I Call A Meeting Of The Full Coven

Last thing in the day, It is the dreaded HR meeting. They all turned up, it was like a meeting of the full coven. The Pony Tail was there, with a pony pulled back so tight, she did look a bit ‘other species’. Fish Face turned up for the first time ever, looking tanned and bleached to the max. Fat boy Nick Watson was there. Taylor Swift was present. And all the minions. 

Only, Little Buddy was missing, but I think he is off on leave, be it of the stress variety, or another, well, he was looking a wreck at the last breakfast that I saw him.

Jasus, this must be serious, I thought, when I saw them all.

The newbies were there, all of them. They have an endless range of titles for themselves. HR Business Partner, or HR Magnificence, seems to be the newest. 

How many witches does it take to run one coven? I thought to myself. The HR chicks are multiplying like a virus in a pandemic. Did I hear an English voice, and an Irish voice, they seem to love an overseas worker, that’s for sure. I never really know why, as they usually turn out to know the least of anyone. (And that's saying something)

I’ve never seen Natasha Frump from Perth before, well, I mean she was only with us for 6 months and she was off on breading leave. And it is a long way away, after all. Big chin, bulbous nose, she truly shouldn’t breed, again. And did I detect a Slavic accent? Perhaps she is a spy? A bot? Perhaps, she’s not in Perth at all, it is such a long way away to check, after all, but is in a Russian call centre, the thought made me chuckle to myself. Thunk you, Natasha, this is the latest intel...

The bitches got their chance to, well, bitch. What they do best. Go on, get it all off your chests, ladies. They don’t feel like it should always be them to fix things. They don’t always feel the communication is two way, it comes from them, of course. They are always there to help, they’d like to feel that it is reciprocated. You know you can always come to us… said the spider to the fly. Yap, yap, yap. I’ve never known a group to hold onto grievances like this lot.

Do I have any issues? No, no I don’t. I wanted to say, unlike you cows, I deal with issues at the time of the issue and then I let it go. I don’t have any issues with any of you, other than the crap of which you might accuse any one of us at any given time.

Anyway, I’d lost focus by the end. Otto had been a dog looking for trouble all day. So, at the beginning of the meeting, I gave him one of his chew toys he hadn’t chewed for a while, and throughout the meeting he happily chewed that toy on the couch next to me. But, you know, as with anything HR it went on and on and on and on, and before it was all over, he’d started pulling the couch apart.

And then the meeting was over. Of course, they felt it went well, as they got to vent. And suddenly all their screens clicked off, seemingly all at once, like Endora throwing her hands up in the air and disappearing. 

And Otto looked up at me from the dismantled couch, with his big, stupid tongue hanging out his mouth. Big fun, is what the expression on his face said. If he’d spoken to me at that point like Scooby-Doo I wouldn’t have been surprised.