I was at work at 7.45am, I was the first there. The office was empty, quiet, still, silent. Funny the different characteristics of the work space. There is also staying late, last to leave, Saturday, they all feel different.
I could feel that I was quite stressed by the workload I had to complete. I could feel it before I left home. I could feel it as I walked to work. I could feel it as I entered the building. I didn't want another job like this, again, I remember, saying that to myself after the last job I had like this.
However, no one wants to hear you whinge, a corporate truth. They will only act in your best interests if you force "them" to. Another corporate truth. Threaten to resign. Make a formal complaint. Go on workcover. Otherwise, shut the fuck up, nobody cares. These are the things that will force "them" to change. I got stuck into it. I thought it would be okay… but, what if it wasn’t, what if it isn't okay, that was always in the back of my mind. That pushed me on. It will be okay, I've done this before. I had all of the changes to do, a great pile of them. So much to get through. It will be okay, I have done this before...
I only really had today, before the tsunami of paperwork would start flowing in. But so much of the documentation was wrong. I’d be all right if I could get a rhythm up, but I couldn’t because the paperwork continued to be fucked up, one way or another.
And HR was being difficult, it was still a girl’s lunch over there, as it always is, they just didn’t feel the pressure, I felt, towards my deadline. Everything seemed to be wrong. So much was wrong. It was like a house of cards collapsing around me. It was like swimming in quicksand, every stroke seemed to make the situation worse. I soon got to a point where HR weren’t helping and... too much! This is too much. It is always going to be too much. As these bitches just don’t care, that is the truth.
I decided to got back to my desk and take a moment out. I do know that I rolled my eyes and kind of did a harrumph, but that wasn’t meant to be dramatic, or to give anyone message, it was really just an exhale, it was just frustration.
I couldn’t do it, it couldn’t be done. I was on my own and to decide if I couldn’t get it done on my own. Those who were meant to help me and those who were meant to, ultimately, make my job manageable had abandoned me. Call it stress leave, if you like. Call it being sick, whichever "sick" you care to choose, I don't care. Whatever. I had to admit, I needed help.
A decision was made.
You know that moment, where everything you were tensed against, fighting off with your best efforts, hoping to will away with your good intensions, when you let it go and you admit the inevitable. Relief. It is smart, admit it before it can’t be fixed.
I decided to write Paddington an email.
At the very same moment Barbie came over. She looked me in the eye and asked, “Are you alright?” (This is the woman that Kirin speaks of as the devil. The woman least likely to trust. The bitch. The thorn in Kirin’s side)
“I am inundated with work. I am snowed under.”
“What help do you need?”asked Barbie.
I momentarily felt my eyes well up, but I certainly wasn't going to do that. (I wasn't going to do that anyway.) I said that I needed her department to stick to their deadlines. I needed them to give me accurate information. I needed them to step up a bit and be a bit more considerate.
“I can see that you have been doing your best,” she said. (is that a backhanded compliment? I wondered?) “You were here late last night when I left, (so you did notice) and they tell me you were in early this morning.”
It was nice. She offered to help. She was happy to tell "the team" that I was on my own and that they had to be mindful of the fact.
“I left a message for Paddington,” said Barbie.
“I was just sending him an email,” I said.
“Oh good,” said Barbie. “Finish that. I’m sure he’ll be over soon.”
The next thing Paddington was walking towards me with his intern, Louis, who he said I could have for 2 days. Remy said he’d get me a temp.
Louis and I got on fine. He’s smart. He’d just finished an accounting degree at Melbourne Uni and he is trying to get his experience up so he could get a paid job. He was enthusiastic, he was keen, he wanted so much to learn. He picked things up really quickly. I only had to tell him stuff once. He was a competent sponge of good intensions.
I didn’t have a computer for him to start with, so I didn’t know what to get him to do. He started off by sitting next to me and watching what I was doing. He said he always wanted to do what I do.
“Really?” I responded. Nice kid, still hasn't been beaten down by the reality of modern corporate life. It was refreshing, reminded me of myself once. :)
Pretty quickly I realised he couldn’t just watch me, that would not help me, asking questions would only, effectively, slow me down.
I set Louis up on my old log in, what the hell, it was worth a try. It worked. I got him to change some journals. And I got him to change basic stuff. I got him to set up new journals.
With the promise of a temp from Paddington I had to respond that I had no computer for a second person. Paddington swung IT Ben into action, who came over to fix the computer problem.
“Don’t worry, something similar happened when I first started,” said Ben.
“Oh, really?” I didn’t really know what he meant.
“But it is your calm demeanour that is the difference here.” What?
"It hasn't gone unnoticed.
I wasn't really sure what Ben was talking about, but I'm taking it as a good thing.
Once the computer was up and running with (name of application), I got Louis to set up cost accounts. Then I got him to change them. I got him to do stuff that only experienced operators would be able to do. I got him to do all the changes he could, so it freed me up to do everything else.
We got through most of the work. We worked together pretty well. By the end of the day, we were pretty much up to date.
He was an amazing help. Let’s hope he got it all right.
Thinking about the temp I had booked, I thought to myself that I’d be fine with Louis, and that I probably didn’t need the temp. I don’t know, I was worried about the packaging payment, so I wasn’t completely sure.
Jack rang in the afternoon to say he’d organised a temp called Al who would be there in the morning at 9am.
(Oh, this is interesting stuff, not) The Packaging came in, but I tried to finish what I was doing first, it felt like I had lots of time. And then suddenly it was 3.30pm. Oh shit! I got on to it, while Louis finished the cost codes. I got him to do the whole thing. I was only going to get him to do the set up, but fuck it, I got him to do the full implantation. (I'd only have to if he didn't) The time ticked away. I had a few pages of adjustments. 4pm. 4.30. 5pm. Louis left. Smile. "Thanks for looking after me. See you tomorrow) I got the adjustments done. I did the reports. I filled out the reconciliation. (Are you riveted by this?) The totals were out. I found a lot of it reasonably quickly. Still $200 out. Tick tick tick. I decided to do a Vlookup the spreadsheets one by one. (dear God, I am babbling on about vlookups, how stressed was I?) It didn’t work, I don’t know why. I closed down all the spread sheets. Tick, tick, tick, nearly 6pm. Saved them properly.
Barbie came over to see if I was okay.
We talked about going home immanently.
“I’m going home any minute. I didn’t mean to stay so long. I’m just out $200.”
“You okay with everything?”
“Yes, it’s been good. I’ve had an intern. Tomorrow I get a temp.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Thanks for today,” I said.
“That’s okay.”
“Thanks for caring,” I said.
I’m sure she welled up, she kind of looked away, which was kind of nice. But, she wasn't going to let that happen either. "I know we have a reputation for not caring..."
We both laughed. (I thought, how true)
And with that, I found the $200. Bingo. I went home with everything balancing. Pretty much all of the work got done. I thought to myself, shrug, I'd probably would have been just fine with me and Louis.
I started getting nervous about the temp, not really sure why. I think it was the unknown, something I don't really deal with. I took Buddy for a walk to meet Sam. I yanked on Buddy’s lead when he insisted on heading the usual way on his evening walk, when I want to continue towards the CBD to meet up with Sam. He is such a creature of habit, comfortable with the things he is familiar with. I am no different, somebody should be yanking on my lead right about now. He sat down and wouldn't go any further. I sat on the rock at the side of the garden beside the footpath Buddy cuddle up to me and put his head on my leg. We both waited there for Sam.
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