My Fat Friend

7am. I was up. Early. I’m up early now a days. I wonder if it is something to do with working from home?

Bruno and I headed downstairs.

8am. I did the dishes from last night, which I didn’t do when I was too busy falling asleep in front of the Agatha Christie movie.

I spoke to David, not long after I got up. David has taken to calling me in the mornings, now that he no longer sleeps in too.

“Hello, it is your fat friend here,” said David.

“My fattest friend,” I said.

“Isn’t Jill your fattest friend.” He replied instantly.

Poor Jill, I thought. I wondered how she would feel being the reference point for the word's fat problem? 

“How much do you weigh?” I said.

We both laughed.

“Well, I remember a few years ago when I porked up and I was complaining about hitting 90 kilos for the first time in my life,” I said. “And Jill quietly responded that she could only dream of being 90 kilos.”

“I’m 95 kilos again,” said David.

David had ballooned, but he had dieted back down to 85 kilos and was doing quite well. But since he’s been in lockdown recently, he has put it all back on.

“I’m beginning to get the sense I had last summer, when I locked myself away, not being able to face the beach at… er… um….”

“100 kilos?” I offered.

“After the horror I was witnessing in the mirror on a daily basis.”

“You’re game,” I said. “You are risking 7 years bad luck.”

“All I could do was peek through the venetian blinds at the outside world, last summer,” he said. “Fucken hell, I’d done so well, and I just put it all back on in record time.”

“Oh universe, I popped the odd extra sultana in my mouth and I just ballooned over night, I don’t understand how,” I said. “How is that fair?”

We both laughed.

“Anyway, I’m now going to walk the arse off the dog for a couple of hours and then I am going to the beach for a swim.”

“Don’t scare anyone.”

“I’ll try not to.”

 

Yesterday, I got mouth wash from Chemist Warehouse, I had to do something, and it seems to be working. Did you know there is only, something like, one mouth wash with an active ingredient, all the rest are just scented mouth water.

The sun is shining, it is another glorious day.