Can You Really Go Off Someone In Twenty Four Hours?

It all started Friday with my best girlfriend, Rachel’s grandma dying and Rachel selling her restaurant, at the same time. Congratulations. How sad. Tell me all? If I wanted the story I had to go in, she wasn't about to write the length email that it would take, she still had the restaurant to run, after all. Still had it for another month.

So, I said I'd come in Saturday night to find out. I thought I'd head in with Sam, you know, just casually. He was always saying I wasn't making any plans. You know, make the date. My mate Jill's head gasket had gone, so we were going to pick her up. So I told her I'd be bringing him.

Yesterday. I woke up to the alarm clocking clicking on at 7am. I leant over to push snooze and it felt like a knife was driven through my right shoulder. I tried a couple of times, various moves but I couldn't move it without great pain. I must have slept on it funny. Fuck it hurt!

I decided to take strong painkillers, the one's that come with a muscle relaxant. Migraine strength. I felt floppy. Waisted. Pretty soon. I don't care about any thing attitude. Except, the shoulder was still sore.

Trouble was that I felt nothing, nothing for Sam, for the first time, he came over, nothing. I'd always been buzzing to see him, but this time, no. Nothing. I tried to have sex with him, but lost interested. Too relaxed to care. He wanted painkillers too when I told him why I'd stopped, so I got them and stuck two in his mouth. They can bring down elephants, those things, so I knew exactly what they'd do for him. And we both slept for the afternoon, back to back, crack to crack, various arms and legs combinations.

I was groggy when I woke, groggy for the rest of the night. Nothing, I was feeling nothing. We had to get dressed and drive to Prahran, to pick up Jill, and then to Albert Park.

It wasn't coming back. I felt weird and I still felt no attraction. I couldn't think of any thing to say. Didn't want to.

The night turned into a bitchbrunch. Rachel is also getting a divorce, she's finally served the papers, since he wouldn't leave of his own free will. Jill has her senile father living with her, I have a senile mother, it was red wine and misery, let me tell you. I was half-zonked out, real valley girl.

I gazed across at Sam several times, he smiled. I rubbed his leg. He looked away. He chatted, they both liked him. But, I'm not in love with him, you know. But I've been acting like I was and this was the first falter.

Oh! Shake head! I just think, for whatever reason, I'm trying too hard. Just got to relax, be cool, you know.

We came home in silence. He is very quiet, not very chatty. Of course, he can be really funny, when he wants to be. He's smart, nice, perfect boyfriend material. We had sex and fell asleep.

I woke this morning at 6 am and gazed over at him. he looked like an angel.

I woke to him playing with his iPhone4, later. "You can sleep forever, can't you?" It was 11am.

I couldn't wait for him to go. I still felt nothing. Blank. Zip. Niente. But, I decided to play it cool. I got up made coffee had a shower and made breakfast, when he asked me what I was doing today, Nicholas almost rang on queue and I could say I was going driving. And then Sam was walking one way up my street and I was walking in the other direction, thinking to myself, can you really go off someone in twenty four hours? And for no apparent reason? I thought I really liked him, but then it just seemed to go away, yesterday.

Nicholas and I went driving around Carlton, we had egg breakfasts in Drummond Street. We drove the course he'd be doing on his test. We did it about six times. Maybe four.

Then we smoked bongs as soon as we got home. Tim was watching teev. We were scheming on the last lap of the circuit.

"Come on we've got to go see Guido."

"No," says Tim.

"Only if I drive. I'm not letting a learner..."

"I haven't smoked any, I've been packing them for you. But I will be able to once we get back. You just have to sit next to me."

“Okay. Get me sun glasses.” Nicholas drives like a normal driver now. He’s good. He’ll have no problems getting through the test.

"Get me wine," says Tim.

It was warm waiting in the car, when Nicholas went in to get it. There was a tribute to Freddy Mercury, I lay my head back and listened to a little heaven served up to me in the drug dealers car park. Ah Freddy, the world lost one of the greats with you, hey. My head was spinning, my skin tingling.

"Are you still awake there, pots?" says Nicholas, as he gets back into the car. Clunk goes the door.

"Yeah bongo, let’s go."

Nicholas smiles broadly as he backs the car around. My head spun. Weee. He, he, he.

We had stir fry that Tim has cooked as an afternoon snack and plenty of bongs, watching unsolved murders. We forgot his wine, so he has to head up to “China” as Tim so eloquently puts it, cursing us for being airheads. “Yeah, thanks, I cooked.”

I like Tim and Nicholas, they are just boys, out and out, no pretensions, you know you just got to love it, sometimes.

I walked home up G Street, as the sky turned to black and the cold swept in. Giddy.

I like my life, but I want to be in love. Otherwise, it just becomes like hard work, sometimes, I know that much is true. I don’t know what I feel. I’m glad Luke hadn’t followed up with the dinner idea tonight. I was craving some alone time, let me tell you.

I decided to concentrate on being me, rather than a boyfriend.