The Boys

The tuxedo was coming off. Warren knew, it was just that Jimmy didn't. Warren couldn't get over how handsome he thought Jimmy looked in his tux.

They stumbled along the footpath together, as the dark light broke allowing patches of light to light their way.

They were in Fitzroy, they stumbled in Christopher's gate.

"Open up! Open up!" They banged on the door. They were both still drunk from Nika's wedding. It was late. They were up to mischief.

"Open up! Open up!" Warren banged on the door with his open hand. He leant his forehead against the old wooden door.

"Open up! Open up!" Jimmy yelled, as he slapped the door with his open hand. Warren pulled his head from the door, his eyes shooting open. "Jesus!" It sounded like a gun shot.

"Open up! Open up!" Warren yelled as he slapped the door again.

A light flicked on in the hallway.

The door opened a crack. "What?" said a croaky Christopher voice.

"Let us in," Warren and Jimmy said in unison.

The door opened to show Christopher standing in front of them in his jocks.

"Nice," said Warren cupping Christopher's bulge, before Christopher pulled away instinctively.

"Where's Titania?" asked Warren, as he and Jimmy enter the lounge room.

"Left," said Christopher.

"Why?" said Jimmy.

"I told her the truth."

Warren and Jimmy stopped in their tracks and looked at Christopher. The both inhaled audibly. They looked at each other and shook their heads. They looked back at Christopher. "And she left?" they said in unison.

The three of them are lying on Christopher's double bed, looking up at the ceiling, holding each other's hand. Christopher is in the middle in his jocks, framed by four legs in black cotton.

"You know, I think I really liked her," said Christopher.

"How long is it since you've had sex?" asked Warren.

"Oh, months." Months? It had been months. He couldn't remember the last time?

"No, could easily be a false positive," said Jimmy.

"What?" asked Christopher.

"You're still in the post-glow of the grateful period," said Warren. "You haven't committed to anything yet, have you?"

"No, just sex," said Christopher. He was grateful, even he knew it. He'd been getting really toey over the last few weeks, it had been becoming distracting, all he had on his mind. He'd even been sizing the fifty-something tea lady at work. She had on a low cut inform, Friday. She'd had nice tits. Red hair, she was all right, he thought, as she asked him, "One or two?"

He'd thought orgasms. "Two," he said, in such a sexy way the tea lady blushed, as his eyes came up from her chest. She'd meant sugar.

"What?" asked Jimmy.

Christopher looked round at him. "Huh?" Where was he?

"Two?" said Warren. Christopher rotated his head to look at him.

Christopher had said that out loud, he was surprised.

"Maybe two dates," he covered. "Maybe we'll go on a second date."

Silence. Christopher's head spun. He could feel Warren and Jimmy on either side of him. He could feel their heat.

"So what's going on with you two?" asked Christopher. He looked at Jimmy, still with his bow tie on.

"Us two?" Jimmy said.

Christopher looked at Warren, shirt undone, jacket still on.

"Going on?" Warren asked.

"Do you think I'm blind?" said Christopher, looking from Warren to Jimmy.

"Are you two playing hide the sausage?" said Christopher. He looked at Warren.

Warren said nothing.

"Are you gay?" Christopher looked at Jimmy. He said nothing.

Christopher looked back at Warren.

"Yes," said Warren. A smile spread across his face.

Christopher looked at Jimmy. "How long has this been going on?"

"Just started."

Christopher looked at the ceiling. "My two best mates are homos."

"Get fucked," said Jimmy. He punched Christopher on the shoulder. It hurt.

"What do you call it then?"

Jimmy and Warren both grinned broadly, as Christopher looked from one to the other, but said nothing.

"What about you, Christopher?" asked Warren, as he slid his open hand up Christopher's thigh.

"You know you want to," said Jimmy, sliding his hand up Christopher's other thigh.

Christopher slid both hands over the front of his white briefs. "Ha, ha."

Anna and Other Girls

The morning sun shone in through the bedroom window. Clothes were scattered from the bedroom door, across the Persian rug, to the foot of the bed. Men's feet stuck out from under the doona. Hairs on the big toes.

Christopher was stroking Titania's hair.

"Anna said you vant her as your girlfriend," said Titania. "And... Ethan as your boyfriend?"

"Anna said that?" said Christopher.

"Anna said she take her relationship away from you, before it got broken."

"What?" said Christopher. "I don't under..."

"Vhy vould she say that if not true?" asked Titania. "It not something voman normally say."

"She had some idea..."

"Just idea?"

"What? yes... of course," said Christopher. He looked away. "I don't know where she got it from." Titania looked disbelievingly. "She don't just make such thing up."

"She really said that was why she went away," said Christopher. "Because of me?"

"That vhat she say."

They were silent for a moment. Christopher was stunned by what Titania had said. There was that one morning with Ethan, in somebodies house somewhere in St Kilda. They were both really out of it, been partying far too hard. Christopher could hardly remember it. It was all about drugs, pills. Once Christopher got a taste for amphetamines, he'd do anything for more - it was why he didn't do them any more. Ethan was complicit. He must have told Anna, Christopher was surprised.

The silence became thick in the air as Christopher remembered.

"Are you everything you say you are?" said Titania.

"I haven't said I'm anything..."

"By... actions say a lot," said Titania. "You have other things to say?"

"We made no promises," said Christopher. "This is all it is. There are no other things."

Christopher moved to kiss Titania, she moved her head away from him.

"Vhy did your last girlfriend dump you?" She smiled and looked him straight in the eye. "Really?"

"Because I ran hot and cold. Because I was a narcissist. Because I didn't know what I was. Because I am a sex addict." Christopher was amazed at his sudden burst of honesty. He'd been in counselling for nearly twelve months.

They held each other's gaze and they was silent. Christopher eventually smiled. Titania did not.

"They vere your girlfriend's exact words?" said Titania.

"Yes," said Christopher. "They were her exact words.

They just stared at each other.

Titania threw the doona back and stood up.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving." said Titania."

"What?" said Christopher.

"I've been out with you before." Titania pulled on her panties. "My first boyfriend. Just like you." She slid on her pantihose. "You remind me of him so much. So I know what to expect."

"You can't be serious," said Christopher. "Expect what?"

Titania slip on her high heals and tuned topless to face Christopher.

"I see you looking at Jimmy and Varren." She shrugged. "It was the same look as in my first boy friend's eyes. I thought he was just friendly vith everybody, but..." She pulled on her skirt. "Anna was right." She buttoned her leather jacket."

"Anna was right about what?" said Christopher. "What are you saying?"

She bent over and kissed him, wrapped like a pharo in a sheet, on the forehead.

"So beautiful. So loved by everyone. But, in the end, destroyed by his own secrets." She picked up her bag. "I'm saying I don't want to do it again." She walked to the door. "It nearly killed me the first time."

"Huh?"

"Play with your friends, Christopher."

She blew him a kiss and was gone.

All Singing, All Dancing

The gravel crunched under their feet.

"Your aunties loved me," said Jimmy, drunkenly. "How many of their nephew's gay lovers have they danced the waltz with, I ask you?"

"You even won over Aunty Greta," slurred Warren. "She told me to never dare to enter her house with the stink of my boyfriend's cock on my breath."

"What?" said Jimmy.

"She whispered it, spitting each word, clearly," said Warren. "Like an old witch from Macbeth. I could hear the hate..."

"Fear," said Jimmy.

"No, hate," said Warren. "Two thousand years of blind, Christian faith oozing into my ear like poison."

Jimmy shrugged. "She didn't know any..."

Warren laughed. "I played with her son Domenic when we were made to share a bed together on holidays..."

"Do you think she knew that..."

"No," said Warren. "Not a chance."

"Domenic with the pregnant wife?" asked Jimmy, motioning his head towards the reception room behind them."

"Yeah," said Warren. "He was the instigator, he's a couple of years older than me."

"The whole world is gay," said Jimmy. "You know that, don't you."

"Crap," said Warren. "But you certainly won over old Greta."

Warren grabbed Jimmy, pushing him backwards against a car, kissing him. Warren's hand went up between Jimmy's legs as his tongue slipped into Jimmy's mouth. Jimmy moaned.

There was loud coughing. Aunt Nina and Uncle Leno.

Warren jumped away from Jimmy, who slid to the earth on his arse.

"Varren," said Leno's baritone.

All that was audible from Nina was tutting.

The two elders made a wide berth of their nephew and Jimmy.

"Good night," said Warren.

The two boys stood and sat in silence.

"I don't believe that," said Warren looking after his retreating relatives, as he slid to the ground next to Jimmy. "It's a sign." Warren looked at Jimmy. "Maybe he can smell it?" Warren looked back towards his retreating relatives. "I can't believe that."

"It was Uncle Leno?"

Warren looked at him with a faraway smile. Warren looked away. "In a bathing box at Mornington," said Warren. "He told me I was a big boy... and was asking if I could keep a secret... before I felt his hand slide into my speedos." Warren looked at Jimmy with tears in his eyes. "He pulled me off, with my uncles and aunties right outside the door."

"Oh," said Jimmy, hushed and quiet.

"It's all right, you see, I liked it," said Warren. "Wanted him to do it again. That was my torture." Tears rolled down Warren's face. "I wanted to, after that. But he turned me down. I wondered what I'd done wrong."

Jimmy hugged Warren. They were still. Jimmy kissed Warren's neck gently, he was salty and smooth. Jimmy nuzzled Warren's hair with his nose and breathed Warren in.

Warren pushed Jimmy away. "Come on, let’s get out of here."

Warren stood taking Jimmy by the hand

Sunday Morning

The sun was shining into the room. Christopher woke and rolled over to see Titania, with her eyes open.

"Good morning," said Christopher.

"Good morning," said Titania.

They gazed at each other.

"What now?" said Christopher.

Titania laughs.

"I come to Australia, I fuck an Aussie boy, I go home," said Titania. "Vhat else is there to do?"

Christopher pulled her towards him under the sheet. "Where do I come?" He rubbed his naked body on hers and kissed her. "Where do I come on the list of excellence."

Titania laughed. "You men, all the same, all ze vorld over."

She kissed Christopher and rubbed her body against his.

"And don't you thank us for it." He kissed her stomach and blew raspberries. She whimpered and squirmed. "Where do I come?" He slid over her and kissed her neck. She gripped his shoulders and whimpered again.

"Christover," she said breathlessly.

He pushed himself against her. He felt enormous against her. She fitted in his arms, she felt small and delicate. He kissed her.

"Ah!" She kissed back stronger.

"Am I the best?" he whispered in her ear.

"Oh, aahh!"

"Am I second best?" He kissed her other ear and pushed her legs apart with his.

"AahH! Yes!"

"Where!" He pushed against her.

"Oh!"

"Do!" He slid his body along hers.

"AHH!"

"I" He chewed her neck

"AAHH!"

"Come!" He licked over her chin to her mouth.

"Oh, YES! You come..."

"Where!"

She started to laugh. "It's very nice Christover." She groaned loudly. "Oh yes, very nice. Don't stop!" She put her hand over his mouth.

He was getting too hot. His head began to spin. He threw himself off her. He lay on his back, breathing heavily, with the sheets settling again.

"You okay?"

"Yes, sure," said Christopher. "Too much."

"How long?" She sounded alarmed.

Christopher laughed at the sound of her pleading voice. He loved it when girls...

Suddenly he rolled over and looked at her, his eyes sparkling.

She thought she was going to explode, if he stopped.

He looked like a big cat crawling towards her, such were the muscles in his shoulders, arms, the look on his face. She couldn't believe how much he turned her on.

His hard-on swayed underneath him; she wanted to come; she didn't think she'd ever seen a cock as nice as his. She liked Aussie boys, she now knew.

He slid over the top of her, she was so beautiful. He felt powerful. She spread her legs and he slide right inside her. He'd never known a girl to be so open and so wet.

She made chocking noises in the back of her throat, as her nails dug into the skin on his left shoulder. He wondered if he had even fallen in love with her, as he pushed his cock in further, without retracting it. Her teeth chattered in his ear. "Ah!" Gasp for breath. "Ah!" Gasp for breath. "Ah! Gasp! "Ah, ah, ah, ah...

He held her tight.

Coming Out

The stones of the car park crunched under Jimmy's feet. They both have to wear tuxeedos, Warren's mother had insisted.

"He your dyate to cousin Nika's wedding... or what?"

"Yes, Ma," said Warren.

"Well!" She threw her hands in the air. "I no want the family to thyink us poor. Wear the tuxedo, for your mother." She grabbed Warren by both sides of the face and kissed him on the lips. "You, luv your mother."

"He's my b..."

"I know, I know." She put her hand up to his mouth. "How many times do you have to tell me."

"Well, ma." Warren could hear his voice whine like he did as a kid.

She pulled him towards her and she whispered. "You no have to tell so many people at Nika's wedding... about you and... it okay, if it what you want. Not your fault, you can't change it. But, in family." She put her finger to her lip. "okay..."

"No ma."

She hugged him tight. "Be good boy."

They parked at the back of the car park on purpose.

Jimmy kissed Warren passionately. Warren's stubble was prickly on Jimmy's lip. Strong, hard mouth kissed him back. Wog boys, you gotta love them, thought Jimmy.

Warren slid his arm through Jimmy's. "Let's go."

They hadn't gone to the ceremony, Warren's mother raised her eyebrows and Warren decided not to push it.

"You come to the reception," she said. "Not in god's house, though." She crossed herself.

It was at the golf club. All the families had done well, now they all outdid each other at weddings. Warren and Jimmy stood in front of the main entrance - white, Victorian, Italianate. Sparse gardens. Marble stairs. A cool breeze blew. They were out of the shade and cover of the one hundred year old oaks. There was a band inside the house.

"What do your lebo uncles think of the number 1 male heir being gay?"

"You're about to find out," said Warren, as he headed up the stairs. He looked back, smiling lovingly. Grand French doors over looking the eighteenth hole.

The room was a giant glass house. The tables were formal, white cloths, red napkins. A dance floor in the middle, with tables around it. There was a water feature in the corner and terrace outside, beyond the rear french doors,

They were being announced. They waited their turn, in the queue.

"They say I'm a filthy homo, but they say, secretly, that all men are poofters," said Warren. "Uncle Tito went to jail for five years for drug dealing. So have a few others." Warren made, subtle, cock sucking head movements. "What were they supposed to do for five years, was what all my uncles said."

"They all knew?" asked Jimmy.

"They all talked openly about it, with just the guys, and beer," said Warren. "See if you can guess, afterwards, which uncle diddled me as a fourteen year old?"

The couple in front of them stepped away and they were at the head of the queue.

"Warren Green and Jimmy Westbro," were announced.

Jimmy smiled at Warren, he looked pleased. "Nice touch," he whispered.

Everyone clapped and the two entered the room. They headed straight to the bar.

"It's the aunties who say I'm heading to hell for living outside god's law," said Warren. "They are praying for me."

"What about me?" said Jimmy. "Aren't they praying for me? Aren't I just as much at risk of." He pointed downwards.

"Two beers." Warren laughed. "You are Satan, my friend. You came along and lead me down the path of unrighteousness. The favourite son."

"I did not," said Jimmy. "You did. It was the other way around..."

"Well, unless you are planning to go tell them," said Warren. "My aunties don't know that."

The barman put the two glasses down in front of them.

"Well maybe I should just..."

Warren handed Jimmy a glass of beer.

"They want you to burn in hell, my friend," said Warren. "They want me saved."

Jimmy exhaled strongly through his nose. The two surveyed the room, side by side.

"When are you going to tell your parents?" Warren asked.

They stood by the dance floor. "Shall we dance?" said Jimmy.

They were silent. They both surveyed the room. Muscular, well-groomed young men. Mixed race, in this setting.

"They're all looking at you, now," said Warren. "Thinking poofter. Can you feel it?"

Jimmy shook visibly. "Don't say that, not now, not here."

"I'm kidding," said Warren. "They don't know. Just mum and dad."

The band started a waltz.

"But, I'm not afraid," said Warren.

"I don't believe you," said Jimmy. "We're all afraid."

Two couples ventured onto the dance floor. "Come on," said Warren.

Warren grabbed Jimmy by the hands.

"Hey," said Jimmy. "What?..."

"You be." Warren laughed," the girl. Follow me, I leant this shit, as a kid."

Warren lead Jimmy in a waltz, right into the middle of the dance floor.

"I don't believe you, sometimes," said Jimmy.

"I told you I wasn't afraid."

Warren could see his mother and father standing, looking grim-faced, beside the dance floor, as he spun in three four time.

 

Initiation of the Dawn

Christopher was home alone. It wasn't often that he was, not since Anna went away and Titania came to stay. A day to himself, alone.

He was wobbly on his feet, dazed. He couldn't quite remember the previous twenty four hours. All he knew was that it felt good to stop. He sat back on the couch and looked out at the day through the sliding doors at the back of the house. His mother had always told him that a north facing garden was a must, so it was the first feature ticked off his list when he looked for a house to buy. As he gazed out at the golden, milky sun sliding through the turquoise sky, he was thankful for the light, shadows, the dawn, as he squeezed his legs together, it felt good.

Big pupils. Fixed gaze. Hand waved in front of face, no response.

It was early morning, he wondered where Titania was as he did with Warren and Jimmy. He'd lost them as they left the last club. Titania hadn't looked too good and he'd been worried about her. He'd told Jimmy not to give her that pill, but Jimmy hadn't listened. Christopher had meant to take her home, but somehow, he'd ended up standing on that footpath alone, suddenly. Where they'd gone, he hadn't had a clue. So, he got in the taxi, that just pulled up in front of him out of nowhere. He heard himself mumble Carlton, before the taxi took off at break neck speed up Collins Street.

Where the hell did they go, he thought? Closely followed by who was he with? Oh yes, Titania. It was Titania he was worried about.

He felt quite lop-sided, as he sat gazing off into space, on the couch. His eyes were heavy, hard to keep open. His face felt tight, like it was trying to take on another shape, like a shape-shifter, or beetles under the skin. The light was bright and he could only half open his eye lids. Bright light, disconnect, everything on an angle. Something was moving about in his pants. He jumped and then laughed. It was his hand, his own fucking hand. It felt like it was someone else's, which he, assumed, he should, actually, find appealing. Someone's hand in his pants, except the fucking thing scared him. Something. Fuck knows. He laughed. Throaty. Too many cigarettes. He didn't usually smoke, but they just seemed to go with the beers Warren was buying.

Jesus, fuck me, he thought. He put both his hands to his side where he knew where they were. Where he could see them. His head spun. His jaw shivered. He got the giggles, but he wasn't sure at what. Just the giggles. He slid sideways in the seat.

Suddenly, he needed a piss, he fell over as he got up, landing on his stomach. He wasn't sure that he hadn't pissed himself. He slid his hand down feeling for wetness but there was nothing. He lay his face on the carpet and wondered if he'd ever be straight again. He felt like he was sinking, face first, down a tunnel, which felt good. He leant forward, as if to slip away...

He pushed his hard cock into the carpet, rode his body onto it and thought it wouldn't take much. He rolled his hips, pushed forward on the shaft. Rolled over it. Rolled over it again. His shoulders shook, the shake vibrating down through his hips, hard-on, legs. He clung to the pillow with both arms. hold tight. Pushed forward and held it. He groaned. Exhausted. He closed his eyes and lay his head sideways across the pillow. He pushed gently from his thighs. It felt good, as he slid into sleep.

"Christopher?"

"Christopher?"

Someone was saying his name. It was dark, the ice caps were melting. The flying pterodactyls had disappeared, for the moment.

"Christopher."

He could feel a hand on his shoulder. He was being shaken gently.

His eyes felt crusty, stuck together. There was something rough on the tip of his nose. It felt coarse, like thick, woollen material, or carpet. Where was he? He jerked his head backwards and remembered he was laying face down on the rug.

"Christopher, you vake. Oh good." It was Titania, she was gazing down at him, sweetly. Her face went in and out of focus.

He got up. He sat back on the couch. 

"I lost you," croaked Christopher's voice. It was so croaky he wondered momentarily if it was he, or somebody else, speaking.

"It crazy," said Titania. "People pushing, people come, people go. Jimmy & Varren vanted something, I don't know and vhen I looked round you not there."

"When I looked around." Christopher sat up. "You were gone... too."

Tatiana climbed into Christopher's lap and her lips were suddenly on his. They were kissing, unexpectedly. Her short skirt rode up around her hips, her moistening panties pushed down on him. "I miss you," she said. "I vant you. Don't leave me again."

Blood exchange now complete. Switch brain to standby. All valves open. Drop balls. Precum, operational. Only lips engaged in head circuitry. Full thrust!

Tatiana is breathing in his ear, right up close. She is saying something about how good she knows it will be. And she’s fiddling with his belt at the same time. Then the buttons in his jeans. She’s telling him how she has always fancied him, which is a surprise to Christopher. Really Tatiana, he thinks, but she is kissing him passionately and that is all he can really think about, how soft and sweet and nice her lips are on his, she is warm. She feels good in her arms. Then he realises he is inside her, and she is gripping him, and she feels tight and warm, and he feels held by her. She is telling him how good it feels and how she has wanted exactly this all night from him ever since Jimmy gave her that first pill, and Christoher is surprised that he never picked up on it.

Day Break

Warren had his arm resting over Jimmy's shoulders, as they shuffled along Victoria Parade. They were shirtless and Warren was drinking in Jimmy's skin through his - strong, soft. Warren was warm and alive and feeling no pain.

"A couple of poofters, who'd have thought," said Warren. He barely felt a twinge as he said that word. He didn't care. No inhibitions in the first, breeze of the morning.

Jimmy turned his head and kissed him. "Fuck, hey!" Jimmy smiled, his face was red. "What am I gonna tell mum?"

They walked through the Exhibition Gardens. The mist was starting to lift. Light was beginning to form.

"I don't care..." said Warren. He broke away and felt a huge surge of power, adrenalin, amphetamine. "I DON'T CARED," he yelled up into the upper most branches of the giant elms. "I DON'T CARE!" He spun with his arms out.

Warren rushed and grabbed Jimmy, feeling a surge of lust for him. They fell onto the grass together. "I want to have sex." Warren could feel his cock go hard." Right here and now." He rubbed his dick against Jimmy.

Jimmy laughed and pushed him away. He couldn't get the smile off his face, as he looked up and down the path. "Steady on buddy." Jimmy's face flushed with a smile, as he held Warren's gaze. Warren had never seen him look sexier. "Soon," Jimmy whispered. His face was pulsing in Warren's eyes. His eyes were barely open.

Jimmy ran off whooping. Warren sprinted after him. Warren felt like the Six Million Dollar man as he took off. His lungs were burning as he and Jimmy collapsed onto the cold grass one hundred metres away.

Jimmy tried to scramble away but Warren grabbed his hips and buried his face into Jimmy's shorts. Jimmy smelt like soap powder and sweat. Jimmy whimpered. Warren could feel it through his face, a kind of purr, through Jimmy's body. He was solid against Warren's face. He slid his hands over Jimmy's stomach up to his nipples, which he squeezed.

"Ahh," said Jimmy deep and low, as he sat up and rubbed Warren's hair, his head still in Jimmy's lap.

"You should see the sun rise," said Jimmy.

"I am," said Warren's muffled voice.

"It's beautiful," said Jimmy.

"Mmmm," said Warren.

They walked across the lawn towards Nicholson Street, each sneaking looks at the other. Catching each other. Laughing, coyly. Looking away. Looking back, the moment they each got a chance. Gazes held. The world revolved around them.

"We should tell Christopher," said Jimmy.

"Don't you think he already knows?" said Warren.

"Why would he?"

"After last night..."

"Why last night?"

"Besides." Warren laughed. "Titania has probably told him."

"Oh my God, Titania," said Jimmy, covering his face with his hands. "I'd tried to forget about... um, her... that."

"I don't care," said Warren. He ran between the giant elms, with his arms outstretched. "I'M A POOFTER!"

The morning was breaking through. The sun was beginning to cast shadows on the ground.

Jimmy walked after him. "Hey, before you tell the whole world..."

"JIMMY'S GOT A SORE ARSE!" yelled Warren. "WOOHOO! FIRST TIME!"

"HEY!" wailed Jimmy. 

“Well deny it.”

“Shut up.” 

Where Am I?

Jimmy and Warren were loaded when they got there. Their tongues were too big for thier mouthes. Their eyes were practically closed. They kept touching each other and then stepping away, as if they forgot they were in public. They looked out of it.

"Ve catch up," said Titiana, smiling, tilting her head towards the two boys.

"Sure," said Christopher laughing.

She was buzzing already, they'd taken pills before they left his house. Christopher fumbled with a bag he took from his pocket.

"So, what did you say to Anna, over that toilet seat in Moscow?"

She took the pills from Christopher. "I vant to shag Australian boy," she said. "She just told me she from down under." She washed the pill down with bottled water. Christopher had a beautiful smile, she couldn't imagine what effect he'd have on her, once her second e start to work. "Vhat else you say with cocaine, all shit." She laughed. "But you get to meet people." She raised her eyebrows. "Everybody do it. Vorld over."

Titania woke to bright sunlight in her eyes, the bed shaking and the sound of grunting. She didn't know where she was, it all looked hazy and unfamiliar. She blinked her eyes a few times

"Ahh! Ahh!" She vaguely remember leaning on Christopher's broad shoulders.

She looked side ways to see Warren's bare arse and thick, hairy legs. Jimmy was sniffing amyl.

Tilting her head further, she could see Warren's thick, slimy cock sliding in and out of Jimmy's hairy arse, quickly, in short strokes. "Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah!" It reminded her of how she was traumatised by two dogs doing it on her nature strip, as a child. She was 4. She thought one dog was killing the other.

She looked away and closed her eyes tight.

"Ahh! Ahh! Yes! Yes! Ahh!"

"Do you like my big cock?" says Warren breathlessly.

Titania remembered dancing on the dance floor with Christopher, Warren & Jimmy. She didn't remember anything after that. It was all a blank. She's had an awful lot to drink, she remembered that much. Jimmy had given her a pill. Or was that Warren? Where was Christopher?

She got up on one arm and her head throbbed violently. "Oooo," she said.

"No, no!" said Jimmy pleadingly. "Don't stop!"

"Titania's awake," said Warren.

"What? Ignore her... for fuck's sake!"

Titania groan again. She could feel her mouth go dry, as her stomach heaved.

"I'm going to be sick," said Titania.

"Fuck!" said Warren. "Straight through that door." He pointed towards the en suit, trying desperately to cover himself with a sheet.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" said Jimmy.

Titania threw herself off the bed in the direction of the white enamel door. "Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wailed Jimmy.

The splatter was enormous, the back splash was quick. It felt like her entire stomach had emptied out, lining and all.

The porcelain was cold on her arms, as her stomach continued to spasm and she continued to heave, despite there only being a trickle of saliva, by this stage. She stared down into the curdled milk and diced vegetable and tuna casserole that slid splattering from her throat. It smelt sour and acidic, a cross between water lapping around a pier and hot, spoiled cheese. Her throat burned, he stomach ached.

She could feel the asheness of her complexion and the feebleness of her limbs. She was hot and sweating. Her hair stuck to her forehead.

She struggled to her feet. Wiped her mouth. Winced at her reflection in the mirror – Panda Eyes, pale complexion, looking tired – and headed for the door.

Warren and Jimmy were sitting side by side on the bed, dressed in track suit pants. Warren looked sheepish. Jimmy looked out of it.

"Vhere's Christopher?" she asked.

"He went off with some fucking drag queen," said Warren. "Christopher can be so naive, sometimes."

"When do you think he found out?" said Jimmy mischievously.

"I don't know, but I would love to have seen the look on his face."

"Vhat drag..." Titania's stomach rolled over and gurgled. "quin." She felt it rising in her throat, again. Hot and dry in her mouth. She got to her feet. Her skin was instantly hot, sweating. She turned and launched herself towards the bathroom, again. She covered her mouth and she took her second step and caught the bile in her hand. The room whited out again, but she concentrated hard and made it to the white bowl, collapsing on the rim with both her arms.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh," she wailed, "I vant to die! Dead!" Her voice choked in her throat as her stomach heaved again.

"Are you, o..." started Jimmy.

"Don't say it," said Warren.

“We were kidding about Christopher,” said Jimmy.

“We lost him,” said Warren.

Lovers

Jimmy was coming around, he'd just called. Warren wanted to be revved up for him. On it! Happening!

His dealer had just been around and while the meth, that Warren had bought, had been meant for the following week, out dancing, he had new syringes and he'd bought quite a lot. So one point was never going to go astray, if it was in anticipation of his boy Jimmy.

He liked the sound of that, quietly to himself. My boy Jimmy.

The needle pieced his skin and he breathed in sharply. It was the searing pin prick to the skin which made him sweat and ache for more. The hit itself, while it made him shake and his eyes roll backwards, maybe, was just a means to an ends. But the fine metal sliding into his skin is what he craved - the delicious pain, the feeling of a stinging foreign body inside him was what he hung out for.

He'd pretty much given it up now, he used to do it a lot out dancing the circuit. But the circuit got to be every Saturday, Sunday, sometimes Monday and something had to give. It was too easy to fall into that get high routine, but it was really draining, emotionally and financially. Just occasionally, now.

Then bang! Straight to his brain and his cock and then all he wanted was Jimmy in his lap. Jimmy didn't know about "Warren's little helper."

Jimmy didn't know how fired up Warren was and how fired up Jimmy made him. Jimmy thought it was all natural for Warren. Highly sexed was what Jimmy called Warren. Hot Lebo boys! He had no idea of Warren's means to an end, means to Jimmy's end.

Warren stood in the lounge room, his head spun. His jaw vibrated. His eyes felt heavy.

Warren had told Jimmy to come over in shorts, some lame excuse about dancing all night. He hoped Jimmy would. He hoped he didn't sound too weird.

Last time, they'd just hung out together, neither said anything. Warren couldn't stop thinking about it the whole time he was with Jimmy. Too scared. Warren could feel his inhibitions fall away with the buzz through his body. He knew Jimmy wanted to now, he just had to make it happen.

Warren felt toey. Inpatient. Horny. He put music on and danced around the lounge room. The music pulsed through his body, as bells rang in his ears. He grooved to the beat, thinking he didn't remember bells in that track.

He leapt for the volume control. The music died. The bells rang again. He jumped toward the front door. He checked his face in the mirror, pushed at his hair and opened the door.

Jimmy had worn shorts, baggy shorts. Dark blue. And a singlet.

"Hi," said Jimmy, nervously.

"Hi," said Warren.

Jimmy came in, they circled until the door was shut.

"Hi," said Warren, again.

"Hi," said Jimmy.

Warren went to kiss him, he thought he was going to explode. Jimmy kissed him on the lips. It felt good. Warren grabbed him and kissed him again. Jimmy kissed back without hesitation.

Warren kissed him again, pushing him backwards into the couch. His mouth was strong. Jimmy sat down. He tasted good. Warren lay on him, sliding his hands up Jimmy's shorts. Jimmy's lips were soft. Warren gasped for breath. "I fucken love this!" His hand went around Jimmy's hard-on. He squeezed it.

"I'm going to hell," Jimmy gasped. "But I love it too!"

Warren covered Jimmy's mouth with his. Jimmy's mouth was wet, warm. Warren rubbed his tongue across Jimmy's. Jimmy pushed his tongue out. Warren suck Jimmy's lip, then sucked his tongue. Jimmy breathed hard. Warren breathed hard and rolled around onto Jimmy. Jimmy's legs parted, Warren pushed his hard-on against Jimmy's. Jimmy moaned and pushed his against Warren's.

Saturday Night

"Take me out. Show me the big city," said Titania. "Introduce me to friends."

"Sure," said Christopher. "I'm supposed to be heading out with Warren and Jimmy. "You can come too."

"Varren? Jimmy?"

"My best mates," said Christopher. "We went to school together. I think they are..."

"There are vhat?" asked Titania.

I think they are... you know... " Jimmy made pelvic motions.

"Gay?" said Titania.

"Just now, may be, getting together before my eyes," said Christopher. "They think I don't know, I'm sure."

Christopher noticed for the first time how beautiful Titiana was. Willowy blond, fine bones, petite. She had a sharp angular face that soften when she laughed. Long, sandy blond hair that glistened in the breeze.

She was very serious. Only spoke at a minimum. Gazed long and inquiringly. He face rested naturally in a blank expression, as though she was taking every thing in.

And then she'd smile and she was beautiful again.

"Vhat you take before... go out?" asked Titiana.

"What?" said Christopher. He'd been agonising over shocking Titiana going out on the party scene. He thought it would all be new to her.

"Pill? Powder? said Titiana clearly. She laughed. "I learned pill? powder? when I go out in London."

"You've been to London?"

"I study there?"

"You're not a refugee?"

"NO!" To this she sounded shocked. "I'm a lawyer."

"You take drugs in Russia?"

"Ve take many drugs in Russia, we have to," she said. She sighed and the life drained out of her face. "Vhat else to do?"

"Wow," said Christopher, a weight had been taken off his shoulders.

"Sure I take them in London," she smiled, "first," she said. "But, I find them Russia too. Moscow not so different."

"I thought you were a poor artist, you met Anna through painting..."

"I meet Anna in Moscow night club doing cocaine off toilet seat."

 

Changing the Rules

Jimmy sat up in bed, inhaling sharply, grabbing the pillow to steady himself. He looked over at his bedside clock. Midday. He’d slept the morning away. Why was he dreaming about Westbro Man? He hadn’t thought about that in a long time.

The doorbell rang, it's shrill bell-like jangle. Jimmy jumped. Dived out of bed, pulling his track suit pants on as he ran up the hallway, half asleep. He looked through the peep hole. It was Warren jigging up and down on the souls of his feet.

He pulled the door open. The sun blinded and, at the same time felt warm on his torso. He shaded his eyes with the palm of his hand. Warren came back into focus.

"Hi," said Warren, standing at the front door.

"Hi," said Jimmy, still with the door handle in his hand. He suddenly became aware of it and let go of it. He felt a buzz in his stomach, as he saw Warren standing there.

"Jimmy Westborough, I presume," said Warren, making a gesture of bowing, but never really moving. Holding Jimmy's gaze.

Jimmy laughed.

Jimmy thought up the name of Westbro, it reminded him of the wild west. But it, actually, came from the fact that his family came from the West Borough. Warren said it reminded him of suburbia and apron strings and cut grass on Sundays and people without a clue. He couldn't get passed the borough connotation, it kind of bought him back down to earth, but Jimmy liked it.

"It reminds me of where I came from, you know," said Warren.

“It makes me think of power and the future and everything working out fine,” said Jimmy.

So, Jimmy Westbro it was. Action Man, he used to think, he used to fantasise about it.

He laugh again. 

He still had the tights and the green cape he wore to the fancy dress party, at the end of school, when he and Warren both went as super heros. He lost the g-string his sister had made him wear the night he went out as Westbro Man.

"Well, you can't have it all, you know, flopping about down there," said his sister. "You're my brother and I love you, but there are limits."

Jimmy thought of his sister and couldn't stop himself smiling. He wanted to say, can't have it messy down there, but didn't.

"Green Hornet, said Jimmy questioningly?

Warren's arch rival to Westborough Man’s arch rival was the Green Hornet. Not so much arch rival as sparing buddy. Warren thought up the environmental super hero to counter Jimmy's creation. His surname is Green, it wasn't such a stretch. It was boy's stuff, it had never meant so much, before. And hornets because of the vicious wasp/bee insects. 

Westbro Man lost his, er, sister’s g-string when the. Green Hornet pulled it off him drunkenly the first time down buy change rooms fancy dress night.

Warren cocked his head and spoke as if he spoke of a truth. "You have your mission..."

Jimmy swore he was sweating. "Should I choose... to... accept it?" Spoken deciseively.

They held each other's gaze and momentarily their peripheral vision stopped working.

"As usual, this tape will self destruct in ten seconds." Warren's monotone broke the trance.

"How did you pull up," said Jimmy. "How drunk were you?"

Jimmy so wanted to sound normal. He grimaced at the drunk connotation. Straight to it; the big black monster. Warren looked shiny.

"Yeah, drunk hey." said Warren. "Can remember much. Didn't see much of yesterday." 

“I thought I was gonna see more of you.”

“Yeah, I was hoping that too,” said Warren. “But too many beers.”

“Way too many beers,” said Jimmy.

“It was all I could do to get myself home.”

“I’m goin out to get food,” said Warren. You wanna come?”

“I wanna come,” said Jimmy

Warren smiled. “Come out and get food with me, so I can get my strength up, then we’ll…”

Jimmy loved Warren’s smile. “I’ve literally just got out of bed.”

“I need food.”

“I’ll have to get my shit together.”

“I can wait,” said Warren.

“I just…”

“Just put a shirt on.”

“I’ll need undies,” said Jimmy.

“I dunno,” said Warren. He smiled again.

“Ha, ha,” said Jimmy. “It won’t take me long.”

“Yeah, oaky,” said Warren.

Would the Real Titania...

Washing on. Dryer humming. Stereo thumping. TV blaring, in the lounge and in Christopher's bedroom. Lap-top still on, on his bed, after a little early morning net surfing. Dishwasher chugging. Air-conditioning whirring. PC downstairs on, where he has been answering email and net surfing.

Christopher stopped in the middle of it all and laughed. Carbon footprint? He wondered if he believed the doomed theory, because then there was no hope and he didn't have to care? Or, was he a part of the problem and was he kidding himself along with the rest of the middle class. His jury was still out on that one.

He lit a joint.

The doorbell rang.

He waved his hands around in the air, as he stubbed it out.

He opened the front door to find a pretty, young girl standing on the other side. He expected it to be some religious nuts, or time share salesmen, or save the earth types. He brushed his hair off his forehead and smiled at the gorgeous girl standing in front of him. He'd been somewhat annoyed to be disturbed, but he was raining that mood back at lightening speed.

"'allo, I Titania." She smiled sweetly. "I vrite to you."

Christopher open and closed his mouth, nothing came out. He was stunned. Oh please, he wanted to say, but he stopped himself.

"Yes," he heard himself say instead.

"I vrite you?"

She was beautiful.

"You know?"

"Yes."

"You, Christopher?"

"Yes."

"I come stay vith you?"

It hadn't been a dream. He was surprised. Suspicious. Distracted. Delighted. He could feel himself straightening his back.

"Anna sent me."

It wasn't one of Anna's joke, after all. He'd been sure it was.

He could, literally, feel himself pulling his head back. He could feel his eyes getting bigger and it was as if he had no control to stop himself. She looked crestfallen.

"It not ok?" She was shaking her head.

She was a real person, he was saying it over and over in his head. He'd been sure it was Anna all along playing with him.

"Ok?" She asked softly, as though she had already worked out that the answer was that it wasn't okay.

There was silence, as the two looked at each other. Christopher shook his head. I guess I have to say something, he thought.

"Yes," he said. "Yes. Okay." He tried to smile, but he was wary that someone was going to jump out of the shadows and scream fooled you!

Titania smiled.

"Come in," said Christopher. "Yes, come in."

"I stay vith you?"

"Yes." He exhaled loudly. "I guess."

She smiled. She picked up her suit case and followed Christopher inside.

"It is so big," she said. "You must be millionaire."

"No, just a terrace house." Christopher tried to smile again, he felt his cheeks hurt as he tried. "Lots of Australians..." he showed her into the lounge room, at the rear of the house.

"You handsome as Anna told..."

"Would you like a drink? Or something to eat."

"Yes, of course."

"Have you just got here..."

"Huh?"

"Australia?" said Christopher. He took her suit case from her, their hands touched, her skin was smooth. She blushed. "Have you just arrived?"

"Yes. Yes. Just from Europe."

"I cook for you, I clean for you," said Titania. "You very handsome I..." she smiled coyly and touched her lips with her finger.

"Oh. Well?" Christopher could feel his cheeks burn red. "How, um, how long do you, um, want to stay?"

"I stay until you have me," she said. "And then I go, no problem." She smiled. "But I hope you happy to have me long time." She held his gaze, waiting for his answer.

"You can stay however long." Christopher didn't know what to say.

"Anna say you beautiful man. She say you very good. You know?" Christopher wasn't sure what the question was. Titania dropped her voice as though she didn't want anyone else to hear. She stepped closer."Anna say you enjoy me." She looked up at him with big eyes.

Christopher could feel his face blushing, beyond his control.

"She say I enjoy you, too?" Titania straightened his shirt, as though it was crooked.

Christopher could feel Titania's breath on his face she was standing so close.

"Do you know?" she whispered. "Anna say I look after you."

Christopher suggested they go site-seeing, walk, eat, breath in some fresh air.

Christopher took Titania to Lygon Street where they ate pasta. They drank wine and Christopher felt a little drunk by the time they left the table. They walked into the city and looked at the CBD.

"I need to walk off the wine," said Christopher.

"It such big city, Anna no tell me."

Christopher thought she was beautiful.

They walked home through the Exhibition Gardens. Titania took Christopher's hand. She cuddled into him, hugging his arm.

"It so beautiful," she said. "I lucky."

"It is beautiful," said Christopher. He didn't often take the time to enjoy the gardens, he was so often just rushing through. He looked at Titania, she was wide-eyed taking it all in. He felt so comfortable with her, as though he'd know her for a long time.

They walked under the elm trees toward home. A father played ball with his son. A woman walked her dog. A jogger sweated as he headed in the other direction.

"You know you don't have to do anything," Christopher said. "You can just stay. I'm happy for you to stay."

"I don't understand?" said Titania.

"It's okay," said Christopher. 

The Next Day

Jimmy's head pounded, as he opened his eyes and let the morning day light seep in. The sun shone in from behind the curtains. His bedroom was quiet, he dared not move.

How much did he drink? Oh, he rubbed his forehead. Fuck! What did he do? With Warren? He got excited all over again, lying there in his crumpled sheets.

Was it a dream? He and Warren? Fuck me, he thought.

Was Warren setting him up? No, he couldn't have been. He was as enthusiastic as Jimmy. You don't set someone up by actually going through with it. You set some one up by looking as though you are going through with it, but then don't.

A dream come true? Is that what it really was? All he'd ever wanted. For how many years? Was it true? Could it be true?

Was he so drunk he dreamt it?

Would Warren remember?

He rubbed the corners of his eyes with his finger tips. Warren? Fuck me, he thought again. He couldn't get the smile off his face. He closed his eyes.

They just fooled around a bit until Warren wretched and passed out and dribbled and snored. Jimmy had left pretty soon after that, staggered out the door.

Did he knock over a lamp on the way out? He couldn't think about that now.

That last look back at Warren, his shirt unbuttoned, his arms over his head, was emblazoned in his memory. Would it be the last time he would see Warren? A view to remember him by?

He slid his hand under the sheet, no guilt.

Oh my god!

All he could feel was fear. It didn't mean I'm a poof, he thought, even though he suspected it probably did. It didn't mean... Warren was either. Just... best... mates, that's what it meant? He wondered what Warren felt?

Would he ever know?

Would he ever see Warren again?

Should he call him?

He wondered how long it would take Warren to call?

He started to shake. He suddenly felt cold. He sank down into the bed clothes and pulled the doona up around his neck.

 

Warren Sniffs Jimmy's Biff

Warren staggered, a little. His head swum in a sea of beer schooners and shots. He and Jimmy had been celebrating Jimmy's birthday, down the pub for the afternoon. They played pool until they were too drunk to hit the ball. Warren had been shouting Jimmy and a few others who they'd met while they were there. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by his handsome mate Jimmy.

"I want a bit of biff sniff," slurred Warren. He grabbed Jimmy around the shoulders and looked him in the eye. He could feel Jimmy's breath on his face.

"Biff what?" said Jimmy.

"A bit of biff sniff." Warren could feel Jimmy's breathing increasing. "You don't even know what it is and you're getting excited." Warren pulled Jimmy to him, until Jimmy's face was against his.

"I'm not getting excited," said Jimmy. His devilish grin giving him away. A big grin he couldn't loose, as Warren pulled his eyes up against his, until their noses touched. Warren licked Jimmy's face all the way around to the side of his head.

"I want to sniff your biff," said Warren, in a whisper, in Jimmy's ear.

Jimmy smiled broadly and shivered.

Warren slid his tongue into Jimmy's pink lobe. He held Jimmy's head with both his hands.

"Have you got a hard-on?"

Jimmy shivered again. Warren could feel Jimmy's body tremble against his. Jimmy laughed, although he tried not to, deep down in his throat.

"Are you excited?" whispered Warren, his voice deep and low.

Jimmy kissed Warren, nibbling at Warren's skin. He laughed, kind of softly, quietly.

"Have you got a hard on, yet?" whispered Warren, almost inaudibly. Drunkly.

Jimmy tried to wriggle out of Warren's grip, laughing, but Warren pushed him over and licked the back of his neck. Breathed in Jimmy's hair. Chewed Jimmy's hairline.

Jimmy groaned. "Stop it," he said unconvincingly.

"I want your biff sniff."

Warren's voice vibrated on Jimmy's neck. It tickled Jimmy, made his skin sensitive. He pushed against Warren, rubbing his skin against Warren's mouth. Shivering. His face flushed red.

Warren pushed Jimmy face down on the couch, with his right hand on the back of Jimmy's head, pushed his face into the soft cushions. His left hand pulled Jimmy's shorts down over his round cheeks. Warren pushed his nose deep into Jimmy's crack and inhaled deeply. The bristles of hair swept Warren's nose. He pushed himself up over Jimmy's back to his ear.

"Your biff sniffs very nice, young Jimmy."

Jimmy grunted and tried to wriggle around, but Warren had his head in both his hands once again, as he slipped his tongue back into Jimmy's ear, licking it inside.

Jimmy groaned, deep, long, satisfying, as he pushed back against Warren. 

No Dick, No Love

Jimmy stepped out the door, dressed in shorts and a singlet, raising his hands in the air as if to say that he was ready.

Warren dropped his cigarette on the dirt and ground it with his shoe.

Warren looked Jimmy up and down. "Is that the best you can do?"

"What?" said Jimmy. His face broke into a smile, as if he was saying he was in on Warren's joke. But Warren's face didn't change, didn't break into a smile. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Well."

"What?"

"No fly, no phallus," said Warren, looking at Jimmy. "It's that simple." He ran his hand down over his crotch, as he said it, and let his tongue loll out of his mouth.

"Huh?" said Jimmy. He was always distracted when Warren did that.

"You need a zip to make it look as though you have something to take out."

Jimmy felt a twinge as Warren looked at the front of his shorts.

"But some of my favourite shorts don't have a fly," said Jimmy looking down at his pants.

"Well, you'll always look dickless then." said Warren. He spat on the ground.

"They are comfortable with a draw string, or elastic, waist." Jimmy grabbed at the waistband of his shorts.

"Do you want to be known as a knob, or for your knob?" said Warren. “At least get some knee high socks.”

"I want to be known for my great personality and my sparkling whit..."

"Bullshit," said Warren. "That's bullshit. When you want to get laid, you don't care if people think you're a good bloke, or a funny bloke. You just want them to fancy you and look god damn happy in the process."

"A good personality is a great aphrodisiac."

"A big meaty cock," said Warren, as he grabbed the, not inconsequential, bulge in his jeans, squeezing it tight. "Is what gets the punters wet."

Jimmy shrugged.

"Don’t you want to hear, Yes Jimmy. Yes Jimmy. Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"I don't care. I like these shorts."

“Well, get used to the one hand pump then…”

“I do all right…”

“When was the last time someone went down on you?”

Jimmy opened and closed his mouth. He squinted his eyes, pulled his mouth into a grimace and walked ahead.

“Can’t remember?” asked Warren.

“Today could be my lucky day,” said Jimmy, turning around and smiling. “I could meet…”

“Only if I go down on you,” said Warren.

“What?” said Jimmy, a little surprised. The butterflies in his stomach flapped at the thought.

“Close your eyes, you wouldn't know the fucken difference.”

“I'd know it was you," said Jimmy. "I mean, I'd know the difference.”

Warren smiled broadly. “I bet you’d spoof in seconds, it’s been so long,” he said. "Someone would just need to touch it and ah, ah, ah!" Warren threw himself on the ground and made mock body spasm movements. "Warren, Warren, Warren."

“Not if you’re sucking my cock, buddy.”

“Get em off and we’ll see,” said Warren sitting up. His eyes turned to slits, his expression one of, I dare you.

“Get fucked!” Jimmy didn't like Warren teasing him like that. It confused him.

“Turn around and bend over then.” Warren stood, pointing at Jimmy, turning his hand in a circle.

Jimmy was breathless. He had to keep walking so Warren wouldn't notice.

 

Lights Up On Trouble

Jimmy and Warren had been best mates since high school.

"I think today is going to be my lucky day," said Jimmy. "The sun is shining, the sky is..."

They were in the athletics team together. They ran track and field.

"Nah. Not likely. Don't get too excited," said Warren. "You'll never have lady luck sitting next to you."

Things hadn't gone so well for Warren since high school - he failed year 12 and had been working in his families Lebanese restaurant since.

"Nah, you are wrong. I can feel it. I'm feelin' lucky. I'm feelin' like I'm gonna win, finally."

Jimmy had applied for psy ed at RMIT uni, he was about to find out if he got in.

"Do your lottery, play the casino, bet on the horses, if ya wanna," said Warren. "You might fluke it some of the time, but you are never going to get higher than you are now. Never meant to be mate. It's predetermined...

"I've got to believe in something," said Jimmy. "Think positively..."

"We're where we are. Always gonna be. No use gettin' any grand ideas..."

"Maybe this once? May be it will be my turn?"

Jimmy felt great, he'd been training hard, jogging every day. He was ready for the next challenge.

"Nah! You're kiddin' ya self."

Warren had always been Jimmy's hero all through school, he still was.

"But I can feel it..."

"I'm sure you can feel your morning hard-on, first thing when you wake up, but that doesn't mean you are goin' to get lucky."

Jimmy had a secret to tell Warren, may be one day. Maybe?

"I've gotta go with my guts, nothing else is going to go my way, if I don't," said Jimmy. "I need something to believe in."

"Believe in you'll never get nothin' for nothin'. Believe in you'll always have to work. Believe in you'll always be treated like shit, if you let people treat you like shit."

"And so that is it, is it?" said Jimmy.

"Yep!"

"It doesn't matter what I do, or say?"

"Nup."

"I'll never surpass my dad or my mum?"

"Chips off the old, crappy blocks," said Warren. "Never believe in any thing greater and then you'll never be disappointed! That's how life works, you dumb cunt. Haven't you worked it out..."

"No, I haven't," protested Jimmy. "I'm not settling for crap! If I did, I might as well just neck myself now."

Warren picked up a length of rope from the ground and gazed up into a near by tree. "Might as well," said Warren. He raised his chin in the direction of the lowest branch. "Get it over and done with, " he said with an out stretched neck and a strained voice.

Jimmy stopped talking and was silent. His eyes welled up, as he gazed up into the tree.

Warren laughed, self-consciously. He stepped towards Jimmy, when he saw the tears in Jimmy's eyes, with his arms out stretched, instinctively, to comfort him, hold him, the idea turned him on, if he was truthful, but he laughed instead and stepped back and stood his ground. You see, Warren had a secret about Jimmy too.

"You gotta believe in something," said Jimmy. "How else do you get through?"