I Got Myself Ready And Headed Over To Shady Gardens

My day off. Yay! If only that were really true. If only i could sit back and let my imagination flow out of me onto the page all day, in finally detailed prose, without a care. If only life was like that, if only it worked that way.

You know, when is it going to be my turn?

I got myself ready and headed over to Shady Gardens to see mum first up, without letting the day slip away to the point where I didn’t want to go.

If you are supposed to be doing something, it is hard to give your full concentration to something you are not supposed to be doing.

Lottie was by the front door pacing when I walked in. Always a part of the action, all her life, up front and centre, nothing has changed there. She was a treat, too – het up, agitated, I could see that straight away. Big eyes, exasperated expression. If only I could have backed out at that point! Disappeared. Become very small. 

She started banging on about wanting to leave, wanting to go to the nursing home up the road, on the corner, as soon as she clapped eyes on me. No letup – no hello, no how are you, no nice to see you.

"I'm not staying here a minute longer."

"I see. Really?"

"I'm ready to go to the other one."

"What other one?"

“You know the one, on the corner!”

“This is the one on the corner.”

“No, the other one! The other corner! You don’t know anything, do you!”

So, I said come to your room and we’ll talk there. She wasn’t making much sense today. She had packed all of her belongs in a suit case because, of course, she is leaving. 

"I'm leaving today."

"Today?"

"Yes, the nice man is taking me."

"What nice man?"

"The nice man."

"The nice man?"

"Yes, the man. The nice one." She looked at me like I was a dill.

She said that I hadn’t been to visit her for weeks. 

"You wouldn't care you haven't been in for... for... forever!"

“Oh mum!”

“How long!”

"A week."

"Nonsense!"

"A week!"

"Two, three!"

"No, just a week."

"Well, it seems longer."

"Well it's not."

"It seems like it."

"So, you said."

Of course, that is because (my brother) Will was down for the week and I didn’t go in on Friday. She said that Will was lovely. 

Of course. 

She said he didn’t keep telling her all the things she didn’t want to hear. 

Naturally. 

He just takes her on lovely drives. 

Absolutely.

I said that she only saw him once every six months and it was much easier for him. I only gave her the truth of the situation. She said she didn’t want to hear it. She said she didn’t like me anymore and that she didn’t want me to come and visit her any more. 

I said she should be careful what she wishes for. (I know, I shouldn't have.)

And then she stormed out of her room.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore!"

The room was silent, I contemplated just sitting there. I eyed off the pillow with intent. I swear if she comes back...

I then went out to chat to Jenny. "I'm sorry about yesterday." They called and wanted me to go over, when Jenny was off shift, as Lottie was distressed about leaving. They wanted me to calm her down.

"I didn’t mind about that," I said. 

I would have come over if Sam and I hadn’t just... um... er... ordered pizza, not that I told Jenny that. It somehow morphed into that I was waiting for people to arrive for dinner... the pizza boy, in fact... as I was making my excuse as to why I couldn't come over.

Mark laughed at that, when I told him. So, pizza is now more important than your mother?

At 9pm on a Sunday night when I haven't eaten, it is. Lottie is in luxury accommodation.

Jenny said she’d been in touch with mum’s doctor... at which point, I asked, "Can we could drug her?" Mark and I had talked about it before I left home.

Jenny laughed. "That is why she’d been in touch with the doctor, to see if we could get a calmative, by fax. If not, you'll have to take her to see the doctor yourself."

"Monday or Friday."

"Friday."

She thought a calmative would do Lottie a lot of good, reduce her anxiety. “Sometimes it is just what a resident needs to help them through the day. Allow her to see things calmly. It wouldn’t leave her drowsy or anything...”

“I’m all for it,” I said. I didn’t care if it left her drowsy, quite frankly. “Let’s just pill her out.”

Jenny raised her eyebrows and smiled.

Now, I have to take Lottie to the doctor. I wonder how I put it to the doctor?