Am Doing My Best To Cope

I was up at 8.15am. No! What is wrong with me? Tim, who was ready to go, was chatting to Beau, who was still in bed.

My biggest decision to make at 8.40 was what leather jacket to wear? I now have seven, I realised the other day. But, of course, there was no time to dally. Don't want to feel the cold, but... it's been so cold, snap frozen about a week, or so, ago. But, I didn’t wear the quilted jacket because of the cold, I decided to give my new jacket a viewing. A couple of people commented, so the decision was a good one. I guess. Like that means anything. Who cares? It squeaks as I move. That’s what I like. It smells like dead cow. That's what I also like.

Tom goes into hospital today.

Subject: thinking about you

I'll be thinking about you all day... hoping for a cute nurse for you to fall in love with.

Good luck buddy... that's for everything just running as smoothly as silk.

Woosh! All better.

Christian

Subject: What the?

(Tim)

The system has gone to shit. If I have to work tomorrow, I won't be happy, Jan!

Christian

Subject: What the?

Oh no!

Tim

Subject: What the?

On no! Indeedie do dah day! Not fixed yet! Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!! NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christian

Subject: What the?

Oh No... well with any luck it won’t be fixed tomorrow either!!

Tim

SMS. 17.39. (Tom) How’s hossy? – Christian

SMS. 17.41. (Rachel) How’s south aussie? – Christian

SMS. 18.01. Full of good food & wine. Am doing my best to cope! – Rachel

They talked me into going to drinks after work. I even waited till 6pm to go, when I could have gone home at 4.30. I realised it was a mistake from the moment I got there. But it was just in Hardware Lane, practically on my way home.

I walked home from the city in the rain. I was too slow getting on the tram at the corner of Bourke and Spring Streets, after I missed it by moments, the doors sliding shut practically on my hand, so I stamped my foot, I'm sure my forehead creased into a scowl and charged off into the darkness. It was only a light sprinkly rain, after all, the type you can really only see in the headlights of the cars cramming into the city on Friday night, but it was constant and my hair was soaked through when I looked in the bathroom mirror, at home. Tim had replaced the small mirror for a larger one of his.

Tim had been home earlier than usual and he had cleaned the entire house. Got to love that speed and remember, Tim is a speed devotee too. Another one who can’t be trusted with it. His mouth was doing its puffed-up-like-a-blow-fish routine, so you just know, that it was good and plentiful. Beau’s brother, Adam, is coming to stay, he is going to come out with us. Apparently, he is fat and dark and not sexy like Beau.

SMS. 19.25. Miss! Not too bad ‘cept my lamp doesn’t work! Argh flouro! And what of you miss? – Tom

I love Tim’s idea of lighting, no harsh, nasty lights on in my house any more, when I get home. He pairs the lighting back like me.

SMS. 19.32. 1 line of speed down! How many e’s to go? – Christian

SMS. 19.40. Woohoo! Have a great night! I think I’m jealous! Hmph! – Tom

Subject: A-hem

Hello Lovely,

Now, I know what you're thinking – she's a manky misbirthed little mole who WON'T write when she's told and well fork deliveries and all. But there's another side. A cleaner, softer, gentler, lovelier sort of side that ululates: Josh Mole, the lovely Josh Mole, will grace our lovely shores pronto. Caloo callay. Etc etc.

OK so Tom is fairly bung. Have you had a conversation yet about off switches and so forth? Prepare yourself for saying the right kind of thing. But it would only be natch. But I must say I am looking forward to seeing that number 1 number fortleydoodley-do I am. She's just so funny and onto it. And as for you... hahaha. I promise (drum roll) not to leave stacks of your porno next to the hole in the floor. I promise to respect your abode. I promise to go out and get Greek action.

Speaking of which, that young Christos, after talking dirty got all funny about me being a Berlin mouth with his address on it (he intends to fly back with me and do Europe – ARE YOU KEEPING UP). For at least 14 emails he's into it and then the little wiff goes wobbly with I don't know what to say etc etc. I mean, she was writing that I should be made to swallow his quoff no less. AND he showed himself to be on the road clever (told me that John Howard had banned gay venues, shut down Club 80 and all venues and that life was very hard (I was reconning with demos and bricks thru windows at least during my stay and thinking what a wobbly lot of cowards (everybody) and I'll sort this and he is untenable and what are you lot all doing?) and then crucially dumb (but with points for the first big lie – you suck my dick oh no oh no did I mean that etc). But there you are. Tell you what I was cranky – Bern said I should just sell my ticket now what with 80 shut down (NEV-ER!).

So I am off for Switz tomorrow. Can't camera and can't find letter with new pin number for credit card. Need to get Swiss money. I get to Geneva, then catch a 3 hour train to Zurich to stay with friends until Sunday. Then back to Genva, hotel, Conference til Friday, Hotel til Sundy, then Berlin, then last night, then Mondy leave for your place.

Now: Arrival at Tullamarine: Australian time and day: 11 July Austrian Airlines OS7 from Vienna to Mulbun, 6.10 in morning (!!!). Do you want me to get a taxi? Can do at such an hour – you may have to work. What do you want me to do about that or shall you take day off and we hit the mull at say 8am? That's the deal though. I won't mind as a tax is quick, but your lovely shiny 6am face saying where's my mullah? is also another trip. Busiest time of the year they say....

OK chook. Was in garden just now with 3 local kids helping to rake hay. Can we help said they? Sure. I paid them dandelion leave for their rabbits altho one asked whether I'd be giving them anything for helping. Just my love and stroke this behind the bushes I said to her...

The rest of week has just been on lovely terrace or hammock or sofa or comput getting mindnumbingly stoned and reading, tossing etc. Sun sun sun. Burn burn burn. Brazil Brazil Brazil (DVDs that is). And seeing just the people I wanted to see.

I got a new job on Monday – taught a geography lesson at the British private school in Berlin, Hitherto International College. You got the job, excellent lesson (first time anyone has said that in almost 5 years in Germany). I'll be there 2 days a week and will reduce at my current job each year to 3 days (Principal has given permission for me to have another job on the side). So pretty perfect. The Hither School is completely British curic, exams, syllabus and uniforms, prefects, newsletters, clubs, Duke of Edinburgh, posters, computers, labs, libraries, canteen you name it everything we don't have in Germainia – no chalk for eg! Only whitebords, virtual screens and Powerpoint. And LOTS of moolah – Diplomat kids in limos. I may have to wear a coat with leather elbows.

But that's enough about my elbows!

Goodbye!

Mr Moley

PS let me know about your airport preferences and you work hours – I will check email while in Geneva – and will try and go out and suck some humungous Genevian cock.

Subject: Winter Calling

Moles

No, not cross. I have nothing but lovely thoughts about young Mole. You’ll be here any mo, what’s more. I’ve asked for three weeks off from the 11th July. (whether or not I’ll get them, I don’t know as yet. Apparently, there has to be a managers meeting about my dispense-worthiness at this stage in the proceedings. I said I’m sick of it and need a break. So we’ll see.) What do you think about that? But they may only let me take from the eighteenth. But I may be able to take the 11th off anyway, if that is the case.

Off-swutches miss? (NZ, perhaps?) Tom has an 80% chance of a full recovery…a 20% chance of dying during the procedure. He thinks he’ll be in hospital for six months and if he’s fully recovered this time next year, he’ll be pleased with that. Full recovery!

He joked the other day that his lungs were fucked and that perhaps he should have his donor killed so he could get those too.

We have had a discussion about if this is going to be his life for the rest of it, continuous procedures just to keep him functioning, well, he’s really not sure…that he’d want to continue, in that case. He says he’s had a full and happy life thus far, so there would be no regrets… if his prognosis was a continuing struggle just to go on…

Dead before 40... I guess we should all apply.

I just can’t see it…a life without him in it, so I’m not scared. I don’t have a sense of foreboding. I don’t feel it in my bones. It just can’t happen that way. He is one of the good ones. He is someone who makes a difference in this world, for all the people he meets along the way. He is so smart and so switched on, he is a fantastically positive influence all around. It just wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be right. He’s not just using up precious resources, like so many other’s in this world, he’s giving back, he gives back… the world is a better place with him in it. It would just be unfathomable.

One of the smartest boys, I know. One of the kindest and most generous. One of the naughtiest.

No Man, the world just doesn’t work that way! It may be a fucked old troll of a crusty mass of gases…but, it isn’t that bad. I simply refuse to believe it.

You know, I don’t mind if you watch my porno collection. I don’t mind if you leave it strewn around my bedroom. I don’t mind if you leave it in a greasy pile. I don’t even mind if you take it because you liked it. Hell, I wouldn’t even be outraged if you spoofed on my sheets in the process! But – and I do believe that I don’t need to saythat that is one of the most relaxed set of porn rules I have ever heard – you managed to find in amongst that list of do’s the only don’t. In fact, me luv, you committed the only sin that there is amongst those rules and it is a cardinal one! Nothing annoys me more – I shiver with anger – when someone takes the tape/DVD and leaves the box behind. Where the fuck am I supposed to store all of those empty cases? Some days – and you must remember that I enjoy them most, shall we say, when I am least capable – my wardrobe is like rummaging in a box of chocolates only to find that there is only wrappers left. It’s like being shown nirvana, but never being allowed to enter. It is infuriating. So bring back the matador one – don’t worry about the he/shes, keep them – when you come.

No gay venues have been closed down by John Howard, or any other politician, for that matter. None. They are all working just how you remember them. But the conservatives are winning and Australia is in danger of becoming stagnant and fuddy-duddy. More Queensland Christian, than New York chic. The climate is ripe for it…if it hasn’t already turned. The twinset brigade are making inroads in quite a stunning way. Abortion is quite loudly on the agenda. Industrial reform, stripping all the working class workers of their rights, happens as of today. Compulsory marriage counselling before a divorce is granted, is being ramped-up as the next issue of reform. The outcry about nudity on Big Brother Uncut is starting to bite. People are saying full nudity on television just isn’t on. Workers rights to strike and protest are being openly questioned by John Howard. He suggested legislation to make it against the law to strike/protest. Victims against crime are the new fascists. Gay marriage is to be legislated out of existence. Really, and it is sad to say, dear old Aus is grinding backwards noticeably. Not is it only compulsory for politicians to have a religion now a days, evangelical Christians won seats in the last election. John Howard has a majority in the senate as of today. It’s truly frightening. To be a liberal (that's the ideaology and not the political party, you understand) is almost the equivalent of being a pinky commo of the twenty first century, in some circles – granted they are not circles I mix in, but they are still there.

So, that is the very reason that I have had speed and dope and I have 3 e’s and a night of dancing in front of me at The Market… or maybe, you would know it as Three Faces. I’ve had a hell of a week and I’m just going to get out of it and dance.

And you get to go to Switzerland.

In fact, that thought was foremost in my head when I got talked into going to my works end of financial year party, tonight. I said no, initially. They made me feel guilty. I hated it from the moment I got there. Far too straight. This was a mistake, I thought, as the entire firm piled-in in eighties garb. I thought to myself, what reason would get me out of here unscathed with in fifteen minutes of getting here. Hmmm, I thought, as, already, pissed girls started to paw me. Someone’s phone sounded a sms. I had it instantly. My flat mate just text me, he’s locked himself out of the house, gotta go. I just took my phone out of my pocket, I didn’t even bother to pretend to read a message. I had drugs to take, what was I thinking? I thought as I fled down Lonsdale Street, five minutes later.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Go to Switzerland and see some snow. Er…come to Melbourne, it’s got that cold, you may see snow.

I’m going dancing and taking drugs. You’re going to Switzerland. Are you keeping up? You’ve got to get yourself all the way around the world, into another hemisphere, mighty soon, for goodness sakes, pay attention.

doof! doof! doof!

Adieu

P.S. The new job sounds good. You are excellent young man, don’t ever forget it.

P.P.S. I’ve just had another line. Yippee!

SMS. 21.48. Missed your call, phone in jacket. Oh the dregs of emergency, how I missed thee… Are we sure I can’t go out? – Tom

When I spoke with Tom, he said his nurse said she wouldn’t be checking between midnight and 4am. He said he could have come out, but the procedure to insert his central line had left him sore and weak. Rats!

We left around midnight. The taxi company sent us a wheelchair access minivan. We looked as though we were being driven away in the nuff-bus. We got driver to drop us off a block away.

The Market was noticeably empty. Throb was also on. Wish we went there. I danced non-stop the entire time I was there. Downstairs on the main dance floor. There was room to swing two cats.