Locking Myself Away

I got up at 9.45. I went downstairs and made coffee and muesli and juice. Then I came back to bed and trawled the internet.

Missy scratched at the bedroom door. We sat up in bed together, just like the old days. She purred and shed fur all over my doona, just like the old days.

But, you know I can only sit up in bed for so long.

Hi Christian,

I am really sorry to hear all of that, it sounds like a really difficult couple of weeks for you. My apologies for trying to contact you so many times, I honestly thought there were a couple of ideal roles for you. Obviously take as much time as you need and just let me know how you’re going when you can.

All the best. Jack

He, he, I am good at lying. Of course, it is the only time I’ll be able to do it with Jack. Shrug. It will be the only time I will want to do it with Jack. Ah, Xmas holidays, it is the only time I will want to do it. TattsLotto win withstanding, I have no choice. I’ll get myself back to work, februaryish.

I got up after 1pm and reheated the pork belly and the rice and the bok choi with prawns. I ate it as I stood at the kitchen bench.

I spoke to Mark and LouLou. LouLou is coming to stay on Saturday night. Mark tells me that Luke is not staying in Melbourne as when he checked his ticket, he only has a 2 hour stopover at Melbourne Airport.

3pm

Last night the Serepax activate a bit late, but I had sleep finally when you came to bed, said Sam. And had good sleep till my alarm wake me up. And i snoozed it, and then it woke me up again.

You what? I asked.

When you went to bed, then i started to sleep, said Sam. The Serepax react very slow.

It is because you needed me to hold your hand to sleep? I asked.

Totally, said Sam. Poor poor me, got very late held hand.

3:19 PM

I was standing in the middle of the kitchen and I casually farted and shit myself. Just like that. Plurp. Oh fuck! It is a horrible feeling. NO!!!!!!!!! Run to the bathroom, quick as a flash!!!

(I always get a bit of the shits, after recreational you know what. I should know better, should be more careful)

Really? Euw, disgusting, replied Sam. Go quick, wash your undies and shower

Oh boo hoo, I thought, as I sat on the toilet. I left my laptop switched on on the kitchen bench, I had to go and get it. I had no choice.

So, I held a towel in front of myself, ready to wrap it around myself, if need be, and I made a dash for it. I was pretty sure Shane and Tulli had left the house, but I took the towel just in case. I didn’t want to wrap it around my still shitty bum unless I absolutely had to. Read, if I was wrong about someone being home.

3.53pm

Shane and Tulli are arguing about the packing. Something about the number of boxes with Tulli saying they could always change the booking. And that it will be fine. I can only assume that Shane was panicking about something.

4.30pm

I'm sitting on my bed. I have had a shower and we have been for a walk down to Smith Street to buy a TattsLotto ticket.

Where did u leave him? asked Sam. Tie his lead on the poll? Where’s Buddy now?

Buddy didn't want to leave the tatts shop as some old lady was patting his tummy, telling him what a beautiful boy he was. Then Shane and Tulli appeared out of nowhere at the tatts shop and Shane said to everyone, 

"He is as out of control here as he is at home."

And I thought, he is not out of control, here or at home, what a stupid thing to say.

I know… jealous!!! said Sam. GET OUT SOON! Kick out.

Buddy is lying on the mat at the end of the bed.

I was going to ask u to take him for walk, said Sam, he's lovely to take for walk, and he can force you with his speed to walk faster to burn more fat. (Sam usually adds, fat boy)

We went for a walk along Smith Street. A Papillon tried to fight him, stupid little rat in a fur, and a black French Bulldog just ignored him.

Sam was going home to his place, after work, so he could go to bed early and me not going to bed wouldn’t be a problem.

I retired to my room for the afternoon.

I was in my room with Buddy and I heard the doorbell sound. Buddy standing to attention with his ears raised kind of highlighted the fact too.

Bulldog on alert.

I so enjoy my own company in my room that I didn’t care who was at the door. Please leave me alone, is what I thought. I ventured out to make a cup of tea a short time later and Dante arrived in the kitchen fairly smartly and promptly started to complain about Jimmy.

Yay.

Apparently, Jimmy is moving out tomorrow and wasn't even going to tell Dante, leaving Dante with the bills and the rent.

“The lease is in his and my name, but not the bills, that is the problem I have?”

Oh, I laughed nervously.

Dante said, “Thanks for laughing cunt.” 

I decided to stop listening at that point and head back upstairs while my tea brewed, leaving him to it.

I laughed in sympathy for you, Dante. Oh, dear what a predicament. But, whatever. You know something, I just don't do drama any longer

I don't know, but, you know, I am over people who only really want to be my friend when they want something. I'm not saying that is what Dante is doing, but it sure feels like it. Dante hasn’t, actually, asked if he can move in, but that is what I am getting from him. Maybe, it is all in my imagination, maybe. I could be completely wrong, I could be.

He hasn’t asked me. Call it intuition.

I headed to my bedroom, where I wrote my journal and Buddy slept on the rug at the end of the bed. The balcony doors were open and a nice breeze blew in. I rest up against my pile of pillows. I pulled the doona over me. Lovely.

Sam messaged me to say Jeremy Renner was on The Project and I switched it on, but seemed to miss it. After that, I half watched Masterchef, on mute. I vaguely looked at Big Bang Theory and Cops, both on mute. (I’m not exactly sure how I got onto Cops now, but I did) I was trying to get my journal up to date, so I was looking at my laptop, pretty much.

Gillard calls the longest election in history. They are determined for us to adopt the American model of elections, I can’t for the life of me understand why?

I put Buddy out somewhere between 9pm, and 10pm. I drifted off to sleep pretty quickly after that lying in bed in front of the TV. I woke up in the middle of the night, 4am, and turned the TV off and closed my laptop and put it safely away on my desk.

I lay back into bed, for some reason, wondering if I was going to fall back to sleep, I remember feeling quite awake, but I must have, obviously, fallen asleep. What is that moment between awake and asleep? It is one of the loveliest moments in life. Mostly, it is not remembered, of course, such a lovely moment, such a waste. (Further proof there was no intelligent design in the creation of reality) The only time I really remember it is when I am on the couch watching TV and I try to fight it, that is the only time I enjoy it, is enjoyment all in the resistance, is it?