way graft.

Er!

Christian

Subject: Hi Chris Chris

M&L

I've got Emily singing, River Deep Mountain High, taped for you. It bought tears to my eyes. Of course I was... you know.

Christian 

A Little Internet, a Million Cigarettes

Ah, the weekend. Lovely! Up early. Computer on. So, what else is new?

I re-ordered my early journal, 1940’s, 1950’s, 1960’s, so now it is actually in chronological order. Yay! That’s dating back to the 40’s. Lottie produced all the cards she sent home, while she lived in London, which are now entries in my journal.

I giggled for a while at the thought of sending a draft to the evil Leonora (Lottie’s older bitch sister. Some say she is the daughter of the devil... I’d agree), just the way it is. I wonder what she’d do? I’ve had dreams about confronting her with the truth.

It’s raining. I’ve sat behind my computer all day, doing nothing much for most of the afternoon.

SMS. 17.33. A joint made me cough till I vomited – Tom

SMS. 17.37. No more joints for u then miss – Christian

Wasting time at the speed of light. A little internet, a million cigarettes. Day nearly gone, just like that. It’s amazing how many hours can just tumble away between glances up from the computer screen.

SMS. 22.14. How r u feeling? – Christian

Diet – muesli, Vegemite toast, pizza.

Smoking, Gums & Greek Boy's Bums

SMS. 8.40. Miss! I need tobacco if you are coming in. Hope ya mouth is okay. Call me xxxx – Tom

Subject: Hi Moo & Loo

Dentist yesterday, the lovely Erica. (not) I just couldn’t take to her, don’t know why?

The left-hand side of my mouth had serious damage. BUGGER! The damage was worse than showed up on the x-ray.

So, I have had a partial root amputation… You know how molars have 3 roots, one of mine now only has 2.

“You are numbed up, the root is exposed, I can do it now. Sorry, but you have to decide,” she said, looking like an alien, looking done at me through her safety-glasses.

"This means going back to your dentist and having the nerve removed and a double root-canal filling and possibly some restorative work all to the tune of approx. $2000."

"Okay," I said meekly.

Erica got out her white mini circular-saw, which made a sound like a mini mosquito.

Christian

Got up early, decided not to go to work, despite my mouth feeling pretty fine. Smoked pot, went back to bed and wanked.

I rang Beck and chatted to her about my teeth.

I went to visit Tom in the afternoon. The traffic was heavy. Aby & Rob were there, which always makes Tom nervous – he hates it when visitors visit with each other, which Ab and I do. Tom likes full attention. We didn’t get into trouble. We didn’t get threatened with separation.

It started to rain while I was there.

Subject: wow

(Aby)

See, man still isn’t that clever. (Ed note – Aby sent me an amazing clip of an octopus that just turns into a rock through its camouflage powers, like a screen being drawn across, or photosynthesis coming into play) He’s doomed and rightly so. I don’t see the problem.

Perhaps that's a good theme, not for Hansel & Grethel, but for the next one.

We're living at the very pinnacle of man's existence, but at the same time we've poisoned the earth, we still hate one and other, politicians promote it, man's selfishness won't allow him to change – unlimited wants, limited resources, it's the end of the evolution, we have learnt nothing. Rome is burning and we're still too stupid to stop fiddling. The Mayan empire is crumbling, Atlantis is drowning, The Inkas are disappearing. We're at the same point in our planetary time and we don't even know it.

We were never going to be as evolved as that octopus, too many selfish agendas, we were never going to be that clever. We are sending emails of our betters and feeling fine about the fact that we kill one species just like it every day.

I guess you can tell I've had the odd joint?

Christian

I headed over to see Manny in the evening, rolling him over and licking all of his sweet bits, this time without getting Greek-boy, beard-rash in the process. He’d shaved, so I could kiss him without a care, lost in his sexy eyes.

Diet – muesli, vegemite toast, baked beans, peanut butter Kit Kat, cup of soup.

Teeth

SMS. 7.36. How are you this morning? Slept in? – Tom

SMS. 8.14. Dentist very soon – Christian

SMS. 8.14. Good luck xxxx – Tom

Oh, I so couldn’t get up this morning, just gazed at the clock until I just had to get up, till I had no choice. Then there was the off-milk to deal with. I bought a 3 litre bottle of milk last week and, because I went to Bolago, it was 4 days past its use-by date. I was drinking it for the last few days. So I bought a new one last night, at the milk bar, which, also, was past it’s used by date and it left lumps in my tea. So, I had to go to the milk bar and get a new one, before I could eat my muesli, and I wasn’t going to be able to eat so much for the next few days. I still managed to get there by 9.01.

SMS. 10.25. Serious damage. Root amputation. Root canal to follow. $2000 more to fix. BUGGER! – Christian

The damage was worse than showed on the x-ray. I have had a partial root amputation… “You are numbed up, the root is exposed, I can do it now. Sorry, but you have to decide.” Which means going back to my dentist and having the nerve removed and a double root-canal filling and possible some restorative work all to the tune of $2000.

Okay, I said meekly.

He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned had his neck dismantled and put back together again without a peep. What have I got to complain about, after committing years of teeth neglect?

Imagine how the poor get on? No teeth, I guess. It’s a stereotype, but fuck, I’m lucky I’ve got $3000 to spend on my teeth.

My home phone is out of order, I worry about the internet, but that is working okay. I couldn’t care less if the line is never fixed.

The tyre pump is working at the servo and yet I don’t go around there with my bike. I’m a lazy fucken bastard!

Subject: What do ya reckon

(Kym)

What do you think the moral question behind Hansel & Grethel is?

Christian

Manny called to say he was on stronger OCD tablets, as he feels like his rituals are starting to win again. But will he keep taking them? Usually, it’s only for a few weeks at the most. He reminded me about the syndicate in tattslotto. I said I’d go in, despite saying earlier that I wouldn’t. I go weak at the sound of his voice.

Diet – muesli, 2 ice creams. 6 dolmardies. A doughnut. 2 jam tarts.

Slept In

Subject: hoi

(Josh)

Slept like I’d been bitten by a Tezi fly. They were glorious words, don’t come tomorrow, but what did I do, wrote an email to you and then wandered off to bed for a wee lie down… I believe it was 2pm. I woke at 9pm with just enough time to send a message of apology to Kym for missing dinner with her and then rolled over and slept till 6am and here I am. I bit groggy, let me tells ya. A BIT! Goodness me, where is my head? It certainly isn’t here with me. I feel really quite peculiar. Slept too much, to be sure. And now I have to get myself off to work today. No message not to come today. Rats! And I have my copy of Animal Farm handy too.

Christian

SMS. 6.43. (Kym) Slept to 6am, don’t know what was wrong with me. (Ed note – although have a good idea) feel like crap now. So sorry. What a waste of a day off – Christian

SMS. 8.12. & it was such a nice day 2, poor us! – Kym

SMS. 8.21. Groan! Slept 16 hours. Stood Kym up. Head just returning to body. Wednesday huh? Sooooo don’t want to go to work – Christian

SMS. 8.24. Luv, let’s be frank, I’m in a daze as I drag my sorry arse up Victoria parade – Christian

SMS. 8.26. You can do it, it’s only 3 days xxxx – Tom

SMS. 8.30. Actually 2, dentist tomorrow – Christian

SMS. 8.30. Even better? – Tom

SMS. 8.33. I guess, the sun is shining (weak) yay – Christian. (small wave of hands in the air)

Oh, back to work. It didn’t feel like a Wednesday, it didn’t feel like a Monday. It felt like a no day. Apart from my extended period of getting my head together, this morning, the day was fine.

I tell ya, I had the weirdest afternoon yesterday. It was a beautiful day, the sky was blue the sun was shining. I got home from the country around 2pm and I just decided I should lie on my bed for a minute to decided/savour how I was going to enjoy my afternoon off. I woke at 7.50pm and curiously my mobile phone was, if not in my hand, nearby. So after stressing for a minute, not to mention spinning and whirring, I called you. Then, the next I knew it was 6am. AHHHH!!!! I thought. How could this happen? I'd slept for 16 hours. To say I was groggy this morning at 6am was an understatement. For a minute there I thought my head was never going to clear.

SMS. 17.41. (He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned) How’d you pull up, me luv? – Christian

There was a hot wog-boy in tight suit pants standing outside the NAB as I walked past. The material in the back of his pants rippled across his arse, perfect split pumpkin. Every time he moved the ripples waved across those melons like fingers. The material was tight against each hip bone, at the front, his crotch bulged out in the middle like a glorious avocado. In profile, I could almost see the ridge of his shaft pointing downwards, glorious. He was talking enthusiastically to a friend and as he smiled and talked – and bullshitted – it all became animated; the afternoon sun cut through him, across his thighs. It looked like a snake wriggling behind the hard metal of his fly. Bulging out like a fist. Fucken gorgeous!

I could see him in his jocks. I could see his pubic hair; across his stomach and up the backs of his legs, under the elastic of his jocks. I could see his strapping friends hand slide in there. I could see them smile coyly at each other. Wog bog closing his eyes as his cock went hard.

It prompted me to sing, “Soldier on with Codral, soldier on…” (if you know the TV ad you’ll know what I am talking about)

Subject: soldier on with codral....

(Aby)

By the way, I don't think Tom is off you. He's cranky and bored and off everybody, quite possibly. Sick of it all and possibly cross with the world, maybe. But I'm sure he'd be happy to hear from you.

Christian

I went to mum’s for dinner. It started to rain and has continued to rain all night. Who would have thought after the warm weather we’ve been having we’d be having a down pour? Funny old weather.

Subject: By the way

(Josh)

What mid-life crisis?

Christian

Jasus! My dental appointment is 9am. Who made that appointment? Actually, I did, now I think about it. Bugger! I’m an idiot! Not before midday. Off to bed with you then. 

Boys, Boys, Boys

 SMS. 6.44. Morning Christian how are you feeling today? – Tom

SMS. 6.48. Er, miss? Look @ that, it’s morning? Is it Tuesday? – Christian

SMS. 6.48. Yes Miss only 4 days until the weekend – Tom

SMS. 6.51. (Tom) Actually 3. Joint? – Christian

Subject: hot Italian cock

ahem,

now that i have your attention i wish to talk to you about our hansel and gretal most excellent adventure.

the universe decided our paths to cross 2 years ago and reckon it is due time we moved a little faster on our collaborations.

i love our idea and the treatment you wrote and on returning to Melboring i have decided that i pussy foot around no longer.

we are making a low budget feature film.

that's all there is too it.

i am meeting with our producer on Friday.

what i need is the 1st scene and the treatment of course.

so do you reckon you could bang out a 1st scene and tighten the treatment a tad by Friday?

from now on we are going to set deadlines with each other as clearly we cannot be trusted with our futures.

we can aim for 1 scene a week, and we will email it back and forth to each other as we edit and collaborate.

lets go toots.

i want to start filming in January.

xx

Aby

ps. i will endeavor to collect my stuff from yo' roof next week. my apologies on it taking this long. i would do it this week but Rob is working on a shoot and i need his muscles...

pps. i love you very much.

Subject: 62nd in line

Hello hello hello hello hello.

You are now in position 62 in emails received – 62 other emails since I last was graced with your silvery tippy tap.

Dead?

I am registering your fat or thin, Mister Moo

L O D

Josh

Subject: Is this the line? I've got number 62.

62nd in line? 62nd in line? You make me sound like the little known Princess Bernice from Shropshire. You know all sharp implements have to be hidden when that one visits the palace. She’s got a wild look in her eye, you can be sure.

Oh groan. 62nd in line @#$%^! Jasus! He writes one miserable email on the 20th of Sept and he thinks he’s… for goodness sake! (And yet, my last email to him was on 27th Sept… ha, ha… and his last email to me was on 20th Sept. Curious. And! I do believe mine was some 30 lines and his… um, 4. However, makes no never mind. Perhaps I should point it out to him? Nah, you know what she’s like, always right… all that counting would have made her cross already.)

Okay, now if I can just rattle the last of those pills and powders out of me, nose, brain, I might just be able to think of something to say.

Goodness me, what day is it?

6am Tuesday.

I see.

Big breath.

Who?

Oh… maudie moo. Lovely.

Now let me think?

Well, you may point your nasty little finger at Australia and kack like a kookaburra, but I’ve got three words for ya, Conservative Christian Coalition. Yes, well, those apples turn bad at the drop of the proverbial hat, now don’t they. Anyway, moving on… you’ve got to live with that for how long?

I went to a wee party on Saturday night, a birthday party in the country, at a winery. Lovely. The lighting was harsh, the décor austere, but the company was handsome, the boys flirty, the music was good and the surroundings picturesque. I danced most of the night, as I do. I tell ya, there were cruisey boys with packed jeans. We may think we are all superior and upitty, upitty, up on the north side, but them south side boys… sluts. They all, just about, seemed just about happy to give it away.

Towards the end of the night, I started making eyes at this cute boy, who started making eyes back at me; gorgeous, boysey, nice smile, nice bulge, which was got my attention initially... he caught me looking, it made him smile and twitchy, in a good sort of way. Every time I looked over there he was gazing back with I want to fuck you eyes. Yum!

This, of course, only prompted his boyfriend to wrap his arms around him tightly and not let him go, or out of his sight, for the rest of the night. The damn boyfriend was onto me in minutes… milliseconds… instantly; hardly had a moment to enjoy his boyfriend without him interfering. Gosh them boyfriends are untrusting and possessive… and have excellent gaydar, I must say. I had no intention of taking him from him, no, no, not for a moment… even if I may have had some tiny little hint of an idea of, perhaps, borrowing him… No, no, I was only flirting, promise. But no, not a chance of the boyfriend unhanding him. What’s this world coming to, I ask you? He looked sexy lying in his boyfriends arms on the couch with his eyes blazing for me. He was hot!

Slutty, crystal hot. Gotta love it.

However. A bunch of them were staying at my place… and I was supposed to be supervising as we had some real guests staying as well. (And Mark and Luke are in Vietnam) I was whirling by the open fire, spinning nicely, as the sun kissed the day with a hint of its imminent arrival, surrounded by bodies, of which there should have only been six. When they all started smoking crack, in the lounge, I decided it was time to head to bed and leave them to it. (that makes it sound like I didn’t have any? Well, it can remain a mystery then.)

The attached one was still blazing in my direction. Beautiful eyes, the ones you fall for. He was a naughty boy. See… but don’t touch. I want you, but you can’t have me. It was all too much.

My bed was gorgeous. The world stopped.

I woke at 4pm and they had all left, just the way I like it. Well, not exactly how I always like it, but on this occasion, I could sit gently in the sunshine and drink my coffee without a care or need to look after anyone, so it was good.

Momentarily, David came out of somewhere bleating about being deserted. Actually, more incredulous that Shane had left without him. (That Shane) I’d registered that I needed to think, when James appeared out of somewhere else. James who, I asked? But then James packed David up and took him away and all was quiet with the world again. Just a gentle hum, remained.

And yesterday, Mon, I was, actually, beginning to think about my work requirements and the prospect of going back to work tomorrow – which is now today, are you keeping up? – when I got a gorgeous text from Jane which said, “Nothing going on here. Stay at Bolago another day, if you want.” It was hardly the point that I had already traversed the southern tip of our fair continent – may be run by conservatives, but at least it’s not run by conservative Christians! (um… then again?) – and was already back in Fitzroy. It made no never mind.

So here I am. How are you Moo?

Just got news of Tommy, it looks like there might be a hint of his bladder stopping bleeding, the thing that has kept in hossy for all this time. The news wasn’t good last week when they stuck a camera up his wozza in the vain hope that they may just be able to quarterise the offending point, only to find that his bladder was oozing blood from everywhere, you know, like the water-wall at the gallery.

Sometime later…

Midday, I believe. I finally got myself off gaydar with the sentiment of, I’m wasting my life. A few minutes later I found myself laughing again, after I’d played four games of Hearts. Goodness! Take me away from… that filthy mull bowl.

“Whoosh. No, no, I’m over here.”

“Well, what time is it?”

“I believe, er… I have been here for… um… six hours. Six hours?”

Jasus! 6 bloody hours? Where is my head. Big laugh. Big sigh. Look around. The sun is shinning. In fact, the weather has been soooooo glorious these last few weeks (auntie Elsie’s arthritis just clear… er… um cleared up) that we all would be fooled into believing that summer is nudging its way in. Bright open blue skies, sunny light drenched days, nothing but fresh air. You gotta love it.

Back with you me luv.

Too stoned to take my washing upstairs, so I’ve got it hanging off everything in the lounge. But at least it’s done, not an addict yet.

62nd in line? 62nd in line? Grumble. Grumble.

Um?

Gosh I’m hungry.

Nobody is here, the house is quiet and still. Just my beating heart (quite possible still effected by the amyl) and the faint twitter of birds, intermittently. Oh dear me, big sigh. A tram rings its bell, somewhere in the distance. The whores next door argue, but screech off into nothing. A roar from the men on the building sight, as one of their own ejaculates inside a circle of work men. Then it is quiet. Mrs Kalianis greets me, as I check the mail at the gate. I ask her about her son Milo, she says he’s doing fine. Milo has come-to-bed eyes and packed tracksuit pants that have to be seen to be appreciated. He often walks bare-chested, in the summer, anyway, he doesn’t mind me looking down at it. It turns him on. More than once he has only started to walk off as it was getting hard. He once said, "I'll come inside with you, if you like." But, I thought he was joking and took no notice. I've often wondered since?

I make sardines on toast and celebrate the day. I look at the mess the kitchen is in and scurry back to the study.

My mouth is bloody dry.

I think I’ve got the shakes.

Aby’s back from New York, she met all the directors she wanted to meet and then some. She sent me an email about the work beginning… yawn, not today it isn’t. A low budget feature film. It is very doable. I only have to write the script, I don’t have to make the bloody thing. But why do I procrastinate so? I could actually do it. In fact… um… er…

I guess that’s cheerio me lovely.

So, there you go.

Time for tea.

Christian

Subject: hot

great i'll look forward to reading the 1st scene of our FEATURE FILM this week.

And can you please start telling people about this, so they can also shame us into actually doing it by inquiring occasionally on how it’s all going.

Aby

ps. thought you might get a giggle and a woody out of this... ah little scamp!

pps. speaking of scamps hows Tom? im scared to call! i hate it when his off me and you can never tell which way its going to be! so give me the go ahead.

Note: forwarded message attached.

Subject: hoi

Mister Fletcher, Fletcher of Fletchers, the Fletchster,

Tis true indeed, ideedy-doo. I have gotten away (yet again I say, again again!) with my crossness trick and scored another email (again again) from Fletchery never having writ nothin meself deserving thereoftherebywhichof-ness. Hee hee ha ha tis to chortle.

I be fine. Y'know, they whinge and they moan and they carry on but when they actually come to school, them Josh Gales find it's not that bad (today) after all. I even wrote me mother last night in great detail detailing me midlife crisis and god I hate (aspects aspects love) teaching I'm turning into a maggot (turning Doll?) becoming disinterested and disaffected and complacent and lazy and why oh why doesn't the garden bring me any more pleasure and dear oh dear do I hafta, and so forth and so on. But lo, tis not selfsuch, twas much easier today than I thought.

Not that I'm that organised mind – but I managed to get some marking done on the weekend and that put me a smidgin ahead.

Who am I kidding? It's you I'm talking to. Actually I had a great idea while showering at 6.20. Don't go to work (at British school). So I chucked a sickie. But living with the Bernster it had to be cloak and dagger. I actually went to the underground, read Animal Farm on the platform for an hour and then all secret squirrel snuck back to the flat and had the lovely day at home. Slept until 3 and then marked my bum off (not a pretty sight). I could have been uncovered at any moment – it was like being 16 and staying home from school to have a wank after Ray Martin (not that Ray does anything for me I'll have you understand). It was dark when I left and I had to pretend it was dark when I came home, but that's me first sickie at the private school and you've gotta test the system hey?

Gotta go to a meeting,

Boi!

Josho

Diet – muesli, 2 spanokapita’s and 3 chocolate éclairs.

Party

SMS. 6.45. And how are you this lovely morning Miss? Feeling okay I hope – Tom

Left Bolago 2ish. Drove down in the glorious sunshine. Wondered how I could get some more crystal?

Subject: Hi Chris Chris

no no....no hanky or panky involved just a connection of "tender hearts." back in Hanoi now....watching the fabric of life being woven before your very eyes...marvellous....M(ark) Miss Ya...

Subject: Hi Chris Chris

M&L

No, no, I wasn't talking about sex. I was talking about an innocent soul hungry to learn what else there is in life to know.

The weekend went fine. I stumbled through when Leah B. wasn't there. Was thrown when two people turned up for the birdwatcher. Thrown again when John said he'd never been there before. But, it made no difference. Everything was fine. They only paid $80, but I guess that was my fault too, as Leah B. said to me to get the money up front. Oh well. They must be used to cheap hols, hey?

The party was at The Hanging Rock Winery. Very "well" lit and austere but nice enough. The glorious food tasted like nothing. He, he, he. The dance floor was the coolest place to be, cause that's where I was.

Home and into bed by sun up.

Our guests were well behaved... well, I think they were, I went to bed and left them to it. The only one left when I got up was a deserted, bleating Muffin, Shane left without him. But then James (James who, you may well ask) came stumbling out from somewhere, packed Muffin up and left with him. Lovely!

And now I'm home. 3pm Monday. Gosh. Whoosh.

Christian

SMS. 16.34. Great day! Not much happening here, if you want to stay at Bolago for another day – Beck

SMS. 16.38. Ok, cool – Christian

SMS. 16.40. Supposed to be 25 according to Glen. Have fun. I’m bored! – Beck.

I transferred all the scanned photos. I really got into it; worked like a well-oiled machine. I deny I only stopped because of one too many joints.

SMS. 19.39. Hey Chris, we still on 4 2morrow nyt? – Kym

Diet – muesli, 1 luke-warm pie, 1 luke-warm coke, re-heated chicken things courtesy of Nicholas.

Crystallised

SMS. 5.56. And how was the party Miss? – Tom

People came back to my place. The boy I had been flirting with, Blazing eyes and his boyfriend, too. We continued our flirting, but now we had a boyfriend in the picture. As nice as it was, I decided to go to bed, as the sun made its first blush, left them all to their crack pipe. I fleetingly hoped blazing eyes would join me, entertained myself with the thought, so to speak, but never really believing he would. Pity.

I drifted off into the netherworld of post drugs and floated for hours. Stayed in bed most of the day. Well, to 4pm the next day, to be precise. Polished off the rest of the crystal. Sore cock, afterwards. Goodness me that crystal gives you dirty thoughts.

Only a bleating, deserted Muffin was left to deal with. Shane left him behind. Leah B. had some strange friend over, I think, one of those friends that you have known for so long you almost feel obligated to stay in contact with. So, I got my cock ring and went back to bed.

SMS. 20.00. What day did u say it was? – Christian

SMS. 20.00. Monday – Tom

SMS. 20.02. Noooooooooo! – Christian

Diet – awful cereal, steak and kidney pie.

Pigs Trough

Campbell’s Fiftieth

The Rock Winery. Had crystal. Had 3 E’s.

Jeff turned up, at Bolago, just as it was getting dark. I’d said to him I wasn’t going until it was dark, he’d had agreed with that thinking. He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned turned up no long after.

Jeff left first and on his own, as I’d already arranged to go to the party with He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned. He and I smoked pipes in the carpark, before we went in.

The food was glorious and plentiful and tasted like nothing. Nothing at all. He, he, he! Just the way we like it. Pity, as it looked sumptuous.

There were lots of cute flirty boys… or was that me?

There was a boy at the beginning, I think his name was Sean, big and blond. He had the most incredible bulge in his pants, which I couldn’t help but look at. (I think my crystal was kicking in big time, about then.) It made him smile, made his eyes light up…when he saw me looking. Occasionally, nervously, he slipped his hand into his pocket and give it a nudge, surreptitiously. It would roll a bit, move. It was a big chunk, round and fat, pushing his jeans out in an amazing way. A great big package, sitting nestled between his legs. He’d beam. He stood where I could see him and kept checking to see if I was checking him…always grinning when my eyes came up from his bulge to meet his. He’d look around smiling to see if anyone else had noticed, in a coy, not-to-be-found-out kind of way, then he’d look back.

He went inside and positioned himself by a window so I could still see him. When he came back outside – there was a platform before the stairs – he stood for a while smiling, chatting to someone, stealing gazes over at me, continuously. He was kind of above me and in front, I was looking straight up at him. His happy nervousness showed that he knew I was looking straight at his cock. A better view of it I couldn’t get. I held my eyes on his lumpy bulge without looking up at him, for the longest time, so he could definitely see me mentally sucking his cock. The next thing his legs got fidgety and he turned around, momentarily. I looked away.

When he came down the stairs, I don’t know if it was the way his legs pushed forward with every step, framing his manhood spectacularly… but I think the cheeky, irremovable smile gave it away… and the full blush… and the solid gaze at me… he looked hot with a hard-on. He was looking at me, knowing that I was looking at his hard-on, swelling quickly in his pants. It looked big and round and laid sideways.

He may well have disappeared out into the dark, at this point, something that I didn’t pick up on up straight away. Mmmm? I reckon I’m past doing boys in bushes anyway. In a way, I’m glad I didn’t pick up on it. I had an eight bedroom house at my disposal, after all.

He came to dance on the dance floor and smiled sexily as I gazed at his jeans. He danced and smiled.

But when he left pretty soon after that, I wondered if he was a guest at all. He was a big, boofy, strapping blond boy, fresh faced and smiley, with solid hips that pulled the denim across the front of his jeans beautifully, but he still bulged out, prominently round.

I love flirting. I love getting someone's attention. I do it for their reaction. It amuses me... for a time.

So, I danced. There was a tent, set up on the lawn. It was dreamy, views of the country, flashing lights and groovy music. I floated on my magic.

Stared at Simon, a cute, blond straight boy’s lovely bulge while I was dancing with him and his wife, Michelle, it made him blush and smile. He looked like he liked it. Told his wife I wanted to suck his cock. She said she’d like to see that. She got turned on when I told her she could watch. Made the mistake of saying it to him…sucking the cock thing… he’s STRAIGHT, you idiot. (cringe! Too many drugs? cringe!) He was okay with it, kind of, but I should have kept it to myself. “I have no response to that,” was his response. He kept smiling as I stole looks at his full jeans and danced away.

He still managed to dance over in my direction. He still managed to dance facing me, most of the time. He still smiled and blushed and looked away coyly when he saw me looking at his cock. It was really sweet. (note to self, when flirting with a straight boy, keep it non-verbal)

Simon and Michelle were taking ½ e’s well, non-stop, pretty much.

Michelle danced over to me, at one point and said it was big and it was cut. I told Michelle she should go over to him and play with it and make it hard so I could see how big it was. She laughed and said the thought turned her on.

At one point, I thought Jeff looked cute and sexy (he did) and wondered about sex with him. After which, I decided I mustn’t think about Jeff that way again. (note to self, continually remind oneself that one is on drugs when one’s thinking strays to friends) Jeff’s about the only friend I fantasise about, mostly when I’m on drugs. Inhibitions go. Must keep away from him.

I stayed on the dance floor until the wee hours. Just me, Michelle and Simon. Chatting, gazing, smiling & blushing. After they left, I wandered inside.

I was standing by the fire thinking that it was time to leave, when I looked over at He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned to see him in full, verbal flight. He’s thin and long of limb and when he pulls himself up to full statuesque pose, he can look like a Vulture over its prey.

My eyes gazed around the room to come to rest on a very nice crotch sitting on one of the couches. I gazed without a care, it was late, I was whacked. When my eyes wondered around some more, I looked up to see the owner of the said nice crotch catching my gazing. He’d caught me. He liked it, it sure got his attention, let me tell you. Instantly, he was making eyes back at me, in the full-drug-eyed, distracted way. He was gorgeous, I wanted him. He picked that up too. He squirmed about a bit, in a hard-on kind of way.

Of course, none of this was missed by his boyfriend for very long. He was on to it quickly, which prompted him to wrap his arms tightly around his boyfriend, looking out of the corner of his eye at me. Blazing Eyes looked hot lying there snugly in his boyfriend’s arms with his eyes blazing for me, over his boyfriends shoulder.

I shook my head. Drugs, god love ‘em. Guys will do anything on drugs, pretty much true. Drugs make them up for it. I surveyed the room, it was abuzz with love and flirting. I decided to find He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned to suggest we headed for home.

 

Sunny Days

SMS. 8.21. (Tom) Morning miss, u r very quiet? The sun is shining, the sky is blue – Christian

Subject: Well well well

No idea what his name is but I do know they are refurbishing the establishment and he had heart palpitations due to stress yesterday and the father is too too gorgeous and they have a family home in Greece, just a short boat trip across the water from magnificent markets in Turkey... but his name I don't know...

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I'm bored and feeling boring... life and its endless mysteries as to 'why' are a little fuzzy to me at the present and I don't like it. I have always known my 'direction' but its eluding me at the moment... or maybe I am eluding it...

Oh fuck fuck fuckity fuck... why doesn't every life, like any good car, come with a manual???????

hrumph

me (Rachel)

xxx

Subject: Well well well

Well... as to the fortunes I have no idea but will find out. I do know he's had the place for 15 years or so... just about the time it went from topless waitresses with blokes jacking off on the footpath whilst ogling the bar girls thru the windows (whimsically cute image in my mind... he was old and had nothing better to do...) I am working with the sister tomorrow and will get goss... she visited him today...

Did I tell you my brother is interested in investing in a restaurant for me... it’s that coffee shop we always talked about, altho I do feel a need for alcohol... Jill wants 'too do' dinner at some stage... how are you placed for next Tues?

Rachel

Subject: Well well well

He’s had the place for 10 years tops. The topless girls where only there for a moment, not even. I’d even forgotten about them. (There were never any men masturbating on the footpath. Pity!) But before that it sold heroin to deros, which was what I much preferred, quiet, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. No noise. Anything N. has done has had a detrimental effect on the neighbourhood. Please don’t tell me he claims to have made any improvements to the amenity of the area since he’s owned it. Oh please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, I would say that this used to be a quiet little corner of Fitzroy until N. took up residence.

Having said all of that, don’t mention me, as I have had a difficult relationship with N. and now I don’t have any relationship with him and I want it to stay that way. So get the goss and tell it all to me, but don’t mention me.

Woo-hoo for (brother) Craig.

Dinner is good for me, can’t make it Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. And Thursday I’m having my mouth operated on, so I could come, but it would be soup for me.

Now, I’ve got to pack my stuff and drag my weary carcass into my car and take myself off to Bolago for the weekend.

Christian

Subject: Hi Chris chris

Hi dear chri... Just wanted to let you know about our dinner at the wild Lotus Restaurant last night... spent a lovely night with Jen and her friend, Kerry La Gore, her name was Brenda but my god she was the spitting image, the voice ... the hair... the sence of humour... suffice to say ,it was very funny night... beautiful food... palatial surrounds and a real houit... Off to Ha Lon bay today with our new adopted son Lihn... he's never seen the sea before or been on a holiday... can't wait to see his face... he's just the most beautiful little soul... and yes I know we have to be very careful with his "tender heart" but it's really hard not to want to bring some magic into his life... he's had a hard time of it...

Jen is going to teach him english which is really great... better go the bus is waiting... lotsa love to you chris chris... Mark

Subject: Hi Chris chris

It all sounds grand. Shades of Carlos huh?

Christian

(Ed note – Carlos was a strapping, native Noumean who fell in love with me, when Mark and I had an affair with him, one lovely sunny holiday on the Isle de Pins. He slept snuggled up to me nearly the whole time we were there.)

I went to visit Tom on my way to Bolago. I called him on my walk home from work and he was very grumpy, monosyllabic answers that just left me hanging on the other end of the phone… so in front of Myer I hung up on him. But it played on my mind and when I went to give He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned some money at the salon. I called Tom and he said he would like a visit thank you very much.

I headed off to Bolago, with the last of my family’s old photos and a few of mine. I’ve only done the loose pictures, floating photos that have meant something to me over the years, surprisingly of which, there were a heap. I haven’t touched any of my photo albums. I will, but I figure they can wait for now, as they have some sort of order to them.

But I’ve done all the old ones. I now have photos from the 1900’s to present day. It is really interesting, the pictorial display gives my family and my life some history. Makes it more apparent. Puts it into my mind with greater clarity.

I’m just doing my bit. If every generation records just what they know then we’d have the family history sewn up. I’ve done it for the two previous generations, even if they were good with taking the photos and then being a bunch of hoarders.

Party Time

Subject: Just a thought

Hey, can you get stuff duty free or cheap over there? If you can, I'd really like a digital camera. You could get me one, if there are good deals.

The weather has turned gloriously sunny here, hints of summer, despite raining like a bitch last weekend. I'll be off to Bolago this weekend, of course, for the big party. I didn't think, stupid me, exactly what sort of party it was going to be, still getting over the shock of, actually, saying yes – did have an escape plan in the back of my head which something like not, actually, turning up. In case I saw the error of my ways, I'm sure Luke would understand – until He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned fronted up and said, "What do you want for the weekend?" Of course, think about whose going Christian. So let's hope the Canadian isn't gay or cute, otherwise he could be in for a rough time. He, he, he, only joshing. But Shane on full tilt, I ask you?

Christian

Subject: What?

Hey – I confirmed with the Macquarie dictionary – the plural of focus is foci.

Kym

Subject: just a thought

Okey dokey, well look for a camera for you, I was trying to think of what to get you, but now you've solved that one for us – good one ju.

The party should be fun – Liz Millar yay!!! At least the music will be groovy even if the crowd isn't (He-who-shall-never-be-mentioned Shane & Mark & Jeffy excepted of course).

The Canadian dude mentioned birdwatching in his emails so I have the feeling he may not be the partying type, although possibly cute – who can say????

Just got back from Sapa this morning on the overnight train and was met at the station by a couple of the guys from the hotel we've been staying at in Hanoi – they were soooo excited to see us, I think I’m going to smuggle one of them back home - his name is Linh, and he's the cutest thing you've ever seen. I don't think he even realises that were gay, but he's so affectionate, the young lady that runs the hotel was telling us that Linh couldn’t sleep last night because he was so excited. It's weird we've established this little Hanoi family in the few days that we’ve been here, you'd love it here cri, the people are just beautiful. We're off to Halong Bay tomorrow, staying on a junk for the night in a bay full of tiny little granite pillars, grottos, swimming & kayaking. Anywho, have a great weekend, say happy b'day to Hamish for us, then kick him in the balls – hehehe. Love ya, Luke.

Leah B. – How are you toots? Just wondering if the Sedgwick payment has turned up in the mail yet (50th anniversary weekend), it will probably be in a hand written addressed letter, so you may have to open all the mail to find it, if so, can you please deposit it asap, if not – can you give them a ring (number in the diary from a couple of weekends ago), and blast the shit out them for me!!!!

Just went shopping in Sapa – the mountain village region – and bought some beautiful stuff for the bedrooms, we're gonna have fun when we get home.

Thanks again for looking after the place, hope it’s not too much. Talk soon. love ya. Luke.