Oh Damn It!

Oh Damn! The new recruiter at (name of my company) I shall call her Josie, Jack's replacement, just caught up with me. I was cleaning the kitchen, I was expecting a call from Jill, and although it wasn't Jill's number displayed on the screen of my phone, I still answered it anyway. You now how your brain overrides your logical thoughts sometimes when you are expecting something to happen. (read - I vagued out)

Why did I answer that phone call? Idiot!

"Hi Christian?" Overly sunny, doesn't sound like a sales call, sounds more like HR, or some such person.

"Who's speaking?" I asked tentatively.

"Josie (details) Just touching base..." I so wanted to say, it crossed my mind and the words were forming on my lips, "Um, no, Christian isn't here, can I take a message for him..." She'd never spoken to me before, she wouldn't know... but, too late. "Oh... hi," I said instead, in a haunted tone. Idiot! I chastised myself under my breath.

"You've had some time off, is that right?"

"Um, er, ah... yes."

"I see here your last assignment was (name of the assignment)"

"Oh, yes."

"When did that finish?"

"March," I said.

"Oh, that's a good break."

Still recoiling from the mistake of picking up the phone, I said, "Oh... yes... my mother died." Oh yes, I milked that one, oh so easily. Lottie would laugh, she wouldn’t care.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said. Oh, I hate that expression. The thing you say when you have nothing to say."

"Did you go away?"

I'd better have gone away, I thought, can't say I've been sitting on my arse contemplating my navel. "I went to Lismore," I said. "Friends were doing renovations." Mark did renovations, I still haven't seen them. The lies just roll off my tongue so easily when need be.

"So what kind of assignment are you looking for?"

I didn't know I was looking for an assignment. "Um, er, ah...?"

“What would you really like?” she asked.

But a part of me still thinks I should be working in some shape and form. Some how I heard myself saying I'd like a job for a day a week. She immediately responded, “Oh yes earlier in the week, Monday and Tuesday, maybe Wednesday?”

I was having an out of body experience watching her change my 1 day to 3 days per week. Well done, was all I could think. I was impressed with her zest.

“I guess.”

“Lovely then, we should meet up.”

“Yes… of course.” It was going very fast, I had lost control of the conversation altogether.

“I could come to you,” she said. “Or we could meet in the city.”

“I can meet in the city.”

“So next Thursday at 9am.”

“A little later.”

“9.30am?”

“Er.”

“10am?”

“Sure.”

“Lovely, I’ll see you 10am Thursday.”

“Yes… okay.”

She hung up. Boo fucken hoo! How did that happen? (Silent scream)

I never quite got on top of that phone call, I was always way behind her.

I wanted to quit work and write, but since February since I stopped work, I have written only a handful of short stories, the most recent of which I haven't even opened since 15th Sept.

It is fear that I am making the wrong decision. Fear... could... get me back into the work force. Damn it!

I told Jill, she though it was hilarious.

Sam thought it was the best news he'd heard all day.

Damn! Is all I could think.