Birthday Dinner

I should have gone jogging last night. Lazy! That’s all it was. My fat-arsed laziness. I loved jogging when I was in Sydney, although, I have to say, that the harbour does, somewhat, inspire one.

I was eating just vegetables and fruit…and I’d stopped smoking… for two days, if I remember rightly, but stopped, none the less.

I’ve got to try not to smoke any dope this weekend, at Bolago. I’m setting myself an unachievable goal, but good as a guide, not to smoke anything for six months. That’s August!

Got to get past the ten days, that I’ve managed last year and the year before.

I still haven’t substituted any food for fags, it’s been good, somehow I’ve managed the withdrawal feelings without relating them to hunger. I guess it’s the place you get to after so many attempts to quit.

It’s been my usual salads for lunch and sushi all the way for dinner. In fact, dare I say it, I’ve eaten not muffins, or the like, at all, so in that sense, I’ve eaten less.

8am, I must get myself off to work.

Tom

You didn't arrive, miss. How curious? Although, I did disappear off to my bed early for some solitude to find my calm, non-nicotine happy place.

christian

Tom

Good morning, good morning and another beautiful day is dawning!

christian

Tom

Now I'm beginning to wonder. After why you said that you were coming over to my place last night and not a word so far today. Has to make me wonder?

christian

Dont even ask

Tom

I see.

christian

Nick

Now, what was this about sending you an email, big boy?

christian

Christian can i fax the documents to u @ work?

Hope u are well

Nick

I'm okay. Given up smoking for 6 days. Nearly beginning to feel human again. Big test tonight, going out for a friend's fortieth. Might just have to get drunk to cope.

Hope you're well too?

christian

Put the patches on in that environment!

Have fun

Am OK!

Life ok?

U ?

Nick

SMS. 14.48. Tapas Tuesday? How’s the non-smoking going? Need dope when I c u next. Just a little bit – Rachel

SMS. 15.27. Okay Tuesday. Big test tonight, going out with my smoking buddies. I haven’t got any pot – christian

SMS.15.34. Get some! – Rachel

SMS. 15.41. See what I have to deal with on a daily basis! – christian

Manny called me at 16.50 and started talking about the seven hundred dollars again, except now it was six hundred dollars. Apparently, Mark had changed his mind and now wanted the money before the weekend. We went through this on Tuesday; I thought I’d made it clear, in a nice way, that I didn’t want to lend him the money. 

I was rushing to get stuff finished for Gina, in HR and Manny was pushing me saying that he’d come in and meet me – and I was determined to get home and go for a bike ride; don’t want to get fat.

So I agreed. I was distracted and wasn’t thinking it through.


As I was walking up Bourke Street, I began to think about the money and the fact Manny would have it in five days and that I was doing this simply for the convenience of the awful Mark…and I smelt a rat. He had said a couple of times during the discussions that I shouldn’t ask questions.

I wondered if when the time came to pay it back, Manny would say that he bought his lounge suit and that he’d pay it off…”I reckon I’d have it paid off definitely by the end of the year.” He’s already got fifteen hundred dollars out of me.

I don’t want to be his banking service to tide him over every time he’s short and he’s going to be short a lot in the future, now that he isn’t working. I have to nip this in the bud.

Michael and Greg have both said no!

I thought about what my mother so often says, that all of us don’t push ourselves forward, that we are all a bit wishy-washy when it comes to saying what we mean and stating out case.

I decided that it was going to be no. I was sorry that Manny was coming all the way into the city when I’d said that I would lend him the money, but now I’d had time to think about it, the bottom line was that I didn’t feel comfortable lending him the money and I had to say no.

So I waited at the designated place, cnr of Bourke and Elizabeth at 17.30, at the designated time. No Manny. I watched the trams come and go. No Manny. I contemplated just leaving, as I definitely wanted to go for a bike ride before Sebastian’s birthday. No Manny.

And then there he was coming across the crossing waving his arms in the air. “Where were you, I went to surprise you at work, blah, blah, blah…”

I thought, I’m waiting at the designated place at the designated time and still I’m being told… I decided there and then that I had to extricate myself from this relationship. And there I had it, I needed to be with someone who would understand what I meant if I said that I needed to extricate myself from them. I had a funny thought that I could make Manny think that I was saying something dirty if I said I wanted to extricate myself. I could turn him on by saying I wanted to leave him. Suddenly, I so wanted to be any where else but…

He asked me if I was joking when I said that I didn’t want to give him the money. And then with that idiot expression on his face, he said he wanted to go when he realised that I wasn’t.

Why did you say you would then?

I kept walking without looking back. I wanted to go for a bike ride. I wanted to go to Sebastian’s birthday. I didn’t want to give Manny the money. Every thing was working out just fine.

I went for a bike ride. I was back by 7pm’ish.

Shane had said 8-8.30, so I left just before 8, thinking it would take me half an hour to walk. It took me fifteen. I bought some Ruskis on the way and drank two as I sauntered down Victoria Parade, past the pubs I never see and past the Porsche dealership with phone numbers instead of price tags in the windows of the cars.

I got to the restaurant at 20.05 and nobody was there. I stood outside until 20.15 and then went inside and sat at the big table on my own, so I called Mark and sms’d Rachel.

SMS. 20.25. Do u believe I’m at dinner and I was half an hour late and nobody else is here? Fucken poofters! – christian

SMS. 20.27. They were on time decided you’d stood them up and went elsewhere. Serve u right 4 being late. I am enjoying pizza and wine – Rachel


Mark said he had eighteen for dinner and couldn’t really talk.

SMS. 20.32. I’m sitting at a huge table on my own! It’s supposed to be a birthday party? Poofs will chic themselves into not arriving at all, if they are not careful – christian

SMS. 20.34. Fuck them they’ve stood u up darls. Me? I plan on drinking far too much and eating hideously fattening desert. He, he, he – Rachel

Con arrived first, so he and I sat together and laughed about all the other slags. Con’s quit smoking for a year and a half.

We drank Con’s red wine and waited for everyone else to arrive, late.

Shane and Mark W were the next to arrive.

Finally, they all fucken arrived, how late? Almost two hours. I don't know. I think they think it is cool. What do they call it, Queen time. Yeah, well good on 'em. Con and I weren't exactly pleased, you know.

SMS. 21.06. DO NOT PARTAKE of any cigarettes offered and certainly Don’t pinch any! – Rachel

SMS. 21.08. Joints? – christian

SMS. 21.07. Of course u idiot! – Rachel

SMS. 21.09. Goodio – christian

SMS. 21.09. Enjoy luvvy! – Rachel

SMS. 21.12. The bitches finally turned up. I foget, gay time add an hour – christian

SMS. 21.18. Fucking poofs! – Rachel

SMS. 21.20. I hear ya! – christian

SMS. 21.22. 2 much cock 4 their own good…oops think I might b jealous! – Rachel

SMS. 21.25. I’ve had ruski, red wine, vodka and saki and no food. Hick! – christian

SMS. 21.27. Glad I won’t b smelling your morning breath darls! Your friends must b totally boring 4 u 2 still b txting me! – Rachel

SMS. 21.32. No, I’m multi-tasking with aplomb – christian

SMS. 21.41. Gold star – Rachel

SMS. 21.55. Fuck me I’m pissed! – Rachel

SMS. 21.56. I really am 2 tired 2 fuck anyone darling, sorry xxx – Rachel

Hey

Don’t hate me because i;m hopeless!

I didn't get the frankie tix because I was rooting in the sauna…

was great J

xT

Of course, all of the food was suggested by Sebastian. It's his "thing" lovely. We all ate well. We were loud and unruly and messy. Everyone was messy, messy on alcohol.

In the end, I was out with the smokers getting some fresh air in a vain hope of counteracting the saki and vodka and sobering up a little. Ha! I was so smashed.

Tom O’Grady left and then curiously Mark Windsor left. And then whoever I was talking to went inside and left me outside on my own with a clear view of Victoria Street and home, at an odd angle, to be sure. I was standing up straight? That was a question and not a statement. And suddenly I was thinking if I didn’t start for home, there and then, I may never be able to so so.

So I just walked away. Concentrating, hard. One foot in front of the other. No, no, don't get in my way. If I just continue in a forward motion, I should be fine, should get the job done. Everything was on blur, let me tell you. Just pick the clearest image and head for it. The little men turned green on queue as I approached Hoddle Street and so I weaved across and was on the home stretch on the other side in the middle of the boulevard just like that. Thank the universe. And then I just leant the way I wanted to go, much like a bike, or water skis and off I went. Two steps forward... mostly two steps forward.

And then I was suddenly at my front door and then I was closing the door behind me and I'd done it and it seemed kind of easy. I was in bed before they were texting me to find out what had happened to me. I could hardly see my phone. J

SMS. 23.36. You’re in Kansas doll xxx lovely to see you – Julien

SMS. 23.39. (D) Completely possessed! – christian

SMS. 23.40. Don’t go to bed – D

SMS. 23.40. (D) Absolutely fucked! – christian

SMS. 23.44. (D) Pissed off my fuckin brian! – christian

SMS. 23.45. Yaba yaba – christian

SMS. 23.46. Yabba Dabba do doll! – Julien

SMS. 23.49. (Julien) Abba daba daba! – christian

SMS. 23.49. Go bam bam xxx are you safe? – Julien

SMS. 23.50. Whatever bitch. Bla bla bla… – D

SMS. 23.53. (D) Do da fuck fuck – christian