Work? Don't work? Work? My head is spinning.

I woke up at 11am. 

I was straight into worrying about my future. The thought that I am never going to get another job, if I don’t do something about getting a job soon, seems to be haunting me. Fuck it. Nobody wants me, they all think I am shit what the fuck am I going to do? That is what my paranoid self was saying. Even my current employer doesn’t seem to want to employ me anymore, my work has dropped off to such an extent. I am be being paranoid, I am. 

And ironically, if I just got a job this would all stop. 

What the hell do I think is going to happen? I haven’t, actually, looked for a job, as yet, myself. So, what am I thinking? Do I think that someone is going to come along and offer me a job, out of the blue? Clearly that is what I think.

Missy was scratching on the door pretty soon. Did I roll over in bed noisily? Did I clear my throat? Did my fingers make an abrasive sound as they scratched through the hairs in my arse? Does she have x-ray vision?

I hopped out of bed to let her in. My… um… er… misery slid off me as I did.

What to do today? My head spun, as I leapt back under the sheets. The future spread out in front of me as a long empty laneway stretching out into the far reaches of my mind. 

Too drama queen?

I laughed.

I can’t imagine working.

I can’t. There is no vision there… that is an image in my head and not a path through the future.

I can’t envisage not working.

Too lovely. A dream. I’m destined to be industry fodder like everyone else.

I glanced through the window on the stairs and it looked like a nice day. Already winter is receding, I can feel it. Sam commented on my comment about the fact that we’ll be able to see the days gradually getting lighter by the end of July. He said he has already noticed, which is more than I have, I’ve got to admit.

Coffee, muesli and news on line, just for as long as it takes to eat my breakfast and then I will put in some serious thought about what it is that I am going to do.

I read about the Olympians admitting that the Olympic Village is a hot bed of sex. Sydney Olympic Village ordered 70 thousand condoms, which wasn’t enough, and they had to order another 30 thousand, which has led to a standing order for 100 thousand condoms per Olympics. Breaux Greer, the village pretty boy enthusiast from all accounts, Dominik Meichtry, Tony Azevedo, Eric Shanteau, LaShawn Merritt, Ryan Lochte, they are all looking forward to it. I googled photos of them. Anyone of them, let me tell you, I’d watch any one of them.

Funny thing happened, Grindr crashed in London today, on the first day of the Olympics.

Then, I lit the fire and I settled in at the coffee table and sorted my photos for the day. Now all of my photos are in date order. Lovely.

I didn’t give my future of work anymore thought. I should go on the dole just to complete the picture. Yes, I’ve still never been on the dole. I’m not really sure why? Stupid, probably. I have no objection to anyone going on the dole, it is the minimum level that we should all be guaranteed. Go on the dole, live on it, why not? I give my blessing. In fact, all of the tax (such as it is right at the moment) I pay can go to supporting people on the dole, I’d be happy with that. I don’t go on it personally, because I don’t want to have to look for a job. And, for me, I’m choosing not to work, so I think I should pay for my time off myself. But, that’s just me. I don’t hold anyone else up to that requirement.

Missy slept on the couch behind me all day. They’d never admit it, in fact they would deny it if asked, but cats like being around you.