Government House

We went to the open day at Government House. Sam read about it and we both said that was the sort of thing you think you should do, but never do.

Well, anyway, the day comes and Sam is right on it. "Let's go look at Government House?"

So, we walked into town and ate lunch, then we walked out St Kilda Road to the Botanical Gardens.

There was a guy just behind us at the gate with a bulldog and to my surprise they let him in. I didn't see them in the house, though.

We were in the ballroom, which was the biggest in the commonwealth, at some stage, or still is, I should know this, and there was a chair up on a kind of stage roped off. Sam joked about sitting in it while I take a photo.

"Just run up there and get in it, we could get the photo before security tells you to get out," I say.

We both laugh.

Then Sam looks passed me and says,

“Ask her if you can sit in the chair.”

“Ask her if you can sit in the chair?” I repeat, as I turn around to see who Sam is talking about, and I am suddenly saying it to the Governor of Victoria herself.

“And the answer is no,” Linda Dessau answers. We all laughed. "But we can take a photo together in front of it." 

I spluttered, "Sure," I was a bit embarrassed, as you can understand. 

Vainglorious

So Fast

Dying is the easy part, it is living that is the hard bit. Who said that?

Both my parents are dead, my beautiful mother and my handsome father, gone. People say that is okay because they had good lives. And they did have good lives. They lived good lives.

Here I am four years passed my last parent dying and sometimes I just stop and look into the distance, literally, not figuratively and think, how did I get here? Here I am. Mum, it is four years after you died, can you imagine that? Dad, it is now 2019 did you ever think about that?

Everything they ever did, thought, said, achieved, loved, saw, felt, enjoyed, wondered at, travelled to, all gone.

I am essentially on my own. An orphan. Oh, of course, I have Sam and my brother and my sister and friends, but I no longer have the two people who loved me unconditionally. Nobody else loves you unconditionally, without reserve, or fear.... my dog, Bruno, chose that moment to curl up between my legs, I am sitting on the floor, and put his head on my thigh, I kid you not. Okay, you do... my champions are gone, and I am on my own. 

And you know, that is okay, I am an adult, that is supposed to happen. But, it all went so fast, so quick, blink, and here I am.  Fuck me, I am closer to retirement than graduation. But I remember when...

Sometimes, it just catches me off guard. Oh, yes, that is where I am at. I forget sometimes. Well, not so much forget, but it slips to the back of my mind with all the other things that I am doing. I've got to that place. I want to ask mum... I want to know what dad thinks about... Never again. It's like thinking about infinity.

I have no one to answer to any more.

Paradise

What does a Muslim suicide bomber get when he gets to heaven?

72 surgeons.

Liza With a Z

I listened to Liza with a Z during my walk home, I'd never listened to it before. OMG! I was doing jazz hands all the way up Collins Street. Subtly doing them at the lights. I was high kicking through the Fitzroy Gardens to Ring Them Bells.

My Sore Back

And suddenly my back seems to be better today, after being sore for a week. Good thing too.

I realised just now that it isn't sore. Funny how you can suddenly realise something isn't happening. Oh, how about that. Feels good. You don't want to miss the fact that something is good.

I've made banana cake, early, for Sam for breakfast. I've walked the dogs. I've come home and made muesli. Then I realised my back was no longer sore. Lovely it is too. Yay. 

The sun is even shining.

Buddy Goes To The Vet

I had to take Buddy to the eye doctor for a check up.

Bud is such a great boy, he walks from the car to inside the vet's waiting room, just next to me. He says hello to everyone, the receptionists one by one. He goes over to the dogs waiting and sniffs them hello. (good thing they are all friendly) He says hello to the owners waiting too. Then he sits next to me and waits.

When we are called in, Bud just stands up and walks into the consulting room. I lift him onto the table where he sits happily letting the vet do what she has to do, seemingly with his big smile all the time.

He pretty much gets the all-clear, even if we have to continue monitoring him to guard against a relapse, and he will need to see the vet one more time.

Then we head back out into the waiting room, where Bud says hello to the new comers. He then sits next to me at the reception counter. He says good bye to the three receptionists personally. They tell him he is adorable. Then he trots back out to the car next to me and hops into the back seat ready to go home.

He's a lovely boy, my Buddy.

Small Joys

Darling, I’m sitting here at 7am with a sore back. Thank god (do you like my ironic use of the word god, darling?) for days off. But yesterday, darling, at work, darling, do you know how utterly annoying the people are when you are in pain? I was telling, read complaining, Sam about some plebeian who pissed me off, you know, for their very existence, but when my lovely one’s response came back, “She should be killed,” I realised, perhaps, I’d been a bad influence on that boy. But it did make me laugh, darling, cheered me up no end, let me tell you. When the thought of someone's death makes your day, darling, it can’t be all bad, that’s what I say. Ha ha. Small joys, darling, that’s what life is all about. Small joys.

Dreams

I was awake at 5.00am, I’d been having dreams.

I was watching teev with somebody, I think it was Sam, when young Norbert came in to check the cricket scores. (Young straight guy, a son character)

“You don’t mind if I turn it round, do you?” His attitude was that I would just agree, it was the cricket after all.

“Actually,” I said. “I’m watching this.”

“Oh… I see, well there is no need to be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Get all 'thing' about it.”

“All 'thing'?”

“Get all pissed off.”

“I’m not pissed off.”

“I was only asking.”

“I know you were… only… asking.” He was clearly pissed off about it.

He took out his phone and dialled. The other end answered. He started a conversation. He was talking loudly.

“Hey, Norbert,” I said. “Could you take that in the other room?”

He looked over his shoulder as if he’d made an attempt to find another room, and that was that, he kept talking.

“Hey, Norbert…”

“I’m on the phone,” he said angrily.

“Okay, okay.” I stopped. Spoilt, white, male not used to not getting his way. I looked back at the TV, as Norbert carried on a loud conversation, seemingly louder than it really needed to be, we all got that. I had a quiet laugh to myself, being careful not to let it show. I had no idea what the TV program I was watching was all about.

I Hurt My Back

I hurt my back. I rarely have back problems, it is not something from which I normally suffer, but I do right now. It was the way I was laying on the couch last night, I know that. There was a cushion in the wrong place kind of under me rather than behind me and I could feel my back wasn't straight. I remember thinking it didn't feel right, and then I fell asleep.

This morning it was sore. Oh damn it, I am not used to this, I think. It kind of went away as I got moving for the day.

We took the dogs for a walk. After we'd got home, I stood up from the couch and headed into the kitchen to make coffee, and my back just spasmed into terrible pain. Oh, it was excruciating, I wondered if I'd make it to work tomorrow, my first day back after the EOFY? You know that pain that no matter what position you put yourself in it just doesn't help. Sam made me lie down on the lounge room floor so he could rub anti-inflammatory gel into my skin, which was hard to do in itself. After some time of bearing the pain, which made no sign of abating, I remembered pain killers and I took several and it has been kind of manageable since.