21st Century Mantra

 The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Sleeping with Sleep Apnoea

Just before we wake, when the air is thin and far from the ground, when we are slipping down that void of nothing to breath.

“A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, gasp, gasp, gasp.”

Silence.

“A!”

Nothing.

“A!”

Screaming mute. Hang on, fingers crossed. Any second. Nearly there, Little Red Toot. Clouds slide across the face of the moon. The light dims. The day crosses itself; gaze at the lightening sky through the window.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Exhale. Relax. Smile. All is well with the world again.

Silvery light shines in through the window. The first bird calls for the morning.

“A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, gasp, gasp, gasp.”

Apparently, that's what it's like to sleep with me. I've got several ex-boyfriends who would attest to it.

I'm not very good at sleeping with people, don't know if the above has anything to do with that? I mean, I'm all for waking to find a handsome, sleeping face on the other pillow. I'm not much for sleeping in someones arms, though, I get too hot.

 

Oh Lighten Up Australia

A TV comedy skit making light of the issue of teen suicide and bullying has outraged mental health experts. (Ed note - everybody is outraged so easily now a days) Only months after ABC comedy The Chaser’s War On Everything was taken off air because of a sketch about sick children, (Ed note - another over reaction) Channel 7 series Double Take featured a skit last night about high school bullies. It was presented as a commercial advertising a fictional private boys' school, St Fillmore's. The sketch features a principal talking up the school as having the best bullies money can buy.

"Here at St Fillmore's, our school bullies have gone on successful careers as CEOs, professional football players and chief parking inspectors, (Ed note - all true) while our victims have mostly gone on to top themselves." (Ed note - we know the psychopaths go on to become federal politicians. That is a should out to you, Tony)

(Ed note - He, he, he)

The sketch also featured shots of bullies choking younger students, smearing sandwiches in their faces and sending death threats.

(Ed note - Gold!)

SANE Australia executive director Barbara Hocking said the sketch was "brutal" and had the potential to be very harmful. "It's tacky, it's tasteless and it's trivialising what is a very tragic and serious issue," Ms Hocking said. "Certainly it would be exceedingly hurtful for bereaved families and friends to see the issue treated in such an insensitive matter."

(Ed note - quite simple then, they shouldn't watch it)

Ms Hocking said the producers of Double Take deserved to be censored.

(Ed note - We'll be burning books, next)

"I think that 'comedy' writers would have been more sensitive following the experience with the Chaser," she said. (Ed note - this is comedy, which part of that don't you understand?) "Suicide should not be a topic for humour, especially with young people." (Ed note - everything is the topic for humour, that's the point of humour)

Psychologist Evelyn Field said that joking about suicide in comedy sketches could give victims the wrong impression. (Ed note - could, would, should. What you are trying to say, Evelyn, in the words of the great Pauline is, "I don't like it!")

Of course, anybody suffering from depression can, and should, call the usual numbers, Lifeline 131 114, or SANE on 1800 18 7263 to get help, to make you life better. You go to the doctor for anything else that is wrong with you, this is just another part of your body and should be treated in the same way.

Josh's Coming. Yay!

Achtung!

I am, confused. Yes. Busy. Berlin. Austria. Sweden. Munich. Hee hee.

I'll email from Berlin on the 1st. I'm in Romania now. Will be great to see see and care care. Plan for the 3rd - will update time.

Con mucho,

Josh

PS got rooted by a young massive in Munich. What can I say? Spookily unexpected. He said come on, it"ll be good for ya. Ya got a cute arse so why not. Playing a good sport you know, I er did.

March betta thin Innsbruck, I can tell ya.

Of course, last time, I hated Josh and couldn't wait for him to leave. He wanted living here to be how it was once and I was burnt out from work. But, let's not try to think about that. Ex-lover, monster people. All my ex-lovers have been monster people, not an introvert amongst them. Josh is staying three months, but he's not staying with me, this time. He's staying with Lesbians in Coburg, as nice as that sounds.

Oh, come on, Coburg's quite nice.

Holy Shit!

Jesus in a pair of briefs. I'm a disciple.

My Weekend Comes Early

9.15

Friday's off, you've got to luv it. Ah, yawn. Good morning world. Time for coffee, muesli, wrapped in my thick, new dressing gown.

11.20.

Blog, facebook, emails, coffee, breakfast. What will I do now? The sun is shining, the sky is blue. Nice day. Spring is in the air.

My phone beeps. Alex wants to come over. "I want to see you."

Could the day get any better? Maybe, I should go check my tatslotto?

I wonder about having two guys on the go, it seems to be my pattern, lately. Kaine and Mitchell. Ravi and Alex. One seems to cancel the other out and we all lose. I’m bad enough at putting in time on one.

Oh, Alex isn’t a “guy on the go” he’s got a boyfriend he’s cheating on, it’s just sex with him. I think that’s all I want at the moment. My life is in flux, work, my mum, Mark and Luke.

Ravi confirmed you as a friend on Facebook...

That is what happened next. David would say it is a sign from the universe.

Ravi posted something on your Wall and wrote:

"Hello writer ,

how is life going ? I am colliding with a nice weekend with friends Nepalese dinner n a Saturday full of laziness what r u doing ?"

He kinda writes text book English, he kinda talks that way too, a bit. I think it’s adorable.

But, I’m just thinking about screwing Alex, truthfully. He loves it.

I’m not going to tell any lies about it, though. If they ask, I’ll tell them. So far, we haven’t talk about anything like that. I haven’t said anything to anyone other than, I’m single.

Then I'll go see my mum. Then I'll head to the country.

 

Across the Room From Me

Luke was back today. I sat in a meeting with him, I wasn't expecting him to be there.

Hi gorgeous, I thought as he smiled when our gazes met. Dimples too, did I mention his dimples before?

I was sitting across from him. It was distracting. I found myself looking at him, unintentionally. Then trying not to look at him. Those eyes, you can swim in them. I did swim in them.

He looks at me intently. My imagination? Sure. No, I'm probably staring at him. I look away. But then, I find I'm putting in deliberate energy not to look at him. It's kind of strange.

He's probably looking at me and thinking, What is wrong with that guy?

Good thing I don't have too many meetings with him.

Luke's Away

When I saw Luke's empty chair and black computer monitor, I nearly said to one of the girls, where's the pretty one. Just about. What was I thinking? Shake head. Back at work now, buddy. No longer on holidays.

Beck was away too. Burst blood vessel in her eye. She freaked me out a couple of times, Tuesday. It was like I was working with The Terminator, just when she looked sideways at me, sometimes.

I could have perved at Luke unchecked. Twenty four, as cute as hell; red blush to his cheeks, intense blue eyes, happy smile. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Every mother's perfect son. Probably a private school boy.

Thick, dark hair, a fringe on his dewy brow. Square jaw. Velvety skin. And a nice chest under his business shirt. You can see his pecs, the outline of his nipples. Nice arse, what looks like, thick thighs. Good bulge, flat fronted suit pants, kinda tent out. He fills them. Handful. I bet he whacks off every morning, before his shower. I could see him sweaty, his eyes awash. His face lights up when he laughs. His eyes sparkle, unaffected. Free.

He's that gorgeous blend of an extroverted introvert. Solid. Together. Confident. Well spoken. Considered.

I've caught his gaze a few times. He smiles, almost like he's got a secret.

Sigh.

Bubbles

The World Leaders Mourn Ted Kennedy

Tributes poured in for US Senator Ted Kennedy following his death from brain cancer, with world leaders hailing "a great American" who was a tireless campaigner for peace and social welfare.

President Barack Obama said he was "heartbroken" over the death of the senator, saying his demise ended an important dynastic chapter in US political life.

"Michelle and I were heartbroken to learn this morning of the death of our dear friend, Senator Ted Kennedy," Obama said in a statement, issued as he holidayed in the well-heeled east coast resort of Martha's Vineyard.

"An important chapter in our history has come to an end. Our country has lost a great leader, who picked up the torch of his fallen brothers and became the greatest United States Senator of our time."

Kennedy died late on Tuesday at home in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, not far from Obama's holiday spot, after fighting brain cancer for more than a year.

Britain's Prime Minister Gordon Brown said in a statement: "He is admired around the world as the senator of senators. He led the world in championing children's education and health care, and believed that every single child should have the chance to realise their potential to the full."

"Even facing illness and death he never stopped fighting for the causes which were his life's work," Brown added.

During a 47-year career in Congress, Kennedy carved out a reputation as the leading proponent of health care reform - a cause which is being taken up by President Barack Obama.

Kennedy also played a significant role in establishing peace in Northern Ireland, helping to smooth the negotiations which led to the 1998 Good Friday Agreement.

He was awarded an honorary knighthood by Britain for his efforts.

Brown's predecessor Tony Blair, who oversaw the Good Friday negotiations, praised Kennedy's "passionate commitment" to the peace process.

"Senator Kennedy was a figure who inspired admiration, respect and devotion, not just in America but around the world," he said.

"He was a true public servant committed to the values of fairness, justice and opportunity.

"I saw his focus and determination first hand in Northern Ireland where his passionate commitment was matched with a practical understanding of what needed to be done to bring about peace and to sustain it."

Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen paid tribute to Kennedy as a "true friend" of Ireland - and an important player in bringing peace to Northern Ireland.

"America has lost a great and respected statesman and Ireland has lost a long-standing and true friend," he said, adding that he would be remembered with "great affection and enduring respect".

"Throughout his long and distinguished career in politics, Ted Kennedy has been a great friend of Ireland. He has used his considerable influence in the world's most powerful parliament for the betterment of this island."

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, on his way into talks in London with the US Middle East envoy George Mitchel, lauded Kennedy as a "great friend" of the Jewish state.

"Kennedy has been a friend for 30 years, a great American patriot, a great champion of a better world, a great friend of Israel," he said through his spokesman Mark Regev. "He'll be sorely missed."

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd hailed the senator as a "great American, a great Democrat and also a great friend of Australia".

"He has made an extraordinary contribution to American politics, an extraordinary contribution to America's role in the world," Rudd said in a statement.

"When you look at Ted Kennedy's legislative career, more than 40 years, when you look at the content of that legislative career, spanning the whole breath of public policy - health policy, social policy, foreign policy - this has been a unique political career," he added.

Kennedy's affability and capability to span the partisan divide on an array of legislative matters prompted an outpouring of condolences from those in the Republican Party as well as the Democratics.

"Given our political differences, people are sometimes surprised by how close Ronnie and I have been to the Kennedy family," Nancy Reagan, widow of Republican President Ronald Reagan, said in a statement from Los Angeles.

"But Ronnie and Ted could always find common ground, and they had great respect for one another. In recent years, Ted and I found our common ground in stem cell research, and I considered him an ally and a dear friend. I will miss him."

Her husband died in June 2004 of complications from Alzheimer's disease.

For the governor of her home state, the loss was personal.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose wife, Maria Shriver, was Kennedy's niece, said in a statement: "He was known to the world as the Lion of the Senate, a champion of social justice, and a political icon. Most importantly, he was the rock of our family: a loving husband, father, brother and uncle."

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, a 2008 Republican presidential contender, recalled losing to Kennedy in a 1994 Senate race. Nonetheless, the two joined forces in 2006 to help pass a universal health insurance law in Massachusetts.

"In 1994, I joined the long list of those who ran against Ted and came up short. But he was the kind of man you could like even if he was your adversary," Romney added.

Kennedy's death came just two weeks after that of Maria Shriver's mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, one of the senator's siblings. He had attended her wake but was noticeably absent from her funeral, even though it was held near his Cape Cod home.

The Senate's top Democrat, Senator Harry Reid, labelled Kennedy the "patriarch" of the party.

The Senate majority leader promised that Congress, while mourning Kennedy's loss, would renew the push for the cause of Kennedy's life - health care reform.

"Ted Kennedy's dream was the one for which the founding fathers fought and for which his brothers sought to realise," Reid said in a statement. "The liberal lion's mighty roar may now fall silent, but his dream shall never die."

Save the Planet

My housemate, David uses eight rolls of toilet paper to my one. I've measured it and rechecked the measurements and it's official. I noticed when it was just Shane and me, when David was away, we used two toilet rolls instead of our normal sixteen. So I hid some in the bathroom cupboard and have kept a close watch, while Shane has been away.

Mark was the same, but I was in love with him and didn't care. Not that I care now, toilet paper is cheap.

I only have one question.

What the fuck does he do with it?

He says it because he's uncircumcised. But, eight rolls to one?

At that rate, we could probably save the planet simply by chopping off every male's foreskin.

Sigh. I've got some favourites.

Boys will be Boys

David and I were standing at the kitchen bench Monday morning, the sun was shining, the morning sparkled. He was preparing cereal with milk and I was rolling a joint. I succumbed, the "powers" were working against me. Guido, who else. No can do, very tired try again tomorrow or the next day even, he sms'd back to me, Sunday. By the morning I had come to my senses, telling myself that he'd, actually, done me a favour. Lucky escape. Think positively. Don't chase it up, he might just forget.

Then, Monday morning he calls, be there within the hour. He arrives with a bag in his hand. Big sunglasses. A bit worse for wear. Monday morning. This is not a full bag, just give me fifty, he says. Yeah, thanks Guido, your twenty four hours late with half a bag; no sorry, no how are you, nothing. Even if I spent the morning wishing for him to forget altogether. But that's not the point, he's gettin just a little too... er, um... familiar, smile, is what I reckon.

I was so torn by everything I was feeling, close call gone bad, what was I thinking, I was doing so well. So, I got the box of tricks out deciding I wouldn't care once I'd smoked one. Weak as piss, I know. Day off. I didn’t have to take my mum to the doctor until 3pm. I could go back to bed for a pull. Plenty of time.

David poured the milk on to his rice crispy, sugar snacks, big bowl and then went to put some coffee on. I dropped the discarded filter, from the cigarette I broke up, onto the top of his cereal. Clean, no tobacco attached. Just the crisp, clean paper cylinder.

Then David was next to me, saying something about me being funny. He had those eyes on, the spoilt child who shall never be outdone eyes. He scooped up a spoonful of milk and poured it into the mix, saying how funny he was.

Moments froze. I don't believe you! I was speechless. I stayed calm, remembering to breath. All he had to do was lift the filter off again. I had soggy tobacco all though my muli, all through the mix bowl, everywhere.

I started to pick the mess out, resigned. David lent into my ear repeating how funny he was. Giggling. I looked at him and tilted my head, as if to say, Not funny. He laughed and joked even more, how funny he was. You know, it was just a stupid thing... and if he'd stopped bleating how funny he was in my ear, I probably wouldn't have made the next move.

David, just stop, I thought. I looked at him again without saying a thing. Pleading eyes, I’m sure.

He kept going. That’s how funny I can be.

If it wasn't for the disproportionate reaction, I wouldn't have cared. No, it was the bleating in my ear. To over-react and then to hold on to it and just keep going, I'm funny, I'm funny, I'm funny. I win. The damage needed to be evened up, he needed to be doing more work than simply lifting a filter, laughing really, the situation now warranted it.

Aren't I funny.

You know what would be funny? I picked up the now reasonably full-of-soggy-debris mix bowl and dumped the contents into David's cereal. It floated across the surface, like those times you mow too close to a pond and the debris covers the surface like litter.

You witch!

See how funny I am, David. See how funny, funny is.

It looked like a white sea in which a log raft had been destroyed, probably one of those ocean storms. I could see miniature sticks and twigs.

I've got to go and teach, so I can't even eat that. He looked down at it. Even if I wanted to.

Now that's funny! I said.

Lighten Up, This is Funny

Authorities in far north Queensland are outraged after a "sick joke" forced the humiliating rescue of a man who became stuck to the seat of a shopping centre toilet.

(Oh, lighten up. Worse things happen every day)

Police and community leaders have appealed for public help to find the prankster or pranksters responsible for the incident, which resulted in the 58-year-old man being taken to hospital.

Ambulance officers were called about 10.30am on Saturday to rescue the man after he sat on toilet seat which had been smeared with a fast-acting adhesive. He was forced to undergo the humiliation of leaving the Cairns Central shopping centre with the seat still attached to his behind, in full view of a busy crowd of Saturday morning shoppers.

Police say he was then taken to hospital where staff removed the fixture using industrial strength solvents. He is said to be extremely embarrassed by the ordeal.

Cairns City Council community safety committee chair Di Forsyth hit out at the offenders and called for members of the public to help identify them.

"I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny - it's a sick joke," she said. "I think the community would be outraged and quite rightly so ... it's quite a dangerous prank."

A dangerous prank? I don't think so. Lighten up Di Forsyth. We're losing our collective sense of humour if this "outrages" people and, in fact, makes the news at all. Once, Australians would have smirked as they said how wrong this was.

 

Shop Till We Drop

I decided yesterday, rather than selectively repot my in-door plants, I should re-pot them all, the whole lot. It's been a few years since the last time it was done. So, Bunnings has become my new favourite shop. Usually, I go to Bunnings Hawthorn, but I thought today that, maybe, time wise Bunnings Nunawading would be quicker. You know, it's just one fluid movement out the freeway, rather than the umpteenth set of traffic lights between Fitzroy and Hawthorn.

Wow! There was traffic every where.

David says I shouldn't go to these places if I send back messages like this.

SMS. 13.37. This is a nightmare! Every bored, beige cunt without a life is on the road desperately looking for inspiration! – Christian

Porridge poured into tracksuit pants wandering around aimlessly. Fat, bloated and pale. I came face to face with the great unwashed on their home territory, and it wasn't pretty. Acres of obese flesh wandering acres of concrete car park. Fat little fuck children holding onto their parents swollen hands, as the elastic in their tracky dacks strains to keep it all decent.

Business has really won, hasn’t it? The great shopping pass time, it’s now recreation for men and women alike. And the Earth loses, grow that economy, mass produce more crap, ruin the planet.

The sausage sizzle in Hawthorn has all the different varieties of name brand sauce - tomato, sweet chili, mustard, BBQ, steak and several bottles of each for your convenience. In Nunawading, just two bottles of generic, tomato and BBQ. Not sure why?

It was nice to cross back over the great divide to the inner suburbs to see boys with hot arses in jeans that, actually, fitted them.

An Example of a Previous Government Solution to fix a Housing Problem

You Are Going To Put What Where?

Two million extra people fitted into the existing infrastructure of Melbourne? Mr Brumby and your pack of clowns, have any of you driven around Melbourne lately to experience the traffic problems nearly every road in the inner city is now facing? Which road system do you claim is coping now? You will bring this city to a halt if you implement that plan. The roads are clogged up now.

Eight story buildings along tram routes, you will not only take the roads to gridlock, you will stuff up this fair city architecturally. Every Victorian building will be under threat of becoming wind blown tilt slab.

Talk about taking the most liveable city in the world and driving it into the ground? (Pun intended)

Not to mention the proposed new planning approval system, where residents will be stripped of their democratic rights and have no rights to appeal decisions. Why is it that successive Australian governments have dipped their toes into dictatorship and stripped the citizens of the freedom of speech?

 

New Boy in the Office

We've got a new Luke in the office, since I've been away. My boss came in and made a point of saying how much like the old Luke the new Luke is - really smart and funny. He seemed to be telling me, saying it for my benefit. Everybody knew that the old Luke and I had a "special" friendship, but I wondered what prompted my boss to come in and offer up the similarity?

Don't you worry, boss Graham, I'd already noticed the new boy.

He has those beautiful eye-lashes that make him look a little like he's got mascara on. He has beautiful eyes, which have held me in his gaze a few times... I wish, be still my beating heart.

I've hardly spoken to him yet, but I will.

And yeah, casual clothes day, I don't usually work Fridays, as you know.

I was leering at Luke, well, gazing... my eyes wandered over in his direction a few times. I just couldn't help it, he's as cute as a button.

Come on, get up and sachet your best asset around, I thought.

Is that wrong?

You Can't Make Me Anymore

I've ditched reading the Herald Sun over lunch, I just can't stand it any longer. Mostly, I read it because it was a convenient size for a cafe table. Oh yes, a discerning news reader.

But, I can't, any more. The Herald Sun is just rubbish. The sensationalist, right-wing, crap has just got to me lately and I've switched to The Age, no matter the size of the table, or how tough it is to turn a page.

Next I'm going to be reading the Pinko Daily.

You know, it's funny. How do I describe it? It's nice not to feel mildly annoyed any more when reading the newspaper.

It's Nice Lying Here... Wagging My Tail

Big Night

I got hammered, last night. I went to a friends for dinner, we smoked bongs and ate hash cookies. What was I thinking? I was smashed! Off my nut. I had to leave my car behind and catch a taxi home, which I barely remember.

No sudden movements, thanks driver.

I had to lay on the couch before I left. I didn't care as the world spun. I closed my eyes, drifted. I don't have to do any thing until Friday, I told myself. I couldn't have driven. No way. All over the shop, like a mad woman's shit!

I remember propositioning the taxi driver. OMG! Head hung in shame. He was cute as, I couldn't help myself. He had cropped hair. A handsome face. It just came out. I can't quite believe it, still. I was just trying to be funny, but it came out as a direct pass. Cringe. No mate, I've got a wife. We didn't talk after that.

Oh, I feel real mongy!

A Blog, You Say?

Apparently, Ravi has a blog, he mentioned just in passing, as he was talking about something else.

My ears pricked up. A blog, you say, I said, oh so nonchalantly, as I brushed the hair from his moist brow.

He very hesitantly started to explain what a blog was, as if to the uninitiated.

I know what a blog is, I said ever so casually.

He continued on with what he was saying.

Interesting, I thought. I'm going to have to do some investigating.

Behind his back? No, I wouldn't say that. A blog is a public document, after all.

 

Afternoon in Bed

Ravi came over mid afternoon and we spent the rest of the day wrapped in my doona. He's been teaching in a girl's school and said that his estrogen levels were rising to a dangerous level and that he desperately needed to be some where where he was surrounded by testosterone for a while. Now, I have sore lips and a chapped chin, on which I am applying emergency levels of moisturiser in a vain attempt to make my chin look normal again for a work audience. Oo yuk, perfumed moisturiser directly under my nose. Blur! It must be David's. How do straight boys do it with woman and their powder and perfume and lipstick and make up? I'd want to shove them under the shower beforehand every time. But, I digress...

Dogs and Cats and Pigs

Dogs look up to you, cats look down at you and pigs will look you straight in the eye and consider you as an equal.

 

Slava's Snow Show

Slava's Snow show was terrible. They sold the equivalent of the seats behind the stage. There were thirteen of us and to get that many seats in a row we had to sit in the Upper Circle. Unfortunately, we couldn't see 40% of the show, not at all. Any time the action moved to the front of the stage it was completely out of sight. It was one of my all time favourite shows when I saw it at the Comedy Theatre, but it was ruined for me at the Athenaeum.

There was no snow pulled over us. The huge storm didn't touch us. The huge balls at the end didn't come up as far as us.

It was telling, that the audience was applauding loudly downstairs, but in our section silence, I kid you not. Everybody was pissed off, lots of people complained.

I would suggest that everybody boycotts the show as a show of solidarity for unacceptable staging.

Terrible. A huge disappointment.

Andrew Jones

Palms n Things

I went to Bunnings, the big, new one in Hawthorn and bought new pots, for my indoor plants - a couple of palms, a ficus and a huge begonia, which if I re-pot it may even touch the ceiling too one day. I was even smart, measuring the sizes of the existing pots before I left for the shop, so I didn't have to stand there in front of the shelves thinking, Now, maybe it's that big? (like I usually would) 50 cm. Two 40 cm. 30 cm. 20 cm. Now I'm going to re-pot my indoor plants, before spring, like I always say I'm going to, but never do. This year I'm going to do it. It's going to be fun.

Truthfully, the big palm that touches the roof, is looking distinctly sick with a distinct starboard lean. ICU maybe more appropriate that just a new pot.

A lazy Sunday. Now, I just need a couple of shirtless wog boys to fetch and carry for me.

Wish me luck.

Slava's Snow Show tonight. One of my very favourite shows, ever. Yay! Can't wait.

I've been watching, So You Think You Can Dance

I Wondered What the Workers Were Doing? Actually, no, I Didn't Think About Anybody Else in True 21st Century Style

I got up early yesterday, 8am. My day off? Hands in the air. See what working 9 to 5 does to your sleep patterns. Fucks them.

Oh, I guess the sun was shining, I suppose the sky was blue, it could have been interpreted as a beautiful day, by some. A nice time to be awake? There is a lovely quality to the morning, fresh, new, which can only be enjoyed when you are not rushing off some where, to earn a buck.

I breathed in the air. I brewed coffee.

I read about the Kokoda Trail deaths and baulked at the suggestion that the Australian Govt should pay to upgrade the facilities in PNG. I don’t want my tax dollars spent on clueless middle class wankers indulging in idiotic nationalistic sentiment. Let’s try spending it on the poor and the needy in Australia first.

I ate a large bowl of muesli. I brewed more coffee. Then I thought, Ah Fuck it! and headed back to the crypt. (fangs extended, my left foot dragging behind me)

I lay in bed for the rest of the day with my lap-top watching Friends, season 3, with Missy, who purred next to me. Tucked up in my doona, eating walnuts and Brazil nuts and dried apricots Yum. I warned Missy she risked asphyxiation if she stayed so close. She gazed at me with slit eyes and a bemused, cat expression, then looked away.

That's what days off are for (sung to the tune of that's what friends are for) after all. Glorious. The daylight drifted in and out from behind the curtains. I drank tea and dozed a bit and before I knew it the light had begun to fade away.

Shane's in Europe.

David was at the "new" boyfriends.

I wondered, this morning, if I should have been pining for some guy company, yesterday, last night. You know, I just didn't. Shrug. I do like my own company and I don't mind spending time on my own. Me and the cat. If I lived in the country it would be me and the cat and the dog. The funny thing about the two guys I've been seeing is that the more I see them, the more I, kind of, think that I don't want a boyfriend. It just seems like too much trouble, too time consuming. Maybe, I've got too selfish, although it's only been two years. Wow, two years almost to the day. A few weeks ago, really. I guess, they are just not the right guys, hey?

I wonder how Manny is? We've never seen each other again. Funny that, when relationships end - all that intensity and then... nothing.

Russian boy wrestler, Yuri, likes nothing better than to take it from his fellow boy wrestlers after the match. His small, red suit clings to his sweaty body, as he leaves the ring. The crack in his arse chewing at the scarlet cloth as he walks away. His thick carves and thighs downy with hair. Traditionally the loser accommodates the victor - the winner takes it all. Yuri likes nothing better than to be "the centre of attention" afterwards in the change room and his string of losses are becoming legendary.

He's nice and tight, with great muscle control, so his wrestling buddies like him... a lot, especially the boys with girlfriends who play hard to get.
A crowd gathers, the boys like what they see. They all like to watch, it is a part of group camaraderie, team building. They whoop and wolf whistle, clap and cheer. They stamp their feet on the ground.

Handsome Devil

The devil made me do it. He was so seductive, so attractive and so beguiling, with persuasive powers the likes of which I have never experienced before. I was putty in his hands. He knew exactly what to say. He knew exactly what to do. He knew how to talk, touch, rub himself against me, smile, whisper in my ear as he caressed me. Honeysuckle breath, the smell of rain in the air, skin like silk. I didn't have a chance, it was those eyes. They followed me wherever I went, all around the room, the city, the world. It wasn't my fault. I was helpless. It was beyond my control.

Cute as...

Why are buttons so cute?

What The?

The Nine Network has gone too far with a current affairs program about a spate of teenager suicides in Geelong, according to Victorian Premier John Brumby.

The premier on Tuesday said the government would join the national depression initiative beyondblue (Chaired by Jeff Kennett, who always liked to dictate to the public. Remember, that's why he got unanimously kicked out of office in the end) in a legal bid to stop the 60 Minutes program going to air.

Beyondblue won a last-minute injunction to stop the story, about the suicides of four students at a Geelong school, being broadcast last Sunday.

The network will seek to have the injunction lifted at a hearing in the Victorian Supreme Court on Wednesday.

Mr Brumby said the government had strong views about the issue.

"The reality is that the issues in relation to suicide are very, very sensitive issues indeed," he told reporters. "The last thing you want to do with this issue is normalise it. The last thing you want to do is create an environment where copycat behaviour becomes the norm - that is the best professional advice."

Mr Brumby said the government strongly supported the freedom of the press (Ed note - apparently not) but occasionally it had to step in to protect the public. (Ed note - No, Mr Brumby, "the freedom of the press" doesn't work that way)

He said he had not seen the program (Ed note - What? Brumby hasn't even seen the footage. This current batch of politicians are just idiots) but had been told it contained deeply disturbing footage.

(Ed note - Jeff Kennett had not seen the footage either when he went to court for the injunction)

"We don't believe the public interest is served by the presentation of this material," Mr Brumby said. (Remember, material he hasn't even seen) "On occasions, there will be times when we think something has overstepped the mark and overstepping the mark puts ... the health and welfare, and potentially the lives, of people at risk - and this is one of those circumstances."

What is it with the governments of Australia, lately? Just balance the books, guys. You are elected pen pushers. You are not there to censor or socially engineer. The public don't care what your (uninformed) personal views are. If the public don't like a TV program they will stop watching. We don't want you interfering.

Freedom of speech!

Freedom of the press!

 

Blond vs Dark Hair

I love dark hair. I've never been partial to blondes, even if one of the great loves of my life, Mark, was, in fact, blond.

Thick waves framing their handsome faces, a T-mat across a well developed chest, downy line across a sexy stomach, a trimmed patch, a shaved sack, a sprouting crack, over his cheeks and down the backs of his thighs, to shapely, hairy legs, that is what I like, I cannot deny it.

"Hi, I'm Nick."

Olive skin, black hair, a nice smile and I'm already there.

"Hi, how are you?"

Feel that buzz in my stomach, feel that smile want to spread across my face, keep it back a pace, meeting somebody new is a serious business.

"I'm great. And you?"

Don't mind if I do. "Yeah." Smile. I'm great too."

Feel the buzz, feel the twinkle in my toes and the twitch in my soul.

I'm a really nice boy. I'm soft and warm in all the right places. Unless, of course, you don't want soft and warm. I can be the opposite of that, it just depends where you touch me.

Hate That

I headed off late, there seemed like nothing was going on in the city. Shane was absent. David was heading over to the new boyfriends. She'll play house at the drop of a hat, that one. There seemed no reason not to head to the country, to Bolago.

Lazy Friday night.

Then, when I'd decided that's what I was doing, I was picking up things on my way. Natch! Mark wanted stuff, Luke wanted stuff. Human nature. Two stops. Easy peasy. When I was committed and, really, on my way, and I'd stopped and picked up the first thing, one stop to go, things to be delivered sitting on the back seat of the car, Alex messaged me and said how about it?

Hate that. Of course he did. He couldn't have messaged me an hour earlier, of course not, that is the way it goes. Is it called Murphy's Law?

Alex's boyfriend will be back from overseas in a week and Alex won't, er, um, be able to cheat with me behind the boyfriend's back, so readily. There's always something. So, naturally, Alex was keen.

I suspect, I have moral issues around this, would you believe? If someone I'm sleeping with is cheating on his boyfriend, it's not, really, my problem. I don't really believe I have a moral obligation to someone I have never met, namely the boyfriend, but, you know, if Alex is prepared to tell such fundamental lies, maybe, he's willing to lie about anything.

Maybe? Who knows?

So, there is a small part of me that was glad that I had an excuse not to head over to see him. And I didn't turn around like I could have.

Well, at least the country is beautiful. 

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

My first day Off. I made it. Yay! Pat on the back for me. First week down. Still breathing, still smiling.

Did I tell you I am working 3 days per week, Tue to Thu. Ho, ho. I don't have to be back at work, or as I like to call it, The Saltmines, for four days. Now, you gotta luv that.

I took my mum out for lunch, to a cafe she likes in the bushy confines of the eastern suburbs. That is, I would have if she could have found it. I guess the promise of wide open spaces should have given it away, when she said something about a view and rolling lawns, or some such thing. Some place she'd eaten with her girlfriends, at some time, some where.

We went for a bit of a drive and we hadn't gone all that far when I realised she didn't know where we were going. Not a clue. So I thought quickly, and gently steered us in the direction of a cafe I once knew in Balwyn, which, luckily enough, was still there. And in the end, mum didn't care, just some place knew got her sitting up and taking notice.

Hard n Sore

I went to chemist and bought viagra and rectinol. Amusing that it was Queen's Pharmacy.

The rectinol is for me, um, er... maybe I've been sitting down far too much for the last, um, er... raised eyebrows... year? The viagra is for Shane who is planning a meth binge this weekend. Not that it matters so much with Shane, (I says holding up my small finger, on his right hand) Shhhh, he says, with his pointer over his lips. I think they are for the other bloke.

As I walked down Bourke Street, I laughed to myself, as I peeked into the bag. What must have the pharmacist thought? (I guess, it says, these boys have been doing too much fucking, I guess, if the pharmacist thought anything at all.)

He pointed to the group of shelves and said the rectinol was on the bottom. He said he liked saying that. (Ha ha, it is good to have a sense of humour) He handed me the other. He smiled, nervously.

Buying a Lawyer a New Mercedes

A man naked and on all fours when allegedly raped by a stripper was behaving like someone "playing chicken" with moving cars, a defence lawyer has claimed.

The Stripper is charged with raping the man with a sex toy at a bucks party in 2007.

Delivering his closing address in The stripper' Victorian County Court trial on Tuesday, her lawyer said the man had hired the stripper to perform the XXX rated show, prior to serving as the best man at his friend's wedding.

Her lawyer told jurors that after the groom decided he no longer wanted to take part in the performance the best man got naked and on all fours under his own free will.

Her lawyer said the best man then allowed lubricant to be poured onto his bottom while a stripper stood behind him.

Her lawyer described the scenario as "a bit like playing chicken with moving cars".

Her lawyer also questioned how the best man could be so sure the penetration was deliberate.

"Why would she (The stripper) choose to deliberately commit this crime?"

Her lawyer urged the jury to find The stripper not guilty.

Earlier, The Prosecutor reminded jurors that only the slightest penetration was sufficient to constitute rape.

"She knew what she had done," he said.

"It was intentional and she didn't expect (the best man) to act in the way he did."

The Prosecutor said The stripper described the incident as a "joke".

"Well it backfired, didn't it," he said.

The Prosecutor urged the jury to find The stripper guilty.

"He never consented to any penetration and she intentionally penetrated him and this is rape and you ought to find her guilty," he said.

The Judge told jurors they could expect to begin deliberations on Wednesday morning.

What a HUGE baby! So, a dildo penetrated his arse by a few millimetres, or so. (I know it does technically) This hardly constitutes rape. Please! I'm sure the best man was fine by the morning, if not a short time later. It kind of makes a mockery of the rape laws, really.

Does he want to be known from now on as Up the Butt Boy?

We've all got to stop running to lawyers with frivolous law suits. It's only making lawyers rich and the rest of us much poorer with increased insurance premiums and the like.

A A A A

Abscess, the spot where it hurts, the pain that is caused.

Accentuate, how it affected you, how bad it makes you feel, what it takes from you when you don't have happiness.

Abusive, the one that hurt you, the one who caused the abscess, the one that made it hurt, the person who brings the pain to you.

Abrupt, how the hurt comes, how your sensibilities feel, how happiness stops, how the pain comes in its place.

The Time is Here

Ah! Back to work tomorrow. I'm ironing a shirt. A year? I can't quite believe it.

Kill me now!

I put off going back today. It suddenly hit me, 1pm yesterday. I text some excuse to my boss. Oh, going back to work on a Monday morning was just, too, depressing.

 

Red leather seats and a column shift, they are antique now, but once used to rule the roads supreme. Kings of the road, that is how these old girls used to make the young men feel. Kings of the road.

And how many old girls can say they made young men feel like kings?

I'm in the country where it is green and lush. Cold and wet, too. Soggy under my feet. Bright open spaces, distances. Trees and clouds, forest thick. The birds are twittering, from the high branches. The breeze is blowing, cold, around my ears. The sky is gray, thick, monotone. Jumpers, jackets, coats, are the order of the day. Maybe, gloves and scarves, if I was a little more gay.

My forehead creases adorably when I am concentrating on stuff. Previous lovers have told me it is very sexy and have wanted to have sex when I have been doing my tax return, or when I have been calculating my bills. It becomes a distraction, but a very pleasant one.

And yes, it is my sex face.

Being your and male and full of testosterone I feel powerful as I rest  my hands behind my head and observe the world that is, essentially, mine to take.

Yes, I am young, but legally young, which some times disappoints the guys I hook up with. And that disappoints me. I like the act of restrictive sex, I like the edginess of being stopped from fulfilling a want.

But, did you know I have a masters degree in astrophysics? Do you even care as you pull my leather shorts off?