Sunday, July 16, 2006

From the vaults (part 4) ...circa Senior School, Year 11 - The Next Day

the next day...
What can I do?
I feel like I have done something that is too big to forget, to ignore, or cover up.
What can I do?
When everyone’s staring and pointing even though they have no idea what’s true? They don’t even suspect, nobody does, not Alex, or me.
Some guys are called poofters in the hall, as I look in my locker for things to take home. I don’t join in; it makes my skin crawl. I just want to get my stuff and walk away.
What else can I do?
I wish that it would blow over, quickly, I don’t want any blame. What can I do when my guts are aching with fear and worry at being found out?
Why did I say yes, the other day, out in the hall? He smiled and raised his eyebrows. I was as nervous as hell. He tried to arrange it before the end of the day, but I took a rain check, to settle my nerves.
Isn’t it funny that they’ll blame other guys, but never look at us? No one suspects. But I still want the fuss to blow over, anyway, out in the hall, even though I’m not even involved. I don’t want the association, even though I can’t be blamed. It’s those guys, who are “friends,” truthfully, they’re not friends at all. And their trouble, hopefully, won’t be coming my way.

I exit outside.

4 comments:

RIC said...

I can only hope and wish this story goes on. Going back memory lane, I visited my old highschool again and saw some faces I hadn't seen in many, many years.
Thank you.

FletcherBeaver said...

There is plenty more on this story, I just never thought people would be that interested. I only started writing about it due to an entry I made a number of days ago. But yeah, sure, there is a lot more to it that I wrote at the time and since.

richardwatts said...

Great post Fletcher - or rather great series of posts - totally caught the moment, the tension and the desire of the experience & the moment. Bravo.

FletcherBeaver said...

thanks