The Hags Pick Up

The Hags arrived right on time, a full contingent of them, it seemed like a home coming for lost boys. Sebastian and Alex were first. I knew Sebastian was coming with someone, but I was still surprised when Alex walked in the door. I don’t know why, as he takes up the position of Sebastian’s shadow quite well. Neither of them make very believable removalists, they are both more suited to making snarky comments in cafes, and using hair product than any sort of manual labour. They wanted coffee, espresso, one shot cups, one with sugar, one with milk, straight up.

The next thing, Dante arrived, unexpectedly. I thought it was just going to be Sebastian with an, at the time, unnamed side kick. So, the whole coven was here. Dante was supposed to be picking up the bookcase with Perry at another time, that was according to Perry. Dante refused coffee initially, 

“Oh yes. Oh no. Oh yes. Oh no. Actually, I’ve had my daily allowance.” Shrug. 

But then, of course, he wanted coffee. Of course, after I had shut the coffee shop and sat down. Naturally. Naturally.

I managed to trash Shane as the messy one to all of them, by having a spotless kitchen, which would especially impress Sebastian, which it did. He raved. And then he raved again.

“I always knew Shane was messy, but I didn’t realise the full extent.”

“Everything on the back bench was his, I could never keep it clean when he was around.”

They continued to do drama right there on my couch, so I rolled a joint, smack bang on the lighting of which, Dante arrived. He said it was a skill. This time it was about Tony (big ears), and some slight he’d made against Sebastian. An insult… even if it is no where near the first time I have heard that someone insulted Sebastian, or wanted to. 

Oh, hot Tony. They are just jealous of the way Tony fills out his jeans. They are just bitter at the boys his good looks allocate to him. I don’t know what Tony said to who, but after the joint hit, I was amusing myself with mental pictures of him in his undies, while a lot of yap, yap, yap went on around me. Ah, lovely Tony was all I could think

It just seemed to be drug talk and Dante barely denied he was on drugs when questioned. But Sebastian had told me that Dante is doing it nearly every weekend, if for no other reason but to get away from Jimmy, who is still living in Dante’s house. It must be hard, living with your boyfriend from who you have just split up, but then we have to ask that time honoured question, why did he create this for himself?

I looked over at Sam, he seemed to be listening eagerly. He thinks The Hags are weird and continually assures me it is them and not me.

Sebastian sent poisoned texts to Mark W. while he was here. Apparently it was Mark W's birthday. Although, why Sebastian chose my lounge room to recommence the harassment, I'll never know.

I asked, “Is Mark W. happy with Kevin?”

“Darren,” everyone corrected me in unison.

“Oops.”

Alex laughed. Everyone inhaled.

Will the poisoned challis be passed, or will new alliances be forged?


Then they packed up the truck and took every thing away they said they were going to take away. It is a shame that Shane didn’t check on what the true definition of “hard waste” really is and then next time we won’t have the council refusing to take it. However, everything else has gone, as promised, to Shane’s credit.

They took everything away, bookshelves and desks and a half ton bag of dildos. How much is that going to cost? I'm glad I don't have to fill out the customs declaration.

I decided that therefore it must be time to forward his mail. I’ve had all the addresses changed for weeks now. It seemed only fair. I’ve let them build up, just because I have been taking my good time. I imagine Shane’s mum being inundated with envelopes. I rather picture her looking up through the door slot in the front door, to have the letters come tumbling down and hitting her right in the face.