21st Century Mantra

 

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Sleeping with Sleep Apnoea

Just before we wake, when the air is thin and far from the ground, when we are slipping down that void of nothing to breath.

“A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, gasp, gasp, gasp.”

Silence.

“A!”

Nothing.

“A!”

Screaming mute. Hang on, fingers crossed. Any second. Nearly there, Little Red Toot. Clouds slide across the face of the moon. The light dims. The day crosses itself; gaze at the lightening sky through the window.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Exhale. Relax. Smile. All is well with the world again.

Silvery light shines in through the window. The first bird calls for the morning.

“A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, gasp, gasp, gasp.”

Apparently, that's what it's like to sleep with me. I've got several ex-boyfriends who would attest to it.

I'm not very good at sleeping with people, don't know if the above has anything to do with that? I mean, I'm all for waking to find a handsome, sleeping face on the other pillow. I'm not much for sleeping in someones arms, though, I get too hot.

 

Oh Lighten Up Australia

A TV comedy skit making light of the issue of teen suicide and bullying has outraged mental health experts. (Ed note - everybody is outraged so easily now a days) Only months after ABC comedy The Chaser’s War On Everything was taken off air because of a sketch about sick children, (Ed note - another over reaction) Channel 7 series Double Take featured a skit last night about high school bullies. It was presented as a commercial advertising a fictional private boys' school, St Fillmore's. The sketch features a principal talking up the school as having the best bullies money can buy.

"Here at St Fillmore's, our school bullies have gone on successful careers as CEOs, professional football players and chief parking inspectors, (Ed note - all true) while our victims have mostly gone on to top themselves." (Ed note - we know the psychopaths go on to become federal politicians. That is a should out to you, Tony)

(Ed note - He, he, he)

The sketch also featured shots of bullies choking younger students, smearing sandwiches in their faces and sending death threats.

(Ed note - Gold!)

SANE Australia executive director Barbara Hocking said the sketch was "brutal" and had the potential to be very harmful. "It's tacky, it's tasteless and it's trivialising what is a very tragic and serious issue," Ms Hocking said. "Certainly it would be exceedingly hurtful for bereaved families and friends to see the issue treated in such an insensitive matter."

(Ed note - quite simple then, they shouldn't watch it)

Ms Hocking said the producers of Double Take deserved to be censored.

(Ed note - We'll be burning books, next)

"I think that 'comedy' writers would have been more sensitive following the experience with the Chaser," she said. (Ed note - this is comedy, which part of that don't you understand?) "Suicide should not be a topic for humour, especially with young people." (Ed note - everything is the topic for humour, that's the point of humour)

Psychologist Evelyn Field said that joking about suicide in comedy sketches could give victims the wrong impression. (Ed note - could, would, should. What you are trying to say, Evelyn, in the words of the great Pauline is, "I don't like it!")

Of course, anybody suffering from depression can, and should, call the usual numbers, Lifeline 131 114, or SANE on 1800 18 7263 to get help, to make you life better. You go to the doctor for anything else that is wrong with you, this is just another part of your body and should be treated in the same way.

Josh's Coming. Yay!

Achtung!

I am, confused. Yes. Busy. Berlin. Austria. Sweden. Munich. Hee hee.

I'll email from Berlin on the 1st. I'm in Romania now. Will be great to see see and care care. Plan for the 3rd - will update time.

Con mucho,

Josh

PS got rooted by a young massive in Munich. What can I say? Spookily unexpected. He said come on, it"ll be good for ya. Ya got a cute arse so why not. Playing a good sport you know, I er did.

March betta thin Innsbruck, I can tell ya.

Of course, last time, I hated Josh and couldn't wait for him to leave. He wanted living here to be how it was once and I was burnt out from work. But, let's not try to think about that. Ex-lover, monster people. All my ex-lovers have been monster people, not an introvert amongst them. Josh is staying three months, but he's not staying with me, this time. He's staying with Lesbians in Coburg, as nice as that sounds.

Oh, come on, Coburg's quite nice.

Holy Shit!

Jesus in a pair of briefs. I'm a disciple

My Weekend Comes Early

9.15

Friday's off, you've got to luv it. Ah, yawn. Good morning world. Time for coffee, muesli, wrapped in my thick, new dressing gown.

11.20.

Blog, facebook, emails, coffee, breakfast. What will I do now? The sun is shining, the sky is blue. Nice day. Spring is in the air.

My phone beeps. Alex wants to come over. "I want to see you."

Could the day get any better? Maybe, I should go check my tatslotto?

I wonder about having two guys on the go, it seems to be my pattern, lately. Kaine and Mitchell. Ravi and Alex. One seems to cancel the other out and we all lose. I’m bad enough at putting in time on one.

Oh, Alex isn’t a “guy on the go” he’s got a boyfriend he’s cheating on, it’s just sex with him. I think that’s all I want at the moment. My life is in flux, work, my mum, Mark and Luke.

Ravi confirmed you as a friend on Facebook...

That is what happened next. David would say it is a sign from the universe.

Ravi posted something on your Wall and wrote:

"Hello writer ,

how is life going ? I am colliding with a nice weekend with friends Nepalese dinner n a Saturday full of laziness what r u doing ?"

He kinda writes text book English, he kinda talks that way too, a bit. I think it’s adorable.

But, I’m just thinking about screwing Alex, truthfully. He loves it.

I’m not going to tell any lies about it, though. If they ask, I’ll tell them. So far, we haven’t talk about anything like that. I haven’t said anything to anyone other than, I’m single.

Then I'll go see my mum. Then I'll head to the country.

 

Across the Room From Me

Luke was back today. I sat in a meeting with him, I wasn't expecting him to be there.

Hi gorgeous, I thought as he smiled when our gazes met. Dimples too, did I mention his dimples before?

I was sitting across from him. It was distracting. I found myself looking at him, unintentionally. Then trying not to look at him. Those eyes, you can swim in them. I did swim in them.

He looks at me intently. My imagination? Sure. No, I'm probably staring at him. I look away. But then, I find I'm putting in deliberate energy not to look at him. It's kind of strange.

He's probably looking at me and thinking, What is wrong with that guy?

Good thing I don't have too many meetings with him.

Luke's Away

When I saw Luke's empty chair (of course, my first thought was to sniff it, ha ha) and black computer monitor, I nearly said to one of the girls, where's the pretty one. Just about. What was I thinking? Shake head. Back at work now, buddy. No longer on holidays.

Beck was away too. Burst blood vessel in her eye. She freaked me out a couple of times, Tuesday. It was like I was working with The Terminator, just when she looked sideways at me, sometimes.

I could have perved at Luke unchecked. Twenty four, as cute as hell; red blush to his cheeks, intense blue eyes, happy smile. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Every mother's perfect son. Probably a private school boy.

Thick, dark hair, a fringe on his dewy brow. Square jaw. Velvety skin. And a nice chest under his business shirt. You can see his pecs, the outline of his nipples. Nice arse, what looks like, thick thighs. Good bulge, flat fronted suit pants, kinda tent out. He fills them. Handful. I bet he whacks off every morning, before his shower. I could see him sweaty, his eyes awash. His face lights up when he laughs. His eyes sparkle, unaffected. Free.

He's that gorgeous blend of an extroverted introvert. Solid. Together. Confident. Well spoken. Considered.

I've caught his gaze a few times. He smiles, almost like he's got a secret.

Sigh.

Bubbles

My nod to the 60s

The World Leaders Mourn Ted Kennedy

Tributes poured in for US Senator Ted Kennedy following his death from brain cancer, with world leaders hailing "a great American" who was a tireless campaigner for peace and social welfare. 

President Barack Obama said he was "heartbroken" over the death of the senator, saying his demise ended an important dynastic chapter in US political life.

"Michelle and I were heartbroken to learn this morning of the death of our dear friend, Senator Ted Kennedy," Obama said in a statement, issued as he holidayed in the well-heeled east coast resort of Martha's Vineyard. 

"An important chapter in our history has come to an end. Our country has lost a great leader, who picked up the torch of his fallen brothers and became the greatest United States Senator of our time." 

Kennedy died late on Tuesday at home in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, not far from Obama's holiday spot, after fighting brain cancer for more than a year. 

Britain's Prime Minister Gordon Brown said in a statement: "He is admired around the world as the senator of senators. He led the world in championing children's education and health care, and believed that every single child should have the chance to realise their potential to the full." 

"Even facing illness and death he never stopped fighting for the causes which were his life's work," Brown added. 

During a 47-year career in Congress, Kennedy carved out a reputation as the leading proponent of health care reform – a cause which is being taken up by President Barack Obama. 

Kennedy also played a significant role in establishing peace in Northern Ireland, helping to smooth the negotiations which led to the 1998 Good Friday Agreement. 

He was awarded an honorary knighthood by Britain for his efforts. 

Brown's predecessor Tony Blair, who oversaw the Good Friday negotiations, praised Kennedy's "passionate commitment" to the peace process. 

"Senator Kennedy was a figure who inspired admiration, respect and devotion, not just in America but around the world," he said. 

"He was a true public servant committed to the values of fairness, justice and opportunity. 

"I saw his focus and determination first hand in Northern Ireland where his passionate commitment was matched with a practical understanding of what needed to be done to bring about peace and to sustain it." 

Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen paid tribute to Kennedy as a "true friend" of Ireland – and an important player in bringing peace to Northern Ireland. 

"America has lost a great and respected statesman and Ireland has lost a long-standing and true friend," he said, adding that he would be remembered with "great affection and enduring respect". 

"Throughout his long and distinguished career in politics, Ted Kennedy has been a great friend of Ireland. He has used his considerable influence in the world's most powerful parliament for the betterment of this island." 

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, on his way into talks in London with the US Middle East envoy George Mitchel, lauded Kennedy as a "great friend" of the Jewish state. 

"Kennedy has been a friend for 30 years, a great American patriot, a great champion of a better world, a great friend of Israel," he said through his spokesman Mark Regev. "He'll be sorely missed." 

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd hailed the senator as a "great American, a great Democrat and also a great friend of Australia". 

"He has made an extraordinary contribution to American politics, an extraordinary contribution to America's role in the world," Rudd said in a statement. 

"When you look at Ted Kennedy's legislative career, more than 40 years, when you look at the content of that legislative career, spanning the whole breath of public policy – health policy, social policy, foreign policy – this has been a unique political career," he added. 

Kennedy's affability and capability to span the partisan divide on an array of legislative matters prompted an outpouring of condolences from those in the Republican Party as well as the Democratics. 

"Given our political differences, people are sometimes surprised by how close Ronnie and I have been to the Kennedy family," Nancy Reagan, widow of Republican President Ronald Reagan, said in a statement from Los Angeles. 

"But Ronnie and Ted could always find common ground, and they had great respect for one another. In recent years, Ted and I found our common ground in stem cell research, and I considered him an ally and a dear friend. I will miss him." 

Her husband died in June 2004 of complications from Alzheimer's disease. 

For the governor of her home state, the loss was personal. 

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose wife, Maria Shriver, was Kennedy's niece, said in a statement: "He was known to the world as the Lion of the Senate, a champion of social justice, and a political icon. Most importantly, he was the rock of our family: a loving husband, father, brother and uncle." 

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, a 2008 Republican presidential contender, recalled losing to Kennedy in a 1994 Senate race. Nonetheless, the two joined forces in 2006 to help pass a universal health insurance law in Massachusetts. 

"In 1994, I joined the long list of those who ran against Ted and came up short. But he was the kind of man you could like even if he was your adversary," Romney added. 

Kennedy's death came just two weeks after that of Maria Shriver's mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, one of the senator's siblings. He had attended her wake but was noticeably absent from her funeral, even though it was held near his Cape Cod home. 

The Senate's top Democrat, Senator Harry Reid, labelled Kennedy the "patriarch" of the party. 

The Senate majority leader promised that Congress, while mourning Kennedy's loss, would renew the push for the cause of Kennedy's life - health care reform. 

"Ted Kennedy's dream was the one for which the founding fathers fought and for which his brothers sought to realise," Reid said in a statement. "The liberal lion's mighty roar may now fall silent, but his dream shall never die."

Save the Planet

My housemate, David uses eight rolls of toilet paper to my one. I've measured it and rechecked the measurements and it's official. I noticed when it was just Shane and me, when David was away, we used two toilet rolls instead of our normal sixteen. So I hid some in the bathroom cupboard and have kept a close watch, while Shane has been away.

Mark was the same, but I was in love with him and didn't care. Not that I care now, toilet paper is cheap.

I only have one question.

What the fuck does he do with it?

He says it because he's uncircumcised. But, eight rolls to one?

At that rate, we could probably save the planet simply by chopping off every male's foreskin.

Sigh. I've got some favourites.

Boys will be Boys

David and I were standing at the kitchen bench Monday morning, the sun was shining, the morning sparkled. He was preparing cereal with milk and I was rolling a joint. I succumbed, the "powers" were working against me. Guido, who else. No can do, very tired try again tomorrow or the next day even, he sms'd back to me, Sunday. By the morning I had come to my senses, telling myself that he'd, actually, done me a favour. Lucky escape. Think positively. Don't chase it up, he might just forget.

Then, Monday morning he calls, be there within the hour. He arrives with a bag in his hand. Big sunglasses. A bit worse for wear. Monday morning. This is not a full bag, just give me fifty, he says. Yeah, thanks Guido, your twenty four hours late with half a bag; no sorry, no how are you, nothing. Even if I spent the morning wishing for him to forget altogether. But that's not the point, he's gettin just a little too... er, um... familiar, smile, is what I reckon.

I was so torn by everything I was feeling, close call gone bad, what was I thinking, I was doing so well. So, I got the box of tricks out deciding I wouldn't care once I'd smoked one. Weak as piss, I know. Day off. I didn’t have to take my mum to the doctor until 3pm. I could go back to bed for a pull. Plenty of time.

David poured the milk on to his rice crispy, sugar snacks, big bowl and then went to put some coffee on. I dropped the discarded filter, from the cigarette I broke up, onto the top of his cereal. Clean, no tobacco attached. Just the crisp, clean paper cylinder.

Then David was next to me, saying something about me being funny. He had those eyes on, the spoilt child who shall never be outdone eyes. He scooped up a spoonful of milk and poured it into the mix, saying how funny he was.

Moments froze. I don't believe you! I was speechless. I stayed calm, remembering to breath. All he had to do was lift the filter off again. I had soggy tobacco all though my muli, all through the mix bowl, everywhere.

I started to pick the mess out, resigned. David lent into my ear repeating how funny he was. Giggling. I looked at him and tilted my head, as if to say, Not funny. He laughed and joked even more, how funny he was. You know, it was just a stupid thing... and if he'd stopped bleating how funny he was in my ear, I probably wouldn't have made the next move.

David, just stop, I thought. I looked at him again without saying a thing. Pleading eyes, I’m sure.

He kept going. That’s how funny I can be.

If it wasn't for the disproportionate reaction, I wouldn't have cared. No, it was the bleating in my ear. To over-react and then to hold on to it and just keep going, I'm funny, I'm funny, I'm funny. I win. The damage needed to be evened up, he needed to be doing more work than simply lifting a filter, laughing really, the situation now warranted it.

Aren't I funny.

You know what would be funny? I picked up the now reasonably full-of-soggy-debris mix bowl and dumped the contents into David's cereal. It floated across the surface, like those times you mow too close to a pond and the debris covers the surface like litter.

You witch!

See how funny I am, David. See how funny, funny is.

It looked like a white sea in which a log raft had been destroyed, probably one of those ocean storms. I could see miniature sticks and twigs.

I've got to go and teach, so I can't even eat that. He looked down at it. Even if I wanted to.

Now that's funny! I said.

Lighten Up, This is Funny

Authorities in far north Queensland are outraged after a "sick joke" forced the humiliating rescue of a man who became stuck to the seat of a shopping centre toilet.

(Oh, lighten up. Worse things happen every day)

Police and community leaders have appealed for public help to find the prankster or pranksters responsible for the incident, which resulted in the 58-year-old man being taken to hospital.

Ambulance officers were called about 10.30am on Saturday to rescue the man after he sat on toilet seat which had been smeared with a fast-acting adhesive. He was forced to undergo the humiliation of leaving the Cairns Central shopping centre with the seat still attached to his behind, in full view of a busy crowd of Saturday morning shoppers.

Police say he was then taken to hospital where staff removed the fixture using industrial strength solvents. He is said to be extremely embarrassed by the ordeal.

Cairns City Council community safety committee chair Di Forsyth hit out at the offenders and called for members of the public to help identify them.

"I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny - it's a sick joke," she said. "I think the community would be outraged and quite rightly so ... it's quite a dangerous prank."

A dangerous prank? Well? Maaaate? Lighten up Di Forsyth. Nobody died. Once, Australians would have smirked, the larrikin spirit, they would have said how wrong this was, and then laughed.

 

Shop Till We Drop

I decided yesterday, rather than selectively repot my in-door plants, I should re-pot them all, the whole lot. It's been a few years since the last time it was done. So, Bunnings has become my new favourite shop. Usually, I go to Bunnings Hawthorn, but I thought today that, maybe, time wise Bunnings Nunawading would be quicker. You know, it's just one fluid movement out the freeway, rather than the umpteenth set of traffic lights between Fitzroy and Hawthorn.

Wow! There was traffic every where.

David says I shouldn't go to these places if I send back messages like this.

SMS. 13.37. This is a nightmare! Every bored, beige cunt without a life is on the road desperately looking for inspiration! – Christian

Porridge poured into tracksuit pants wandering around aimlessly. Fat, bloated and pale. I came face to face with the great unwashed on their home territory, and it wasn't pretty. Acres of obese flesh wandering acres of concrete car park. Fat little fuck children holding onto their parents swollen hands, as the elastic in their tracky dacks strains to keep it all decent.

Business has really won, hasn’t it? The great shopping pass time, it’s now recreation for men and women alike. And the Earth loses, grow that economy, mass produce more crap, ruin the planet.

The sausage sizzle in Hawthorn has all the different varieties of name brand sauce - tomato, sweet chili, mustard, BBQ, steak and several bottles of each for your convenience. In Nunawading, just two bottles of generic, tomato and BBQ. Not sure why?

It was nice to cross back over the great divide to the inner suburbs to see boys with hot arses in jeans that, actually, fitted them.

An Example of a Previous Government Solution to fix a Housing Problem

You Are Going To Put What Where?

Two million extra people fitted into the existing infrastructure of Melbourne? Mr Brumby and your pack of clowns, have any of you driven around Melbourne lately to experience the traffic problems nearly every road in the inner city is now facing? Which road system do you claim is coping now? You will bring this city to a halt if you implement that plan. The roads are clogged up now.

Eight story buildings along tram routes, you will not only take the roads to gridlock, you will stuff up this fair city architecturally. Every Victorian building will be under threat of becoming wind blown tilt slab.

Talk about taking the most liveable city in the world and driving it into the ground? (Pun intended)

Not to mention the proposed new planning approval system, where residents will be stripped of their democratic rights and have no rights to appeal decisions. Why is it that successive Australian governments have dipped their toes into dictatorship and stripped the citizens of the freedom of speech?

 

New Boy in the Office

We've got a new Luke in the office, since I've been away. My boss came in and made a point of saying how much like the old Luke the new Luke is - really smart and funny. He seemed to be telling me, saying it for my benefit. Everybody knew that the old Luke and I had a "special" friendship, but I wondered what prompted my boss to come in and offer up the similarity?

Don't you worry, boss Graham, I'd already noticed the new boy.

He has those beautiful eye-lashes that make him look a little like he's got mascara on. He has beautiful eyes, which have held me in his gaze a few times... I wish, be still my beating heart.

I've hardly spoken to him yet, but I will.

And yeah, casual clothes day, I don't usually work Fridays, as you know.

I was leering at Luke, well, gazing... my eyes wandered over in his direction a few times. I just couldn't help it, he's as cute as a button.

Come on, get up and sachet your best asset around, I thought.

Is that wrong?

You Can't Make Me Anymore

I've ditched reading the Herald Sun over lunch, I just can't stand it any longer. Mostly, I read it because it was a convenient size for a cafe table. Oh yes, a discerning news reader.

But, I can't, any more. The Herald Sun is just rubbish. The sensationalist, right-wing, crap has just got to me lately and I've switched to The Age, no matter the size of the table, or how tough it is to turn a page.

Next I'm going to be reading the Pinko Daily.

You know, it's funny. How do I describe it? It's nice not to feel mildly annoyed any more when reading the newspaper.

It's Nice Lying Here... Wagging My Tail