Boyfriends

It's weird when I read about fellow bloggers who, in their thirties, have never had a boyfriend. Who have never had love. Who are still looking for love. I can't imagine what that would be like? I've been single for twelve months now and I feel like I'm ready for a new man to fill my boyfriend space, standing right next to me. I'm ready for a new one, thanks universe. I've been in relationships all of my life, being single is a novelty (when I first came out and now) and while I have enjoyed it, I'm not sure it is the ideal way to live. It's kind of static, if you like, being able to do whatever I please, not having another person to challenge me, to take me out of my cocoon, to give me stuff that I would have, otherwise, not experienced.

So, I thought I'd think about my boyfriends for a minute.

Alex - schoolboy boyfriend. Captain of the football team, vice captain of the school. The way his arse filled those white footy shorts... I tell you! I loved Alex's legs, I loved them rapped around me. He got married and had children. He died a few years back, I don't know how.

Anthony - really a somewhat tortured affair, soon after I first came out. Neither of us knew which way was up, or how to have a gay relationship. How men act with men. We went onto become great friends; he was smart and funny and one person who really got my cracked point of view. Always. I never had to explain anything to him. Ever. He just knew. He was diagnosed as a schizophrenic, a few years back and disappeared out of my life.

Mark - the love of my life. One of the most gorgeous men I have ever, and am ever likely, to meet. Smart, intelligent, handsome, amazing. I thought I'd be with him forever, which, I am, just not how I envisaged, as friends. I'd still curl up and die without him.

Lauri - My sexy Italian boyfriend. Mark and Lauri and I had a three-way relationship for four years. I thought the three of us would be together forever, but it wasn't to be. Three boys in a relationship, having three relationships, turned out to be too much. Lauri has the most beautiful green eyes and, I shouldn't say this, but what the hell, he has the most beautiful penis I have ever seen. Italian.

Luke - Mark and I tried to recapture what we had with Lauri, with Luke, in a sense, (not intentionally, that wasn't the aim when we met him) but it didn't work and I opted out and Mark and Luke have been together ever since. I adore Luke. He's gorgeous.

Josh - a sweet affair. Josh taught me to love again, after all the dramas that preceded him. He's smart and naughty and a real handful.

Manny - My sexy Greek boyfriend and the sweetest boy I have ever met. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Sexy as hell. But, Manny was content with a very small, constricted life, living on a pension (Greek) and I always felt that I needed more than that, needed more from a boyfriend. Maybe, I should have just married him and been content. But, I know, I wouldn't have been... He's got a new boyfriend Vinnie. I used to say to Tom, if only I could get Josh's brain into Manny's head, I'd have the most perfect boyfriend. Tom always said I was wicked to think such things about Manny.