FletcherBeaver: No Exercise, Just Eating And Shopping

I head to the supermarket primarily for coffee, but also for a “big breakfast” ingredients. It is that fresh windy humid overcast morning, as I head down the road to Woolies.

I am hungry when I get there, and I question my choice to head to the food shop before eating in the morning. It’s like sending a paedophile to a kindergarten, or a fat chick to a donut shop, what do you think is going to happen? I circle the fruit department coming back to the one point to eat the grapes. A couple of grapes straight up, one from each of the varieties on offer, as though I am attempting to make an informed choice. Then it was off the get tomatoes. Then back around, looking vaguely at other items as though I am contemplating at least a few of them. Ha ha. More grapes. A quick eye over to the checkouts to see that the check out chick isn’t just standing there and gazing in my direction, I laugh, as if. And a quick check on the location of the fruit and veg boy. Then it is paper bag and mushrooms, then back around in an arc and more grapes. Then loose spinach, and back again on this last circle and another grab at a handful of grapes, I wonder if there are cameras? I gaze to the ceiling and see that there are. I momentarily wonder if they may stop me as I try to leave. I decide to cease my grapefest and head out of the fruit and vegi dept.

Garlic and herb sausages from the meat department, four hashbrowns from the deli and then off home.

Sam cooks up the big breakfast. I make coffee.

I begin to write up my journal for the previous two days. Sam sits next to me with his new iPad3 and admires how clear and crisp the screen is.

“Isn’t it lovely,” he says.

“Oh yes.”

“Look, look, see how lovely it is?”

“Oh yes.”

“I don’t believe you are really appreciating how lovely the new screen is.”

“Oh yes.”

Sam watches YouTube China has Talent, or the like, tapping me for my attention any time I look away.

I’m trying to think?

Tap tap tap, look look look, look at this?

What happened Friday?

Look look look. Tap, tap, tap.

You understand that China has Talent, has plenty of talent with 2 billion people to select from. Some of it was just amazing. Little kids dancing to Michael Jackson. Divas singing Whitney Houston. Magic acts where women change clothes as a hoop is passed over them, or where gold fish are choreographed by hand movements.

Of course, there is a logical explanation, I’m buggered if I know what it is, but I know there is one.

Sam had a gift card for Myer and Myer were having their one day sale. “Let’s spend some money,” he said. He rubbed the tips of his fingers together on both hands and smiled the grin of the expectant. He likes to shop, he's a true 21st Century boy. I've always found shopping boring, and thought it was something to keep the stupid entertained, a true win for the captains of business, keep the idiots spending... and so often on things they don't even want. But, I don't so much mind it with him. What does that say?

We walked into town. It was a sunny day, even if the threat of rain had not completely disappeared. The Grand Prix was on, the mosquitos were loud in the distance, evading everything we were doing, on it’s course to make a lot of money for so few while inconveniencing many and entertaining a handful. Bernie’s bogun billionaire bitch will be happy.

Went to the Shanghai dumpling café. We had siu long bao steamed Shanghai dumplings and fried dumplings. Yum yum yum. Fifteen of each. I could eat dumplings all day. “Give me another fifteen, please.” No, not really, but I could have.

We went to Myer, to buy Biotherm, apparently you got double points. Really? Double points? Quizzical look? Double points? Aren't you just buying cream for your face? What were the double points? To what? Hands in the air, confused look.

I sat on the impossibly dainty white leather, er vinyl, chair, low back, chrome stand and foot rest in amongst the white décor of the impossibly white ground floor of Myer as Sam negotiated his beauty product purchase with the bedecked in perfect white shop assistant… er, beauty consultant. There were white tiles as far as I could see and shiny, expectant, painted faces peering into potions, lotions, sprays, paints and lacquers... all with the look of anticipation of something better?

There were two other boys joking with one of the other consultants. Laughing, joking, rubbing creams on various body parts, being animated and fabulous.

Then we went up in the lift to level 7. On one floor, some fat chick ran towards the open lift doors.

“Is that gong down?”

“No.” I shook my head.

Deflated fat face expression. “Is it going up?”

“No luv,” the doors slid to a close. “It’s going round and round.” The people in the lift laughed.

I love Myer the top level. The natural light is gorgeous from the large windows and the semi glass ceiling. The Lonsdale Street shop is now demolished back completely. It gave me a great vantage point to take some photos of the facade that was left standing.

I parked myself in the book section, with all the gorgeous light flooding into me from the huge windows, as Sam went off and looked at "gadgets," as I like to call them. He's such a gadget head. Remembering, that the top floors of Myer are where all the electrical stuff is sold.

I started reading Adrian Zumbos amazing desert book, some of the stuff he does is incredible, even if you feel like you might need a degree in cooking before you can attempt half of it.

Then I was taken with Merle Parrish’s, Merle’s kitchen, which seemed so much easier. Easier isn’t quite the right expression. Adriano Zumbo’s book is a rocket ship to the moon. Merle’s is home sweet home.

I was half way through Merle’s story when Sam returned.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Oh, um, but I want to find out what happened to Merle?”

“Do you want me to buy the book for you?”

“No.” I put the book back on the shelf. “Let’s go.”

We went to the Taiwanese and Hong Kong desert shop. OMG! A desert shop? Do you believe it? Yum, yum, yum. We had mango sago and green tea ice cream, mixed pudding which consisted of chocolate, mango, herb and bean curd pudding and pearls, which I liked, but Sam says he can take them or leave them. Yum, yum, yum, big bowls pudding with two spoons, pig fucken heaven.

We came home, watched Top Gear. I’ve seen it before, a few times. It was the one with the Focus RS vs Renault Megane Sport. I remember it as the Megane Sport is the car I want next and, in fact, would be the car I had now if I hadn’t pissed all the money away um, er, pissing life away over the last eight months. It was also the Top Gear where the confiscated white Evo is fired on as it is driven through the army practise field by Jeremy Clarkson. A nonsensical law where cars of hoons, or criminals, or drug dealers are confiscated and destroyed as a part of the eradication of the proceeds of crime, like destroying an object would, actually, change anyone’s behaviour. At the very least, the assets could be sold and the money could go to the government… or me for, Xists sake. Ha ha.

Shane went out to some work girl’s dinner. It was just him and the girls, it was Serena’s 40^th birthday, I think. I’m not exactly sure what, as I think she has had multiple events – you know as the dumb and the nouveau riche drug dealing types do – to mark the immanent/post nuptials. The more bells and whistles the more “special” it all is and the greater the sign that you have “made” it, baby (All financed through illegal drug dealing, which could, and probably will, collapse at any moment) Whatever any of that, actually, means.

The scene was complete with stretch Hummer and Karaoke and twelve drunk chicks crying out for attention.

We left the repeat of Top Gear and went to the supermarket to get the ingredients for our house pasta. Spaghetti, onion, garlic, crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, Kransky double smoked sausage, parmesan cheese.

We cooked the Kransky sausage pasta and watched Two and half men. Sam was primarily in charge of cooking the sauce, while I supervised and cooked the pasta.

We watched Graham Norton. It was all boys. The legendary Gerard Depardieu, the smooth actor Damien Lewis, the cute and toothy, X Factor runner up Olly Murs and the handsome actor Dominic West.

Gerard Depardieu was particularly funny in his broken English, very French straightforward honesty and earthy way. There is not enough earthiness in our world today, there is too much conservatism.