So Fast

Dying is the easy part, it is living that is the hard bit. Who said that?

Both my parents are dead, my beautiful mother and my handsome father, gone. People say that is okay because they had good lives. And they did have good lives. They lived good lives.

Here I am four years passed my last parent dying and sometimes I just stop and look into the distance, literally, not figuratively and think, how did I get here? Here I am. Mum, it is four years after you died, can you imagine that? Dad, it is now 2019 did you ever think about that?

Everything they ever did, thought, said, achieved, loved, saw, felt, enjoyed, wondered at, travelled to, all gone.

I am essentially on my own. An orphan. Oh, of course, I have Sam and my brother and my sister and friends, but I no longer have the two people who loved me unconditionally. Nobody else loves you unconditionally, without reserve, or fear.... my dog, Bruno, chose that moment to curl up between my legs, I am sitting on the floor, and put his head on my thigh, I kid you not. Okay, you do... my champions are gone, and I am on my own. 

And you know, that is okay, I am an adult, that is supposed to happen. But, it all went so fast, so quick, blink, and here I am.  Fuck me, I am closer to retirement than graduation. But I remember when...

Sometimes, it just catches me off guard. Oh, yes, that is where I am at. I forget sometimes. Well, not so much forget, but it slips to the back of my mind with all the other things that I am doing. I've got to that place. I want to ask mum... I want to know what dad thinks about... Never again. It's like thinking about infinity.

I have no one to answer to any more.