Drifting Through

It was a beautiful day today, really. We have had beautiful weather for weeks now. There was one Friday, I don't remember if it was last Friday, or the Friday before, when it rained, but other than that, it has been blue skies and sparkling light covering us for weeks now. Not too hot, just right. 

The days are starting to drift, I'm sure that is not a good sign,  but boy does it feel good. My laptop addiction takes care of the hours quite nicely.

I met up with my neighbour and drank home made lemonade, after  we'd complain about Establishment X to the nice council men who came out to listen to our complaints. I was hoping Jackson would offer me a joint instead of the lemonade. When we walked around to the shop together the other day, he talked about the pot he'd been smoking, when I said I was getting cigarettes.

I came home and swept the front yard. I wondered if I'd peaked in school. I was one of the cool kids, although in my school that was more like the popular kids, who were at the top of the heap. I don't think any of us knew what cool was? We did, but no one thought they were cool. Not seriously, we were only just learning. I was one of the popular kids, it was good. I had a boyfriend in my last two years, the vice captain of the school, what's more. Such a cliche, I know, but true. And then I had a beautiful girlfriend by the time the year twelve end of year dance came around. I was always more interested in my social life than school work, probably true.  But all of that was such fun. Young and vital. Do we all peak in our youth? Everything was new.

I was happy sweeping the yard in the sun. And drinking home made lemonade with Jackson Wag. He's funny. He has pictures of muscled guys up his staircase. Is Jackson Wag gay? I've never thought that.

I have to lose weigh, I know it is making me unhappy... not so much unhappy, but old, no lazy. It makes me feel lazy. All this sparkling weather and my bike has remained against the wall for most of it.

I think being fit makes you feel vital. I think I realise now.

Dr Brian Cox is just naturally cool. I had hair like his when I was a teenager. He was the keyboard player in D:Ream. Some people are amazing, gifted.

The bulldog snores on the persian rug. A cool breeze blows in through the french doors. Sam slept at his place. I haven't eaten.

Bulldogs are beautiful dogs. He comes and sits next to me sitting on the floor and leans his head against my chest and goes to sleep.

It's funny when you are stoned. I'm watched TV all night, with the back doors open, with a nice cool breeze blew in, after the 30 degree day, gorgeous. I kept thinking I'm hearing breathing, I keep hearing it, it is definite breathing. I just keep hearing it. I could definitely hear breathing coming from the direction of the kitchen. In the end, I decided I just had to get up to investigate. I stood up and nearly stood on Buddy. He was lying right next to me, it was his breathing I could hear. I had completely forgotten about him, the TV has been good, ABC. British comedies. I jumped.

It was when I switched to a commercial station and I started to mute the adds. So I'm just hearing it intermittently. 

My head spun.

I wished I had chocolate and marshmallow ice cream. I only had chocolate, it seemed so plain, the oat meal of the midnight binge. I thought about going to McDonalds for a Caramel McFlurry.

Mark messaged me from Hanoi. stoner... I'm cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom... loving it... cos it's filthy... and now it's not... love that feeling...

I messaged back that it was a sickness, enjoying the feeling of clean as a kind of orgasm.

Entertainment Tonight came on and I am mindless on pot and chocolate ice cream.