Chatty Cathy

There is an IT chick at work, I call her holyblabbermouthbatman, who never stops talking. I mean never. I’m not exaggerating. She is loud and opinionated too, but of course. 

You go to the lunch room and she is the one talking. I can take a crap at work, and I can hear her in the lunch room. I can’t ever hear anyone else.

I said at work one day, “Holyblabbermouthbatman will still be talking 3 days after she has died.”

Whoever I said it to replied, “Oh, I like Holyblabbermouthbatman.”

I didn’t add the talking underwater comment after that.

I find her really annoying. Sam said I was being mean, and I really should try to be nicer to people, it would make me a nicer person. 

Hah! Holyblabbermouthbatman needs therapy, she never stops talking. Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. Never. OMG on and on and on and on she goes.

One afternoon I was heading around to the IT department, as I approached I could hear Holyblabbermouthbatman talking. Oh, er, I thought. I mentally braced myself for the onslaught. When I got there, she was the only person in the department. I laughed, as I walked through.

“Tell me what’s so funny,” she asked. (demanded, in her own kind of way)

“Oh, nothing,” I said.

“Oh, no, I’m having a bad afternoon, I would really like to hear something funny.”

I didn’t stop walking, I know that is how to deal with her, and I just sashayed through the exit doors on the other side of the department and was gone.

Anyway, I have just found out she is pregnant. I’m really surprised that she stopped talking long enough for her husband (boyfriend, common law partner, sperm donor, one night stand, drunken mistake, unknown assailant) to have …  you know?

Oh no, could you imagine the sex talk? Why did I think of that? Thank the lordly do dah day I’m not in the office, as we work closely together and if I heard her dulcet tones (if your dulcet tones are akin to shattering glass) I’d be mentally constructing her dirty talk and that could scar a person.

Anyway, we can all be pretty sure there was no oral sex involved.

Of course, I haven't been in the office for over a year, and I haven't had my ears bleed by Holyblabbermouthbatman for that long. I haven't seen her. I haven't heard her.  I'm surprised how triggered I was (Ha ha triggered, made to reminisce is more like it) hearing her name when whoever it was who told me she was pregnant. The full horror of her obsessional behaviour came back to me in its full surround sound quality.

Did I tell you she has one of those nasally voices? 

And she laughs the loudest at her own jokes.