God it’s a funny thing and sometimes it’s so full on...
In my Social Work workshop today, we looked at loss and grief for lesbians and gays, particularly around the tensions between families and surviving lovers and all that shit...
Love, loss, sadness, grief...
It was near the end of the class, and we'd already talked about HIV, where I 'came out' as Poz, which was big in some ways...
Anyway, we watched then watched this excerpt of a film about a lesbian who loses her lover of 30 years in car crash (!!), and I tell you, it was all I could do to keep it together...
Then my tutor must have seen a sheen in my eyes and bloody asked me if I was all right, and I just sort of choked out "I have to go..." and picked up my bag and fled...
Then, when I got home tonight I realised that my notebook containing all my notes of this year was under my chair when I left...
I'm sure someone will pick it up (I hope!!)...
Ahhhh, I can smile a little now, having not thought of Anthony for a long time, then with a smile last night, and then to be brought back to a pain that just seems to be fresh and raw every time I feel it...
I guess it's good that I don't feel it that often, but I wonder, how can I transform this weight, this sadness, this pain, into something I can bear...
Or maybe this is bearing it, I don't know.
What I DO know is that now I feel needy, and just wish I had someone to hold me, to rub my head, to be with me, to share it all with... to tell me that one day it will be okay... that's it's okay now...
NEEDY
I hate it!
Life... always full of surprises hey ☺
Anyway, moving on...
I hope you had a good night at school Christian.
Tom
It'll be okay
christian
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