21st Century Public Transport

Making people move, staking your spot, gaining some space on a crowed tram is difficult in the mornings. People won’t move, they are just like that now a days. I suspect it is selfishness, I'm pretty certain it is stupidity, myopia, maybe. They'll just stand there and look at you and still they won't move. Even when you say "excuse me" or "may I get through," they'll only move enough to turn around and look at you dumbly. They may wriggle a bit, lean slightly, usually enough to move them a couple of centimetres, but certainly no discernible distance for anyone to get passed. They may even move into your path, as is often the case, making it more difficult.

So, you have to demand your space. Pushing through is a good tactic, often the only tactic, if you can stand the filthy looks from those who thought nothing of giving you no space at all. Push through, don't look back. Lead with the shoulder. Take no prisoners.

I love the people who stand in front of the ticket machine who, when you say you need to buy a ticket, think that after they have looked sideways at you that is all they need to do. The woman who look at you, as if to say, I'm hanging on here, you'll just have to find another ticket machine, are my favourite. I just push them sideways, usually. Hope they'll crash to the floor. One did once, I loved it.

However, I have found that more subtle tactics are usually best. I've found that a brief case up the arse for boys makes them move smartly. Just slide it into their crack and if they don't get it immediately, you know things happen on crowded trams that you have to ignore sometimes, keep gently pushing it in further. Maybe rub it up and down a touch. And for woman, generally grazing their tits with your hand, if you can, or an arm is just as good, makes them move quicker than anything. Slide your hand through the bodies, as if you are coming through and after they have looked at you dumbly, give their tit a squeeze, they'll move.