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I went to mum’s place for dinner. She’s always pleased when I turn up for dinner. Her whole face just lights up. It is joyous and kind of sad all at the same time. My mum. 

Subject: Wednesday

(Tom)

You’re being very quiet miss?

Christian

Subject: Wednesday

Yes, I have.

On Tuesday my doc told me I "might" have graft vs host disease in my lungs, where the 'new' cells could be attacking my alveoli.

She wanted to admit me on the spot.

I refused – being ecky Tuesday and all.

I'm having a CT scan tomorrow night that will determine if this is the case, and I'm getting the results on Friday.

There are other possible explanations as well – a chest infection for example.

Anyway, all yuk.

And I wanted to let some dust settle, so that's why I've been quiet.

Hope you are well.

xxxx Tom

I didn’t even really know what that meant, so I didn’t know what to say. It’s hard when you are lost for words for your best friend when he’s in a health crisis.

I should have said something. I should have said I hope it goes well for you. I hope you don’t have that, what you said, whatever that is. But, I didn’t, I was kind of reduced to silence. Bad Christian, do better.

Tom’s continuing illness is tiring for all of us. Image what it must be for him?

Nothing else to say. Out of pot, I designed it that way. Time to get my head together. What must it feel like to be clear? I'm looking forward to it. It's been ten years, that's the time I'm talking about.

Of course, I scraped the coffee table for the last of the spilt mull. I got one last joint out of it. Something to say goodbye with.