Am I Mad, Or What?

I’ve been back at the job I was at for six months for the end of last year and the beginning of this year, now helping out with a merger with another company.

I worked with Kerin and her throwing in the towel and resigning. Poor Kerin, with just a little bit more support, she would have been good.

I was there for them hiring Mazz ahead of me early in the year.

Mazz resigned yesterday and I was offered her job. A permanent job. I don’t much like them, permanent jobs. They don't tend to go well for me, more often than not I find those in positions of power over me are, at best, only interested in themselves, often dishonest, and at worst borderline psychotic. It is a sad indictment on working life, but one I have found it to be true. Consequently, I like having all care and no responsibility. I like being able to move on never getting caught up in the politics of a permanent job, in the psycho drama as I like to call it. But, this job is walking distance from home and I can wear casual clothes, no suits. It just seemed appealing to settle down for a moment, so it seemed crazy not to take it.

I dreamt about what it mean to me deep down to accept this job. I dreamt about being told not to go “there,” not to go into that “room,” not to do “that,” not to go down "there," all the don’t do stuff, all night. What do you think it meant?

I got up at 7am. Sam got up not long after.

I thought about getting to work by 8am, I managed 8.15. Sam and I set off to work together. Sam doesn’t like his new job, he wants to resign.

I told Kirin that I accept the job, it is on a 6 month contract, but with the anticipation that it will be extended to permanent after the six months is completed. It makes no difference if it isn't, I can simply go back to my assignment work if it is not.

I accepted a job in which I will become the 4th person in the position in the last twelve months. Kylie was sacked and walked off the premises. Kerin resigned when she wanted to walk out into the traffic rather than go back into the office. Mazz says she has never been more stressed out, or worn down in her whole life and never has she felt more relief than after she resigned. So what can be said to be the common factor in all of this? Kirin. Kirin who, Mazz and I acknowledge between the two of us, blames other people for her mistakes, who tells our big boss, Remy, that her mistakes are her subordinate’s mistakes.

The truth is that Mazz is very anal about procedures and process’, which is a great thing, certainly nothing really to be criticised for, but she finds it difficult to cope if things aren’t done just so, and that is certainly the story Kirin is telling our boss, Remy.

“She can’t cope when things go wrong,” says Kirin, “so much so that I just don’t think this kind of role even suits her.”

The truth is that Mazz does find those things difficult, especially when she doesn’t have any support.

So, why am I thinking I am different? Mazz and Kerin were relatively inexperienced and as far as I can see, having never worked with her, Kylie was, perhaps, incompetent.

I don’t really believe that Kirin can be trusted completely. She really knows her stuff, but she borders on slap dash with her inability to check things properly. She has a tendency to blame those working for her for the mistakes that occur because she doesn’t check the things she should check. Eventually, the subordinate is so weighed down with Kirin’s mistakes and excuses that they are crushed under the weight of it all, Kerin and Mazz would say.

Mazz confirmed this by going directly to Remy behind Kirin’s back and questioning him about all the issues in our department.

Kirin doesn’t really seem to have a complete idea what it is that those working for her have to do and what responsibilities they have to carry. She doesn’t really have a good idea about her subordinate’s workload.

I know that. I have stepped into this space full knowing these facts.

Mazz and I laughed about the dreams I’d had.

Di came in from (My current contracting company) also to help out with aspects of the merger. Di and Kirin are old slapper buddies from way back. I don’t know why, but Mazz tried to talk to Di about her situation. Mazz said later when she walked back to our desks, Di and Kirin were chatting but shut up when they saw Mazz coming. Mazz said she saw Kirin say, “She’s coming.”

Kirin and Di are, essentially, (am I bad) a couple of old smoking boguns together.

I don’t know about Kirin? I like her. It would be disappointing if she said awful things about us all, if she was disingenuous, behind our backs. I wonder if she battles through and we are all just collateral damage making her look good.

Some times I wonder? Consequently, I’m not sure if I could ever trust her. But then again, we aren’t friends, we are we colleagues, in fact we are boss and subordinate. She’s the boss and maybe Mazz and I are just forgetting that. The problem is that Kerin’s and Mazz’s story is that Kirin just isn’t a very good boss. I reserve my judgment.

I can't complain too much. I have always been a lazy arse and I have continually run away from the boss's job. My old manager always said it was like working with another manager. Pity, I have always shied away from it. I always wanted to do different things, I always wanted to be a writer instead of a manager. Actually, it is all the meetings and all the exec arse kissing that managers have to do from which I have always run away.