Just Relax, Will You. How Badly Could It All Go Wrong?

I woke up some time after 7am when Sam did. I imitated his morning iPhone chimes to him, which made him push me away, or is that push off on me to sit up. He headed off to have a shower, after

Missy was very vocal in the bathroom, so I went and collected her so Sam could shower in peace. She curled up on the bed next to me.

The next I knew of Sam was when he was rubbing moisturiser on my face. The he was kissing me. I love his sweet lips.

He left before 8am. He forgot to take muesli, of all things, so he stopped for BreadTop on the way. Sausages in buns, or something.

Shane left at 9.22.

I started to read the news and then I segued onto the stars and their cars, McDreamy and his Porsche and antique Jaguar, Lindsay Lohen and her Mercedes, John Mayer and his orange and pale blue GT40 and then onto a list of 64 stars and their cars and then onto Farrah Fawcett driving her dark blue 911 Porsche convertible through LA, then to articles about her death and then to the infamous David Letterman appearance in 1997 when she was clearly drugged out on something.

It’s funny that people are shocked by such things, really what do they care. I think it is funny. She was very amusing and I’ve seen anyone of my friends act just like her when they have been off their faces on drugs. It makes me like celebrities more, it makes them more human, makes them seem more real.

Then I watched all of Farrah’s Letterman appearances.

Then I began to feel kind of guilty about work. Here I was pissing the morning away on Youtube watching stupid things to pass the time when my bank balance is starting to tick tick tick.

I began to stress all over again about my work situation. I kicked myself for letting it get to this stage. I screamed inside at the prospect of having to get a new housemate for financial reasons. I chastise myself for not getting a job sooner, shaking at my inaction, quivering at the possibility of everything crashing around me.

Ah!

Then I took myself in hand. Realistically, I have enough of a buffer in my mortgage for it not to get critical any time soon. Sure, I’d have been in a much better financial position if I’d looked for work when I first became unemployed, but I didn’t so move on. If the worst came to the absolute worst I could borrow money from my mother’s assets, we have recently liquidised some of her assets and my brother and sister would let me do that before I lost my house, or anything that drastic.

Still, one day a week work until May. Shit! I have to work exclusively for them for only 3 months. That will go quick and then I will be able to find a full time job.

At which point my boss, Halley, boss of, Jack, who is allocating my jobs to me, called to ask how training had gone and to confirm that Jack had found me my first role, down in the in the beach side suburbs. She stated that it was only the beginning and that they would find me more work.

I told her that I wondered if it was too far, which was answered by a deafening silence on the other end.

“Oh, but of course, it is just great to get back to work.”

I said that I wished I had work before the 28th.

She must have chatted to Jack… you know you can’t be negative today, “they” don’t like it. There followed a flurry of emails about my immediate role and the fact that all things going well with this first role there was no doubt there would be plenty of work for me in future.

Hello there

You should have no problems when you start using it, they have good systems.  We don't cap the super so I'm not sure how the system works... can you believe that, we have high income earners paying super on all of their salary up to any amount.  I asked the question of HR, but they don't seem to worry that some people might prefer the cash.

Have you heard about any jobs yet?

Beck

Wow! You don't cap super at all? Goodness me. And here am I thinking that capping it on a quarterly basis, so that the last month of the quarter may not be the same as the first month of the quarter, was different. It works so that when the earnings reach X in one quarter it stops accruing super until the next quarter rolls around.

Do HR understand any of this?

And on the jobs front. They have offered me one day a week on a Wednesday in Mentone for 6 weeks starting on 28th March. It was the first work they offered me, so I said yes, thinking it was better to say yes than no, if I want more work, but I don't know. Mentone? Really?

For 6 weeks, how bad can it be??????? For 3 of those weeks the permanent person will be there and he (the (name of company) guy whose name I can't remember, John or Jack, I think it is Jack) says it will be an easy assignment to start with.

He said he would fit more work in around that, but thinking about it, how easy will that be when Wednesdays are taken out of the days I can work? So, I don't know. Grrrr.

I'm wondering if I should call him back and say Mentone is too far?

Oh, I don't know, I've said yes now. I guess these things happen for a reason, not that I really believe that, to tell you the truth. They happen because he has work he has to fill. I'm trying to be a good sport by saying yes, hoping it will get me on his good side.

I'm beginning to wish I hadn't taken so much time off. I'm beginning to wish that I had started this temp work last year, so I would now be further down the track. But, I guess, that is just stupid really.

Then I think, I will just keep looking for jobs and if I find one just take it and pay them back the cost of the training, which is $X.

Then I think fuck the black law firm and fuck bloody Anorexic Belinda. (by some psychopath with a broken tree branch)

I just want a job in the city that I can go to now.

So that's me. I want to start working now to get back into it, you know, if I have to work. And I do. I'd really have liked to have been thrown in the deep end this week with some work, that would have been the best thing after the training. If I have to wait until March 28th, I'm going to forget most it. I was trying to read through the manuals yesterday and fell asleep on the couch trying.

Grrrr. I feel a bit like I am waiting around now.

christian

That's a bizarre way of doing the super, I just had a look at ours and found we do have one person capped and have set up a code with a maximum contribution set up for each fortnight.

What a bummer, hopefully he'll find you more work before the 28th, otherwise, it's not really fair that you can't apply for other jobs.

It's hard getting back into it after time off, I had 6 months off including the sick leave. Even though I'm enjoying working here, it's not as challenging and I miss sitting in our big office chatting away.

I've got my own office here, it gets a bit quiet and boring some days. Other days just fly. Someone said to me the other day that I'd had so many jobs recently they couldn't keep up, made me feel like a complete loser!  I don't think anyone really understands what the black law firm has done to us, it's not just a matter of finding another job and moving on. It's amazing how one skinny (Ed note - anorexic bitch) idiot can stuff up your life. We were both really settled there, I'm still catching up financially...in hindsight we should have sued them!!!!!

Beck

You've had so many jobs they can't keep up. Really? That's not true. Three jobs isn't that many, take no notice of them. Clearly, someone who isn't happy in their current job. Some people have 3 jobs a year.

I just got a call from (name of company) Halley Kennedy asking if the training was okay and to confirm that Jack (His name is Jack) had found me a job. I said that I wished I had work a little sooner and she said I can go in there any time and use their training rooms. I said, as quick as a flash, yes, when can I do that? Yes please. So I have organised to go in on Friday to go through all the training on my own. That will be good.

Do you want to have lunch on Friday?

Yes, it is a bit unfair that he can't find me work before the 28th, when I have to work for them for three months. "Actually Jack, I want 3 months of full time work, thanks buddy."

My money situation could be heading for the desperate side by May this year, so it is good that I have a fall back position. I'm banging Shane's rent up and I'm going to rent out one of my other spare bedrooms. I have done some research and have found out that rents in Fitzroy have increased. I don't really want another housemate, but I may have to for the next little while. And then I have another bedroom after that, if things get really desperate. But, with two flatmates and temp work with (name of company), it should all be okay, I think. I had money saved for a new car and probably I could do with a new car, but that isn't going to happen now as I have spent the money.

I think about our office at the black law firm and miss it. It was good. We had fun and we had it sorted, despite the obvious problems. It is a great shame. Some days I think that if only I had said to you that day, "Don't resign, we will get through it." I mean, I was already to go back to full time hours just at that stage. 

But, then I think, it really was insane! Anorexic Belinda is completely f*cken loopy with her faux-CEO Christina persona, mental checking disorder... I'm sure there is an acronym. I mean, especially when previously she used to mock CEO Christina and her ways. The memos Anorexic Belinda had that idiot brown-nose Rachel Gore doing to accompany every piece of work she gave to Anorexic Belinda was completely absurd and an amazing waste of time... but, I think Anorexic Belinda, no I am sure Anorexic Belinda made Rachel do all of that stuff because of Anorexic Belinda's continuing mental decline. Unless she has had therapy lately, I don't understand how she is functioning. She wasn't functioning properly before.

And now Lexie Lou has f*cked off, surely that side of it must be better. Oh, I don't know, maybe we'd have that idiot head of IT to contend with.

The thing is, it should have been a good job, it should have been easy for us and they had the best people to do the job. But, I guess, they didn't agree.

Yes, we should have sued them. I could sue them now. But up until this moment I haven't wanted to revisit it. And up until this moment I never felt like I would be believable.

Oh well, you live and learn.

christian

I can't do lunch on Friday, but should be able to go for coffee in

The morning sometime.  I'm having half day off, I'm going to Echuca for

the long weekend with K and I. What time are you coming into

(name of company)?

Beck

I'm coming into (name of company) at 9.30. I'm just working on my own, it isn't any formal training arrangement, so I can have coffee at any stage.

christian

Cool, I'll text you at some time later in the morning, maybe about

11.00.

Beck

Oh my goodness me, I just got conformation for my first job, the hours

are 9am to 1pm. Not even a full day.

11am for coffee sounds good.

christian

Wow, hopefully they come up with something else!  At least you look keen if you're going in to do your own training.

Beck

Jack just messaged me with "If I do find other work to fit around the Wednesdays would you be open to it?"

I messaged him back with "yes please, I am keen to do whatever work you can give me."

That's not too suck up, is it? 

I just figure the sooner I know the system back to front the better. I've seen adverts on Seek wanting (name of system) people for three weeks, four weeks, five weeks. Eventually, I'd be more than happy to do jobs like that, if I haven't got a permanent job somewhere. I might even get brave and demand a certain amount of pay from them, if I did. If I'd had knowledge of a system that somebody knew instead of stupid Attar, I might have taken on short term work in the last eight months. However...

christian

The keener the better, they love people who want to work. I'd imagine people are still crying out for experienced finance people.

Beck

So, all I have to do is confirm with Shane if he is going to change rooms and increase his rent from $140 per week to $200 per week. I am increasing his rent because he is changing bedrooms to the larger bedroom. If he staid in the bedroom he is in now I wouldn’t increase his rent.

I could possibly get $250 for that room, so he is in effect getting a discount.

Then I can increase his room to $200 as well.

I reckon I go back into gay share and reduce my lower age limit from 30 years of age to 25 years of age and see what matches I get with that.

Just get some young gay guy to live with us, you know, like old times and stop worrying about it all.

The increased rent will subsidise my reduced working hours and will lessen the impact of the money leakage from my account for the time being... until I get a full time job in three to six months. All I have to do is stem the flow out as much as I can and things will be just fine in the short term.

And, of course, my temp work will increase. I’m acting like the work they have offered me is all I will get. Get a grip.

In due course, I could rent out the forth bedroom, however for now, just the two rented will be okay.

And mum will die.

I called Mark and Luke, I saw that they were on line on Skype and thought it would be nice if I called for a change. They are dealing with idiots. Well, not so much idiots as those without the ability to see the most efficient way of completing a task, nor the ability to complete a fine finish on work. Mark had re-tiled the front of the hotel, complete with inspection points and removable panels for drainage, when there was a blocked drain and the workers came along and proceeded to smash the tiles with hammers to get to the blockage. That was until Mark ran out and stopped them. Then afterwards they proceeded to hammer everything back together again until Mark got blocks of wood and gently tapped everything back into place.

I spoke to David in the afternoon.

“When do we get to put our feet up? When do we get to relax? I’ve worked long and hard enough, when is it my turn? When does it get easier?

David laughed and said he’d just been through the same thing last week. “How long do I have to keep doing this? When does it get easier,” he asked a friend.

“David, it never gets any easier.”

I text Rachel about how long it takes to drive to Mentone, as she lives down that way.

“I don’t know, I don’t get to Mentone very much. This is a job, I presume?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Have you gone back to work? Can we have lunch?”

“Yep, a job placement for 6 weeks starting March 28th. Let’s have lunch.”

“Back to work?”

“Yes. Oh, shouldn’t I be able to relax by now? When does it get easier?”

“When you die.”

“Well there is something to look forward to.”

There was no cat food, so I had to go to the supermarket.

I bought roast chicken and made salad for dinner.

Shane went out for dinner.

I wrote my journal, in the lounge room, without turning on the TV all night. I kind of like it that way. Of course, I got to playing around with photos. You know that. Play with some sexy boys from years ago. I’m cutting out the images of my friends and just leaving the sexy boys. It’s not quite porn, of course, but who wants porn. They are supposed to end up artistic shots, something of beauty and artistry about them. Not porn at all. Just Gay. Maybe that is what the coffee table book will eventually be called.

Do you like that?

Shane came home kind of early around 10pm and went straight to bed, saying he was tired. So, again, I didn’t get to talk to him about the bedrooms.

I went to bed not long after that. Why not? Bed is where the home is, after all.

Some where close to midnight, I was playing around with some of Mark’s old new Zealand photos, when I decided to come down and get the negatives and number them properly. When I headed onto the first floor landing, I could hear Shane typing away furiously on his keyboard. So much for tired. I wondered if he’d taken the last of the meth from the weekend, but presumed he didn’t.

I found that box of old writing stuff, which of course had been sitting in the middle of the study ever since I bought it back form Bolago, so found isn’t exactly the correct word and in it I found old journals from school days and just after, so I got my photos and I got my box of goodies and I scurried back up stairs.

Not long after, I heard Shane head down the stairs, then I heard the tell tale open and close of the door. He’d clearly picked up some trade over the internet. Tired, I thought?

But, I was “busy here” typing up old journals that I didn’t know that I had. Funny that I am still adding to, my now decades old journals. I’m still gathering the information together is these years later.

Pity I didn’t write more.

I heard the trade leave around 2am. It is surprising that Shane can actually close a door quietly… I thought he was genetically incapable.

My eyes were sore by this time and I took it as a sign to pack the day in myself.