If a date didn't sleep with me on the first night, I'd consider dumping them, more likely than not. What are you saving it for, I’d probably ask? Think? It's funny what people think regarding sex. (The Judeo Christian mentality has a lot to answer for, and in all honesty, without even getting to the part where the religious say one thing in public and then do whatever they like in private)
So, chop your own wood and, as they say – actually my next door neighbour, Gordon, says – it warms you twice. Chop your own wood? I always thought it was a euphemism, but, apparently, it is the path to enlightenment. That and carry water.
My mouth fell open when my mate Jill told me she hasn't had sex in ten years. 10 years, I thought? I tried to think back 10 years? I’d just come out of a thruple. But then, Jill hired a male escort when the anniversary of her ten years was looming large, so she didn't earn that particular honour. 10 years without. Good for her, I thought. And, apparently, Joel was just the ticket.
Jill's still cross with me for still having all my assets tied up with Mark, all these years after we split up. When did we split up? It is a grey area? Mark's my soul mate in life, so what do I care? And if I die, I’ll be dead, so what do I care, anyway. You know, dead is generally the stage when you don’t care.
I love living on my own, finally, but occasionally, because my house used to be such a big party house, when all the boys and I lived here, sometimes it seems like the party finished and I forgot to leave. Just sometimes. You know, around the edges. It’s weird living on my own after all these years. I say I love it publicly, and, you know, shhh, I guess I mean it.
Who'd watch South Park while the Simpsons is still being produced? I just don't have the South Park gene. Nah, not even a little bit, it would seem. It is that ridiculous American humour that I don’t find funny.
There are times that I just need someone who knows me well? All that explaining that I don't need to do. Someone who knows how I think, what I find funny, and what I don’t. You know, that person. Do you know him?
Human beings are beyond redemption, the way they are carrying on, or not carrying on, which may be closer to the truth. The planet is going to hell and nobody is taking it seriously. It is the big problem with human beings, when someone, or something, gets between us and our money, us and the things we want. None of us are getting out of here alive, which is true, but don’t we all want to give it our best shot? I would have thought.
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