Josh Didn't Turn Up

Waiting, waiting, waiting! Josh’s plane landed at 18.10 and now it is 20.45 and I haven’t heard from him. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? Admittedly, I gave him all the wrong information, seriously misjudged, I did. But surely – he’s a smart boy – he would have worked it out by now. Oh, for goodness sakes, where is he?

SMS. 9.55. Not one Bugatti mention! Still free tomorrow night? – Rachel

SMS. 9.59. No, can’t do anything until after 14th – Christian

SMS. 9.58. Bugga, had my frock organised & all! – Rachel

It was a pressurised day, but I couldn’t sit still, I had to keep going outside for a cigarette. I think it is my way of dealing with stress.

SMS. 10.49. Sorry. Everything fucked this end. I’m only just slithering out unscathed! Will, by Thursday. Wish me luck – Christian

It was nice and fresh outside, it revived me. Not sure what all the cigarettes were doing to me. I’ve been catching trams instead of walking, because I’ve been getting up late and working late.

SMS. 11.36. (Ab) Judy’s vanished. Not a word – Christian

Subject: Office dares

Scroll down (or delete if you've seen it before)

PS: How are you?

PPS: I have an idea for a story

PPPS: We should catch up

Kym

Subject: Office Dares

Could make work a whole lot more interesting.... and much more fun - Christian

One Point Dares

1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

5. While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

6. When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge Dejected sigh.

10.Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

Three Point Dares

1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.

7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.

8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.

Five Point Dares

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.

7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:

"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; then smash each biscuit with your fist.

11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

14. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight".

Subject: Office dares

Leers

I like these. I'm going to give a few a try, I reckon.

By the way, are you in London? Shelley seems convinced that you are?

Christian

Subject: Office dares

Kym

Sorry, it's hell here!

Christian

SMS. 19.09. Made u dinner…will leave it in the fridge…x – Tim

Work was hell today. Today was practically it, as I have to do other stuff tomorrow. There’s tomorrow afternoon. It’s never going to get done. Jason’s back, though, which meant I didn’t have to stay till midnight tonight. Jason’s fast, he gets things done quickly. He’s not as tired of it as I am.

I got home at 20.30. I watched TV with Tim and Beau.

Josh didn’t turn up. But halfway through the day, I realised he said, in one of his last emails, that he was leaving Berlin Monday. So, he’ll be here tomorrow. In 8 hours.

Apparently, his arrival time in Melbourne was – unbeknownst to Josh, given to him in Berlin time.

I guess I should go to bed.