I got up early, it was freezing, the chill was hanging in the air in my bedroom. It was 8.45, going on 9am, the time Shane gets in the shower. I thought I should make an appearance, as I haven’t seen him since the beginning of last week, or was it the week before? Mostly, I've been going to bed early to watch old movies in the late afternoon, as I've only been working Mondays and it has been wet and cold and grey outside. Ah, the winter, I never remember it to be like this when it is not winter. But, I guess that is what we do. And he's spent the last two weekends, through to Monday, in Sydney with his new boyfriend.
Have I been avoiding him? Perhaps, just a little. Perhaps, in that part of my mind where I’d really like to be living on my own. Oh, perhaps because I’m just a little bored with “beige.” Maybe it is me and my passive aggressive streak, playing up? Oh maybe. My excuse is that winter makes you small, makes you shrink, makes you look inward.
Whatever it is, it can’t go on with me withdrawing, it can’t go on like this. Sam says it is because I’m a bitch.
I inhale sharply and bristle at the suggestion, but don’t dispute it because my still small voice coughs and kicks its foot on my psyche and some part of me some where thinks there may be some truth in what he says.
Don’t you just hate that?
Anyway… I should step forward and not back. I should reach out… move forward…
So…
If I got up and made coffee and muesli while he was getting ready and leaving for work, we'd only have to chat momentarily while we both got on and did what we were doing.
We did chat, got it out of the way, so no one had to feel avoided or ignored. Yay! Yay for diplomacy. Yay for civility. Yay for Friendship. Yay for me.
He was coming up the stairs, as I swung my bedroom door open and greeted the day. And there we were standing face to face… just like that.
And a fence was mended… just like that. Yay.
The weird thing is that I don't remember going to sleep last night.
I remember watching Letterman, but I don't remember turning off the TV, or putting the remotes down on my bedside table neatly, like I do.
I sat up in bed. I checked for my laptop, but, it was safely on my desk, that was the very first thing I checked. I’m scared about falling asleep with it on my bed and rolling on it in the middle of the night.
Jill wants me to go over there and work with her, but I turned her down. I shouldn’t have because if I did head over to her place, I would probably have more of a chance of doing my study for work than if I stayed home and pissed the day away.
I’ve got five companies to do next week. I am being sent there as an end of year expert, but I don’t have any idea what I am doing with this new system I am using. I am being sent to these companies as an expert and I have never done end of year with this system before. I’ve got to read up my notes and manuals before Monday.
I did the training with my company a month, or so ago. Who remembers that now?
I should go and pay my bills too, they are all due. My mobile phone is way overdue. But it is cold and grey and wet and overcast and wintery and it just doesn’t make one… er… me feel like doing anything.
As I turned out of the kitchen with my coffee, I could see a straight, neat line of cat paw prints right across the tiled floor in the atrium. Shane commented on Missy tracking mud through the house. Funny, I didn’t see her come inside.
Shane left, the house was quiet, except for the rain falling on the tin roof.
When I got back up to my bedroom, there she was sitting right in the middle of my bed licking her fur. I slid in next to her and switched on the TV. As I went to move her sideways, to distribute the area of the bed more fairly, I touched her fur to find it saturated. The bitch was dripping wet and sitting in the middle of my bedding. I picked her up and got a towel and wiped her dry, during which she hissed and growled the whole time. I then flung her back onto the bed, from where she glared at me with that incredulous cat look saying, “what the hell do you think you are doing? Jesus!” If she could have, she would have run her paws down her sides to give the impression of checking.
It didn’t stop raining all day, not for a moment, I don’t reckon. I didn’t see any point to getting out of bed, not really for much longer than a moment. Well? It is warm, soft, safe and comfy. And let’s face it dry.
I contemplate having a wank over Miguel Maestre, but I don’t. There are not too many chubby sexy boys. There are some, though.
Missy slept with me all day… she’s a lazy bitch. She scratched at the door a number of times to leave, she scratched on the outside of the door to come back in. She leapt back onto my bed each time dripping wet. Bitch! My towelling off of her did not spare her feline sensibilities
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