I woke up at 5am. Bing! Awake! You know when you just know that you are awake and you might as well get up, that was me at 5am. So, I got up and stoked up the fire, switched on my computer and made coffee.
5am and it is still dark. 5am and it is not so cold outside, I thought, as I rushed out bear-foot to get some more wood.
Oh, I’m a bit shaky, now that I come to think about it. Low level panic, inside my skin. The rumble of naughtiness rolling in my nerve sheaths. A little nauseous in my stomach, but if I don’t think about it, it will be fine. Oooo, oooo! Oooo!
I’m on gaydar and have attracted the attention of a really cute guy who only lives around the corner, who wants to do it now. Mmmm?
I feel a bit sick, to tell you the truth.
I should just go back to bed. It’s 6.15am.
He looks like a cute, cute wog boy – carmine_xx. Ah well, I am at the wrong end of a drug-fuelled spree. Could I be good at it, at this time? Don’t know. I don’t want to get into it and run out of energy.
Now, I really do feel as though I’m going to throw up. Er! Going back to bed. 6.30am
I didn’t go back to bed, deciding instead to keep typing my original journal, Everything Changes.
It’s 09.50. I have been scheming how to get those e’s out of Josh. I have three e’s to take, I just have to get my hands on them. Josh did ask if I’d buy them back off him, last night. So, I’ll trust the money at him telling him to give them to me. Easy peasy.
I got one pill out of Josh, like taking candy from a baby.
Subject: morning
(M&L)
Lovely day. I took drugs, I was bad. (now Christian, this is getting totally out of control. Big, contented smile) But I feel better today. Good. Smiling. Together. Happy. Saturday was the longest day ever, I liked it. And I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. Yay for me! Do nothing, they are the words I like to hear. I’m on holidays, yippee. Must go and do all the tattsotto tickets there are next week. I sooooooooooooooo don’t want to go back to work.
My new mantra – How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards.
He, he, he.
Christian
SMS. 11.17. Hey Guido, can I get that something from u today? – Christian
Guido called me back and tried valiantly to not sound trashed, but failed, as his voice was on three quarter speed, no pun intended. He agreed to leave it out for me, as he was heading back to bed.
We went to Cocos for brunch, Josh and I. I had eggs and spinach and smoked salmon and then French toast with bananas and cream cheese. I was full after that.
I went to Guido’s and got pot. He left it out for me, as he was too trashed to be seen.
I came home and went straight to bed.
SMS. 12.00. My life sucks. I am sitting in the car at a place called Burrumbeet just out of Ballarat. It’s even 2 cold 2 stand outside – Rachel
SMS. 12.01. What we mother’s will do 4 luv! Still on holidays? When r u free 4 dinner? – Rachel
SMS. 12.06. That’s where my car broke down at midnight one year coming home from Adelaide, around 10pm. We didn’t get into a hotel until 3am. Chill up the spine, I know it well – Christian
Subject: morning
chris chris,
Why even say that you are bad, when it’s obvious that that’s all you want to do? Personally, I think you’re a bit sad at the moment, trying to recapture something or escape from something? Close to losing your mind? The last time we were out together at Public Office I was a bit shocked to see the state that you get yourself into, completely mindless, the whole purpose of taking drugs is to expand your mind, not obliterate it. When was the last time you really connected with someone on drugs?
(Apart from fucking)?? I’m not trying to play the drug police or anything, you know that I don’t really have any issues about people taking drugs. I’m just concerned for you, you seem to have got yourself into a bit of a routine. And yes, I know that you’re on holidays, and that’s a good thing. I guess, I just need to trust that you know what you’re doing, and everything will be cool. Oh, your mother rang looking for you.
Luke.
P.S. The new mantra sounds like something Pooh Bear would say, I’ve got one for you – I’m an intelligent, sensitive, charming, witty, motivated, funny, cute human – until I take drugs!!
SMS. 12.27. Are you home, we’re in Brunswick Street at Gypsy bar #332 – Lauri
Slept most of the day. Pulled a lot.
Watched TV in bed.
Josh went to the sauna.
I took the e.
Tim came up at 6pm and said Josh’s friend Evie was here. I was glad I was secreted away.
Josh arrived at 19.10.
I never got out of bed again. Most of the day. Lovely.
I ignored mum.
I ditched Lauri.
Dozed. Smoked pot. Dozed. Smoked pot.
Tom rang at 10pm and expected me to rush down there with a joint for him. “I’ve lost my dope and I can’t find it because I am blind. Please bring me some dope.”
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