I Decided to Absent Myself

I'm home today, couldn't be fagged. I never take sick days, unless I'm sick, so this is unusual for me.

Have I told you about my job? My boss Beck left because she was treated like shit for far too long.

Law firms, they are poisonous places to work. Everybody is building their own little empire from which to look down on the minions, passing the buck, pushing the knife, finding a scapegoat, when it suits their particular career path.

The modern day corporate law firm mantra, There must be someone to blame.

Or, as our National HR director, Champagne Sally, says, Why wasn't I told, even if there is written evidence against her, to everything, automatically, deflectively. We should call her teflon Sal. She doesn't care, she is an old war horse from years prior. Her favourite expression when she thinks nobody else can hear, Don't fucken tell me that!

Or, as the Finance Director, Fat Boy, says, What do you want me to do about it?

Or as the IT director, Jolly Jack, says... well, actually, he is so full of wind he just never stops talking. He's like a slightly demented child.
He got drunk recently and admitted to our old IT director that the award he won recently for IT director of the year was all based on lies. Kel surprise!
"All that stuff it was based on that they said I'd done, I haven't done half of that stuff."
He's so arrogant, as the rest of them, that he doesn't even realise he is talking to an original member of the "We hate (insert name of law firm) Club."

Or, as the head of marketing says, down his nose, Are you still here?

Or as one of the old executive directors used to say - actually that is more do than say - whatever lie it takes to win industry awards. What he used to do boarded on the criminal. Actually, it didn't border on it. We won female employer of choice, despite nothing, actually, changing in the great big boy's club. It was just a matter of interpretation. You know, take the first six months of 2005 and the second six months of 2007 and then swap whatever pesky months that don't fit your criteria and hey presto, your law firm qualifies for the award. It's like magic.

We had a couple of very competent, yet completely alarmed analysts who left because of the, shall we say, fraud they were forced to commit. Of course, the exec doesn't commit the fraud, oh no, corporate law firm 101, there must be somebody to blame if it all goes pear-shaped.

The funny thing was, that the best analyst, who I got on with really well, kept all of the original data, unbeknownst to the boss. My insurance policy, he used to say.

Anyway, our finance manager clearly has anorexia and his mood swings are enormous. I mean, he always had it in him, way back before he started a diet of gruel and guilt, but now, the potential first class shit has fulfill his destiny, so much so, that the now haggard-faced rat even looks like a bitch.

Our director of finance is a child who has been elevated way above his capabilities. His modes de operandi is to simply stop talking to any pesky employees who are making his life difficult. Now that is total blank out, like that employee ceases to exist, even in meetings he has with them. Gone, over with.

And our CEO just doesn't get it. Personalities aren't, shall we say, a strong suit. Oh no, everything is the bottom line. The only understanding the CEO has is the profit and loss and the next 200K bonus.

And, of course, nobody is, really, willing to do anything unless it actually builds their standing and prestige. So, when Beck tried to get new systems in place, which were vital to our processes, the before mention managers above us pissed around and wouldn't sign them off. They weren't interested, it didn't benefit them. So, for six months the documentation was send back with requests for revision. Stupid requests, meaningless changes, idiotic concerns, so much so that the system providers were flabbergasted at the on-going delays.

Have you done this? Have you got that? Has this been provided? Have were checked the potential problem? Have we got assurances for x y and z?

Yes, yes, yes and yes.

I don't seem to have it says both managers, do it again.

Of course, they are both frightened of the CEO and have no idea what they are doing without his say so.

This went on. The providers said they had never seen anything like it. Stalemate. The fiance director's answer was always, What do you want me to do about it?

Then when it got to a critical juncture, where our work practices were on the line and in threat of crumbling, the managers above still wouldn't act. Beck's job was slowly grinding to a halt.

Beck went to HR, who are always as useful as tits on a bull, which only caused our our managers to be pissed off and evasive.

The final straw came when the control freak anorexic finance manager accused Beck of getting all of the paperwork wrong, blaming it as the reason for the delay, saying that he'd have to do it all again himself. Beck looked at me dumbfounded and said, That paper work was all the contacts at the firm who were going to be using the software. How exactly do you think I could have got that wrong?

Beck confronted the skinny shit, who, essentially, accused Beck of being unstable and Beck resigned.

So, getting back to me. On top of all of this, of course, there are very much favourites in the department - child accountants who will do as they are told. Anyone with, shall we say, a personality and/or an opinion is being weeded out as they prove too, shall we say, challenging for the managers above. One of those favourites, with no experience what so ever, has been installed in Beck's job. So, I now have a boss who I have to train, lovely. He still has one foot in his last department and, thus far, he has taken no interest in any of the workings of our department. He, is of course, being talked up by the managers above because, of course, they installed him in the job.

So, today, when we have critical deadlines, all of which I have met, I might just add, I decided to absent myself, so that my new fresh-faced boss can go meet with the executive board and explain all the stuff that needs explaining, none of which he knows anything about.

Childish? Oh yes, quite possibly.

Will it come back to bite me on the arse? Oh, probably. I'll be the bad guy. "Of course, Christian let us down." Pat, pat, pat to my new manager. "You were great, under the circumstances."

And yes, I know, I should resign. I'm working up to it. This all has only just happened. But, I'm a lazy cow, I admit it.

As Shane says, "Nobody now even knows what you do. (sad but true) Just go in there, keep you head down and do your work and look for a new job."