Sam and I were walking through the park when we heard a voice, voices, behind us, saying something, I’m not sure exactly what now. They were indicating to us that they wanted us to stop. There were two of them, two women, for a minute I thought they were the police, by the way they were dressed. They were both holding up badges of some sort, you know, your generic official, law and order type badges.
Then they were asking about the dog and they were saying something about the dog not having a registration tag on him. Then the smaller of the two was asking, all official like, who the owner of the dog was and that she would need to speak to whoever the registered owner of the dog is.
She acknowledged that the dog was on a lead and seemed to congratulate us for using the lead while walking him. But that just seemed to be nonsense, as I always walk Buddy on a lead, there is never a question about it. She seemed to see fit to repeat the acknowledgment, I’m not really sure why. I wonder if it was a gauge to judge whether I was going to be abusive, or not.
“Yes, that is me,” I said.
“Why wasn’t the dog wearing a registration tag?”
“He doesn’t always wear his harness and he can’t wear a harness and a collar at the same time.”
“So is the dog registered?”
Yes.”
“Is the dog microchipped?”
“Yes.”
“Is the dog desexesed?”
“No.”
I wanted to say that I wanted to cry for this country if they saw fit to hassle a dog that is clearly under the control of its owner who is clearly being walked responsibly on a lead. Did they not have anything better to do with their time? However, they seemed to be taking this very seriously… so, I thought it was better just to keep my mouth shut and take whatever it was that this official mad, security ridiculous, nana’centric society wanted to throw at me. Just shut up, just lie back and take it for the good of the country, and take your dressing down and it will soon be over once these uniform wearing, trojans (big empty vessels that carry the official message) of big bother got out whatever it was they felt they needed to get out over the heinous crime of not having a small piece of plastic wrapped around some part of Buddy’s apparel.
“Do you have pooh bags?”
Pooh bags? I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t help it. “Yes.”
I made no attempt to produce them. Surely, that can't be a legal requirement, after all, they are available in most parks for dog owners use.
“Can I see them?”
“Yes.” I reluctantly pulled them from my rear pocket.”
“One, two, three. I always need three pooh bags per walk.” I thought that might prove that I always carry pooh bags with me, which I do, religiously. (I kind of like the association of shit bags with religion) I always pick up his pooh, even though there is a part of me that doesn't really agree with it, - it is biodegradable and surely we can't be that anal and uptight - because that is what is agreed that dog owners must do.
The appearance of the pooh bags seemed to lighten her demeanour, I’m not exactly sure why. (Farts are always funny?) There is no accounting for taste, I guess.
“I will be checking all of your details and I may, or may not, be back in contact with you?”
“Okay.” I mean, what was I to say to that? Lovely. Check what you like.
“Did you know it was a legal requirement for your dog to be wearing a current registration tag,” I think she said at this point, “while walking him in a park.” I think that is what she said, although I am not, exactly, sure now.
I shrugged, looked confused, made big eyes - tick the appropriate box. Really?
“On this occasion I will be giving you a warning…” yadder, yadder, yadder, blah, blah, blah.
Still, what can I say. I was in the wrong, let's not forget that. I was putting the very fabric of our society at risk by walking my dog fully controlled and fully under my supervision, on a leash, which was noted several times for the record, without a small piece of red plastic attached to his neck where very few people would even be able to see it. People's lives were at risk... um... er...
3 comments:
Looks like she was trying to find things to fault. Where are these people when dogs are actually illegally off leash and shitting everywhere?
Maybe they'd had no-one else to speak to all day and that was their way of making pathetic conversation. Then again, maybe not.
They seemed to be taking it very seriously. They were very serious about the whole thing. I quickly realised they were going to have no dissent and that I should just shut up and let them complete their very serious job.
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