Spinning My Head

I told Alex about Ravi, last Friday. I got to thinking about it after the post I wrote about it. No big deal, but I don't want anyone thinking I'm lying about anything. Alex was cool. Well, he is cheating on his boyfriend with me, so what could he say?

Ravi came over and I was going to tell him about Alex. You know, just that I was seeing another guy casually, that would be detail enough. But, Ravi was quiet, not his usual, talkative self. He was kind of intense, thinking, gazing, listening. It was kind of cool, I don't mind either. But, it was nice to see a different side to him.

So, I forgot about Alex.

I don't know what was up with Ravi. I kept alternating between feeling like he was feeling indifferent to me, to falling in love with me. But, I am back on the j's, I have to say that, which could account for that. It was the first time he's seen me smoke, I don't think he was so happy about that. Something about a history, blah, blah.

Alex is coming over today. I think it is doing my head in. One guy per week, I think. Two is too much, I think I'm a boyfriend kind of guy at heart. You know, sex is better with someone you like. But where does it go from there?

I don't know why I'm doing this double guy thing this year? They both, kind of, take from the other, in a time consuming kind of way. And then there is "my" time, what's left of it.

I gotta say no. I've got to see my mum before Josh gets here. I can't arrive at the airport with glowing lips and beard rash.