He Seems To Have Been Away Forever. Ages. Going on Months

I head to bed around midnight, when the nocturnal rummaging’s of off-his-face Shane start. He’s clearly “on the prowl” probably on grindr trying to entice someone over to play with him. Someone to be tied up, wrapped in cling film, or pissed on. Or all three.

The long slow night of drug intoxication trying to procure a playmate who will come around and bolster his sense of self worth.

I hear his footsteps on the stairs late into the night.

I sit up in bed and read blogs. The cool night air floats into my room, fresh and clean and cool.

I hear a voice from the street with some guy talking. I try to ignore it, but he doesn't stop. 

Blah, blah, blah. Bah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.

Oh really, I have to go and look.

I head over to my balcony doors and peer surreptitiously over the railing to see this guy standing in the middle of the street in his dressing gown on the phone. He's from the house over the road, as the front door is open. It is hot, TV's blaze through open French doors in upstairs bedrooms. 

I kneel down and push my face up against the tulip balustrades. 

Dressing gown boy is talking, giving instructions in a sexy tone, clearly, he is interested in whoever it is he is talking to. That and his hand seems to keep disappearing inside his robe in search of something. I can't, actually, see the detail, but I can make out what he is doing in silhouette, as his hand fumbles inside his dressing gown. He stands there gazing down the street. A short time later, a girl walks up the middle of the street to him, talking to him on her mobile phone. They sit on the footpath and talk awhile smoking cigarettes, she sits down on the edge of the footpath, he seems a little more toey than that, preferring to remain standing for the most part. Once they have finished smoking, they go inside.

Mark and Luke call at 3am from Ho Chi Minh City, from their somewhat sartorial, read tacky, hotel room. They laugh.

"Gorgeous isn't it."

They have not long checked in and are tired. They will catch a connecting flight tomorrow.

I’m awake around 9am, just before. My balcony doors are open, of course, and I pull on my black track pants so I can stand in the open double doorway to survey the morning, feel the temperature and not get arrested, before I close the doors.

I need a piss so I head into the bathroom. I sit down on the toilet, like a girl, because I am barely awake and it is nice taking it slow in the quiet of the morning.

As soon as I sit down, I hear movement in Shane’s room and clearly someone is getting out of bed and coming into the toilet. They are on their way. I finish quickly and get up and stand in front of the mirror, just in time to stop a sweaty, stocky guy in a dog collar from entering the room.

“Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry,” he says. I push the door closed.

Shane’s need for approval, a relationship, a boyfriend, need not to be alone, has always outweighed his judgement, somewhat. I mean, this guy could have been perfectly nice but, you know, I have seen first hand the, shall we say, low bench mark Shane is willing to accept and this guy, upon a fleeting glimpse, is right up to scratch, or should that be, down to the depths.

Anyway, I’m sure it won’t be long before he parades this loser downstairs and I’ll have to be nice to him and make small talk knowing all the while that I will never see him again.

I head down to the lounge room where I make coffee and prepare muesli and switch on my laptop and read the entertainment news. Sam would roll his eyes.

"Do you think I care about, so called, celebrities?"

I read about the new film J Edgar. I note that the first session is at 10.50, over an hour away. Sweet. But, I also note that it is opening day and a public holiday and do I really need to mix it with the great unwashed when I can just as easily go to the delightful $6 Monday on Monday. Then I think about Sam and think that now that he is home, nearly, tomorrow, I should wait and see it with him.

Mark called from Ho Chi Minh City to ask for Jane’s phone number, so he can call Jay. He and Luke are good and looking forward to crusty bread and jam and coffee for breakfast Vietnamese style.

Don’t you love Skype? I know I love Skype? I talk to Mark and Luke, no matter where they are in the world and it costs me nothing? It is great!

It’s quiet at midday, just the wind blowing outside, under the blue sky and the golden sun.

Sam messages me good morning. He messages me instructions to start looking for a job. Come on! Chop chop! Apparently, we have to make investments and travel overseas and generally amass wealth and think about our future. Really?

I agree. I keep him talking, messaging, just because I miss him… not because I could care about the future.

He’s home tomorrow. 10am. Yay! He seems to have been away forever. Ages. Going on months.

Shane comes down with, who turns out to be, McKenzie who is really very nice and I should be eating all my previous nasty words. Well, I mean, my words aren’t really meant to be nasty, just a record of events, and they are not meant to be judgemental, just a statement of fact.

Reading back over this, it is hard to actually make that claim with any kind of credibility, I realise, but I am going to none the less. Just because McKenzie is nice it doesn’t make the previous any less true.

I don’t mean it is true of everyone Shane hooks up with, of course that is not true. It is just that it can be true when Shane is on drugs... and one just has to wait and see which way it is going to go.

Everything I have said is probably true of me when I am single and on drugs too.

I think I have met McKenzie before, although I can’t remember where?

They disappear upstairs again to do god knows whatever to each other and basically I am on my own for the day.

I wanted to take photos all day and I did wander up the Victoria Parade and take some earlier in the day. It is a gorgeous sunny day, perfect for taking photos. Late in the afternoon, I take myself off for a walk (exercise) around Carlton and I take my camera and take photos on my way.

Sam calls from KL airport and we chat on Skype. He looks so handsome. Not long now, a few hours and he will be getting on the plane.

He’s halfway home.

Travel safe. May the universe look after my precious cargo.

Shane heads off to McKenzie’s in South Yarra saying he can’t sleep in his bed because it is wet. I hope that is with perspiration and not anything else.

The house is quiet, still and serene. Nothing stirs, nothing at all. Over and out.