The Card Shop

"Do you ever walk next to a good looking man in the street and pretend that he is your boyfriend?" asked Josh.

“Um?” I didn't know what to say.

"You know, just stroll casually next to him, as if you are together. Look at him, catch his eye and smile... if you get a chance." Josh smiled. "As if you have just agreed with something he has just said.”

I laughed, nervously.

“Gaze at his broad shoulders, the back of his neck. I so love the back of men’s necks.” Josh shook his head as if in wonder. “Fall into step. Admire his facial stubble. His gorgeous eyes. Wonder what his name is?"

I didn't say anything because I had, actually, pretended that very same thing, a couple of times. Day dreams. Childish, really.

Josh closed his eyes and hunched his shoulders and for a moment looked in total bliss.

"I stole looks at this guy, today,” said Josh. He opened his eyes. “We were in a shop together. The card shop on Brunswick Street. He looked at me sideways, kind of smiled. Gazed, momentarily. Beautiful eyes, you should have seen them.”

I’m a sucker for nice eyes, always have been.

“I saw what nice hands he had,” said Josh “Down by his side, his fingers half curled around. Man’s hands. Fleshy. Pink. I love men’s hands almost as much as I love the backs of their necks. Thick, masculine. Something of his that is mine.”

“Me too,” I said quietly. I can still feel each one of my boyfriend’s hands in mine, if I close my eyes and think of them.

“Then... I don’t know what came over me.”

“What?”

“I don’t know why I did it.”

“Did what?”

Josh smiled, almost coyly. “I reached out and took hold of his hand.”

“Took hold of his hand?”

“Just like that.”

“You didn't.”

“I did.”

“Huh... wow.”

“He was just standing next to me looking at the cards and I slid my hand into his.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“What did he do?” I asked with a certain amount of blossoming admiration.

“He went to pull it away, kind of surprised, you know. But I took hold of his fingers in mine, gently. Held them. His hand was warm, smooth, it felt tender. Soft and hard at the same time.”

“What did he do?” I asked.

“He looked at me... and then down at our hands and then back at me.” Josh smiled, screwed his lip and exhaled through his nose, as if he was holding the thought. “Then his mouth, slowly, broke into the most gorgeous smile and he just held my gaze.” Josh shook his head, smiling. “Silent. Still, as people moved around us in the shop. Our secret.” Josh closed his eyes, momentarily. “We just stood there, holding hands, I’m not sure for how long.”

“You’re shitting me,” I said.

“I didn't want to move,” said Josh. “I didn't want reality to coming crashing back and spoil it. For him to pull his hand away and run.”

“And?”

“Then he looked back at the cards, as natural as you like. He squeezed my hand, as if he wasn't going to let go. He took a card from the racks with his other hand, flipped it open and read what was inside...”

“Just like that?”

“Then he pushed the card in my direction and said, I think I like this one, big smile, what do you think?”

“Still holding hands?”

“Still holding hands,” said Josh. “My heart melted when he asked for my opinion.”

“Pretty cute,” I said.

“Pretty fucking adorable,” said Josh. “The card was for his nephew, he is turning ten. I told him I liked it... We’re having dinner. His name is Michael.”

“Pretty damn cute, yourself,” I said.

“He’s a Cancerian, a physiotherapist, he’s 33,” said Josh. “We talked all afternoon, over coffee.” Josh smiled again. “I think I’m in love.”

“In love?”

“Well.” Josh shrugged. “I could... be. He’s nice, normal. So normal. And he seems to like me.”