Losing my Mind

Grrr! 7am and I feel like a cigarette. Twitch. Strum fingers on the desk. Am I going to have one? Am I not? Look to the skies with with fists in the air. Curse the idiot who invented smoking!

"God, you're a cunt for tobacco!" Shake head. "It was a dog act."

Never the less... Big smile. It's a nice feeling to wake up and not have to go to work, there should be more of it.

Anyway, I'm off to the dentist - Big Gay Martin. You know, I'm not one for the gay ghetto, but it is kind of nice going to gay service providers (for want of a better expression). He's getting a little plump, turning milky white, not such a good look for a blond. Like I can talk, as Mark would point out, as I suck my stomach in, hoping no one is looking. I look in the mirror and think hideous, now a days. But I digress...

Martin is warm and generous and funny, if in an old school kind of way. He's got interesting art.

His big blue eyes sparkle. He's funny, he makes me laugh... if I could, with his fingers in my mouth.

I like him. He's nice. It's cool having a man filling my cavities for a change... instead of grumpy Stella. She was always seemingly cross with me. So, Martin is a ray of sunshine. And he mostly seems to be pleased.

No doubt he'll exclaim, "Oh Christian!" as I open wide for him in the chair. "Still smoking!"

Gotta give up smoking, too. Hey? I've just got to tell myself I can do it. I don't even like it. It is so stupid.

Anyway, gotta go. Gotta catch the 96 to St Kilda.

Oh yes, I've been telling everyone that come Monday week, I'll be back on my back veranda at 9.30am with sleepy eyes, drinking coffee. One of the lovely dinosaur P.A.'s at work said I should be having a gin and tonic come Monday week to celebrate my time off.

"9.30 is a little early for a gin and tonic, isn't it?" I asked.

She shrugged and smiled.

"I'd be asleep by midday," I said, "if I started that sort of carry on."

She laughed and touched my arm. "To hell with it, you're only young once."

My point is, that I checked the calendar and I have two and a half weeks to go, not one and a half. Kill me now!