Beau & All The Boys

SMS. 1.00. Somersault is ace! Really good! – Christian

I woke up when it was still dark, the little hand was still on six, but only just. The metal cock ring around my balls was tight against my morning piss-fat. My cock throbbed and banged around as I moved, it was so rock, solid hard.

I turned on the Greek boy porn, with the incredible specimens of manhood it contains and made short work of my thumper.

Last night, when I was in bed stoned, I was thinking about that night that I took ecstasy with Angus, when he said, I suppose you’d like to have sex with me? I should have just said, “Yes.” Looked over at him. “Take your pants off, let me see you in your jocks.” He did it, compliantly; undid his belt, unzipped his fly, slid his black jeans down his legs. Those intense eyes, blazing with desire, Aryan style, contained in the inexperienced fear of the uncertainty of beauty. He appeared younger with his pants off; my stepson’s handsome best mate. He dropped his jeans, nervously, to the floor, almost a teenager biting his lips. His men’s leg’s showing the results of his gym routine; his cream cotton jocks starting to struggle with their contents. He pushes at it, to hide it and make it feel good, all at the same time.

“Move your hand away, sit back.”

Then he sat back with his hands behind his head and allowed me to admire how beautiful his big, hard cock was.

Josh had left amyl, I’d already got it from the freezer, I can’t be trusted with it.

I took a big sniff at it. Almost at once, I got a text from Beau saying that he’d noticed me gazing at his crotch and that it turned him on wildly – the last time we all took drugs, Beau wore his tracksuit pants the next day. I couldn’t help but notice. He caught me several times, because I wanted to be caught, and he smile broadly each time, like he wasn’t hating it. It was hot. I watched as he snogged Tim, as it grew quickly, sliding right up to his waistband. When he looked back I made sure I was looking at it. He put his arm over it instinctively and then smiled at me provocatively.

I text him back, you have a nice bulge, like you have a nice arse.

I want you to fuck me. I’m at your front door.

I tiptoed to the front door and let him in.

He’s solid and sexy naked. He lay on my bed and I licked his sweet arse. He murmured and whimpered and pushed his arse back in my face. He slid his arse up and down my mouth. There is nothing nicer than licking out a butch boy’s arse.

Then he was sitting on top of me hitting his big cock on my chest.

You’re negative, aren’t you?

Yes, I said.

He lubed my cock and sat back on it.

"Fuck me Christian."

The he did a kind of sideways movement and I slid in to him, bare back, I could feel every cell inside him.

Ahhhhh!, he said as I slid up his arse. I love raw cock up my arse. He shivered with excitement as he slid back hard. Skin on skin.

I want your spoof inside me.

I rolled him over and fucked him sideways. He responded by opening his arse up, all defences gone, no resistance at all. The boy from Roxbourgh Park, a total bottom. We fucked long, slow and deep. Beau moaning with excruciating pleasure the whole time. Riding him like the young colt that he is.

And then I dreamt about my stepson Jason. He arrived late, someone let him in, he was at my bedside gently calling to me.

I need to sleep. Is it cool?

Sure, I said.

He stripped off his shirt and his jeans and crawled in next to me, with his gym pumped body, in his flimsy jocks.

I’m sorry, he said. Will you hold me? We lay sideways wrapped in each other’s arms. Our legs entwined. Our cock and balls together. He felt solid and smelt like a man. He was warm and his skin smooth.

His cock slowly grew hard until it was huge and pushing into me and could go unnoticed.

“I want to take my jocks off,” Jason said. My cock went hard in response. He slipped them down. We held each other tight, hard cocks and big, soft balls pushing together... and fell asleep.

SMS. 9.06. Yeah I thought it great. Moody huh? Hey did u c that new comedy show on aBc on wed,

We Can be Heros? FUCKING HILARIOUS! Mockumentary on Australian of the year – Ab

Where all of that came from, I have no idea. I only smoked dope. It was the amyl, I swear. It just turns you into a space cadet. I swear that’s why I gave it up five, ten years ago. It’s time to grow up, just because

So you can understand why I woke with a rager, this morning.

SMS. 11.06. How about PORTIA as a name 4 Staffy? – Rachel

SMS. 11.10. Blur! Yuk! I like Tilly – Christian

And then Carmine messaged me on gayday.

SMS. 14.23. Driving past the Bite – Christian

SMS. 14.24. Big sigh! I still like the name Blu, but troops not persuaded as yet. Tilly is a bit 2 cute me thinks – Rachel

SMS. 14.27. Blu is available – Christian

When I told Mark I was going on a date with an Italian he said, Are you mad?

I came home and watched Law and Order with Tim. Smoked pot. Laughed a lot.

(Josh)

Today the sky was blue and the sun was shining. I lay in the middle of an oval, in Parkville, for a few hours as Carmine lay on my chest while he flew his kite. Then he cooked me dinner, watched Big Brother with me, sucked my dick. And he has a foreskin.

He’s half Italian, the other half wasn’t specified.

How’s Canberra?

(Christian)

(Rachel)

Now I’m having my last joint of my holidays. Just before I’m forced to switch the wretched iron on, sweetie ... my reaction to realising that I only had a week left of my holidays, was to go to the newsagents and buy every tattslotto ticket they had for this week. It cost me $70, but I didn’t care. Not a cent! Crap!

I soooooooooooo don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’m not going. You can’t make me.

Switch the iron on, Christian. Double crap!!

No wretched dogs, I reverted to a cat person, I’m afraid. A big fat, lazy cat with attitude will do me just fine. I’d quite like two. No mess. No fuss. I’m more your cat kinda personality, anyway. I tell you that I find if Fred stays too long, I’m plotting his demise with Missy.

Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. I can’t stand it in humans, I’m not letting some mutt get away with it.

If I had a big property, some land where they could run, yeah, sure, I’d have a Rotti, I’d be on my third by now, for sure. But the inner suburbs are enough of a personality, demanding of one’s energy… oh, I don’t know what I’d call it. Can you tell I’m on my third joint? There is just not enough room in the inner suburbs for dogs. Thoroughly depressed, let me tell ya. Work tomorrow. Boo goddamn fucking who!

I spent a good part of the afternoon with a sexy Italian, lying on my chest as he flew his kite, in the middle of an oval in Parkville – remember, I drove past The Bite… blue sky, sunshine. Glorious. At one stage I got caught with my hand up his T-shirt playing with his nipples. The old couple came from nowhere, I swear. A few minutes later and I could have had my hands down his pants. The old dear gave us a sideways look, as we dissolved into giggles, as it was. I swear, it was for five minutes only though, out of three hours, mostly we just talked and chilled out. I swear them old couples, they have radar for it. At any other time the oval was completely empty… still; we floated on an emerald bed. Alas, all now but a distant, fucking memory.

The iron is screeching at me, I think that means it’s been on for fifteen minutes without moving. Everything in modern life eventually screeches at you. Have you noticed?

Life could be just so fucking simple, I tells ya. Five million dollars and I could write all day and have a hot social life, read sex life, to fucking boot. Work just gets in the way of the good stuff. If I don’t have to work, I actually get the inclination to leave the house.

On my grave it will read, No, he never really did do what he wanted to do, because he had to work. It’s a scandal.

Who do I complain to, because quite frankly I’m sick of it?

Fuck it, I’m having another joint.

(Christian)

Dear Raymond.

How rude of me. I didn’t even mention your name in Jeff’s email. Kiss ya arse. Nothing. I think it does say one thing to me though and that is I have reverted to the single boy mentality. It’s very interesting, well, I thought so anyway. I kind of like it.

So, how are you? How’s the deep north?

I’m having the last joint of my holidays. Just before I’m forced to switch the wretched iron on, sweetie ... I’ve just had two weeks off. It’s been glorious. My reaction to realising that I only had one week of my holidays left (last Monday, are you keeping up, sweetie?) was to go to the newsagents and buy every tattslotto ticket they had for this week. (just gone) It cost me $70, but I didn’t care.

Not a cent! Crap! I soooooooooooo don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’m not going. You can’t make me.

Switch the iron on, Christian. Double crap!!

Thoroughly depressed, let me tell ya. Work tomorrow. Boo goddamn fucking who!

Even if, I spent a good part of the afternoon with a sexy Italian lying on my chest, as he flew his kite, in the middle of an oval in Parkville – just near the commonwealth games village…who would have guessed it was there, behind the red and yellow sticks… blue sky, sunshine. Glorious. At one stage, I got caught with my hand up his T-shirt playing with his nipples, the kite sailing high above us in the blue sky. The old couple came from nowhere, I swear. A few minutes later and I could have had my hands down his pants. The old dear gave us a sideways look, as it was, as we dissolved into giggles. I swear, it was for five minutes only though, out of three hours, mostly we just talked and chilled out. I swear them old couples, they have radar for it. At any other time the oval was completely empty…still, we floated on an emerald pond of grass. Alas, all now but a distant, fucking memory, sweetie.

The iron is screeching at me, I think that means it’s been on for fifteen minutes without moving. Everything in modern life eventually screeches at you. Have you noticed?

Life could be just so fucking simple, I tells ya Mr Adams. Five million dollars and I could write all day and have a hot social life, to fucking boot. Work just gets in the way of the good stuff. If I don’t have to work, I actually get the inclination to leave the house. Who wants to do anything else, when they leave in the dark and come home in the dark? I could read. I could be interesting.

Who do I complain to, because quite frankly I’m sick of it?

Fuck it, I’m having another joint.

Jasus! The iron is screeching at me again!

Sweetie, sweetie, when will this ever stop?

Big smile

Christian

Bye Bye Josh

I was up at 6.45. Yay for me. I haven’t had a sleeping for any of my holidays, except for those days where I poisoned myself, of course.

You watch, on Monday, I’ll be awake at 8.20am.

No sooner had I pulled out my CD back up, from yesterday, to check that it all came out as it was supposed, and had signed onto gaydar, than Carmine contacted me.

Yum, yum, he was supposed to come straight over, he doesn’t live so far away. I got the shakes and had to eat something and I put the heating on, suspecting the shakes was just because I was cold. I turned off my computer

New profile in progress…

I want sex and I want a boyfriend, hopefully in the same package. I want a guy to be monogamous because he feels the same way, not from some fear of getting into trouble; a friend, a sex buddy and a confidant. Someone who comes home with me because he couldn’t think of anything he’d like to do better.

I’ll know him when he really understands my idea of monogamy. That he doesn’t stand me up for someone else. He doesn’t dump for somebody else. He doesn’t keep me waiting, or leave me stranded. Other than that, he can do what he likes. If I’m busy doing something else, he can have sex with whoever he wants. Sex isn’t such a big taboo, in fact, it is a recreational sport to be enjoyed.

But, until that comes along, sex will do just fine.

I want all the usual things. I want him to look the way I want him to look. I want him to act the way I want him to act, I want him to be the person I want him to be, blah, blah, blah. We all know what those things are, nice smile, nice eyes, nice cock, nice arse, nice bloke…but mostly I want him to be smart and funny and interesting, with a life of his own and things to say about stuff. Opinions are definitely good. Mostly, he has to be a good kisser and good to hold.

But until then, get your cock out and show some enthusiasm.

SMS. 9.21. Yes, I’m proud of you, you were very noble going on Josh’s last night. Let’s catch up, when are you free? – Jill

SMS. 9.29. Got a nice wog-boy coming over for a bonk, so I’m proud of myself – Christian

SMS. 9.29. From last night? – Jill

SMS. 9.30. Yes – Christian

SMS. 9.30. There u go, it was worth going – Jill

SMS. 9.32. I already knew him but – Christian

From Logan - If you get your shit together we can have a fun Logan :)

From Christian - Hmmmm, being told, I like that in a guy. But usually they don't like my self determination. He's got a mind of his own, damn it! I'm getting hard just thinking about looking down at you as you sock my cock so enthusiastically.

SMS. 12.19. (Ab) I reckon Hansel & Gretal should start in Dimboola in homage to the classic Aussie film – Christian

Subject: Arriving in Berlin

(Ab)

I’ve decided how we are going to arrive in Berlin, at Judy’s (Ab’s pet name for Josh); on top of the Beverly Hillbillies old truck, me in a straw hat and overalls and you in a red and white gingham shirt and hair in pigtails, with all of Judy’s stuff, junk, crap loaded in the back – even if we have to collect more from around Melbourne before we go. If we could get the old truck to back-fire furiously, it would make a very good impression on the buttoned up, stitched down, dour Germans.

Christian

SMS. 15.23. (Guido) Are u available for u know what? – Christian

Subject: Arriving in Berlin

howthefuckareya's?

we'll say as we spit off the side of the truck, 'got any ciggies?'

then Tom will cough up a lung

and ill mention somthing about hard core gay prison sex and Belson being a gas...

then well go to beer barn where theres loads of italian boys and do the chicken dance x so glad you've decided to come after all, it'll be a hoot...anany!

(Ab)

Subject: Arriving in Berlin

Galies off in 5 minutes. Gone. Banished.

Christian

Reg (Mole here) Something’s not roight. I wanna steal something. Baaaaaad. But morals girls morals.

A. Mole

(Josh)

I took Josh to the airport. Jasus! The security is full-on. The fascists are getting the upper hand in the asylum, that’s for sure.

SMS. 17.11. Hey Christian, am in Kapunda SA. Scott has had a big night but should be awake soon. Try him on 04xx 1xx 3xx or 9429 xxxx. Cheers – Guido

His plane left at 5.30. It was just turning dark when I drove back onto the freeway. I saw a plane fly over-head. Good bye, Josh, I thought, as I watched the big bird bank to the right and disappear out of sight. I’ll miss you buddy.

SMS. 17.45. Kapuna, luv? Sounds gorgeous – Christian

SMS. 17.46. Are u home for u know what? – Christian

SMS. 17.46. Will do a rainy day for u – Scott

SMS. 17.50. Cool – Christian

im glad yr gettin hard thinking about my blow job .......call me tomorrow early arvo if you're up for it , im givin u my number for the last time 04xx2xx9xx

I like the waitin ,but its time you had your cock sucked , we can have a fun

Logan :) you’ve now been told :)

Subject: Saturday Night

Miss ya already Galey.

Christian

SMS. 23.02. (Jill) I got to lick a very sexy wog-boy’s arse, just thought I’d tell you that. Josh said to say to thank u for a charming dinner – Christian 

Friends Become Friends

Got up at 7am. Got playing on gaydar and nearly hooked up with a guy I’ve wanted to hook up for sex with for a very long time, Logan – there is an irony, think Big Brother.

SMS. 9.21. Do u still want to come over, or did my house mate being home put u off? Either way it’s cool – Christian

SMS. 9.44. Keen. What address? – Logan

SMS. 9.55. xx G. Street – Christian

But it didn’t eventuate.

I went and collected my car from Altona. That’s Altona way out in the boondocks, where the road practically finish and the paddocks start.

I got home by 3pm with a headache. Got a call from mum, not soon after, saying that she’d cleaned up the garage and what time was I arriving?

“Mum, I didn’t ask you to do that and I didn’t say I was coming over definitely.”

“Well, it’s done now. You might as well just bring the car over.”

“I have a headache and I’m lying down…”

“Oh Christian, you can lie down any time,” said Lottie.

I guess, I do not like my mother’s disapproval. Who’d have thought? Because I got to thinking, the Rover really will only be in the way, it needs to be in a garage, to save what’s left of its ravaged body and now is really the only and most convenient time, head ache withstanding. I really should do it now. Grrr!

Off I went.

Josh, Jill and I went to Victoria Street for Vietnamese. Josh was going from there to D.T.’s to meet friends and wanted me to go with him.

I still feel sick. I do feel like I have poisoned myself over the last few weeks with drugs, as my reaction a little later to Josh’s suggestion of taking one later will attest.

SMS. 20.31. I am bored only 2 people in the restaurant – Rachel

SMS. 20.35. Jan & my restaurant is quite cosy – Christian

SMS. 20.34. Fuck off! – Rachel

Josh and Jill got on like a house on fire.

SMS. 20.40. That comes later hopefully… but I’ll have to get myself out of Victoria Street & off to Lygon Street – Christian

SMS. 20.45. Thought u meant with Jill! – Rachel

SMS. 20.48. She’s got no dick… I assume – Christian

SMS. 20.49. R u @ work? – Christian

SMS. 21.06. Sometimes we all assume 2 much – Rachel

SMS. 21.11. So she does have a… – Christian

Tom called, during dinner, to say that James (Wesley’s blind poodle) had been found floating face down in the spa, apparently Benson’s (Wesley’s new dog) paws were still wet.

SMS. 21.22. Go away now I have 2 more customers – Rachel

SMS. 21.25. Any eligible blokes? – Christian

Josh was to go to DT's and I was to meet him there, that was the plan. We were late, he got delayed – and just by the by, Josh and I were purving at a really cute wog-boy, at who’s table a girl got sick and an Ambulance had to be called, in the middle of it all – and delayed. I think he was onto me. But eventually he did go.

Just after he left, Jill turned to me and said, You’re not going, are you?

Not a chance, I replied.

Oh well, I thought so. Even if it is his last night in Melbourne.

Don’t you hate people who have known you for so long that they know exactly which button to push and at what moment?

You bitch, I thought. She just smiled sweetly.

Last night, last night, last night, just kept running through my head. Followed by, you haven’t been much fun either, since he’s been here. A right boring git.

I just looked at Jill, her expression didn’t waver.

Oh! It was going to be soooo easy, Josh out the door, me home to bed. Easy peasy. Bugger! Okay, let’s pay the bill and get out of here, so you can drive me to DT’S

Certainly, said Jill. It would be my pleasure. (I don’t think that’s exactly what Jill said, but it’s what I heard, with a self-congratulatory tone)

At DT’s sometime later, Josh asked me if I wanted to take an e. My instant response was for my stomach to do a flip, after which bile came up into my mouth, literally. I took it as confirmation of what I have been suspecting all week, I took too many drugs, I poisoned myself.

Still, the thought of drugs makes me squeamish, like never before. I’ve always had a cast-iron constitution when it comes to drugs. I’ve always wanted to take more. But not now. No siree Bob! Blur, yuck, I could think of nothing worse. I kid you not.

I walked home from DT’s. It was a chilly night, but they walk was lovely. I was going to catch a tram, but none came along.

SMS. 23.08. (Jill) Just left there 4 another pub, so now I’m walking home. Didn’t u and I have this talk? It’s gonna be about me in future – Christian

I pissed in a laneway, just near the Porsche dealer, and felt like a straight boy. It’s amazing how long a piss takes when you are out in the open and a little nervous about it. But I got away unscathed. He, he.

I suddenly had an urge for a fillet of fish when I saw MacDonalds, very unlike me. It proved why I don’t eat MacDonalds, it was tasteless and rubbery and only lukewarm.

The night was busy and cool and dark.

Beau was smoking bongs on the couch when I got there. I smoked a couple of joints and watched, Meet the Folkers, until I was falling asleep, at which point I took myself off to bed.

I turned the light off at 1.30am.

Dean

The lovely Dean, the boy that got away

Mending Fences

Up at 8am. Still cross about the fact that my dental appointment is only a consultation and not the actual procedure. Grr!

Subject: Thursday

Jill

Morning miss. How are you?

Christian

Subject: Karma is gonna get ya…me?

Hey Ab

Sorry about yesterday, I was in the foulest mood... actually, let’s go with the truth... I was coming down like a putrid bitch and was shitty with everyone and everything. I slammed doors and phones before I took myself off to my mother’s. I turned into Skanky eye shadow – blue – and just couldn’t face anyone. I was railing against the world inside in a furious display of, well, I’m not sure what now. Poison? The world was an awful place yesterday! Even Tom copped it when he tried to call me about an sms he couldn’t read.

“You know I can’t read sms’, it is frustrating when people send them...”

“Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, babe.” PUSH END!

Poor Josh, I have no idea what he thought. I got drugs for him for his stay upon his request, and then, basically, scoffed the lot myself, nearly. Not quite. As a result, I turned into a monster – it surprised me with its intensity – and had to take myself in-hand and out of sight.

Say no to drugs, Nancy!

Christian

This email was strategic, a little touch of Christian’s brilliant fence-mending. I think Josh may have given Ab the impression yesterday that I didn’t want to see her, that it was her that I didn’t want brought around here. I also think that he may have given Ab the impression that it was because of the phone bill – the irony of which is that it was Josh who was most pissed off about not being able to call long distance and mobiles. I couldn’t care less, in fact would – not really, only if pressed to give something positive about the situation – prefer it – less calls for me to pay for when Josh has gone. (besides, I have changed it over to Telstra anyway) And Tim wasn’t even aware that we couldn’t make such calls until a few days ago, as neither of us use it. But Josh does!

But, coincidently, I have a summary list of expenses Ab still owes email ready to send to her. Now, if I that was the next things Ab heard from me, it would have confirmed everything that Josh may have let her to believe – which really aren’t true anyway.

“So is the need for this consultation in direct response to you needing a new Mercedes?” was going to be my opening line to the dentist. But she disarmed me with her charm and general niceness, so I said nothing.

My first appointment is Sept 15th when I will be gouged and poked and scraped to the max. There is even going to be stitches, apparently.

SMS.11.16. (Ab) Next door neighbour has heard a rumour that B/Arms is to become apartments – Christian

Subject: Karma is gonna get ya…me?

beautiful boy!

i think there a lesson in this for all of us. drugs are gay you should fuck em off and find another outlet like a minion of hot Italian boys doing your behest.

can i say it any LOUDER lets plan a trip, fer real this time. this city can trap even the best of us, new perspective needed doll. im not taking your complacency anymore. i know you want more, i know you have still so much to contribute to this world, your just bored and dare i say a tad depressed at how life has panned out? a lot of us feel the same but i remind you of this a simple poem...

Ab

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder my friend, i love you very much and hope to connect with you deeper someday, and a most excellent world adventure would be a neat place to start don’t you agree?

x x x x x

Aby

Subject: Hello

I was shopping at Target that's why I didn't get your phone call, there is no service in the damned place... have no idea why... perhaps it’s because its under all that concrete that one hopes has been mixed, poured & cured correctly for fear it all may come crashin down upon my head... all for the sake of a $13 pair of pants for work I hate multi story buildings...just how do they stand up???

Go to bluroyalstaffordshire.com.au and check out the puppies...not to mention the stud "Stanley' too cute. Yes we are off to view all 12 pups that are for sale to make our choice. I think I want a girl but if I see a boofy headed boy I may just come home with a boy. You should come and buy one too and they can have puppies!!! How cute!

I keep thinking 2 would be nice...they can keep each other company but I don't think I will convince Andre do you? I was in Kew this morning for a meeting at Carey I should have trotted over to you for lunch. Your voicemail was very funny because just as I was thinking 'why is he out of breath' you said 'I don't know why I'm out of breath...' Must be all that walking luv.

I have to go. Its Amy's 14th b/d tomorrow and between now and bedtime I have to make 28 cup cakes for her to take to school, not to mention feed everyone and take Anton to cycling in Coburg....COBURG fuck, I kid you not! Oh and I must remember to pick up Oliver from his friends house....

See ya!

me

(Rachel)

Subject: Hello Dean

Hey Christian... sorry I missed it cos that sounds pretty enticing. Was that you that messaged me in the morning? I was pretty tanked myself but I was out like a light till midday or so.. .and was in no condition to travel hehe.

Hopefully soon though...

Dean

Subject: Hello Dean

Hey Dean

Yes it was me who messaged you, but I think I was more wasted than I thought as I slept all day. I’ve been on holidays for the last two weeks which has been great. But it’s nearly over.

We’ll catch up soon

Christian

Slamin Doors

SMS. 7.49. How about lunch 2day? – Rachel

SMS. 7.54. otherwise I will be forced 2 clean the fridge and maybe some ironing and that’s not something u want 2 be responsible 4! – Rachel

I stopped in Auburn Road – outside 25 – and sent sms’. The thought of Gina being at Tom’s hospital bed when the next sms arrived was just too delicious to pass up. (against my better judgement, as was proved to be correct)

SMS. 10.31. (Rachel and Tom) Comin down like a skanky, whore BITCH! Been slamin doors and phones! REALLY NOT NICE TODAY! – Christian

SMS. 10.32. Will u ever grow up? I am off 2 Malvern then Camberwell then St Kilda, if u need coffee by the water about 2 call me – Rachel

SMS. 10.33. So, I’m off to mums. Let’s hope she doesn’t say the wrong thing – Christian

SMS. 10.35. I might just do that. How’s 2ish sound? May be? – Christian

SMS. 10.40. Fab let me know about 1 – Rachel

SMS. 10.45. Hey Jude, Josh Gale wants to catch up with u before he leaves Saturday – Christian

SMS. 11.16. I am blind remember luv Tom with health – cb

SMS. 11.21. Yeah doll, I know ur eyes r fucked. But the thought of Gina reading the previous message to ya amused me – Christian

Tom called me after this, but I was too cross to be sympathetic and I railed at him before I hit end. The anger welled up in me all over again as I spoke to him.

SMS. 11.49. 2CV next 2 me! – Rachel

SMS. 12.46. I’m finished early where r u? Still up 4 coffee or should I go shopping – Rachel

Luke

I am telling you what I really think. I took drugs on Friday, I had a good time. I have no guilt nor do I feel the need for confrontation with anyone regarding it.

I feel like shit today, but, surprise, surprise. I’ve slammed doors and phones.

Thank you for your concern, but, really, I’m fine. Big smile.

I care about you too.

Do you want to go out dancing one night? Be bad? So we can lament about it the next day? We can use expressions that don’t really mean much like, gosh we were soooooo bad. I should have said, I was such a hot dancer last night, except I didn’t dance at the house warming, I stood and chatted to people all night.

I have absolutely no concerns regarding my drug habit. None.

I haven’t fucked anybody on drugs for years, quite possibly this entire millennium. I much prefer to have sex when I’m not on drugs. It works much better for me; bright eyes and enchanting smiles that I can see clearly before we kiss.

I like to get out of it and dance when I’m on drugs. Feel the music, disappear into my own space and groove on the riffs and the beat, which is probably what I was doing at Public Office. I connect quite successfully after that when I’m home having a cup of tea and a j.

I do think you are fantastic.

I do think you have a gorgeous laugh.

Christian

Well about fucking time!

Luke

I didn’t really understand Luke’s response, initially. I guess it means that he was just concerned for me all along.

I adore Luke. He is one of the nicest blokes I know. He is fantastic, fun, nice to be with. He does have a gorgeous laugh, hearty and infectious. But, I guess, I am not reading him right, hey? I thought I was being light and breezy, chatty, sharing with him what I was doing. It seemed like he was attacking me…attacking is too strong a word. It felt like, I guess, he was judging and deliberately picking a fight.

I guess I was wrong.

I took to my bed after this and didn’t come out, except for a couple of occasions. Tim told me what had been going on regarding Ab.

Josh came home around 10pm, but I just couldn’t talk to him, couldn’t talk to anyone. I was waiting for my furious side to calm down. It didn’t happen.

Manny

Two Boyfriends Doubled Over

I got up at 7am and wrote for a few hours.

I picked Manny up at 11am and took him to the Prahran clinic. He’d done his back and was bent over, nearly in double like an old man.

I visited Tom while Manny was seeing the doctor and having a CT scan.

Manny and I had sex at Manny’ place, when I dropped him back... his back wasn't a problem.

I was home by 3pm. It was cold and wet. Apparently, Mark and Luke came to visit while I was out.

Josh was watching TV and reading.

I disappeared to my computer. Josh started to sing Christian songs, until I told him to shut up about that cunt. I think he may have got peeved when I told him not to whistle either.

Josh went to bed just as it was getting dark.

SMS. 15.23. Did u get Jill? – Rachel

SMS. 15.28. Hey, I can’t go, I didn’t realise I’m already booked. Mate from Berlin. Can we go next week? – Christian

SMS. 15.29. Sorry – Christian

SMS. 15.33. That’s fine! Shitty night 2 be going out anyway. How about in a fortnight?... the night b4 I get my puppy – Rachel

SMS. 15.37. Yes. What puppy? – Rachel

SMS. 15.44. Staffy – Rachel

SMS. 16.02. A nice blue staffy girl 2 be precise. No name chosen as yet any ideas? The kids say Tilly or Blu – Rachel

SMS. 16.06. Hmmmm? I’ll give it some thought – Christian

I think I would have got the same email from Luke, no matter what I had written to him. He seemed to want to waggle his finger at me, no matter what. He didn’t hit a nerve… I thought I was being funny and chatty in my last email. Oh well.

Struck a nerve have I??I wasn’t talking about Friday night fool. I was talking about your choices at the moment, but you’ve always been the queen of denial so I’m not surprised in the slightest by this response. A simple “thanks for the concern”, would’ve been enough. But no, once again you have to detach yourself from the fact that someone actually cares about you – how sad! You’re turning into a stereotype – and not a pretty one.

Luke

I think you’re fantastic!

Christian

Too gutless to tell me what you really think?

Luke

I think you have a gorgeous laugh.

Christian

I’m really bored with this now.

Walking away from every confrontation in life doesn’t make you the bigger man, it just makes you pointless.

Luke

SMS. 22.30. (Rachel) It all went pear-shaped. I went nowhere. Grrr! I’ve been in bed for ½ an hour – Christian

SMS. 22.34. (Rachel) Today, I did every t/lotto ticket that was available for this week. It cost $70. I soooooo don’t want 2 go back to work! – Christian

Melbourne Calling

Chriso! Great to hear from you! Just wanted to thank you for the email, and to say I will pen a longer (and hopefully as entertaining) reply to you during the week,

xxx Jeff

(Ah Jeff, how I want to crawl all over you, sticking my tongue down your throat and my hand down your pants, pity you don't feel the same way)

Bing awake at 6am. I don’t mind. It’s good to be up early. I’m a morning person, despite what anyone else may tell you.

Tom called and he was having dope bought to him from each corner of the city, as we spoke.

Manny called wanting me to pick him up and drive him to hospital. Hours in emergency didn’t sound like any fun at all. Besides, there is nothing they can do, they’ll just pat him on the head and send him home. So I didn’t answer the phone.

Mark called to chastise me about my drug taking. It’s not a problem when he wants to take drugs, just when anyone else wants to.

Tom says the two of them need more contact with the outside world.

SMS. 14.54. Dinner 2morrow? – Rachel

SMS. 15.10. Yes. Lovely – Christian

Luke

Completely mindless, that’s the reason lighting has to be dark in a club. It’s what clubs are for. But, Friday night was a house warming, so I had to connect with lots of people. On my toes, so to speak. Chat, chat, chat, blah, blah, blah. Good thing I didn’t have too much green. It was Beau’s house warming. I kind of knew quite a few people there, as they are the other club buddies I’ve been shooting up with. Ha, ha. Aren’t I funny? The two houses have been coming together to parté.

Pooh Bear for Life Coach that’s what I say.

We all need to play more and stop being so jolly gosh serious.

I’m on holidays!

Yay for me!

Christian

SMS. 15.53. Should we ask Jill? – Christian

SMS. 16.32. Prob, I will let u TRY 2 get Jill – Rachel

I was watching TV with Josh and the next thing I knew I was waking up on the couch alone. I looked at the clock and thought it said 5.3am, had all the usual thoughts about waking up like that and then proceeded to take myself off to bed. Just as I turned the last light out in the kitchen, I saw out of the corner of my eye, just before everything went black, that the microwave clock said 10.30pm. I had that momentary sensation of total and utter confusion, there in the dark, when what I believe swirled into something else. So, I put my computer on and typed up my Everything Changes journal.

Tim and Beau came home not long after. Beau’s so nice – sexy and smart. Can you get the double in one package?

Josh came home a little while after that with his fat Calabrian buddy with the massive cock. His fat, boring buddy who takes up more space than I would care t give him. And Josh gets that look on his face, a cross between a sixteen year old girl and someone who has really achieved something.

I ended up heading off to bed late. 

Tell Me What You Really Think, Luke

I woke up at 5am. Bing! Awake! You know when you just know that you are awake and you might as well get up, that was me at 5am. So, I got up and stoked up the fire, switched on my computer and made coffee.

5am and it is still dark. 5am and it is not so cold outside, I thought, as I rushed out bear-foot to get some more wood.

Oh, I’m a bit shaky, now that I come to think about it. Low level panic, inside my skin. The rumble of naughtiness rolling in my nerve sheaths. A little nauseous in my stomach, but if I don’t think about it, it will be fine. Oooo, oooo! Oooo!

I’m on gaydar and have attracted the attention of a really cute guy who only lives around the corner, who wants to do it now. Mmmm?

I feel a bit sick, to tell you the truth.

I should just go back to bed. It’s 6.15am.

He looks like a cute, cute wog boy – carmine_xx. Ah well, I am at the wrong end of a drug-fuelled spree. Could I be good at it, at this time? Don’t know. I don’t want to get into it and run out of energy.

Now, I really do feel as though I’m going to throw up. Er! Going back to bed. 6.30am

I didn’t go back to bed, deciding instead to keep typing my original journal, Everything Changes.

It’s 09.50. I have been scheming how to get those e’s out of Josh. I have three e’s to take, I just have to get my hands on them. Josh did ask if I’d buy them back off him, last night. So, I’ll trust the money at him telling him to give them to me. Easy peasy.

I got one pill out of Josh, like taking candy from a baby.

Subject: morning

(M&L)

Lovely day. I took drugs, I was bad. (now Christian, this is getting totally out of control. Big, contented smile) But I feel better today. Good. Smiling. Together. Happy. Saturday was the longest day ever, I liked it. And I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. Yay for me! Do nothing, they are the words I like to hear. I’m on holidays, yippee. Must go and do all the tattsotto tickets there are next week. I sooooooooooooooo don’t want to go back to work.

My new mantra – How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards.

He, he, he.

Christian

SMS. 11.17. Hey Guido, can I get that something from u today? – Christian

Guido called me back and tried valiantly to not sound trashed, but failed, as his voice was on three quarter speed, no pun intended. He agreed to leave it out for me, as he was heading back to bed.

We went to Cocos for brunch, Josh and I. I had eggs and spinach and smoked salmon and then French toast with bananas and cream cheese. I was full after that.

I went to Guido’s and got pot. He left it out for me, as he was too trashed to be seen.

I came home and went straight to bed.

SMS. 12.00. My life sucks. I am sitting in the car at a place called Burrumbeet just out of Ballarat. It’s even 2 cold 2 stand outside – Rachel

SMS. 12.01. What we mother’s will do 4 luv! Still on holidays? When r u free 4 dinner? – Rachel

SMS. 12.06. That’s where my car broke down at midnight one year coming home from Adelaide, around 10pm. We didn’t get into a hotel until 3am. Chill up the spine, I know it well – Christian

Subject: morning

chris chris,

Why even say that you are bad, when it’s obvious that that’s all you want to do? Personally, I think you’re a bit sad at the moment, trying to recapture something or escape from something? Close to losing your mind? The last time we were out together at Public Office I was a bit shocked to see the state that you get yourself into, completely mindless, the whole purpose of taking drugs is to expand your mind, not obliterate it. When was the last time you really connected with someone on drugs?

(Apart from fucking)?? I’m not trying to play the drug police or anything, you know that I don’t really have any issues about people taking drugs. I’m just concerned for you, you seem to have got yourself into a bit of a routine. And yes, I know that you’re on holidays, and that’s a good thing. I guess, I just need to trust that you know what you’re doing, and everything will be cool. Oh, your mother rang looking for you.

Luke.

P.S. The new mantra sounds like something Pooh Bear would say, I’ve got one for you – I’m an intelligent, sensitive, charming, witty, motivated, funny, cute human – until I take drugs!!

SMS. 12.27. Are you home, we’re in Brunswick Street at Gypsy bar #332 – Lauri

Slept most of the day. Pulled a lot.

Watched TV in bed.

Josh went to the sauna.

I took the e.

Tim came up at 6pm and said Josh’s friend Evie was here. I was glad I was secreted away.

Josh arrived at 19.10.

I never got out of bed again. Most of the day. Lovely.

I ignored mum.

I ditched Lauri.

Dozed. Smoked pot. Dozed. Smoked pot.

Tom rang at 10pm and expected me to rush down there with a joint for him. “I’ve lost my dope and I can’t find it because I am blind. Please bring me some dope.”

The Party Was Fun

 The party was fun. Nice group of people.

There was a note on the bench from Josh saying he was going to his friends Paul and Rob’s.

We took more e’s as we lay back on the couches.

5am, I had to go to bed to tug Chuckie. He wanted it.

11am, was on my clock radio when I rolled over awake. The first thing I did was roll a joint.

I tried to call Tom, but again, I couldn’t get through.

Tim and Beau are in varying states of discomposure. They decide to celebrate the morning by taking more drugs.

12.15. I take another whole e.

I built a fire and lushed out watching the teev.

Subject: Dean

Hey Dean, it's Saturday afternoon. The fire is burning, it’s cold outside. Just wondering what you are doing today? I'm good. I went out with my flatmates to my flatmates boyfriend's housewarming, last night. We all took drugs, so I am a bit wired. But all of that could be extinguished when I run my tongue across your face.

Christian

From Simon – hey buddy, wanna suck yr dick?

From Simon – hey you could always ring me on my mobile # that I gave you at 80 after I sucked you off and u loved it... Simon 04xx1xx9xx

From Fletch – You want to have sex? Come over and we’ll lush out on my bed, kissing and sucking all afternoon. You were a hot sex buddy, just say when.

From Simon – How about Sunday , tomorrow, after two? Simon

I went back to bed.

Tim woke me at 20.30 with another e, which was down my throat before I’d exited the sheets.

Josh was home.

Shane left me a message saying that Tom had lost sight in his good eye and now couldn’t read text messages. Such notifications are Shane’s calling in life, the harbinger of doom. He loves it, you can hear his office tone supplant his normal speaking voice.

The only thing I was left wondering was if this was a temporary thing because of the chemo, or did Shane mean it was a permanent outcome.

Tim was sick and had to take himself off to bed.

I went back to bed at midnight, feeling a little woozy, rattling and humming.

Good morning Sebastian

Good morning

Get Out While I Can

SMS. 00.26. Thought u were over them? Home at last having a glass of wine, would rather a cuppa in your bed, new sheets & a good book – Rachel

SMS. 00.36. I never said that…or Italian…big meaty cock & plenty of enthusiasm…dark & and handsome…really, a nice smile... – Christian

SMS. 00.37. We’re not that hard 2 please r we? – Rachel

SMS. 00.43. Husband on the prowl have 2 go 2 bed cos I am tired! Wish he’d fuck off. PS u forgot my b/d. U owe me dinner! – Rachel

SMS. 00.40. My point, exactly – Christian

SMS. June 17th. Didn’t I call? – Christian

SMS. 00.48. July 17th u idiot. Ni-nite going 2 Portsea 4 lunch 2morrow have 2 get my beauty sleep xxx – Rachel

SMS. 00.52. I’m on holidays. I promised Jill lunch. Oops – Christian

SMS. 00.53. Taking too many drugs – Christian

SMS. 00.55. In Portsea? I am in bed. Don’t bother replying xxx – Rachel

A little later, Sebastian went to bed. “Good night Christian. It was really nice our talk tonight.”

“It was,” I said.

He smiled angelically and then he was gone.

I went to bed not long after him around 1.30am. I had nice thoughts about Sebastian, he’s a nice boy.

I thought of Tim as I was going to sleep, rotten drunk and into bed late. The morning wasn’t going to be pretty. I was on holidays. Yay!

SMS. 8.02. Morning miss – Christian

Tim was crook and didn’t leave for work until 10am.

Sebastian got up a little while later. I'd fanaticised about him appearing in the study doorway, dressed in his orange t-shirt and grey, jersey jocks, with a morning stiffy. And almost by magic...

"Good morning," said Sebastian, behind me. I turned around to see him walking into the kitchen, his hand up under the back of his T-shirt scratching his back, his t-shirt lifted up for me to see him in his green stripey jocks, cute round arse, hairy legs. The horizontal stripes only seeming to accentuate the peachiness of his curves.

He turned and came into the study, kiss me gently on the head. The thin, soft material did very little to hide anything. "I'm just getting coffee," he croaked. "Do you want some?" He's got an incredible body, there is not an gram of fat on him anywhere. The soft fuzz of his pubes poked out of the straining elastic at the front of his jocks.

"I already have one," I said. "Nice arse, Sebastian." He wiggled it at me provocatively, as he walked in the kitchen. Small. Firm. The kind you could hold snugly in both hands, one cheek per palm.

He got his coffee and went back up stairs to get dressed.

Then it came to me, what to say to Josh. I’m going to the house warming, but I’m not taking him because it will be all the same people from last Friday, the same people he couldn’t get away from fast enough last week and with who I wasn’t going to have my night ruined tonight, by his infernal winging. Easy peasy.

SMS. 12.03. What’s the code for the phone? – Christian

SMS. 12.05. 0986908 – Tom

Josh got home, just as I was dialling the number to call Tom. I hung up and didn’t call.

SMS. 12.09. Aren’t you free Orange 2 Orange? – Tom

SMS. 12.15. But going for a smoke now – Tom

Josh and I took half an e and lushed out for the afternoon.

I went to bed around 3pm to rest my aching head and to have a pull.

Tom called me around 4pm and said give me a call.

SMS. 17.17. Hey all, our flight has been fucking delayed and so won’t be in Melbourne till almost midnight. Don’t think we will make The Laird, sorry. Oh and don’t reply to this, talk soon – Lauri

I got up at 7.15pm to watch Big Brother.

Josh went to have a sleep. He was still asleep when Tim and Beau got home.

“I don’t have to go to The Laird now,” I said. “When are you going?”

“The cars waiting out the front,” said Tim “I’ll tell them we’re going to wait a bit.”

I was showered and ready to go in five minutes. Quietly, quietly. I wanted to get out of the house without Josh.

We sneaked out of the house on tip toe and left Josh still sleeping.

Prahran Market

Nick to the Backroom

SMS. 9.04. Morning Miss – Christian

Lovely, slow, holiday type mornings in bed. Gotta love them. I read my book until Manny called to say that his back was no better and could I drive him to the doctor.

I had let slip to him, early in the week, that I was on holidays, so some "sweet Greek action" would be coming my way. But alas, I’m just a taxi service for the infirmed. So…

I had to go up to Sebastian’s room to get some clean washing. Lying on his bed were a pair of jersey, shorty jocks, he had taken off, lying in a three-dimensional pose as though Sebastian was lying on his bed on his stomach, one hip prone. I wanted to pick them up and bury my face in them. Nobody would ever know. I’m good at putting things back exactly as I find them, not that Sebastian would remember how he left his jocks. I wanted to smell his arse crack up the back seam. I wanted to smell his foreskin around the fly.

Off to Manny’s, to drive him to the doctor. Josh came with me. The first thing poor, twisted, in pain Manny whispered in my ear was, “Why did you bring him?” Sexy smile. Coy look. I thought he was crippled up in pain?

Josh and I had lunch in Prahran Market and then bought each other books in Hares and Hyenas. I bought Josh Dead Europe. Josh bought me Myra and Myron.

Josh went to see Tom and Manny and I went shopping…only at Coles, nothing exciting. Manny sat at the front of the shop patiently because he didn’t want to walk any further. Men in my life and back problems? Manny, Mark, Dad, all exactly the same.

All of the male store hands seemed to be young, gorgeous and gay. Unblemished olive-skin, dark hair and big brown eyes. It was very distracting. It made me think of sex. It made me think of Manny, as I wandered the unfamiliar isles. I was thinking, I should just marry Manny and settle down with him. Why shouldn’t I? No boyfriend is perfect. What do you think universe? Just as I thought that, I kid you not, the announcement came over the store’s address system.

“Nick to the back room please, Nick to the backroom.” Of all the names it could have been. I took it as a sign not to marry Manny.

SMS. 13.08. (Tom) Over the P.A. in Coles they just said, Nick to the back room please, Nick. Makes me want to go and check out the back room – Christian

SMS. 13.42. Do it! – Tom

Manny and I dropped my shopping back home, before I took him home to his place. Manny lay down on my bed and unbuttoned his jeans.

“I thought you were crippled in pain?” I said.

He pulled his shirt off. “I’m not that crippled in pain.” He said with a husky voice. “Come here.”

It was so nice to see him with his shirt off and his pants around his thighs. He has a beautiful cock, just the right meat for me to suck into my mouth.

Manny has a sex look, kind of dark and brooding, it pushes all of my buttons. I love the way we kiss, eating each other’s lips. I love how our pants come down so easily for each other. If only I could get him to open up his relationship just to include me, you know, to make up for Johnny’s lack of enthusiasm in having sex. Johnny has no sex drive, strange for a late twenty year old. Johnny love’s the social, I love the cuddles. It could be perfect.

Manny didn’t want me to spoof on him, he didn’t want Johnny to smell. The boyfriend issue, I hadn’t given it a second thought, when it actually came down to succumbing to Manny’s charms.

Josh was home when I got back from Manny’s.

I like the smell of Manny’ sex, I like it to remain on me, so I don’t shower.

Josh greeted me with… now Tom knows the both sides of what went on last Friday night. Josh had got snaky with me, over semantics really. He said something about a dance party, last weekend. He said that I had said that “I could have told him about it.” I told him that I couldn’t have said that because I didn’t know there was a dance party on. Josh telling me was the first I’d heard about the dance party. Off it went from there… both of us determined to make out point…both as stubborn as each other. It just deteriorated into unpleasantness in the end, with Josh insisting that I did and me insisting that I didn’t. I was left wondering if it had something to do with Josh’s, being used to speaking German, intonation which was making the two of us misunderstand each other. Maybe, Josh had adopted a European kind of sensibility and I’m just missing his meaning because of it. We just seem to be arguing the whole time. No funny Christian. No funny Josh. It’s quite odd, not how we usually are with each other. I think I need to have an Ab household for when Josh comes to visit. I could live with Ab and Josh, if Ab got her finances together.

Josh views Tim’s views on Asians as an unforgivable sin. Maybe, I should try to state the obvious to Josh, that maybe he has to be a little more clever than that and he should allow for the hate factor, or lack there of – let percentage of venom make a big difference and not just to listen to the words. Sure, Tim calls the Vietnamese Milk Bar owner China, but he doesn’t say it with any kind of hate. I know, I’m making excuses for Tim... but Josh is just picking fights about anything.

I walked away and got very interested in Shelly’s email.

Josh scuttled off to his room.

Subject: Hello

Well hi there!

Very interesting email!! Intending to! Let’s hope it is soon! The couch is no fun!

5.00am in the morning – your creative juices were working well!

How is sunny Melb?

Life is sweet – went to see Daryl Braithwaite a couple of weeks ago and last week went to see Renee Geyer – both fab nights – oh how I reminisced!

Be good, be careful, be safe!

When are you coming to Perth?

Shell xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Subject: Hello

Shell

How the fuck are ya?

It’s a gorgeous day today; wintry sun, blue sky and a gentle breeze. And I’m on holidays. Yay!

But, I’ve been to the dentist, who is now sending me to a specialist, next Thursday, to save my gums. My best mate is in hospital for some months, my favourite sexy boy has buggered his back and I have a lovely friend staying from Germany. So with trips to hossy, trips to sports injury clinics and entertaining my friend in between, it’s not leaving much time for me. Me! ME! And we hate that, as I know you will understand.

Not to mention that I must deal with my sundry cars, get them to the sales people, so I can slip the money onto my mortgage. And the car I drive seems to be illuminating another warning light every time I drive it. So, I guess, I should take head…er…heed and take the wretched thing to the service man.

None of this sounds like big fun for Christian on holidays – friend from Germany withstanding.

I did get a root though, but don’t tell anyone, as he now has a partner with who he is having a monogamous relationship… against my vows to be sure, (I have no desire to be confronted by an irate boyfriend) but what is a boy to do when he has a cute bloke panting down his shirt collar for him? I ask you?

I saw Renee Geyer not so long ago and she was fantastic.

I’m rarely good, as the previous admission may indicate, but I’m very careful and always good at it!

Big (contented) smile.

Perth? That’s a capital city somewhere in the west, isn’t it?

Christian

Josh went upstairs to his room, in a huff. I went to bed to read the rest of Vanity Fierce, firmly shutting my bedroom door in the process. If Josh wants to be snaky, let him, but I don’t have to stick around to be a part of it.

He was off to see Christos, soon after.

There was something in my book that reminded me of the thought. I had the other day, and again sometime before that, of telling mum that Mark and I are not really boyfriends any more. Things have happened, or things that I have read, have made me think about it lately. It has never occurred to me, before now. And there is no point to it, really, other than the truth.

SMS. 16.37. (Tom) Do you think that I should tell my mum that Mark and I are no longer boyfriends? – Christian

SMS. 16.48. (Rachel) Lying in bed with a good book & new bed linen, the gentle glow of the sun @ the window, on holidays. It’s quiet. Lovely! – Christian

SMS. 16.50. (Rachel) Did I mention, I’m post-Greek-boy sex, too? – Christian

SMS. 16.50. Un yeah, I suppose… Wait till she hears about yr financial arrangements Miss!! x – Tom

SMS. 16.53. (Tom) Lying in bed with a good book & new bed linen, the gentle glow of the sun @ the window. It’s quiet. Lovely! – Christian

SMS. 16.53. Lovely! – Tom

SMS. 16.54. (Tom) She knows my financial arrangements – Christian

SMS. 16.57. (Tom) It’s all lovely. I’m (feeling) lovely – Christian

SMS. 16.57. You are, I am, even Josh Gale is lovely! – Tom

SMS. 16.58. (Tom) You’re lovely too – Christian

SMS. 17.00. (Tom) Yes…er…well – Christian

SMS. 17.00. Where the hell r u? – Rachel

SMS. 17.01. (Rachel) In my very own bed. Lovely – Christian

SMS. 17.04. Wish I was there I’d make us a cuppa, jump in next 2 you with a good book 2! Alas, I have to work 2nite! Don’t knock the Greek boys – Rachel

SMS. 17.11. Come over, I have lots of pillows & a king sized bed. The only time I knock Greek boys is when I’m up against them! – Christian

SMS. 17.13. Now there’s a very nice offer! I will think of that in a couple of hours, as 4 Greek boys… – Rachel

SMS. 17.17. (Rachel) Greek boys…YUM! – Christian

SMS. 17.56. Absence makes the mind forget doesn’t it? Ha, ha! – Tom

SMS. 18.21. No – Christian

I came back downstairs just in time to see the last half of Big Brother. Tim and Sebastian were watching TV.

I spoke to Luke, who was tending to emails while Mark entertained Aunty Anne and husband. He told me how he pulled Mark’s stitches out, the other night, when he was really stoned and it nearly made him throw up. I love Luke, he’s so gorgeous and so funny. Nobody has such a beautiful laugh as Luke. He filled me in about what Julien is up to.

Subject: Cold Thursday

(Jules)

A pencil case, stripy tights and liquorice all-sort earrings, miss? Of course, sleeping with your tutor is likely to have more of an effect on your marks, luv. The problem here, and I’ll let you into a little secret, is that it may not be a positive effect. It’s funny like that. Strange ways indeed.

How are you? I hear – as you can see – you are doing very well. Good on ya. Up the Top-End, is that what they call it?

Hot. I hear it’s hot. But I guess it is Darvin…er…Darwen. Um? Daaaarwinnn! (broad Aussie accent) Durwood?

Sorry about the rental referee… it did make me laugh, though. I have to admit.

Everything is fine down here, you’re not missing anything.

We have the lovely Sebastian staying. He pretties up the place, at the very least. Tactile Italians, you got to luv them. I could gaze at him… but enough about that.

Josh Gale is also in town. Not sure, now that I think about it, that you know him very well. I think you have met him once, or twice. He’s the one who lives in Berlin.

And me? What of me, you ask?

I’m on holidays.

I’ve been to the dentist, who is now sending me to a specialist, next Thursday, to save my gums. She told me last time I saw her that she may be able to fix them for me, if I was diligent. But, then this time, I admitted that I’d been back on dope and drugs and that my teeth cleaning wasn’t, perhaps, so great. She responded with sending me to the specialist. Boo-hoo.

Tom is in hospital for some months, going okay. He’s had the transplant and now is waiting for it all to work out.

Manny has buggered his back – not that I’m seeing him. So with trips to hossy, trips to sports injury clinics and entertaining Josh in between, it’s not leaving much time for me. Me! ME! ME SWEETIE! And we hate that, as I know you will understand.

Not to mention that I must deal with my sundry cars – a holiday promise to myself – get them to the sales people, so I can slip the money onto my mortgage. But how exciting does this sound, catch a train to Altona…nay…Westona, drive to Bolago, attach a trailer to the Rover, pop the Cooper S on the back, drive it to Mitcham, drive the Rover to my mum’s and put it in the garage and then, for all my trouble, catch a tram home. Oh yes, I feel a shiver of anticipation just thinking about it.

The Peugeot seems to be illuminating another warning light every time I drive it. So, I guess, I should take head…er…heed and take the wretched thing to the service man.

None of this sounds like big fun for Christian on holidays – friend from Germany withstanding…just.

I did get a root though, but don’t tell anyone, as Manny now has a partner with who he is having a monogamous relationship with… against my vows to be sure, (I have no desire to be confronted by an irate boyfriend) but what is a boy to do when he has a cute Greek bloke panting after him? I ask you? I’ve been sworn to secrecy, but I figure you are far enough away. (Foolish, foolish me! Not meant to be a comment on you, you understand luv. But we all know that the world is a very small place now a days.)

So there you go.

Big kisses and hugs

Christian

Beau bought around a bud from his supply of dope because the score had gone down before I put in my order. It was nice of him. Goodness is the meaning of life, after all, what makes the world spin. Random acts of kindness. Actually, on-going acts of kindness.

SMS. 21.19. Hi it’s Sebastian… (usually I’d write the entire SMS, but in this instance, it isn’t my to reprint) – Sebastian

(I do like sms’s, rather than speaking, as a time thing.)

She didn’t sms me back, said Sebastian looking disappointed. I’m gazing at this beautiful angelic Italian boy. Crazy girl.

Sebastian and I sat and talked. We talked about lots of stuff, me rolling joints and he quaffing white wine. We talked about Melbourne and people and life. Was it religion vs religion or economic wealth vs economic wealth that was the root cause of the troubles in the world today.

We were watching all three commercial channels covering – with perverse glee – a fresh spate of bombings in London. It all seemed to be inferred, reported to have, could have happened. It seemed like copy cat crazies strapping penny bungers to their backs, achieving their fifteen minutes of fame.

CNN was spoofing all over our television sets. It’s revolting.

It’s hate. It’s the inequities of the people of the world, dressed up as religion, manifesting as hate. America has been stirring up trouble in the Middle East for decades, spreading the basis for hate to grow, like rampant mould over a cadaver. Hate begets hate. People don’t matter any more in the western world, the dollar is paramount.

The hate has been radiating out for years, like asteroids, or rocks dropped into the middle of large ponds. The conservative politics of hate. Hate’s taking hold of the earth. Governments are using it as a tool for power. It’s just humans hating humans with, or without, a good reason. They eventually forget the reasons, only remembering the hate. It’s what humans have done all through time. Nothing’s changed.

If you throw bombs about in the world, you can’t expect others not to follow suit. If you actively promote violence for your own gain, you can’t fain innocents when the world turns violent. It’s the western world against everyone who doesn’t agree with its values. It’s the poor hitting back against the rich. It’s human beings demonstrating, yet again, that they still are only barely above rabble, given any excuse.

As I like to say, a million years – a blip in earth’s history – and there will be no trace of mankind ever having existed. It’s comforting. It gives closure to the madness that was man.

Not only pretty, but smart too. Some people are blessed. Some people aren’t. Like the world really. The blessed and the not so blessed.

The machinations of such are now so far out of control…that they are only the things that sell newspapers, making the few people, who own the media of the world, very rich.

Tim and Beau had been in Tim’s room all this time. Suddenly, I could hear voices. I muted the TV to see if I was hearing correctly. I’d never heard Tim and Beau argue, it would be the first time if they were.

What was the answer to the world’s problems? The only thing that will save it now – and I remain sceptical – is the mass power of the people. Like the power of the ocean. Like the power of the asteroids which fly past our ears every day. Only the uncompromising and the complete power of every individual to speak and be heard, the absolute and unadulterated voice of true democracy, can save mankind now. The politicians have it completely wrong; fools are eventually parted from their wealth. If one billion people stamped their foot and said no, it doesn’t have to be like this…then and only then would we have a chance in hell of moving on and surviving our current problems.

Because, it’s the twist of ideologies which now have tangled the worlds knickers so badly, that nobody knows now who the hell is hating who and for what REAL reason.

Tim came out several times for wine, bottles of, with grim expressions. Eventually he came out smiling. “I had to give him one, everything is all right now,” he said, with a lift of the leg on his departure.

It was a good reason for a joint. But, really, anything was a good reason for a joint.

The world is screwed.

Beau went home smiling, apparently. Sometimes, with healthy, young bottoms, that is all that is required to get them out of a dark mood. Because – I hope Beau never reads this – it’s what put them in the bad mood, or lack thereof, in the first place. Twenty-nine year old healthy, functioning bottoms will descend into dark moods if they haven’t been fucked enough. If they are left horny and un-sated, they get cranky, even if they don’t understand why at the time. Beau’s a sexy, sexy boy, it would be fucken hot to watch him go off with a huge cock up his arse.

We watched Kath and Kim.

I was smoking joints, Tim and Sebastian were scoffing wine.

Tim said that he and Beau had had a stupid argument, about nothing really. About the washing.

(Beautiful, Italian) Tony was mentioned, as a tiny part of a problem, with Tim often being caught at work over laughing with Tony. Naturally, I asked about Tony. I hadn’t said a word about Tony, deliberately. I was only going to mention him, if Tim did. And this was the first time Tim had mentioned him since he had moved in.

I told Tim about Manny propositioning Tony at the Laird. I told him how horrified I was and I was – turned on to, to be sure, but that wasn’t the primary feeling. I also told Tim about my thought at the time, I may want to sleep with Tony, but I wouldn’t want to be sharing him with anyone at the time.

Tim responded with comments about Tony’s beautiful arse.

“He likes to sit on top of you, while you’re lying down, facing away, his strong leg muscles holding him up, as he goes up and down on your cock up his arse, asking if his arse is still the tightest thing to fuck?”

Tim completed the story with demonstrations.

“You are just teasing now,” I said.

I can see his beautiful arse revealed, as I slid his board-shorts down. I can feel his olive skin on the tip of my tongue. I can taste him on my lips.

Sebastian laughed at us being dirty. He laughed again when I told him Tony made my tongue hang out. Sebastian is very sexual, you can almost see the testosterone rise when he talks about sex. It is sexy to watch. (And because he’s very sexual day to day, he could accept many more experiences…if you know what I mean.)

I so want to fuck Tony. I told Tim to say hello to him for me. Tim laughed and said yes. Tim confirm Tony is single and he went on to tell me where Tony hangs out for sex, but I told him not to, reiterating that I couldn’t be trusted…especially, when on drugs.

At one stage, Sebastian was standing next to the couch talking on the phone. Tim turned to me and said, “Should we send him to the study?” We both looked at Sebastian and then back to one another. “Nah, too pretty,” we both said. We laughed.

I heard Sebastian say something like, molto Italiano sexy, a minute later.

He got that, I said to Tim. He understood what we were just talking about. We both looked at Sebastian, who blushed and smiled coyly. Beautifully. So handsome. Giving away completely that we knew that he knew what we’d just said.

Tim turned off some of the lights, nice and dim, just as I liked it. The fire blazed.

I told Tim about Friday night. I told him how I scoffed all the ecstasy. I told him that Josh just complained for the whole night, in my ear like a Gnat. Bzzzzzzzzzzz! Tim especially laughed, when I told him how Josh had continued to berate me about the drugs, wah, wah, wah, until I got up, stalked off to the study, downed another e and then returned to the seat next to Josh, while he continued on unabated. I got more out of it to cope.

Tim thought that was fantastic.

Tim said that Beau said that he didn’t want Josh at his house-warming. Well, people’s dislikes are transparent, even if they don’t know it at the time, even if the intended recipient didn’t know it at the time. It’s all about energy and Josh was pumping out more negative energy towards them, last Friday night, than when Chernobyl melted down. He could hardly be surprised. But what do I say to him?

Tim asked me if I minded people coming into my room without knocking. I thought he was talking about Josh and I said that I was used to it. But he was talking about Beau. Apparently, sometime in the drugged-out time, last Friday, Beau came to my bedroom door, knocked and then opened it and looked in.

“Did you realise?” asked Tim.

“No, I didn’t” I said.

I was turned on by the idea, Beau coming into my room when I was high on drugs… in his jocks, with half a hard-on. Maybe rubbing it, as he came in, with that gorgeous smile of his. I suddenly had hazy drug-fuelled fantasies about Beau.

Then the reality flashed through my mind. Sweet Beau inquiring about dope – dope heads can’t refuse fellow dope-heads dope. I wouldn’t have minded

But, to be confronted by the twisted cadaver, that was me, sweating as I desperately tugged my pud... I shook my head.

“I thought you were talking about Josh,” I said to Tim. “But, yes, anybody else I’d be pissed off.”

I got three e’s for tomorrow night. Ha, ha!

Tim went to bed with the parting words, “Lose Josh before the house-warming.”

Sebastian made several phone calls during the night. At the end of the last one, as I rolled a joint, he hung up with the words, “I’m excited.”

Kath and Kim droned on.

I broke a cigarette and dropped in into the mull bowl. My eyes floated over Sebastian’s crotch, his cock seemed more prominent than usual. I broke some dope for a bedtime joint and dropped it into the mulli. As I ground it up, my eyes rested on his bulge again. I was sure he was partly hard. It looked so nice, the outline... it was bent around, it looked like a snake coiled, just about to slither. It sat nicely on top of his balls. So handsome all night and now just a little hard before bed. It was getting harder slowly as I watched, as Sebastian gazed at the TV screen. He must have liked whoever it was he’d just been speaking to, who was still giving him a beautiful cock. I could picture dark body hair, fuzzy around the base. His pink head just poking through his chamois foreskin.

My head floated as my hand spun the mulli. I just gazed at this beautiful boy, semi-erect. I sensed that he turned to look over in my direction, I didn’t care, I wanted him to see me admiring his gorgeous penis. The mulli ground on. He didn’t react, initially. Then he slowly crossed his legs and my eyes floated back to the joint-job at hand.

The lights were dim. The fire shone in our faces, like a vast red sea of red hot coals, burning gently before us. Toil and trouble, witch and bubble. It’s a full-moon, nothing is how it seems.

I was smashed, to be sure, to be sure.

Copping a Feel

Off to the dentist at 8am. I had to drive, I couldn’t get it together to leave with enough time to walk. Weird though, I walked around the house several times wondering how I was going to get there if I didn’t walk. I didn’t think to drive straight away. Is that 21st Century thinking, or what?

Morning

I’ve been to the dentist and because I haven’t looked after my teeth well enough, I now have to go to the perio… periodont… p… p… the nasty mean dentist. Oooo! Bad Christian!

You left your bag of goodies here. Cleaning stuff. Silly yous.

Christian

It’s the combo of smoking and speed dear Chris Chris

I know……I’ve been there.

It’s wewy wewy uncuntable at the periodontilus…hmmmm..

I know cos I hab been….hmmmmm …hurts eben…hmmm..

Pore Chris Chris…hmmm paw chris chris…..poor….hmmmm

Mark

SMS. 11.39. Any linen news Christian? And what of you? xx – Tom

SMS. 11.45. I bought myself lovely new linen, but alas, nothing in blue. The lovely Sebastian went with me. I pretended he was my B/f, just for a minute – Christian

SMS. 11.45. U Sik Bitch Miss – Tom

SMS. 11.51. Big smile! Especially when he hugged me, which he did often Tactile Italians…u gotto just hate that! – Christian

SMS. 13.38. Pervert!!! Copping feels of unsuspecting tourist! So very Japanese of you miss! – Tom

I wasn’t at all sure that the Japanese had the market cornered on copping a feel. I was a little perplexed.

I went to mum’s for dinner, leaving early so I could return home early for Big Brother. I was home just in time for The Logan’s eviction special. David was evicted.

11pm.

I haven’t been on gaydar much, consequently, I’ve been missing any messages sent to me.

From Simon – hey buddy, how r ya? I like yr CK shot, wanna suck yr dick?

From Simon – u look like a guy i gave head to once called Christian, is that you? if so i need more.

From Fletch – Yes, I'm Christian. And my cock needs sucking.

Simon is a filthy little boy. I mean, little in stature. Short. Just the right size to bundle up into a ball in my arms and give it to him good.

A Brother In Need

Tom called me at 9am to say it was no longer a medical emergency, as dear Perry had come to the rescue by delivering a nice big bud to him, first thing this morning. Guido was about to deliver to me and Tom asked if I could still deliver the dope, alone, before 11am. It’s now 09.47. I’d better get my skates on.

Tom seemed okay. He said he is having trouble differentiating his dreams from reality, as his dreams have been so vivid and real. Tom had thought that his chemo was at 11am, hence the need for me to take dope to him first thing. Then he thought it was changed to 8am, so Tom called Perry at 6am announcing a dope emergency! Perry, being the lovely, lovely man that we have come to love and cherish, was standing next to Tom’s bed at 6.30am, with a smile, saying, “Here’s your dope luv. Can’t have a sister – as Tom would put it – in need.”

I got to Tom’s by 10am, at which time, or shortly after, Tom was reassured by the sexy nurse David – what that boy had stuffed in his trousers was in desperate need of investigation – that Tom was, in fact, not having chemo until tomorrow.

Damn those dreams, said Tom. They are so real and so convincing.

So, I was recruited as delivery boy to return the 6am emergency dope back to Wesley, which I did first on my way home, before I went shopping for new bed linen.

Perry, Kim and Kim’s John were out the front of P. Street milling around Perry’s work car.

I had lunch with Perry in Victoria Street, riding in the new Lexus. It was nice, but bland. I guess it was nice. It's the big, lux model with all the gadgets, but really quite, oh, um, beige.

I got home at 3pm.

Mark, Luke and Sebastian were at home when I got there. I wanted to buy new bed linen.

Mark said to Sebastian, Are you going to go shopping with Christian? He means well, but sometimes it is better if I organise my own down time. But how sexy did Sebastian look in aviator sunglasses and long, woollen coat? Waiting for, smiling at, me.

We watched television and talked.

Sebastian went out to the bars in Brunswick Street looking for some fun. Read girls.

We watched television.

The minute I switched off the bed-side light, I heard the key turn in the front door lock and within minutes, Josh and Sebastian must have come home.

Good timing, as I like to say.