Poisoning Little Minds

At the eye specialist, in the waiting room with me, and my headache, is, what looks like, a grandfather and grandmother with their grandchild. The child never stops talking, as six-year-olds do, apparently. Questions, questions, questions and stories about every thing. Her little fucken pony. Yap, yap, yap. Grandpa doesn't say a word.

The little girl holds the handle, of what looks like, a pristine plastic handbag, up to her mouth.

"Don't put that in your mouth, you'll get sick," says grandma. She sounds like a Queensland local.

"Oh," says the grandchild questioningly.

"You shouldn't put yucky things in your mouth, luv."

The strap, of what looked like, a brand new bag. Is she kidding, I think?

"Yucky things?" asks the child.

"Auntie Robin ate a snail once," says grandma. She grimaces and pulls a face.

"She was lucky she didn't get sick," says the child. "Very lucky?"

"Yes," she was says grandma. Raised eyebrows. "Very lucky!"

People eat snails, for fuck's sake, you stupid woman, my brain says before I can stop it. I check momentarily that I didn't say that out loud. Oh, could you imagine?

What are we teaching our children? You are not going to get sick from a handbag strap. We don't have to put them in a bubble. This cleanliness story that is pushed on us by corporations to make us buy cleaning products to combat the germ filled world we live in is destroying our lives... and the world. And, ironically, according to many experts, giving us asthma.

There is a tiny germaphobe in the making. Good luck little girl, I think. I wonder how grandma would sound with asthma?

The young girl keeps yapping on. Rainbows, butterflies, fairies, puppy dogs, oh yes an imagination is a GREAT thing, I would encourage it, of course, in the young. Grimace.

I sigh, I don't really mean for it to be audible, as I lay my head back against the wall behind me and close my eyes, thinking will she EVER stop talking… or must I ask Miss Cutler to pass among you with a baseball bat? Right at that point, I hear grandma say, "You know, pet, sometimes when people come to the doctor they like a little peace and quiet."

Not so stupid, after all, grandma, I think. I take the asthma back.