He tastes just like mango, the skin is so sweet and soft like kid leather, or is it velvet? Rub it across your tongue, it's as sexy as hell.

Why is hell sexy?

I can't walk passed them in the supermarket without having dirty thoughts explode in my head. But, that may say more about me than I should let on. Hey?

Ha, ha, not really.

I imagine that cartoon elephants would be covered in mango skin.

They are the prettiest fruit in the basket, with their sublime yellows and their muted greens. The feel, the smell and that's before you even peel the shell. Every aspect is tactile, every touch pleasing to the skin.

Hell is sexy because all the interesting people go there. Heaven is full up uptight, do-gooders in twinsets who think they know best.

(Imagine spending eternity in heaven with a clenched sphincter)